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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

My MIL is obsessed with the sex of our baby

55 replies

SpringDream · 02/02/2023 12:04

I’m 14 weeks pregnant, we do plan to find out the sex of our baby, but my MIL is driving me mad. She is absolutely obsessed with me having a boy. As soon as she found out I was pregnant she said she knows it’s a boy. When I sent her the dating scan photo she said “he’s beautiful”. She keeps telling my daughter that mummy is growing a brother for her. It’s driving me crazy.

She also did the same with my daughter when I was pregnant with her. From the get go was obsessed with telling me daily that I was having a boy. When we found out we were having a girl she still persisted that she thought it was wrong and we were having a boy. When my daughter was born she bought her clothes from the boys section in shops (I still got some wear out of them because I’m not precious but just found it strange).

I don’t know what to do really, I know if it continues it will continue to drive me mad like it did last pregnancy. It makes me feel like she only wants grandsons the way she is behaving. I think it all stems from where she only had boys.

Is this strange behaviour or am I just being sensitive with the pregnancy hormones?

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Felicity42 · 02/02/2023 14:28

Keep saying we don't know if it's a boy or a girl.

Her DH could be saying stuff like 'you are upsetting wife by saying X' instead of saying 'WE prefer if you don't keep saying that/giving her crisps.'

TootsAtOwls · 02/02/2023 14:32

IncompleteSenten · 02/02/2023 13:43

You need to tell her to pack it in.
If you do have a boy can you imagine how she's going to make your daughter feel? She'll be all over your son and carry on not giving a shit about your daughter.

That could really fuck her up (and wouldn't be great for the favoured child either!)

At the moment she is an irritant. But she has the potential to actually hurt (emotionally) your children and that shouldn't be underestimated.

She already favours your daughter's male cousin. Imagine how much worse it would be if she had to watch it with her brother too.

Definitely this! It's not just a harmless little quirk

palelavender · 02/02/2023 14:33

I have boys and I'd love a granddaughter.

RandomUsernameHere · 02/02/2023 14:36

That's very odd behaviour. Keep telling her that she got it wrong last time and there's a 50% chance you will be having another girl!

Toomuchinfor · 02/02/2023 14:45

It must be a syndrome for mils to go nuts when they get new grandchildren. Further research is needed so we can call it something.

Justalittlebitduckling · 02/02/2023 14:48

It must have been so satisfying to prove her wrong the first time. This happened to me but the person was correct in their prediction and then acted like they were a prophet despite it being a 50/50 chance. I would be tempted to troll them by saying you’re going to raise them gender neutral or something like that.

TreadSoftlyOnMyDreams · 02/02/2023 14:50

I'd just tell her I was having a girl and if it turns out to be a boy you can go "surprise!!"

Or you could just say to stop blatantly saying and
Implying that she wants a male grandchild, that your DD is upset by it as are you and it's just completely unnecessary. She can a preference if she likes but you don't want to hear it.

Screw it if she's insulted - if you have a boy, and she continues to look after your DD she's going to be listening to this shit for years

TheFretfulPorpentine · 02/02/2023 15:02

Toomuchinfor · 02/02/2023 14:45

It must be a syndrome for mils to go nuts when they get new grandchildren. Further research is needed so we can call it something.

BOBS (Bonkers Old Bat Syndrome)

Liveafr · 02/02/2023 15:02

Toomuchinfor · 02/02/2023 14:45

It must be a syndrome for mils to go nuts when they get new grandchildren. Further research is needed so we can call it something.

Absolutely !

Beachsidesunset · 02/02/2023 15:08

If you do have a boy, you're going to have to be really on top of her obvious favouritism, or else risk damage to your daughter. Good luck, your MIL sounds crazy at best, very damaging at worst.

Eastereggsboxedupready · 02/02/2023 15:11

Tell her it's now it's a dd. And it's a secret.. If you really end up with a ds she can piss right off.. And if she can't treat a dd as amazing as a ds she can also piss off.

GrimDamnFanjo · 02/02/2023 15:19

Don't tell her what sex the baby is before the birth.
I'd limit the baby talk with her as she sounds way over invested.

HeavenIsAHalfpipe · 02/02/2023 15:22

The woman sounds unhinged. Like fuck would I let her within a MILE of my daughter, OR the baby I am carrying when he/she is born. OMG your poor daughter! She is going to feel like SHIT if your next baby is a boy, as your MIL will fawn over him and treat him like a God. (And I have seen women do this with boys!!!) Sounds like your MIL will not be able to hide her feelings!

From experience, women who are obsessed with boys (and they often have at least one boy) are the most annoying and difficult women I know. 'Girl moms' are more chilled and better to get along with. Just speaking from experience, but many women I know who have BOYS/SONS ONLY are very hard work and high maintenance. Not all, but many.

Oddly, several moms I know who have only ONE boy are OK (even though several others who have just one boy and no other kids are hard work.) But many moms of 'multiple boys' are difficult to get on with IME, as they seem to have this bizarre idea that boys/sons are superior to girls/daughters. And they seem to really dislike girls. Very odd, because the women I know who only have girls/daughters do not dislike boys.

As a pp said, sometimes I think these women say it (boys are da best!) because they had ONLY boys, and deep down they wanted a girl. It's a kind of defence mechanism.

HeavenIsAHalfpipe · 02/02/2023 15:28

I should add to my second paragraph, GIRL moms are easier to get on with and more chilled, but also moms who have a boy or 2 AND girls are easy to get on with/chilled too. It's the BOYS ONLY moms I am on about. (Many of them, not all.) Every mom I know who has at least one daughter is pretty relaxed and chilled, (even if they have a boy/boys too,) compared to moms with just boys. Just my experience!!!

Winniethepoohandtiggertoo · 02/02/2023 15:33

I know some boy mums who are like this, and some who aren’t. A few of them have said they would’ve liked a girl, but not in a way that suggests they have a major hang up, just that it would’ve been a nice-to-experience thing like going on holiday somewhere specific.

What irritates me is the boy mums who say how great it is, how they’ve never hoped for a certain sex and boys are just so much better, then they finally have a girl and do a total 180 - it’s all ‘my little Princess’ and ‘I feel complete now’.

Elliania · 02/02/2023 16:23

OP if you have a boy I would be very very VERY careful to watch your MIL around the children - if she's that obsessed with you having a boy then you need to make sure she doesn't start favouring any boys you do have. That kind of favouritism can be really damaging to children, both the one being favoured and the one being excluded or not treated as well.

I'd be tempted to just not tell her what you're having if she's going to be this obvious about it.

Original poster

SpringDream · 02/02/2023 19:14

Thank you so much for all your messages, it’s confirmed that it’s not just me being sensitive!

OP posts:

WineCap · 02/02/2023 23:12

Please do update us when you find out the sex (and your MIL's reaction)!

BreviloquentBastard · 02/02/2023 23:24

My MIL started with this nonsense when I was pregnant with DD, I remember flatly saying to her "Why are you obsessed with my baby's genitals? They put people like that on lists you know." (I was 17 to be fair and didn't have much of a filter) but she never mentioned it again.

niugboo · 03/02/2023 07:18

My mil (mother of boys) did this. She’s jealous.

maddy68 · 03/02/2023 07:23

Tell your partner to tell her to cool it down as it's irritating you.

The reality is she's just excited but I can see how it's annoying

Ginger1982 · 03/02/2023 07:25

Some very weird responses here. I have a boy and would be delighted for anyone who had a girl. I definitely don't have any projection issues and am very nice and easy to get along with.

NowThatIThink · 03/02/2023 13:19

My ILs, especially both SILs, with whom I generally get on well, behaved deeply weirdly when our only child (we knew he would be an only) was a boy. DH and I had no strong preferences, but the ILs behaved as though I must be terribly disappointed. When I said, bewildered, that I was just as happy with a boy as a girl, they were all 'There there, you're very strong, eventually it won't be such a big deal'.

It was only when I thought about it that I put two and two together -- elder SIL had 3 sons and then a daughter, younger SIL, despite almost dying in her first pregnancy and being advised not to have another child, had two sons and then a daughter. Both of them had kept having babies until they got the longed-for girl and then stopped and couldn't understand why I wasn't in mourning at having had my one chance to have a girl (which for them was a matter of little pink dresses, mini-mes and shopping and spa days etc) taken away from me.

The sad thing in both their cases is that they raised five really nice young men (all now in 20s and 30s), they spoilt both daughters and treated them so differently from their sons that one is now her mother's sidekick and has no friends aged 22, and the other rebelled against the whole 'sweet little girlie' thing and seldom sees her mother.

TisforTucan · 11/04/2023 00:28

Bump this as I'd love to know how OP got on? Currently going through this and we know babies gender but haven't told anyone, feel like I'm letting people down as all I care about is how healthy baby is.

LBFseBrom · 12/06/2023 17:02

Strange. All the people I know who have brought up boys hoped they would have a granddaughter! Obviously, if they didn't, they loved their grandsons very much but wanted a girl.

I think she needs to be told she is over the top, I daresay she doesn't realise it and if nobody corrects her, she'll carry on that way.

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