Active discussions

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Original poster

Gender Reveal ruined

100 replies

ravegurlxx · 17/01/2023 19:40

So my husband and I were waiting until the birth for the baby's sex, because we don't want tons of blue or pink stuff before the baby's here.

Today, we had the 20 week s an and the sonographer was aware of what we wanted as she checked whether we wanted to know, and we said no. But... Halfway through she referred to the baby as 'he' only once, didn't correct herself or apologize.

My husband reckons it could've been a slip, but also that she was just referring to the baby the same way most people refer to dogs as 'he'.

Has anyone else had this? And were they correct?

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
Set a reminder
MarvelMrs · 17/01/2023 20:01

You are overthinking it. It was just a word that they used. And they have a 50% chance that it will be a boy so if you have a boy you will never know.
Nor does it matter.

PritiPatelsMaker · 17/01/2023 20:01

This happened to us and he was definitely a he when he arrived.

LindorDoubleChoc · 17/01/2023 20:03

My DS was referred to as "she" in the 20 week scan. The sonographer was Spanish and I think "baby" is a she word in Spanish? Anyway, 19 years later, I've only just remembered this ... it's not a huge thing. You are about to have a child - that's the huge thing.

Also, sex not gender.

MichelleScarn · 17/01/2023 20:05

@MattHancocksWhiteBikini am so sorry for your loss Flowers. It absolutely very much puts this into perspective.

Normandy144 · 17/01/2023 20:05

I remember when we had a scan we said we didn't want to know. Before she started the sonographer said that she would refer to the baby as 'he' and that we shouldn't read anything into it, she was just using it as a generic term. We had girls both times.

sunflowerandivy · 17/01/2023 20:06

I don't understand why people are so precious about this. Does it really matter? Do you know that many people get absolutely devastating news at their 20 week scan? Just to put this into perspective. The sonographer will not be looking between the legs - they're looking for major defects and it's pretty intense and difficult.

ArDi · 17/01/2023 20:08

What everyone else said.
Also, does anyone else think. "gender reveal" is such a bleugh term?

It's not the baby's gender, it's their sex.
And the noun is "revelation".

So you didn't have a gender reveal, you had a SEX REVELATION! Sounds impactful.

minopd · 17/01/2023 20:22

Sonographers see lots and lots of ladies. Their focus is on looking for anomalies, and the sex of the baby is largely (but not always) irrelevant. Unless it's medically relevant, the fact you may find out the sex of your baby is a bonus not the purpose of the scan.

Relocatiorelocation · 17/01/2023 20:24

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Rose429 · 17/01/2023 20:25

Don’t read too much into it!

At our 20W scan, we let our sonographer know in the beginning that we wanted to find out the sex. Throughout the scan while she was checking for abnormalities, she used “he” twice. At the end of the scan, she confirmed again that we wanted to know the sex then told us we’re having a girl. So “he” is just the generic term for the sonographer’s personal use.

Tiredmamaaa · 17/01/2023 20:33

This happened to my friend and it was completely a slip of the tongue rather than saying “it” which sounds impersonal and cold. They had a little girl.

NoGoodUsernamee · 17/01/2023 20:42

Happened to us too 😁 we asked the sonographer to write down the gender so we could open it with our 2 daughters, she was really sweet & accommodating but let out a ‘she’ when describing something. Me & DH just gave each other the eye & a 🤣. Yep… 3 little girls!

usedtolovenaps · 17/01/2023 20:49

@MattHancocksWhiteBikini so sorry 😔❤️

Ohcrapp · 17/01/2023 21:01

I think most refer to he. I told mine I didn’t want to know the sex and she said everything is fine with him during the scan. It was a girl! My midwife told me once she always uses he as default as she hated referring the baby to it or just “ baby “

Catproblem · 17/01/2023 21:04

Mine were all referred to as he. They’re all girls

AmyandPhilipfan · 17/01/2023 21:05

I had gestational diabetes so had to have extra scans. On my last one as I was getting ready to leave we were just chatting and the sonographer said something like 'it won't be long until she's here - or he's here.' As it seemed that she'd purposely corrected herself I was sure that meant I was having a girl. My husband said at other scans he'd heard them say 'he' though. I already had two boys so did quite want a girl but didn't let myself read too much into it. Anyway, the baby was indeed a girl!

Tickettothemoon · 17/01/2023 21:13

My friend made it clear she didn’t want to find out at the start of her scan, during the scan the sonographer referred to her baby as a “she” so she queried it, they replied they just use that instead of “it”. Baby was born last week and is a little boy.

Either way, if it’s a slip or that’s how they refer to all the babies they are scanning you don’t know, so it’s not ruined and you’re still going to be completely surprised! Good luck with the rest of your pregnancy.

Upyoursxmas · 17/01/2023 21:21

It says he for baby and she for mum in all the textbooks so you know who you're talking about, so lots of maternity staff default to he for baby

Jdjdntbhh · 17/01/2023 21:27

It’s generic! I always refer to dogs as boys/he and cats as girls/she when I don’t know…despite having a girl dog
it can be a turn of phrase, try not to focus too much on this

Brackenfield · 17/01/2023 21:33

Why can't the baby be referred to as "they" instead of all this mental gymnastics over he she or it

pelargoniums · 17/01/2023 21:40

littlemissalwaystired · 17/01/2023 19:52

As a midwife I sometimes accidentally say he or she, not anything to do with the sex of the baby. If someone has a child of one sex already I might accidentally call their next baby the same or if I've seen lots of boys for example then I'll call all of them he for the rest of the day🤷🏼‍♀️

Haha, my midwife learned I already had a daughter and absent mindedly doodled the female symbol on my notes then referred to “her” at every appointment, with me reminding her every time I had no idea. (I had a boy.)

Ihatethenewlook · 17/01/2023 21:43

Pinkyandtwerky · 17/01/2023 19:49

At my 20 week scan with my SON the sonohrapher said ‘right let’s have a look at her then’ before she even put the probe on!

Mine referred to all babies as she.

Luana1 · 17/01/2023 21:46

I don't get it, even if she did let it slip why do you suddenly have to go and buy lots of blue things? It's not compulsory! Sounds like your scan went well with no anomalies picked up, surely you should focus on that?

Prescottdanni123 · 17/01/2023 22:10

I think they call the baby he/she because it is safer. If they called it it, they would get
"ARE YOU CALLING MY BABY AN 'IT'?!" from some parents.

If they referred to the baby they/them would get
"OH MY GOSH! IS IT TWINS?! TRIPLETS?!"

So he/she is probably a default way of referring to the baby.

choccyporcupine · 17/01/2023 22:10

Brackenfield · 17/01/2023 21:33

Why can't the baby be referred to as "they" instead of all this mental gymnastics over he she or it

so people don’t worry there’s a secret twin