Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Original poster

devastated :(

102 replies

crying2 · 25/09/2022 16:27

Sorry if anyone thinks I’m a horrible person here

ive got a 9 month old and I’ve just found out I’m pregnant again

I’m so upset I don’t want another baby get my partner is happy but I’m so heartbroken

i don’t want another baby yet 😭 I’m so gutted

OP posts:
Mischance · 25/09/2022 19:08

My second arrived a bit before I expected - we cracked on and managed.

LegoFiends · 25/09/2022 19:11

I have a planned 12 month gap and it’s been the best thing ever, much easier than I expected. It’s completely ok if you decide that’s not for you, though.

StopStartStop · 25/09/2022 19:13

gretr · 25/09/2022 18:55

My friend terminated her second pregnancy as it was only 9 months after she had her first. She has no regrets and went on to have a second later on. You need to do what’s best for you and your family, you can terminate for any reason.

It's your body. You can terminate without his approval and even without him knowing.

Original poster
crying2 · 25/09/2022 19:39

My boyfriend (babies dad) is saying how he’s devastated that I want to terminate and that I’d be killing our baby. Which just makes me feel guilty

the other option is to have a baby I don’t want which I don’t think is good???

OP posts:
bcc89 · 25/09/2022 19:46

OP, no one can tell you what to do in this situation, but PLEASE after either you have an abortion or keep the baby, please please see your GP to discuss some proper birth control methods. If you don't want a baby, you need to use birth control, or abstain from sex.

Rosesandblossoms · 25/09/2022 19:55

crying2 · 25/09/2022 18:20

Also for people with small age gaps can I ask a few questions?

  1. how is childcare? My mum has my son for us when we need but I don’t know if she could mind 2 very young kids
  2. did it affect your relationship? Me and my boyfriend had just gotten to a good place a month or two ago after DS
  3. other positives ??

16 month age gap here OP, so not dissimilar to what you have:

  1. we used a childminder, and we kept DC1 one there for short hours a couple of days a week so they wouldn’t get out of the habit, and I could spend some one on one time with the younger one. we don’t have local family so that wasn’t an option.
  2. It was hard on our relationship and at one point I remember saying ‘Constantly saying how tired you are doesn’t make it go away, so please stop.’ But we were committed to getting through it. My DH works long hours so honestly, the first six months were tough for me.
  3. they’re really close now And played together well when they were really tiny. The nappy phase was over quicker. Lots of free activities for under 5s could be done! Now that they’re a bit older, similar films, holiday activities etc work as they’re close in age. I got ‘myself’ back sooner which has helped my job.

OP, only you know what’s right for you, but life is long, and this bit really is a short part of it. Our gap wasn’t entirely planned either, but we got through it, and I’m very glad I didn’t leave a bigger gap and have to go back to the baby stage. Good luck to you whatever you decide

AsterixInEngland · 25/09/2022 20:01

And keeping the baby if you don’t want to will just destroy your relationship….

Have you asked him what he us ready to do to make it manageable to have a second child?
Is he happy to do all the night shifts with the baby or baby+toddler? How does he think it will work with childcare and you working? Basically has he thought about the practicalities and what are his answers?
Saying I want the baby isn’t good enough if he hasn’t ALSO thought about how it can work. In a way that is NOT relying on you and only you to shoulder the burden.
i suspect he hasnt though…..

Aretheyhavingalaugh · 25/09/2022 20:17

It's difficult as you and your partner want different things. Since you do want more children in the future and you have the support from your partner, go for it and you'll manage OK. I can understand your apprehension as your first baby is so young. I have a 4 year old and a 9 month old and ideally I wouldn't want another one at this moment, however if it was me, I wouldnt terminate and I know my partner would absolutely want to keep the baby even if it wasn't planned.

Dacadactyl · 25/09/2022 20:21

HailAdrian · 25/09/2022 16:49

Well, you can't have a baby for someone else, that's unfair on the baby. Just get an abortion, it doesn't have to be a big drama, especially if it's extremely early days.

Yeah, cos having an abortion is much fairer on the baby 🙄

Dacadactyl · 25/09/2022 20:23

OP, you may still be in shock. And an 18 months gao would be hard work.

But as you say, i would also worry about potentially not being able to have another when I felt more ready. I think it's a valid concern.

snowbellsxox · 25/09/2022 20:25

It might be hard for a short time but that time goes in the blink of an eye Biscuit before you know it they're off to nursery and school
Don't forget your free hours age 3 or if you qualify for more ..
As a second time mum you will also be more relaxed, they'll still be having their naps
Hand me downs .....
Newborns have a lot of naps! So you'll have 7/8 months left of pregnancy and then newborn sleeping a lot for the first couple of months ...

Aretheyhavingalaugh · 25/09/2022 20:27

snowbellsxox · 25/09/2022 20:25

It might be hard for a short time but that time goes in the blink of an eye Biscuit before you know it they're off to nursery and school
Don't forget your free hours age 3 or if you qualify for more ..
As a second time mum you will also be more relaxed, they'll still be having their naps
Hand me downs .....
Newborns have a lot of naps! So you'll have 7/8 months left of pregnancy and then newborn sleeping a lot for the first couple of months ...

I agree with this, being a 2nd time mum was much easier and more relaxed

Newmum110 · 25/09/2022 20:59

OP I am a few months ahead of where you are now. It was a massive shock to find out I was pregnant so soon after my baby & my first thought was I can't do this. My DP was even more negative about the whole thing so had no support there. I have now come round to the idea & am starting to feel a bit excited. In some ways I still feel a bit sad that I had no opportunity to let my current baby be the baby for a bit longer. I did want a second but in my own time.
The positives
1, you have a supportive partner who really wants this baby
2, from talking to others with small age gaps it isn't double the expense as you probably still have all the baby equipment (I didn't even get the chance to store things away)
3, hopefully the 2 children will be close, will entertain each other when growing up & will have the same age related interests
4, we are still having sleepless nights so we don't have to go back to them & hopefully in a couple of years they will be over for good!!!!!
5, my DP has agreed to get the snip so no more accidents.

I honestly think you need to take your time to come to terms with it all. When you have had time to think if you know it's still not for you then you have options.

DarkShade · 25/09/2022 21:02

it is your decision OP. That you don't want a baby is a very good reason to have an abortion.

It sounds to me like you would be ok with the abortion option, but you're worried about your DP, is that right? You are the one that having a baby mostly affects. It's your body growing it and breastfeeding, and by the sounds of it you would be the one doing childcare. So you should be the one to choose, and it's fine if you want to choose an abortion.

supersonicginandtonic · 25/09/2022 21:34

My last comment was deleted, I don't know why.
All I said was about contraception. I'd be supportive of the OP if it was a contraception failure, they were trying to prevent pregnancy.
But to get pregnant when not using any protection, I'm sorry. Abortion is not a form of contraception. If you have a termination you need to sort some contraception beyween you and your partner because you aren't responsible enough to
Use the natural method.

I'm not apologising because if this was a teenage parent or the result of a one night stand, the poster would be getting torn to pieces

plicks · 25/09/2022 21:49

supersonicginandtonic · 25/09/2022 21:34

My last comment was deleted, I don't know why.
All I said was about contraception. I'd be supportive of the OP if it was a contraception failure, they were trying to prevent pregnancy.
But to get pregnant when not using any protection, I'm sorry. Abortion is not a form of contraception. If you have a termination you need to sort some contraception beyween you and your partner because you aren't responsible enough to
Use the natural method.

I'm not apologising because if this was a teenage parent or the result of a one night stand, the poster would be getting torn to pieces

Excuse me everyone, the judge of what is a good/bad abortion has turned up.

NightfeedsandNetflix · 25/09/2022 21:49

crying2 · 25/09/2022 18:20

Also for people with small age gaps can I ask a few questions?

  1. how is childcare? My mum has my son for us when we need but I don’t know if she could mind 2 very young kids
  2. did it affect your relationship? Me and my boyfriend had just gotten to a good place a month or two ago after DS
  3. other positives ??

I had two 17 months apart I just got on with it, going from one to two was a shocker, but you adapt, as they got older they always had each other even now at 16 and 17 they keep each other company and support each other endlessly.

You save money as you keep all the baby equipment. Your already in the flow and know how of parenting a baby. The sleep deprivation is fine as your not fully used to getting a full nights Kip. You get your freedom back sooner in the long run?

Relationships do suffer but not if your OH is hands on and is mature enough to share and understand the new demands.

I did find it harder to fit in twice as many appointments and school events. I was mostly a single mum though.

I've since had another baby, he is 1 now I wish he had a sibling like his much older brothers had each other. I feel sad for him being alone but I'm too scared with my age to risk another.

AsterixInEngland · 25/09/2022 22:29

snowbellsxox · 25/09/2022 20:25

It might be hard for a short time but that time goes in the blink of an eye Biscuit before you know it they're off to nursery and school
Don't forget your free hours age 3 or if you qualify for more ..
As a second time mum you will also be more relaxed, they'll still be having their naps
Hand me downs .....
Newborns have a lot of naps! So you'll have 7/8 months left of pregnancy and then newborn sleeping a lot for the first couple of months ...

Hmm…. Having had two dcs with that age gap, I beg to disagree.

The first years before they were both in nursery/school didn’t go by the blink of an eye. It was the most difficult part of raising children. Teenage hood felt like a walk in the Irak compare to those years.
Two children close in age IS hard when they are little. Much easier afterwards but things being easier the second time round didn’t make up, fir me, fir the difficulty if dealing with two children with high needs (due to their age)

Aretheyhavingalaugh · 25/09/2022 22:43

supersonicginandtonic · 25/09/2022 21:34

My last comment was deleted, I don't know why.
All I said was about contraception. I'd be supportive of the OP if it was a contraception failure, they were trying to prevent pregnancy.
But to get pregnant when not using any protection, I'm sorry. Abortion is not a form of contraception. If you have a termination you need to sort some contraception beyween you and your partner because you aren't responsible enough to
Use the natural method.

I'm not apologising because if this was a teenage parent or the result of a one night stand, the poster would be getting torn to pieces

I do agree with this also, terminating a pregnancy when no contraception was used is not great. We all know about the birds and the bees so not really good enough to use an abortion as a fix. If you do go ahead with a termination, please get some contraception for future or abstain.

plicks · 25/09/2022 23:06

It's quite presumptuous to think anyone cares what you think @Aretheyhavingalaugh , this thread isn't about the morality of abortion. Luckily there isn't a morality quiz you have to pass to get one, I'll get as many as a like thanks.

Aretheyhavingalaugh · 25/09/2022 23:24

plicks · 25/09/2022 23:06

It's quite presumptuous to think anyone cares what you think @Aretheyhavingalaugh , this thread isn't about the morality of abortion. Luckily there isn't a morality quiz you have to pass to get one, I'll get as many as a like thanks.

Well that attitude 'I'll get as many as I like thanks' makes you a terrible human being. I just agreed with the PP that abortion isn't a form of contraception. Do you think it is? OP will decide what is right for her and her family and that's her choice but it doesn't change the facts.

CherryGenoa · 25/09/2022 23:24

Oh love, it will possibly be hard for a time whichever way you decide to go but you will be ok. I would recommend you get some counselling from BPAS, or Marie Stopes. They won’t tell you what to do but will help to explore your feelings around the options.

CherryGenoa · 25/09/2022 23:27

I’m sure the OP is very aware of the need to get contraception sorted in the future and won’t make the same mistake again. Please go easy on someone who is reaching out for support.

Original poster
crying2 · 26/09/2022 07:46

I don’t know what to do my boyfriend said there’s a high chance we’ll split up if I get this abortion

i just can’t have another baby now but I don’t want to split up😭

OP posts:
Pompom2367 · 26/09/2022 07:51

Op you need to do what is best for you I'm currently 3 months pregnant with a suprise baby DD is 9 months old and this pregnancy has been hard I was Terrified at first but we talked it through and dp Said he would support me no matter what I decided we decided we wanted to continue if you do not want to continue this pregnancy that is ok and your dp needs to support you whatever you decide