Dad's overnight on postnatal wards - yay or nay?

[BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz]

Taking this debate off another thread so as not to derail

For me, unless you book and pay for a private room, overnights are for mums and their babies only.

No recovering woman should have to handle overnights with upwards of 4 stranger men sitting in chairs in close proximity to their bed.

Dad's there to care for the woman and baby is unacceptable - not their job. Not at the expense of the other women wanting privacy overnight.

No, absolutely not.

Apparently because you are upset at the idea of a new father there with his baby looking at you
You could I suppose wear a burqa instead if you prefer

Stupidest most insensitive comment I have ever read on here.

Hard Nay. I've had two children

Aren't you a charmer. Would you tell a woman with PTSD from being raped to suck it up or pay? Or a new mum who was abused as a child? All women have a right to dignity and privacy while in hospital, this is why there aren't any mixed sex wards any more. Why is childbirth the exception?

And there we have it, as well as wanting special treatment you’re the sort of person who jumps to personal insults.

Bravo.

Apparently because you are upset at the idea of a new father there with his baby looking at you
You could I suppose wear a burqa instead if you prefer

Absolutely ridiculous comment.

Yep, reported.

There was no insult, and I want fair treatment for all birthing women, I've finished having kids so it won't personally affect me.

ive never been on a ward where you were allowed to keep a curtain drawn except for short times - the nursing staff want to be able to see you are ok.
I agree with the OP except I do think in some cases a woman is in more need of having someone there, and in this case I don't think they should be asked to pay if a separate room is available for them to use.

Ffs.

Midwives insist the curtains are open in case there’s an emergency.

And yes, some men are fucking disgusting and perv at women even if they’ve just given birth. Some men even actually like that women feel vulnerable. A lot of men that I saw there visiting in the daytime were fucking useless. I had a couple of comments about how attentive my partner was. And he was, but it only stood out because there were so many crap fucking men! Let’s not pretend they don’t exist.

And even if they aren’t perving, women don’t want to be around strange men when they’re bleeding, half naked etc. It’s not hard to grasp.

Men should be allowed but not to sleep on the wards where postnatal women are recovering. There should be a special 'father's bay' with toilet facilities and airline-style chairs in each postnatal unit. Men should be issued with a buzzer which their wives/partners can press at any time to summon them to their bay if they need help. Like nurses, they should go, provide whatever help is needed to their wife or partner and then return to the fathers' bay, so the other women on the ward can rest undisturbed with relative privacy. Yes, postnatal mothers may need help which the staff cannot provide, but that's not a reason why men need to be loafing around the ward all night making noise and clogging up the place. They can just quietly provide that help and then leave until buzzed again.

Lots of women would still feel vulnerable with that arrangement, a strange bloke walking around the ward. No thanks.

So what you're basically saying is the fathers should be there to do the jobs of the midwives and maternity care assistants, and wait in this 'fathers lounge' to be buzzed when needed?? 😂😂

Haven't they got anything else to be doing? Other children to be looking after? Things to do at home? School runs to do? Shopping to get ready for mum coming home??

Or can they just relax in this lounge 😂

I agree... it is far from idea would still represent a huge compromise. It is only justifiable on the basis that men are acting as de facto nursing staff and should behave accordingly. No loafing at the side of the bed, using the facilities, bringing food in or making phone calls. And men should have to sign a code of conduct before being allowed to stay.

@Sleepless1096

Also, what will these men be actually helping with, that the mum can't do?

Then either pay for a private room if it’s that important to you, or if you won’t or can it then, as the youth say. You’re just going to have to “suck it up.”

Or you could request a private room or go to a mixed sex ward or go home.

Matenity wards should only allow women who give birth to stay the night.

Nope. Under your plan, I’d feel more vulnerable because my partner wouldn’t be with me whilst random men are walking round the ward at night. They need to not be there overnight at all.

And fuck the disabled first time mum who couldn't even pick her baby up

It's not a simple yes or no.

I’m a midwife and no men overnight works so much better. And I do not agree with paying for a room to allow them to stay, that is not fair on those who cannot afford it. It’s appropriate when there is a problem, mum is very unwell/baby unwell unexpectedly in NNU.
unfortunately there’s a lot of men snoring/lying in the beds/loud talking/ducking around all bloody night. During covid when partners weren’t allowed to stay, we saw increased breastfeeding rates/much better communication between women and staff. That may have also been to do with not having general visiting

I presume it would mostly be picking up the baby and handing it to the mother to feed (or doing the whole feed if bottle fed), changing the baby and resettling the baby. Also assisting the mother to the bathroom if help is needed. These were the things that I found difficult (although my DH didn't stay). All things that, in an ideal world, the midwives and nursing staff would be doing but which we're told staff shortages mean they can't do.

If fathers are doing these things, there is no need for them to hang around the ward. They can come when buzzed, quietly provide care and then leave again once they've finished, just like a nurse or midwife would do.

Yes. It's what I had with a baby born late at night. I was settled onto the post natal ward after a very traumatic birth and then DH had to go home until the next day. It was 1995. No men allowed overnight on the ward then and I was glad of that as I felt incredibly vulnerable.

Being there to help shouldn't be the only reason they're there. Believe it or not they are entitled to be there just to bond with their new baby. We all know how precious the first few hours and days are, why should women only be entitled to that time.

But lots of mums don't have a partner staying with them under the present rules. My DH needed to go home to look after our DC.

@Sleepless1096

You didn't answer this part:

Haven't they got anything else to be doing? Other children to be looking after? Things to do at home? School runs to do? Shopping to get ready for mum coming home??

Or can they just relax in this lounge? 🤩