Told baby was one sex, found out it’s another, feel so low.

[Cuppasoupmonster]

For anyone who didn’t happen across my other threads, my NIPT at 14 weeks said girl. But the 20 week scan yesterday said clearly boy; and this has been confirmed by the private clinic that did the NIPT in a rescan this evening. The NIPT can be wrong in 1% of cases apparently, looks like I’m that 1.

I’m feeling very shocked and low, and just looking for some understanding/wise words from anyone who has been through something similar.

Of course our little boy will be adored, but for 5 weeks I bonded with a girl in my head and now it feels like she’s vanished. I also feel guilty crying over my baby as it seems so ungrateful.

please help 😞

I had the same, I always thought I was expecting a boy, then the sonographer said it was actually a girl… just to be told it was actually a boy 5 minutes later.

Even though I always wanted a boy, I felt a strange sense of bereavement for days afterwards. It is incredible how quickly you get attached to any little things that may tell us about our little ones.

Nope, no internalised feelings of my own. Nice try though.

You literally said in your first post, that you were told you were having a girl - and then found you're having a boy, and it's made you SO LOW. It was in the title of your thread. There was nothing in your OP about how it would have been the same if you had thought it was a BOY first, then it was a girl. You added that bit later!

I don't know why you've actually admitted you were disappointed with having a boy, and then attempted to deny it. It's there in black and white! I mean, what is the point of this thread?! I agree with the poster who said you have posted this several times now, and you've obviously got issues.

Maybe you should try to deal with them before posting on message forums about your issues, and then arguing with people who have responded to your OP, by denying what you've said - when it's there for all to see!!! So bizarre.

@QS90 Get a grip. No-one is ;tearing women down' FGS. Just responding to a thread.

First world problems

It will all be ok.
I really wanted a boy during my first pregnancy and everyone was predicting a boy based on how I was carrying the bump and my level of morning sickness and all sorts of old wives tales.
The baby was a girl which actually really upset me after a traumatic labour. I found it hard to accept and to bond with her for a few days but we are best friends now. It’s so unimportant really what sex the baby is, you just love them for who they are.

It's not a bereavement. Please please
STOP with the horrible hyperbole.

With my eldest I was told girl at 20 weeks. We named her and bonded with the girl bump, bought girls clothes etc. At almost 42 weeks my big, definitely boy baby was born. It was a shock. He was nameless for a short while until we remembered the boy name we'd chosen pre-scan and it was "him" 100%. My husband struggled more with the shock than I did, I basically fell in love instantly.
I can relate to the feelings but can also say you will love your child with all your heart no matter what.
I went on to have boy/girl twins afterwards and wouldn't believe the girl really was a girl until birth. Husband really wanted a daughter so we didn't want to hope too much. Well the daughter we got is the biggest tomboy and definitely one of the boys anyway! Family were surprised we didn't use our first girls name for our twin girl...but we felt that name still belonged to our eldest so it didn't feel right to use it - it didn't suit her. And sometimes our 11 year old son is called by his would-have-been girls name just for fun 😅

I genuinely can't imagine my family any other way now. Each child is exactly who they are meant to be.

What’s your problem? I feel low because I’m pregnant, hormonal and received some news I very much didnt expect. I’m not even going to engage with silly posts like this because you’re projecting all sorts on to me.

And this is why I think people are bonkers for finding out the sex.

This is why I think people should not find out the sex!! It’s sounds traumatic op and I hope you feel better soon.

Snap! Didn’t see this before I just posted.

People are totally mixing up OPs specific circs with gender disappointment.

She had an early NIPT test confirming sex (supposedly very very accurate only second to CVS/amnio) and has now been told that result was wrong. Of course she's in shock and perhaps upset that after months of mentally bonding with a girl, it's a boy. I for one don't see anything OP has says which says anything other than this.

This is NOT the same as the generic situation of people who really wanted a girl and had a boy. I would say it's not even the same as people whose scans are wrong- we all know scan are fallible but NIPT is considered pretty darn reliable.

Everyone commenting this thread about general gender disappointment or using the words 'bereavement' are turning a legitimate thread into something else.

I don't think they're bonkers, but they should not take it as a definite.

While of course they should just count their blessings, I do have some sympathy for people with ‘gender disappointment’. All you have to go on during pregnancy is a mental image that gets built up in your head. So if you find out the baby is the opposite of what was expected, then it is bound to be a shock - especially when you throw hormones into the mix.

Just remember you are mourning a fantasy though, not an actual child, who will likely be nothing like you imagined.

I’m sure most people get over it and fall in love with their babies when here.

OP, it’s good that you have time to get excited about your little boy before he arrives. I’m sure you’ll be delighted when he’s born.

Thanks @giraffesoxks exactly that.

Boys are honestly amazing, my 2 are so so sweet and loving. And you already have a girl. I can understand the shock but try not to be sad for too long and enjoy your healthy pregnancy ♥️

There's some real nastiness on this thread.

Of course it's a shock.

I had five losses before getting pregnant with my son. One of the reasons why we chose to find out the sex last time was because we both had a slight preference for a girl, but we wanted to be able to visualise the baby we were actually having, imagine our lives with him or her in it, choose a name etc. After we found out we were having a boy we chose a name quite quickly and started picturing ourselves with a son. Finding out that he was a girl after all would have been a huge shock to us.

This time round I didn't have a preference but apparently we are having a girl. We haven't chosen a name yet but if she turns up and she's actually a boy, I can imagine that would be a total shock as well, even though boys are wonderful and I'm sure we would soon adjust.

It's being told you're having one when you're actually having the other which is difficult to get your head round.

And yes, maybe the margin for error is an argument in favour of not finding out the sex of your baby in advance. But for us it was important to know. I don't think I really started to bond with my son during pregnancy or believe he was actually real until I found out he was a boy.

Isn’t this your third thread on the same thing in a matter of days? Stop making duplicate threads

I think ultimately once the baby is born and is placed in your arms, you're just so glad and thankful they've arrived safely that their sex doesn't matter. I speak as someone whose children were born in the early 90's when the scans were not good enough to clearly see what sex they were. Both times I'd thought I was having boys and got girls. With the second one I had a deleting moment of disappointment when told it was another girl which disappeared the moment she was given to me.

I hope that might help you deal with the shock

This a millions times over.

I don't get why people find out but I know it's a personal thing.

My first was a boy and I was sure the second was a boy too. And very much looking forward to 2 boys. Found out at 32 weeks that it was a girl, but I didn't believe it.

Right up to her birth, I was convinced dd was going to be a boy. I won't say I was disappointed, but I def had one idea in my head and found it hard to accept a different scenario.

Well luckily most people don't give a shiny shite if you're bored or not as it's nothing to do with you anyway What a weird post. If it's your own child you're speaking about then it's even weirder.

Sorry, OP, that sounds really hard to get to grips with. I'm sure by the time baby arrives you'll be totally over it but I think it will take some time to readjust your thinking. That's lovely about your DD though, I'm sure her excitement will rub off on you too!

I didn't want to know the sex of either of my children. I honestly think it's better that way, and judging by some of these responses, can't help feeling I'm right.

I've never quite understood why people want to find out the sex – it's the only true surprise left in life! That said, up until 39 weeks I was convinced I was having a boy and I did all the midwife tales stuff that confirmed it. 🙄 We had names for both ready, but I was so sure we wouldn't need the girl's one. Ha, she showed me! Now I can't imagine having a DS and I think I'd have been rubbish at raising one.

OP, it's lovely to have one of each, congrats!

Two the same or one of each would have been fine with me. At least you won't get the endless 'Are you disappointed you didn't get one of each?' questions.

Aah I totally understand this, at my 12 week scan they said it's possible baby is a girl. 20 week scan can't confirm because of position but yes definitely looks like a girl. I had a scan at 28 weeks and a final one at 36 weeks. It was only determined at the last scan that the baby was in fact a boy! Luckily I had been buying neutral clothing etc.
Now that I have my little boy, I'm actually pleased the baby was a boy. He's so loving and I wouldn't change him for the world.