devastated :(

[crying2]

Sorry if anyone thinks I’m a horrible person here

ive got a 9 month old and I’ve just found out I’m pregnant again

I’m so upset I don’t want another baby get my partner is happy but I’m so heartbroken

i don’t want another baby yet 😭 I’m so gutted

Would your relationship survive an abortion - especially as your partner is happy and wants the baby?

How mean and unhelpful why bother posting if you’re just trying to make OP feel worse ???

Well aren't you a dickhead

This. What a nasty, unnecessary comment.

(I hope you're OK, OP. You're not a horrible person. )

I have had 3 abortions OP and have just had my baby girl 8 weeks ago. There are many reasons to have abortions, the most important is that you don't want a child.

Abortions are very safe. The likelihood of it affecting your chance to conceive again are extremely slim

Giving how you are feeling at the moment, i wouldn't make any rash decisions. If you are early enough on, take a couple of weeks at least to think it through before making any decisions.

Goodness me, there's some petty nastiness going on here. The OP doesn't need that, she's looking for support. Some of you need to think about that before bickering amongst yourselves.

OP, take your time. You've just found out and you are not surprisingly in shock.

If I can speak from experience, I found I was pregnant with DC2 when DC1 was only 7 months (conceived while ebf). I was in total shock for a week or two, but for me I always knew I'd go ahead. I did, had a 16 month gap between babies and yes it was very hard work but it was fine. There was enough love to go round two of them and they've grown up so close.

Anyway, I'm not you. Take all the time you need and make the decision that's right for you.

@1994girl why do people like you post shit like this? Does it make you feel good? Your comment in no way helps the op and if anything, you may be making the op feel worse (does that make you feel good? ) but hopefully she brushes your arsehole comment aside.

It sounds like you need to talk through your options with a medical professional. You don't have to make any decisions yet.

I’m totally pro choice so obviously it’s up to you. But you’ve got 9 months to get used to the idea. Perhaps you’ll feel differently as the pregnancy develops. You clearly want a 2nd child, just not yet right? Weigh up the pros and cons.

You are such a horrible person. Why the fuck would you even say this to someone clearly in distress?

@crying2 even if you wanted to wait 12 months before the next one it’s ok to have an abortion if you’re not yet ready. Do you know how far along already you are? If you’re cycles aren’t yet regular still you might want to consider getting and early dating scan.

I could've written this post a few years ago. I found out I was pregnant when my dd was 9m and I was also devastated, I was tired, still breastfeeding and just couldn't get my head around having another baby. My dh was so positive though and once I'd calmed down I got my head around the idea and now my two dc are 5 & 6 and get on so well and I love the small age gap and feel really grateful that the "age gap decision" was taken away from me!

Oh, brilliant! 1994girl has been popping up on a few threads, possibly for the company and human connection.

Oh Op, the same thing happened to me. My dh was happy but I was so anxious and worrying about coping/ feeling guilty that my dd wasn’t going to have me to herself for much longer. I went through with the pregnancy and whilst the age gap was challenging there was also so many positives, the children adore each other and they’re close enough in age to have similar interests. I’m honestly now really happy I had them so close together. It’s a big decision so let the shock wear off first before deciding x

well. Here’s the thing I don’t know how far along I am

my last period was 22 July. I tested on 6 September (a first response) and there wasn’t even a faint line - it was completely negative !

Bit today it’s strong? In 2 weeks?

So, according to the NHS due date calculator I’m 9 weeks pregnant. But 2 weeks ago didn’t even have a faint line on a pregnancy test? So I’m really unsure. I hope I’m only early on the guilt would be worse if I was further along

Also for people with small age gaps can I ask a few questions?

1. how is childcare? My mum has my son for us when we need but I don’t know if she could mind 2 very young kids
2. did it affect your relationship? Me and my boyfriend had just gotten to a good place a month or two ago after DS
3. other positives ??

I would think really carefully. That age gap is small but not crazily so and if you want another, there is an argument to just go for it. My ds is 18m older than me and I love her more than anything in the world. It could be an amazing thing x

OP, I can't answer the childcare question, it wasn't relevant to me as I was a SAHM at the time. I understand it's hard for parents these days, the costs are scary.

It didn't affect our relationship. We've always been good together and DH always did his share.

Other positives... well, you get all the baby stuff out of the way in a couple of short years. They play together and entertain each other from quite early on. They like doing the same things as they are at similar stages. They grow up close, if you are lucky - mine are adults and still best friends. You can get back to work and focus on your career more quickly than if you spread out your family.

If you can get an early scan it would be a good idea, then you'll know where you are at. If you do decide not to go ahead, having a termination won't affect your future fertility so don't worry about that.

Give it a couple more days, you don’t need to make any rash decisions.

It will of course be difficult juggling two but imagine how close they’ll be growing up and you don’t have to worry about getting over the baby stage just to do it all again a couple years later as you’ll just carry on doing it.

My friend had twins and she said it was nice getting the early stages over and done with in one go.

Also clothes and baby equipment can easily be shared or handed down which is nice too.

There are many pros but there are also some cons as your body may not have healed properly yet etc.
I’d definitely take a few days to think about it.

In an ideal world when would you have liked to have another baby?

Don't forget you aren't having a baby "now", you have 8 months or so. My kids are 3.5 years apart and I would have had them closer together if I could (but; other things happened). Your "baby" will be walking and probably talking before the next one comes along.

What's is it about not wanting another yet? What was your ideal age gap?

I have 13 months between mine (planned it that way) I'm glad we've done it this way. Have got the sleepless nights out of the way and my eldest has never had any jealousy as doesn't remember any different. They have similar interests so days out are easy because they are in the same stages .

Childcare is obviously expensive, my mum has mine one day a week and then they do 2 in nursery. Tax free childcare helps and my eldest will get 30 hours when they are 3.

My friend terminated her second pregnancy as it was only 9 months after she had her first. She has no regrets and went on to have a second later on. You need to do what’s best for you and your family, you can terminate for any reason.

If you decide to go ahead - a lot of my friends have similar age gaps. Ours is much bigger. Pros of an 18 month gap from where I’m standing is that although you may have huge childcare costs for a couple of years, and the first couple of years may be really hard work (depending on your circumstances), suddenly life seems to get easier a lot quicker. You don’t need a buggy any more, they’re both toilet trained and suddenly they’re both in school and you have more options around things like work and free time and so on.

We spent time this weekend with a group of friends who all have similar age gaps. I have 4.5 years between mine and am the only one running round after a feral toddler while everyone else stands sipping Prosecco. We were just at the point where life was getting easier and then we went back to square one and nappies! I worked out I’ll have spent 8.5 out of 9 years paying preschool childcare rates by the time DC2 starts school.🙄

Good luck, whatever you decide to do.

@crying2 i have two dcs, 20 months apart (I wanted a small gap).
good things :

• they will be at a similar developmental stage so easier for outings, life organisation etc… much easier to handle imo.
• they can play together more easily
• Once you are out of nappies, you are. No going back to it a few years later. Same with broken sleep
• similar sort if issues at the same time

harder things

• the first two years are harder with 2 young children/toddlers. Twice the level of demands, sleep issues etc… all at the same time
• Probably harder to start with as a couple (for the above reasons). Better if you have partner that actually pull his weight up.

tbh one if my dcs is now at Uni. The other doing his a level this year.
when I look back, the only time that was harder vs Bugger gap were the baby years. After that, for me, it was easier.