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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Gender Reveal ruined

100 replies

ravegurlxx · 17/01/2023 19:40

So my husband and I were waiting until the birth for the baby's sex, because we don't want tons of blue or pink stuff before the baby's here.

Today, we had the 20 week s an and the sonographer was aware of what we wanted as she checked whether we wanted to know, and we said no. But... Halfway through she referred to the baby as 'he' only once, didn't correct herself or apologize.

My husband reckons it could've been a slip, but also that she was just referring to the baby the same way most people refer to dogs as 'he'.

Has anyone else had this? And were they correct?

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Flowermarket · 17/01/2023 19:42

I've heard of loads of people had this happen to them, usually the story is the parents convince themselves it's the gender the sonographer said but it ends up the opposite. I wouldn't worry, I think sonographers just use he or she so they're not referring to the baby is 'it'.

MarmiteCoriander · 17/01/2023 19:42

Did you not question her at the time 'Sorry, you said he, we didnt want to know the gender, why did you say he then???'

Some people have explained that they refer to ALL scans as he/she regardless of actual gender, so this is more than likely the case. Best of luck.

SeasonFinale · 17/01/2023 19:43

I think it was a generic he rather than saying it or baby.

Sallyh87 · 17/01/2023 19:43

I was chatting to my somogrqpher at my scan and she said she always defaults (unintentionally) to he as otherwise she would be saying ‘it’ and it’s accidental. As it happens we are having a girl.

You might still be having a boy but I don’t think she let it slip. All the sonographers care about is the organs etc.

Season0fTheWitch · 17/01/2023 19:44

My sonographers all said 'he' even when i was too early to know, and I've only daughters! I asked why, and one said in her studies they referred to all babies as he so it stuck with her.

Sales88 · 17/01/2023 19:45

Exact same position except other way round on gender. Referred to as “her femur” and didn’t correct or anything. I asked at my CL scan and the sonographer said, Oh I always say He or him regardless and I know Sharon next door always uses Her/she and there’s nothing to read in to. They don’t like to say it. Personally I think baby works well in those situations. Congrats either way! My husband is choosing to listen and has told himself we’re having a girl, I genuinely haven’t jumped aboard either gender even with this “slip up”
xx

gamerchick · 17/01/2023 19:45

All of mine have said he. It's just generic.

watchfulwishes · 17/01/2023 19:46

They say 'he' to avoid 'it' and to not have to say 'he or she'. Although I would probably say 'baby' myself.

Darthwazette · 17/01/2023 19:46

It’s not the end of the world anyway, either they let it slip or they didn’t, you don’t know so baby’s sex will still be a surprise.

Anamechangeisnotjustforchristmas · 17/01/2023 19:47

I heard they use he as a default to differentiate from she the mother.

Puppers · 17/01/2023 19:47

MarmiteCoriander · 17/01/2023 19:42

Did you not question her at the time 'Sorry, you said he, we didnt want to know the gender, why did you say he then???'

Some people have explained that they refer to ALL scans as he/she regardless of actual gender, so this is more than likely the case. Best of luck.

And what would be the point of that? How unnecessarily argumentative.

It sounds like they just slipped up and then didn't apologise because they were trying to gloss over it on the offchance you hadn't picked it up. I get that it's disappointing but sonographers are human and make mistakes. They are primarily focused on performing a medical examination, not on providing a magical tailored experience for parents-to-be.

Findyourneutralspace · 17/01/2023 19:48

It’s the same as if you don’t know the sec of a doctor or a police officer. People just tend to go with ‘he’ as default. Sexist, but just the way it goes…

Walterwhiteswifey · 17/01/2023 19:49

Our sonographer told us she always refers to babies as a 'he'. We wanted it to be a surprise each time too. I assume this is what yours did seeing as you said you didnt want to know.

Coffeellama · 17/01/2023 19:49

This is very common, probably because they try and avoid referring to babies as ‘it’, it doesn’t mean they told you the sex, they probably didn’t even look to see what it was. Even if you did accidentally find out it doesn’t mean you have to end up with tons of pink or blue stuff, just don’t buy it or tell other people.

Pinkyandtwerky · 17/01/2023 19:49

At my 20 week scan with my SON the sonohrapher said ‘right let’s have a look at her then’ before she even put the probe on!

LordEmsworth · 17/01/2023 19:51

You should have said, I disapprove of the use of the default male, please call my precious baby "it".

TakeYourFinalPosition · 17/01/2023 19:52

They alternate between sexes; so as not to refer to the baby as “it”; or “they”, which can cause alarm!

My 20 week sonographer referred to “her” constantly. I have a son.

littlemissalwaystired · 17/01/2023 19:52

As a midwife I sometimes accidentally say he or she, not anything to do with the sex of the baby. If someone has a child of one sex already I might accidentally call their next baby the same or if I've seen lots of boys for example then I'll call all of them he for the rest of the day🤷🏼‍♀️

NumericalBlock · 17/01/2023 19:55

A few of ours explained to us that they may use 'he' or 'she' but it wouldn't necessarily be correct. One actually referred to our youngest as "he" whilst we were umming and ahhing at finding out and then told us she was a girl when we agreed. They're good at using one or the other!

MattHancocksWhiteBikini · 17/01/2023 19:55

This isn't a helpful reply, admittedly, but after a really catastrophic scan yesterday I wish I had this problem.

Perhaps more helpfully, the scan is for anomalies, not sex, and anomalies will be where the radiographer's focus was. If this is your only concern following the scan perhaps consider yourself pretty fortunate.

Darthwazette · 17/01/2023 19:57

@MattHancocksWhiteBikini 💐I’m sorry to hear that. You’re right and have put things rather firmly into perspective x

MockneyReject · 17/01/2023 19:58

We live in a patriarchy, where 'he' is the default.
People default to he, in most situations - with the notable exception of boats/ships.

fairgame84 · 17/01/2023 19:58

It's just so they don't have to say 'it'.
DD was referred to as 'he'.

fairgame84 · 17/01/2023 20:00

I hope you are ok @MattHancocksWhiteBikini. Our 20wk scan wasn't plain sailing and it was awful sitting there in the waiting room in tears with all the other couples fawning over their scan pictures.

PotteringAlonggotkickedoutandhadtoreregister · 17/01/2023 20:00

And, as someone said, he is often used to make sure they’re differentiated from the mother too.

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