Dad's overnight on postnatal wards - yay or nay?

[BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz]

Taking this debate off another thread so as not to derail

For me, unless you book and pay for a private room, overnights are for mums and their babies only.

No recovering woman should have to handle overnights with upwards of 4 stranger men sitting in chairs in close proximity to their bed.

Dad's there to care for the woman and baby is unacceptable - not their job. Not at the expense of the other women wanting privacy overnight.

No fucking way. I would not want unknown men wandering around when I was in that state.

Absolutely astonished that you think your partner was more important than another vulnerable post-partum woman who was uncomfortable with a man being a curtain away from her exposed and bleeding body.

Jesus.

Nay.

I would have liked him to be allowed on the ward immediately after birth, for a bit.

Delivery was very busy, people labouring in corridors, and I had a room. So as soon as baby was out I was whisked off to ward and it wasn't visiting hours so dad couldn't come. Just coming and helping me settle and ease that transition into new motherhood even for an hour would have been so much nicer.

Second time round it wasn't busy and we stayed together for a few hours in labour room, it was so much nicer.

I gave birth in Denmark. First time he was allowed to sleep in the room as the 3 other beds were unoccupied. Otherwise there was a patient hotel with a door leading directly to the post natal ward. Second time in a different hospital with no hotel he was allowed to stay. All the rooms had 2 single beds i think. I don't know if there were men in the others.

Hospitals need rebuilding with good design. But that won't happen while there's no political will.

This assumes post natal care is great. Mine was not. I self discharged. I'd have loved any support!

I completely understand a woman wanting their partner there to help with the baby overnight and would not want them to put a stop to it but I also think women on their own should be in seperate rooms as the amount of noise. I was on my own when our 2nd was born recently as OH was home with our eldest and the room had 3 couples in it. If their baby wasn't crying at least one if not both were asleep and everyone of them snored (accept I think the woman out of the last couple to arrive). My son woke once to be fed between midnight and 6am but I got no sleep. I usually fall asleep easily but when you are on your own listening out for your own baby, in a noisy room is near impossible.

@BunchHarman And I'm astonished that she thinks her feelings are more important then mine! Especially after I just had a traumatic birth and can barely get up without my DP help. Women are most vulnerable after giving birth OF COURSE I want my partner there at all times. This thread is ridiculous, your acting like there aren't male doctors, nurses, cleaners etc. walking around everywhere. Birthing is messy it's just how it is, the entire process you're going to be surrounded by strangers while your sh**ting yourself in labour and at your most vulnerable. If you want privacy then pay for a private room! Or give birth in the privacy of your own home. NOT dictating to others people's husband when they can and can't be around their families to make you feel better.

The fact remains that years ago men were not allowed to stay no matter what the situation. everybody managed.

You don’t have to look very far to find a story about a man putting a dress on and pretending to be transgender and then complaining when he can’t have access to single sex toilets or boys wanting to join girl guides.

It’s mad to think that the so called equal rights of women has actually led to situations like this.
Where women need to just suck it up and deal with it, as men have a right to be on a maternity ward overnight and have more say of what goes on in their space than all of the other women do.

This is absolutely ridiculous imo. The entitlement of some people who think dad's shouldn't be able to share precious moments with their family because THEY'RE uncomfortable!

Of course they can share these ‘precious’ moments.

But just not overnight on a maternity ward.

My post natal care was shit, do wax my care in labour. Twice! I know how bad it can be.

I will never see the answer to that as having care provided by unqualified partners.

We need midwives...and lots of them!

Thank goodness you're here 😌

@rebecca100 like honestly sometimes Mumsnet it's just beyond ridiculous, like I didn't even know this was a debate until this thread. Everyone's partners was there the entire time when I gave birth, noone batted an eyelid. Everyone was too busy worrying about themselves and their babies.

For arguments sake tho, those men ARE permitted to he there during day time hours, when women are bleeding and nursing. So is it whilst you're asleep and you're worried a what they'll do to you, or your privacy being at risk by them being there during waking hours?

Wow. You want your partner there, you pay for a private room. Postnatal wards are the one place where men shouldn’t feel entitled to be. Visiting hours, fine. It’s a women’s space.

We need more health care staff, we don’t need random men, many of whom walk around in their pants, stare at vulnerable and exposed women, help themselves to the women’s bathrooms, snore, talk loudly, use phones loudly, providing personal care.

It’s two or three days. They can bond during the 12 hours visiting. And then they can bond as much as they want when they collect their wives/partners and babies.

I wouldn’t want your partner anywhere near me.

I just find it upsetting for the dads, they are already on the sidelines throughout pregnancy, not being able to experience the amazing things and feelings we do, even when THEIR baby arrives they're still not welcomed, involved and thought of as equal.

@BunchHarman trust me my partner wouldn't want to be anywhere around you either. Noone is interested in what you're doing. Dp is focused on his wife and child. Where I gave birth it was fully allowed for men to be there the entire time, so if you feel uncomfortable that's something YOU need to deal with and make accomodations for. The world can't accommodate your feelings.

😆😆😆 because they’re not fucking equal. Shooting your load in your partner and then standing back while she endures pregnancy and birth, doesn’t make you equal. He can play as much of a role as he wants during visiting hours and once everyone is home. But most of us don’t want your strange men anywhere near our vulnerable bodies while we’re in hospital.

Do you not realise that not all men have adequate boundaried behaviour? Plenty of them demonstrate a total lack of awareness on PN wards. Read the many, many threads on here.

They're not equal 😳. Don you honestly think hospitals should provide a bed for every non birthing parent and three meals a day?

No to men staying overnight. It's bad enough trying to get privacy and rest during the daytime.
And visiting in general needs to be much more limited. Toilet facilities need to be for patients only and numbers of visitors kept to two, well-behaved ones.
Lots of women get minimal care once they are sent home, so breastfeeding support and post abdominal surgery recovery are crucial in the limited time on the ward.

@BunchHarman well the fact is, it's allowed and most women want/need their partners there. If you dont like it go and pay for a private room/ give birth at home. You can't control who's going to be on th maternity ward.

post abdominal surgery recovery are crucial in the limited time on the ward how much of that do you reckon I'd have got with my twins if DH had been kicked out at visiting end times, or had been limited to just a few hours like you would like? They didn't even come out little, I was trying to lift 2 x 7lbs of fat baby post C sec.

@SleepingStandingUp I didn't say they should be provided with a bed and meals. My ward allow dads to stay over night and the only provision is an arm chair and that's absolutely fine.

They're on the sidelines because they are not pregnant. Only women give birth, only women should be sleeping on maternity wards. A man is not equal in the context of childbirth.