To not want to get married before having children

[Surman]

So me and my partner have been together now just shy of 10 years.

We have a house, both have good jobs. I recently announced my pregnancy, EDD May 2023.

I have had a few people question why we aren’t married and if we will be getting married before baby arrives.

I didn’t think not being married would be an issue but now I am starting to question myself?

I have never actually wanted to get married.
I have always believed that I could have children and live a happy life without being married.

Can anyone share their experiences with this? Were you married before children? I just feel quite judged…

My husband and I got married at the registrar's office, no fuss at all. I would be getting married if I were you.

Sorry to be grim, but what if your baby is disabled and you can't return to work, ever? You would have no income, no savings, no pension, no nothing. Protect yourself.

If its the wedding you're against you can elope with 2 witnesses.

If its the religious connotations look at civil partnerships.

Being married gives you certain legal protections. You can get around them with some effort, but marriage is somewhat of a one stop shop for it.
Inheritance is an issue - but you can get wills.
Next of kin - if you're not married you're not considered family or his next of kin. Right now it is probably his parents. You can get POA sorted though.
Assets upon splitting - if your career takes a hit you won't get equalisation upon a split. Less of an issue if you plan to remain on equal footing, but worthy of consideration if he ends up vastly higher paid and with a much better pension. Or you split and you're left holding baby pretty much full time.
Government related advantages - e.g sharing tax free allowance. Less of an issue if you both plan to work.
Birth certificate - you'll both need to be there. You can't put your partner on the birth certificate without his permission if you're not married.

Is not essential to be legally entwined but if you want the protections then it's the easiest way to do it!

What nonsense. There can be HUGE disadvantages if you are the higher earner or have higher assets than the other person.

I know someone who married when their children were teenagers because of the tax advantages, were he to predecease her.

We were together 8 years, engaged for 7 years, jointly owned our house when DS1 came, then we had DS2. I like you wasn't really fussed about marriage, we were a team etc and shared everything equally. We got married at the registry office, 2 witnesses, when DS1 was 4 and DS2 was 2, reasons for were that I wanted the same name as the boys, and we had experienced some prejudice to being unmarried from official people and just general people we would meet. Questions like - was I their mum? Were they all his kids? General weirdness about being a single parent etc, even though that wasn't our situation.

I actually love being married, and having my DH last name.