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Original poster

My MIL is obsessed with the sex of our baby

55 replies

SpringDream · 02/02/2023 12:04

I’m 14 weeks pregnant, we do plan to find out the sex of our baby, but my MIL is driving me mad. She is absolutely obsessed with me having a boy. As soon as she found out I was pregnant she said she knows it’s a boy. When I sent her the dating scan photo she said “he’s beautiful”. She keeps telling my daughter that mummy is growing a brother for her. It’s driving me crazy.

She also did the same with my daughter when I was pregnant with her. From the get go was obsessed with telling me daily that I was having a boy. When we found out we were having a girl she still persisted that she thought it was wrong and we were having a boy. When my daughter was born she bought her clothes from the boys section in shops (I still got some wear out of them because I’m not precious but just found it strange).

I don’t know what to do really, I know if it continues it will continue to drive me mad like it did last pregnancy. It makes me feel like she only wants grandsons the way she is behaving. I think it all stems from where she only had boys.

Is this strange behaviour or am I just being sensitive with the pregnancy hormones?

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Winniethepoohandtiggertoo · 02/02/2023 12:08

Is she a boy mum by any chance..?

Winniethepoohandtiggertoo · 02/02/2023 12:09

Oh I can see she is! Sorry I missed that bit. Yup, my MIL is the same - I think it’s projection, on a level they would’ve liked a daughter but didn’t have one so now just want other people to have boys as well.

entirelyesspresso · 02/02/2023 12:09

She wants to relive raising her son....

Winniethepoohandtiggertoo · 02/02/2023 12:11

MIL actually came round the other day and said, in front of DD, how she finds little boys cuter than little girls. I said with a breezy laugh ‘you’re just saying that because you only had boys’ and you could tell from the look on her face I had hit the nail on the head!

Coxspurplepippin · 02/02/2023 12:15

Your DH should be telling her to cut the crap.

Original poster
SpringDream · 02/02/2023 12:18

Winniethepoohandtiggertoo · 02/02/2023 12:09

Oh I can see she is! Sorry I missed that bit. Yup, my MIL is the same - I think it’s projection, on a level they would’ve liked a daughter but didn’t have one so now just want other people to have boys as well.

I think you’re right. I did wonder if it’s because she’s a boy mum. I know she wanted another baby but they decided against it so I suspect she did want a girl

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Aquamarine1029 · 02/02/2023 12:18

Fucking hell, where do these batshit women come from? I'd be giving her a very, very wide berth, and I'd be telling my husband that if she doesn't stop this nonsense immediately, I wouldn't be seeing her at all.

Original poster
SpringDream · 02/02/2023 12:19

Winniethepoohandtiggertoo · 02/02/2023 12:11

MIL actually came round the other day and said, in front of DD, how she finds little boys cuter than little girls. I said with a breezy laugh ‘you’re just saying that because you only had boys’ and you could tell from the look on her face I had hit the nail on the head!

Maybe I should have said something like this when she said to my daughter about having a brother!

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Original poster
SpringDream · 02/02/2023 12:19

Coxspurplepippin · 02/02/2023 12:15

Your DH should be telling her to cut the crap.

So he did last time but then she got quite funny towards me and really awkward so I’m not sure whether to get him to say something this time

OP posts:
Original poster
SpringDream · 02/02/2023 12:21

Aquamarine1029 · 02/02/2023 12:18

Fucking hell, where do these batshit women come from? I'd be giving her a very, very wide berth, and I'd be telling my husband that if she doesn't stop this nonsense immediately, I wouldn't be seeing her at all.

It’s hard because she was so awkward with me last time when he did this. The other issue I have is she looks after my daughter once a week but that’s a whole other story. Feeds her really unhealthy things regularly not just as a treat and when I’ve tried to approach gets really funny with me. I made her a hot lunch yesterday, just pasta but something I knew she likes and would eat. Next thing I know I’ve turned round and my MIL has given her a packet of crisps with it with a really high salt level. I had to take them off my daughter as the amount of salt made her lips react and go white where they had touched her lips!!

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NowThatIThink · 02/02/2023 12:22

Tell her you're either having a girl or a boy, like any other woman carrying a single baby, and that, frankly, for less unhinged people, it's really not that exciting either way?

Or tell her to calm the fuck down and get some therapy.

bussteward · 02/02/2023 12:22

When/how is she doing this? Face to face or via text? Frankly via text I would just mute her, after a warning to stop commenting on the sex. I’d also not send her scans or pregnancy info! Don’t invite her comment by telling her anything – if she can’t behave like a sane human, she doesn’t get to know.

Winniethepoohandtiggertoo · 02/02/2023 12:23

SpringDream · 02/02/2023 12:18

I think you’re right. I did wonder if it’s because she’s a boy mum. I know she wanted another baby but they decided against it so I suspect she did want a girl

Show quote history

Just breezily laugh and say ‘is that because you only had boys?’, I bet her face will be a picture!

Original poster
SpringDream · 02/02/2023 12:25

NowThatIThink · 02/02/2023 12:22

Tell her you're either having a girl or a boy, like any other woman carrying a single baby, and that, frankly, for less unhinged people, it's really not that exciting either way?

Or tell her to calm the fuck down and get some therapy.

Love this. I say things like “all I care about is growing our baby and safely delivering them however that may be” and I also say things like “I don’t mind what the sex is, they are loved and that’s what matters”

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Original poster
SpringDream · 02/02/2023 12:28

bussteward · 02/02/2023 12:22

When/how is she doing this? Face to face or via text? Frankly via text I would just mute her, after a warning to stop commenting on the sex. I’d also not send her scans or pregnancy info! Don’t invite her comment by telling her anything – if she can’t behave like a sane human, she doesn’t get to know.

Both! So the response to the scan was by text but the rest is face to face. It just stuns me every time she says it tbh.

I don’t like her saying it to my daughter, it’s not fair on her, she’s not old enough to understand the concept but it just feels wrong to me.

OP posts:
limoncelloo · 02/02/2023 12:29

Experienced this myself with ex-mil. She was Mum of 4 boys and I agree with others that it's some sort of weird projection.

In the family 2 of the sons had had multiple boys themselves, and we ourselves had 2 boys before my pregnancy with DD.

Throughout that pregnancy she refused to believe we were having a girl despite multiple scans, referred to baby as "he", watched our scan video in front of family and kept saying she definitely saw "boy parts", and was just generally in denial the entire pregnancy and weird about it. We were never acting "special" to be having the only girl so far in the family or anything like that, I was really happy with either sex.

When DD was born ex-mil was very funny, bought not even a small card or gift (I know gifts aren't expected but she did for all other grandchildren). Very dismissive of DD, when we went to visit ex-mil and other family members with newborn DD for Sunday dinner, she sat there in front of us with our newborn baby and spoke of how much she preferred boys, was glad she only had boys etc etc.

After a few months she caused a massive falling out with ex-dh over the smallest of thing and they did not speak for years after. I strongly believe this was all related to us having a girl.

It's very odd behaviour and I'd just say try and be firm.

ancientgran · 02/02/2023 12:30

limoncelloo · 02/02/2023 12:29

Experienced this myself with ex-mil. She was Mum of 4 boys and I agree with others that it's some sort of weird projection.

In the family 2 of the sons had had multiple boys themselves, and we ourselves had 2 boys before my pregnancy with DD.

Throughout that pregnancy she refused to believe we were having a girl despite multiple scans, referred to baby as "he", watched our scan video in front of family and kept saying she definitely saw "boy parts", and was just generally in denial the entire pregnancy and weird about it. We were never acting "special" to be having the only girl so far in the family or anything like that, I was really happy with either sex.

When DD was born ex-mil was very funny, bought not even a small card or gift (I know gifts aren't expected but she did for all other grandchildren). Very dismissive of DD, when we went to visit ex-mil and other family members with newborn DD for Sunday dinner, she sat there in front of us with our newborn baby and spoke of how much she preferred boys, was glad she only had boys etc etc.

After a few months she caused a massive falling out with ex-dh over the smallest of thing and they did not speak for years after. I strongly believe this was all related to us having a girl.

It's very odd behaviour and I'd just say try and be firm.

It does work the other way round as well. My late MIL didn't have a daughter and was obsessed with the idea of having a granddaughter.

Original poster
SpringDream · 02/02/2023 12:34

limoncelloo · 02/02/2023 12:29

Experienced this myself with ex-mil. She was Mum of 4 boys and I agree with others that it's some sort of weird projection.

In the family 2 of the sons had had multiple boys themselves, and we ourselves had 2 boys before my pregnancy with DD.

Throughout that pregnancy she refused to believe we were having a girl despite multiple scans, referred to baby as "he", watched our scan video in front of family and kept saying she definitely saw "boy parts", and was just generally in denial the entire pregnancy and weird about it. We were never acting "special" to be having the only girl so far in the family or anything like that, I was really happy with either sex.

When DD was born ex-mil was very funny, bought not even a small card or gift (I know gifts aren't expected but she did for all other grandchildren). Very dismissive of DD, when we went to visit ex-mil and other family members with newborn DD for Sunday dinner, she sat there in front of us with our newborn baby and spoke of how much she preferred boys, was glad she only had boys etc etc.

After a few months she caused a massive falling out with ex-dh over the smallest of thing and they did not speak for years after. I strongly believe this was all related to us having a girl.

It's very odd behaviour and I'd just say try and be firm.

This is awful but feels so familiar. My sister in law has had a boy a couple of months ago and I’m not sure if it’s me being sensitive but my MIL is very focused on pointing out in front of me how placid he is (my daughter had bad reflux and colic), how he sleeps through the night (my daughter woke every 2-3 hours which is very normal) and she also helps/looks after him far more than she did my daughter. She was always so funny about holding our daughter and offered little in way of help. Also didn’t buy us a card when she was born like what your ex-MIL did.

OP posts:
BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 02/02/2023 12:36

She sounds truly awful and I'd reduce how much time dd spends with her - I can't imagine she actually has her best interests at heart.

I'd find out what I was having and not tell her. Just to mentally prepare yourself. Dh needs to tell her to stop mentioning a brother to dd. That's cruel.

YouBoggleMyMind · 02/02/2023 12:43

My MIL has a preference for boys cos she has 3 boys herself. My DS and Nephew are her favourite and it's so very obvious. She also lives through her grandchild which is unhealthy and irritating and still tries to mother her 3 sons who are all mid to late 30s. It's extremely annoying.

GoodChat · 02/02/2023 12:49

I'd just ask her to stop mentioning it to DD as it's confusing for her.

dworky · 02/02/2023 13:37

Doesn't bode well, does it?
Bet she has upholds strict sex stereotypes.

IncompleteSenten · 02/02/2023 13:43

You need to tell her to pack it in.
If you do have a boy can you imagine how she's going to make your daughter feel? She'll be all over your son and carry on not giving a shit about your daughter.

That could really fuck her up (and wouldn't be great for the favoured child either!)

At the moment she is an irritant. But she has the potential to actually hurt (emotionally) your children and that shouldn't be underestimated.

She already favours your daughter's male cousin. Imagine how much worse it would be if she had to watch it with her brother too.

Happinessandrainbows · 02/02/2023 14:01

That's really really annoying OP. I think you have energy right to be irritated. Especially with her telling your DD it's a boy.... DD will only be confused if it's not.

Winniethepoohandtiggertoo · 02/02/2023 14:19

limoncelloo · 02/02/2023 12:29

Experienced this myself with ex-mil. She was Mum of 4 boys and I agree with others that it's some sort of weird projection.

In the family 2 of the sons had had multiple boys themselves, and we ourselves had 2 boys before my pregnancy with DD.

Throughout that pregnancy she refused to believe we were having a girl despite multiple scans, referred to baby as "he", watched our scan video in front of family and kept saying she definitely saw "boy parts", and was just generally in denial the entire pregnancy and weird about it. We were never acting "special" to be having the only girl so far in the family or anything like that, I was really happy with either sex.

When DD was born ex-mil was very funny, bought not even a small card or gift (I know gifts aren't expected but she did for all other grandchildren). Very dismissive of DD, when we went to visit ex-mil and other family members with newborn DD for Sunday dinner, she sat there in front of us with our newborn baby and spoke of how much she preferred boys, was glad she only had boys etc etc.

After a few months she caused a massive falling out with ex-dh over the smallest of thing and they did not speak for years after. I strongly believe this was all related to us having a girl.

It's very odd behaviour and I'd just say try and be firm.

How bizarre! In my case MIL also seemed to prefer boys as her 2 sons and husband were ‘yes men’ who allowed her to dominate the house to keep the peace, so I think she finds girls/women a bit more challenging and ‘threatening’. They’re used to being the only female with their gang of agreeable males around them and don’t enjoy being ‘upstaged’ from that position or having to join other females.