NCT courses- any good?

[rieb95]

Hey,

So I've heard about the NCT antenatal courses and was considering signing up for one. But I've heard very mixed reviews of people saying the content itself is poor and they are only really good for making friends...

I don't have any pregnant friends so that would be a bonus but I just wondered what your experiences had been of the courses if you did one ? I don't have much knowledge of looking after a baby so even if they covered things very basically I think it may still benefit me. I just don't want to spend the money if one of the free courses would be just as good 🤷

Thanks for your advice

Your gonna get too mixed a bag op I think to make a real choice from.

The very first post on here isn't even anything I recognise from NCT altho DS is 7 so maybe it's changed. MOSTLY MC yes, but I wasn't and a few other Mom's weren't. All kept in touch for a short while, would meet up with babies etc. and then as real personalities came into play the group split off and we became friends not just fellow Mom's. I'm only really in touch with one now but covid kinda ended the semi regular meet ups and like many people we never found our way back

So dependent on the group I think. Mine are great, all very down to earth and lovely and I see them regularly. Our course leader was fine and non-judgemental, you can find out all the info given in classes online though.

I did Bump and Baby rather than NCT (purely because they were the first to get back to me). It was well worth it. Not so much for the information provided but the group of people we met. We spent a lot of time together on maternity leave (and maternity leave can feel like a lonely place on your own) and have managed to stay friendly since. The kids have all just turned 4 - some went to the same nursery and now the same school but they all know each other well enough to have playdates, parties, go to same extracurricular classes. We even have an annual camping trip with a few families.

It doesn't always work out like that but it was c£200 and it was worth the gamble for me.

I think they are now apps to meet local new parents on. It was the only point of it.

🤣

@Zone2NorthLondon haha so it's not just me then! I won't be going back to NCT second time around.. nasty playground bullying and tossing people out the group for no good reason. The information was fairy shte too, I only really went as my husband was clueless.. Didn't really learn anything that helpful and the one thing the leader said wouldn't happen during birth happened to me. There was also bias re breastfeeding. I made one lasting friend out of it who happened to be the first person to be kicked out the group by the queen bee. So I suppose you could say it was a success from that point of view but I spent about two years having to rebuild my sense of self and confidence after it was shredded as did my friend. Don't do it if you are sensitive or weren't part of the popular crowd at school or you are a bit of an introvert. You will be much more vulnerable to attack after birth particularly if it doesn't go to plan or you get postnatal depression! If however you are competitive, enjoy sneering at and judging other people for their lifestyles and choices, think you are superior to others in all ways, want to be the leader of a pack of followers then this is the place for you! Shudders at the memory* I was so devastated as I had been led to believe I would get this lifelong bunch of gal pals sex and the city style but as mums. Ha! How naive! It felt like the end of the world at the time but honestly I now just see it as a lesson learned. If you do it at least go in with low expectations and take advice with a pinch of salt! Just because you happened to have sex around the same time and conceive children does not mean you will have anything in common with these people. I met my tribe later on at other groups and have a great group of friends at my DS school so I now know it wasn't something wrong with me which was how it felt at the time.

Whoa not sure what happened with the bold text, typing on the train!

@Purplefoxes , what a shame that happened to you and must have been horrible. But do you honestly think the above is applicable to every NCT course and group?

I'm still best friends with my NCT group 25 years on. It was well worth joining. We've been through all the major life stages together from baby, toddler, starting school, going to uni and starting work.

@Neverfullycharged no idea as I haven't obviously been to every NCT group and course. 🙄 Are you suggesting somehow my experience wasn't valid as perhaps I'm in a minority? I'm not the only one this has happened to, there are other depressingly similar threads on here if you search, I'm just offering my experience as a warning to others. This is something I paid a lot for which quite honestly I wish I hadn't.. I got one good friend out of it and a couple of say hi in the street acquaintances. But it affected my mental health at a time when I was most vulnerable when the rest of the group turned out to be cliquey and genuinely quite nasty. I haven't shared the stories of what they actually did to sequentially ostracise other group members eventually including myself but I think it would shock you that grown women would do that. On their own most of the group were ok, it was one or two (possibly just one ringleader!) who was horrid and the rest enabled her behaviour when as a group. I'm not saying don't try it as you might get a wonderful group, plenty of people do and lots of lovely stories. That was the outcome I was expecting given all the good stories! But I am warning that it you are not strong enough to call people out on their shitty petty behaviour or ignore it rather than let it affect you then it might not be for you and to go in with eyes wide open. I don't think that can hurt? I probably had postnatal depression looking back as maternity leave felt so isolated and I needed to be around supportative people. Actually it has made me stronger as a person and I am MUCH more vocal these days when people try to treat me like dirt so thanks NCT! But I'm a bit sad it tarnished some of my experience of those precious early days with my first baby and I need to get FB to hide the photos that keep coming up as annual reminders of the group before it all went sour. I've met so many wonderful genuinely nice and authentic mums since then and it has restored my faith in people again. But unless you have experienced this bullying behaviour you have no idea how much it will affect you even as an adult, I was early 30s when I had my first. I'm nearer 40 now and older and (hopefully) wiser!

OP go for it if you think it will help you but just don't fall for the sales pitch about a lifelong group of friends because that doesn't work out for everyone...I think the best friendships happen organically and can't be bought or forced...

Of course I’m not. I have said that it is awful it happened to you.

But, you do say If however you are competitive, enjoy sneering at and judging other people for their lifestyles and choices, think you are superior to others in all ways, want to be the leader of a pack of followers then this is the place for you

I mean, that doesn’t describe me at all. It doesn’t invalidate your experience, but it’s one of those - it isn’t NCT, it’s just you either get a nice group or not. It’s a bit like university, you’re supposed to meet your friends for life and have an amazing time but lots of people don’t.

I did the NCT course. I am not from the area I now live, and more importantly there was nothing else on offer in covid times. People saying ‘my antenatal course at the hospital was just as good and free’ - well yeah great, except not if you had your baby any time between March 2020 and probably 2022, no idea if and when they are reintroduced.

I was pregnant during covid so all classes were online. We used Baby Academy for our antenatal and would recommend them. Free 2hr taster session first then an all-day one for £99.

I wouldn't recommend NCT. The content was very biased towards intervention free birth and was in no way reflective of the actual experience of the group. Only breastfeeding was discussed and again not representative of the group. I know others have a different experience so it's very instructor dependent. Postnatal recovery, not discussed other than a brief mention of PND. Newborn care was basically bathing and putting a nappy on a doll. Nothing about reflux, colic etc.

The only good thing that can come of an NCT course in my experience is the friendships if your group gels. Unfortunately no one in ours lived anywhere near each other so it fell apart pretty quickly. So I my case a complete waste. I know it's been much better for others.

To me, some of the experiences on here, sum up how people feel about and react to meeting new people generally.

Some embrace the idea and are open to meet new people including those who might not be entirely like them. Other people find this very difficult and don’t enjoy it. They easily feel people are different to them or they don’t fit in or have a pretty fixed view of who they do and do t want to hang around with.

As people become new mums, perhaps more feel they need to meet others rather than they really want to. Whilst lots get a lot out of NCT, others don’t and perhaps it is more those who were more nervous about the whole thing to start with - who don’t like mixing with those they don’t know and find generated groups a bit false. Others are perhaps a bit more relaxed and easy going about these things and oerhaos find it easier and get more out of it. Just a thought.

I found it a waste of time but ours could be down to bad luck. We were only put together with 2 other couples who we didn't really gel with. Also just into the pandemic made everything via zoom. Plus I had my son 6 weeks early so by the time they talked about nappy changing we'd changed dozens. Our instructor was terrible.

I’m doing NCT right now and really enjoying it. The other couples seem nice, down to earth and the information has been really balanced and informative. My friend went to a different NCT location locally and didn’t enjoy it as much. If you are able to ask around to find if the local one to you is any good then I would, as I’m really glad I went for a different location based on her feedback.

@WombatChocolate Do you think that as long as people are relaxed and easy going enough they will be fine then? Even if they are receiving abuse such as "I would never go to the sort of restaurants you go to" (she apparently only did Michelin starred) bearing in mind this person didn't even really know me!! "I don't need to go back to work as we can afford for me to stay at home, poor you" (I could if necessary but I CHOSE to go back to work!) And "I could never eat as much as you, my stomach is tiny" (normal sized portion at a restaurant!). All examples of things actually said to me by an NCT group member. I've been on lots of engineered groups before, never experienced this level of horrid behaviour, and this wasn't even the final straw thing which had me completely humiliated in tears at a meet up and when I finally gave up. At that meeting one of the remaining group exclaimed "not purple fox as well!" So it was obvious everyone knew about the campaign she was waging. It battered me at a time when my resilience was low due to a very stressful birth experience and EMCS. Of course hers was a perfect water birth and anyone who didn't have that experience obviously didn't try hard enough or do their hypnobirthing... Maybe I was extremely extremely unlucky but my god never again!!! I'll be going to lots of baby groups this time because I like meeting new people but I will be steering well clear of NCT. And if anyone pulled this stunt on me again I would tell them to f*ck right off 🤣

But @Purplefoxes you sound like you had an awful time of it but how can you say that’s ‘NCT’ and not just a horrible person? That’s what I don’t really understand.

@Neverfullycharged essentially could be just a horrible person and situation! It's a bit of a lottery I suppose on who you will get. That's an interesting question and I may be wrong but my theory is the very fact it charges quite a bit means it's already not as inclusive as other groups from the get go. Anything less inclusive tends to be a bit of a breeding ground for prejudices and intolerance. Ask yourself...how diverse was your group? I guess I'm just not willing to spend that kind of money this time around for very biased information with an idealist version of birth, most of which information can be obtained in the web and the potential to be abused. The latter of course was not really NCT fault as you cannot filter out a psycopath. But I feel they did peddle this dream of friends for life and feel a bit cheated really that the reality was far from this! Sounds silly saying it now because no one can guarantee that any group will work. This was 6 years ago though so who knows it might be better now, the #bekind movement?! There are other methods to screen out crazy now, I think there is the mush app which is a bit like online dating I suppose?! Also if you just go to a pay per use baby group you don't have to go again if you don't like it, with NCT you are all paid upfront (or it was then!).

@Purplefoxes your experience sounds awful but you can't generalise the NCT course or Mums that choose to attend based on it.

I would describe myself as sensitive, most certainly have never been part of the popular crowd and was subject to a lot of bullying and mental torture at school which left me with lifelong insecurities where friendships are concerned. I constantly second guess myself, replay conversations with people in my head, always wonder if anything I said could be perceived negatively. NCT was the best thing I ever did. I can honestly say I don't believe I would have enjoyed parenting this much without their support and friendship. Our whole group was inclusive and we are still in touch as a group 7 years on. Some meet more than others but we organise everything as a group and all are invited. Same goes for birthday parties - we never exclude because we don't see some as much as others. It has done wonders for my confidence around others. It is awful that your experience was so bad but others have the polar opposite and most have something in the middle where they end up bonding with a couple of people

I don't agree with any comments where people go on about the only thing you have in common is giving birth at the same time. This is the case for ALL friendships - they all start with one common denominator, be it that you happened to be at school at the same time, work for the same organisation, go to same uni, same hobby etc etc. This gives you the opportunity to meet and then sometimes you strike up a great friendship, other times you find you are different.

my theory is the very fact it charges quite a bit means it's already not as inclusive as other groups from the get go.

NCT offer their courses at low/no cost to those on low incomes (including signature in our area) which is as inclusive as possible. Private individuals offering similar courses in my area have no such discount and only undercut NCT marginally for the course.

It sounds like you had an amazing time @morechocolateneededtoday your group really cares and is inclusive. Your experience is absolutely what I had hoped for which is why I feel a bit cheated and bitter about it even now to be honest as that was the dream! I still got one amazing friend from it, although we are quite different we ironically bonded further over the sh*t way we were both treated! I felt so much better once I left the toxic group and stopped trying! Should have done it when the nasty comments first started but I somehow thought I was doing something wrong and it was my fault, couldn't make sense of what was going on as it was quite underhand at first. I still have some of the others on FB and the group pics from the early days fizzled within the first year so I don't think it really carried on anyway and some of them moved abroad, everyone found their own groups.

This thread is specifically about the NCT course, I can only talk from my own experience and unfortunately that wasn't an overly positive one either on course content or friendship wise! Was it a one off? Maybe. Here's hoping. Would I spend money on it again to find out? Nope. Would I advise friends or family to do it? Not without warning them of my experience so they can go in with eyes wide open.

@morechocolateneededtoday Yes I think that's true BUT would you attend knowing everyone else would have paid full price? Would you be embarrassed/scared that you wouldn't be able to afford to keep up with future meet ups in terms of coffees and costs etc? Did you have a true mix of people at your group reflective of your area? I'm afraid I don't have an answer on how to make it truely inclusive other than it be free which wouldn't cover the overheads or government funded which is also never going to happen! Maybe it's nothing to do with inclusivity and I just got stuck in a group with a person who got their jollies from making other people feel awful who knows? The only thing I am certain of is there is no way I would sign up again, once bitten twice shy!!

"an introduction agency for annoying competitive mc mums"

This. And unless you're planning a natural birth, breastfeeding, baby wearing, and lentil weaving, you won't fit in.

The discount kicks in at £30k I think. That’s significantly above the poverty line but there will be lots of people earning more than that as a household who can’t justify £300+ for a course and a punt on some mates. And I wonder how it feels to then realise everyone else is buying top of the range breast pumps, prams etc and able to splurge on meet ups.