Told baby was one sex, found out it’s another, feel so low.

[Cuppasoupmonster]

For anyone who didn’t happen across my other threads, my NIPT at 14 weeks said girl. But the 20 week scan yesterday said clearly boy; and this has been confirmed by the private clinic that did the NIPT in a rescan this evening. The NIPT can be wrong in 1% of cases apparently, looks like I’m that 1.

I’m feeling very shocked and low, and just looking for some understanding/wise words from anyone who has been through something similar.

Of course our little boy will be adored, but for 5 weeks I bonded with a girl in my head and now it feels like she’s vanished. I also feel guilty crying over my baby as it seems so ungrateful.

please help 😞

@OriginalContent what a story! Mumsnet has a real ‘thing’ about mums seemingly not ‘wanting’ their boys when it isn’t that at all - if I had been told boy by the NIPT and scan said girl I would’ve felt the same. A lot of posters just seem to enjoy sticking the boot in when you’re already feeling hormonal and low. Its nice to know other people know how I feel and it’s NOT disappointment to have a baby boy, it’s just shock that the ‘daughter’ I had been told to expect doesn’t exist!

Jeez what a shock! This actually seems to happen to people relatively a lot! A girl on my Facebook was told one sex and had the other. Another friend was told her twins were two boys, she’s had two girls! wtf?! I think the shock you’re experiencing is a completely separate thing from all the classic things you can say to yourself to try to switch your mindset. Yes, a boy will be lovely. Yes, getting to experience one of each will be great (arguably you’ve won the lottery of life according to all these busy body’s who make unwanted comments usually 🤣). Yes you are so lucky your baby is healthy. None of these things take away from the fact you were heading down one road and you take it as gospel that you are, when suddenly you’re not anymore!

For me I think I would have to write myself a list of all the great things about having a boy now. Go out and buy some clothes for him etc. It will be a story to tell him when he’s older anyway 😂 I suppose it is the risk you take with finding out early but I would always assume it’s correct, I wonder how it’s got it wrong?!

P.S I have a boy and he is the best thing on earth. You will love boy mum life!

As someone who had a scan and then a blood test and then a TFMR take it from someone who knows you should count your blessings.

@Lulanna please try to have some awareness and don't talk about 'trauma' and 'mourning' in relation to people who have sex disappointment. Its enormously disrespectful to people who have been through miscarriages, stillbirths etc.

Oh just don't do it. Don't find out. It is like opening your Christmas presents early. I just don't get it. I loved the anticipation and the endless name choosing.

It is so boring when people find out and then name it in advance. Honestly I just kind of lose interest if I already know it is going to be a boy called Sheila what else is left to find out except the weight and honestly name me one person who gives a toss about that unless it is extremely light or extremely heavy.

I know a few people who were told wrong sex by scan! But not by NIPT - that’s why this has shaken me. If it was a scan mix up I don’t think it would’ve been so shocking as when I had the scans with DD I was always mentally prepared that it could be wrong. Not with this.

I LOVE boys clothes. Unlike most women I find girls clothes to be a bit naff and garish a lot of the time, whereas boys seem classier so I already bought some things you would ‘normally’ buy for boys for my ‘daughter’ 😆

DD’s best friend at nursery is also a boy and she seems to gel with them well, so no worries there and now I have an image in my head of her cuddling her chubby little baby brother ❤️

I will of course get over this, I just need a bit more time. The only other kids in our family are all boy/girl sets so we’re slotting right in there!

Thanks again for all the lovely comments.

Sad as your story is, I don’t think it’s fair to expect me not to be a bit stunned here. If you read my comments I know I’m blessed, thank you, I’m just working through some perfectly normal feelings and was looking for a bit of kinship with women that have done the same.

I wasn't told the wrong sex at scans but always imagined I'd have two girls, for some reason it never really even occurred to me properly about having a boy. When I found out my youngest was a boy I had to pause a moment to let my expectations catch up with reality. I found it hard to let go of the image of a life I had built up
in my head. My DS was very premature and I had counselling for PTSD afterwards and one of the things that came up was how I thought him coming so early and being unwell was my punishment for not immediately being overjoyed at the thought of having a boy when I had expected a girl. Of course, my counselor set me straight but it took awhile.
Couldn't love my boy more though, if I had to choose the sex of another child, I would choose a boy without hesitation

Please please please @Lulanna please don't tell that story.

Some of us have babies who have actually died. Incredibly insensitive & triggering.
Your friend is awful.

I came on to a thread to offer comfort to an OP to be faced with such an upsetting and offensive statement.

There never was a fucking Emily. She didn't die.
A spoiled selfish twat of a woman made up a drama based on nothing. Absolutely nothing. 😓

I had something similar but different. I went shopping and bought a few outfits for ds and laid them out and took pictures trying to imagine him in them. I helped a lot to reimagine him. But as a him. Hopefully it will pass quite soon but it's a normal reaction I think.

Not to diminish your feelings OP, because I get the shock factor too... but your current pregnancy hormones might be making the whole experience even more emotive for you than it normally would. When I was expecting my 1st, my OH gave me a dodgy lockdown haircut and I cried for three days! Obviously your thing is a bigger deal, but you get my point. It will be fine in the end :-) x

This. That was ridiculous

@BCxx Ooooh yes shopping! That's a good idea - little blue newborn onesies with Teddy bears on, and teeny, tiny blue socks 😍😭

Me and DH were sure we were having a girl and before my 20 week scan we just thought girl girl! Then bam we were told its a boy. I felt so weird about it, not that I didn't want a boy but weird as we thought for 20 weeks (our fault) that it was a girl just based on the family genetics. But got over it after a while and enjoyed my pregnancy with my boy. And now he's here love him to bits and couldnt imagine a girl.

Oh the hormones are definitely making it worse. DH just brought me a hot chocolate and I said if you see me randomly burst into tears over the next few days don’t be alarmed 😂 it just feels like when you cry as a pregnant woman you can’t stop! All this emotion comes pouring out of nowhere! Currently tucked up thinking how lucky I am to have a wonderful daughter and a healthy looking baby boy on the way. I’m just going to go with the wobbles though and cry when needed!

Is it just me or on mumsnet is having a boy always some kind of disappointment? It’s fascinating as my experience in real world is not like this.

Ive just been looking at tiny little Winnie the Pooh pyjamas and dungarees 😭 quite a lot of DD’s clothes are white/grey/yellow etc so it’ll be nice to reuse them and also add a few new ‘boy’ things as a novelty

Where have I said I’m disappointed to be having a boy?!

No no OP, it wasn’t aimed at you, sorry if that came across. It was a general mumsnet observation. It always seems to be disappointment when it’s a boy that’s all.

I wonder why so many gender disappointments (in the western world) are when it's NOT a girl?

Errrm in your first post!

Then you issued a drip feed saying you'd also have been disappointed if they'd said it was a BOY and you found out later it was a girl. Which I find hard to believe.........

Why do you find that hard to believe? Bit of internalised feelings of your own perhaps? Other posters don’t find it hard to believe.

How ridiculous, not even going to give you the time of day.

There are just so many people (women?) desperate to tear others down. Not a very nice trait. Never mind them and concentrate on your Winnie the Poo dungerees, they sound adorable 😍