Told baby was one sex, found out it’s another, feel so low.

[Cuppasoupmonster]

For anyone who didn’t happen across my other threads, my NIPT at 14 weeks said girl. But the 20 week scan yesterday said clearly boy; and this has been confirmed by the private clinic that did the NIPT in a rescan this evening. The NIPT can be wrong in 1% of cases apparently, looks like I’m that 1.

I’m feeling very shocked and low, and just looking for some understanding/wise words from anyone who has been through something similar.

Of course our little boy will be adored, but for 5 weeks I bonded with a girl in my head and now it feels like she’s vanished. I also feel guilty crying over my baby as it seems so ungrateful.

please help 😞

I had the same except I didn't know until my 'daughter' was born. The instant I set eyes on him it didn't matter one jot, it was always going to be him. That said for a few years I did have a little smile when I saw babies with curly hair the same colour as his!

The NIPT test for the baby's sex is not definitive. The default result, I believe, is female.
It's an anxious time for you, and I'm sure you'll bond with the baby, when DC arrives.

I think your reaction is completely normal. My sister-in-law who is a very wise person who I massively respect was bitterly disappointed when she found out her second child was a boy after already having a boy. After a few weeks she came to terms with it and absolutely adored him when he was born. I think some women think that if they have a daughter they will be closer to her but I think it’s far more dependant on having a warm and loving relationship than on gender.

I know women who have had sons who say that it has changed the way they view men for the better as they see them as somehow more human and vulnerable.

I have a daughter already who is 3 ♥️ I didn’t have the NIPT when I had her, just scans, and it was always at the back of my mind that it might be wrong so I took neutral babygrows in my hospital bag etc.

I went into this pregnancy thinking if it’s a girl then a sister for Dd and if it’s a boy 1 of each! Win win!

I think it’s just such a shock because the NIPT is supposed to be so accurate so this time I really did believe it was a girl, built up a picture of my ‘two girls’ in my head etc. I would be feeling the same if it had said boy and they’d told me it’s actually a girl.

My two boys are the most wonderful loving creatures you can imagine. I thought I wanted a daughter but I couldn’t be happier. It will all be ok OP

I know it's a huge shock for you OP. You started to imagine your life with another little girl and now that imagine you had in your head is wrong because you're having a boy. From your other thread I think you have to wait a few days for blood test results so maybe just take things one step at a time.

If it's any comfort, little boys are absolutely wonderful.

It's probably quite normal when you've started to think about the baby as a little being to find that the image you had wasn't quite what you'll have.
But what an exciting prospect - a whole new little person that you have not much idea of what they'll be like, and you'll be the most important person to them.

I totally get where you're coming from. I was convinced my 2nd was another boy and found our at the 20 week scan she was a girl. It took a few weeks to properly sink in, but now she's here I couldn't imagine it any other way. She's the happiest, most perfect little squish ever. Congratulations on your boy, he'll be a delight.

I am really sorry, I think it's hard to hear that your new reality that you had invested in has gone.
Of course you will love your son and it will all be fine.

However, it's natural to feel shocked and sad that the picture you had has changed.
I would give myself a few days to feel the feelings and let go. Then allow myself to become more excited and invested in what you actually do have.

Well just think of that gorgeous little boy that will adore you with all of his heart saying 'mummy'.

My son is the best thing in the world and sons always have a special place in their heart for their mummy's.

Not me, but a close friend.
Told she was expecting a girl and was delighted, as she already had two boys. Her inlaws were delighted too, the first girl in generations.

Her baby girl was named Emily Jane, except when she was born, she was a boy.

Goodness me, the mixed emotions caused.

My friend said she felt as if baby Emily had died. The upset real for everyone.

She had a gorgeous, healthy baby boy, but was sad.

Her three year old son, kept asking ‘where is Emily?”

She felt guilty for her baby boy too - where were the celebrations for his birth? - none as everyone ‘mourned’ baby Emily.

She worried that her baby boy would sense that he wasn't wanted.
She struggled to bond with him but was determined to defend him if anyone else dared to express anything negative.

Presents were returned, items taken back to shops.
It made for a really traumatic time.

It must be hard, nothing wrong with boys I've got 3 of them, but it isn't that is it, it's that you had been introduced to this baby girl and suddenly she isn't there. I think you have to give yourself time to adjust. I think once baby is in your arms it will be OK. I hope it goes well.

@Lulanna I’m relieved we found out after only 5 weeks rather than at birth as I’m sure by then we will be over the shock and hopefully looking back and laughing. I think a birth surprise would have been much harder on me. I feel for your friend. Is she ok now?

I think you accept that your feelings are about the mix up and not your baby- go easy on yourself OP, you have a right to be annoyed

Thanks everyone. I just went to give DD a cuddle (she’s still awake after the excitement of seeing the baby on the screen this evening!) and she said she’s going to give her baby brother a big cuddle ❤️ which set me off crying again!

This sounds like a perfectly normal reaction to me.

When having my 20wk scan for my first pregnancy, the sonographer slipped up and said “he” rather than baby and turned bright red. DH didn’t want to know whether we were having a boy or girl, but luckily didn’t hear. It nearly killed me to keep it a secret but I bonded with my son and told everyone I had a hunch it was a boy.

Fast forward to delivery and we were congratulated on having a girl. I actually told the midwife she was mistaken as we were having a boy! I really struggled to bond with my daughter and was later diagnosed with PND, which I think wasn’t helped by believing I was carrying a boy. I mourned the loss of my son for a long time and felt as though I had been given the wrong baby. It took a long time to get over this, but things are great now.

Be kind to yourself, you will overcome these feelings.

Honestly you'll be fine ... I found out by accident at a smear test I was over 6 months pregnant... everything was rushed and we're told I was having a girl... everyone rushed round and bought everything pink and sparkly the I had my amazing little boy who's now 4 and we all laugh at the pics of him in pink for the first 3 month

My boy turned out to be a girl. As others have said, the minute you meet them you won't care what variety it is. Hormones take care of that!

You've started several threads about this. It's time to buck up and get on with things.

🙄

Several scans including one at 32 weeks told me a dd. After an awful back to back labour a ds arrived... So well endowed we joked he came equipped with a handle... Not sure how they missed that.
Also joked I was 'rewarded' for the mix up with a baby that slept all night from a couple of weeks old!
A strapping 18 now he is a great ds!!
I totally understand the bonding thing op... 'she' had a name and clothes and everything!

You have started a few threads in fairness, I'd be thinking thankfully it's healthy and well, sometimes you just need to talk to yourself differently, there's worse things, obviously feel what you're feeling but focus on the good, your baby is healthy and needs a happy mama, your daughter is delighted so that's great, be excited with her

It’s really understandable that you’re so shocked. Don’t beat yourself up over it. You do truly bond with the idea of the baby you’ll be having - and it feels like it’s all been pulled away. Allow yourself a bit of time to “grieve” for the idea you had - and then start thinking about the new idea. It’s ok to be totally floored. But you know it will be just lovely and fine when he arrives - listen to your lovely 3 year old - she will give him a big cuddle!

Same here with me, I have twins and was having scans every two weeks throughout my pregnancy, was told at 17 weeks I was carrying one of each and at every scan thereafter was told the same right up until I was 36 weeks when the sonographer announced that both boys were doing well!
I explained that I was having one of each and maybe twin two had swapped positions, it wasn’t until she showed me the screen with a close up of two sets of meat and veg did I believe her.

When I came out of the hospital I burst into tears and was so disappointed as I’d always wanted a daughter and was over the moon that I was going to have both in one go.
I had to go and return all the items I bought and gave birth a week later.

I still now really would love a daughter, but my boys are my absolute life and I wouldn’t be without them and now have a niece who fulfills all my girls dreams.

Thanks @Talipesmum

I just want the NIPT to come back boy for clarity then I can truly move forwards and start buying things for our boy! I just had a very honest conversation with DH which really helped - I think I felt like I had to put on a brave face before now but it’s been a relief to let it all out.