To find out gender or not

[Mamitobe2023]

18+2 with our first baby. So in 2 weeks time we have our 20 week scan. I feel I kind of want to know what we are having, my husband does/ doesn't.

We obviously will be happy either way, and I know that all that matters is that he or she is healthy.

I just want to know what we should do? Should we find out or not?

Any experiences on whether or not you did find out, and why did you make that choice? ❤️ we are torn on what to do! Xx

We found out the sex with both of ours. I didn’t want to with the first but DH convinced me that he would be able to tell because he is a doctor and it wouldn’t be fair if he knew and I didn’t. I completely believed him so we found out the gender and then afterwards, he said he wouldn’t have had a clue!

With our second, we saw almost as soon as the probe was put on my stomach, but I think the sonographer would have been more careful if we said we didn’t want to know. However, we’ve had loads of growth scans now and baby no2 is a bit of a flasher so it would have been hard not to see!

Both times it was nice finding out. Someone once told me it was like having an extra day of surprise as the day you meet your baby is a big surprise anyway :)

Congratulations! I don’t think it really matters either way, just personal preference.

I would find out the gender.

Waiting until the birth is not always going to be this firework moment that people see in the movies depending on the birth you have.

I feel finding out at 20 weeks is lovely and you can use this time to buy appropriate clothes and personalised items based on what you would like your baby to wear, or their bedroom for example.

For the love of all womankind it's sex not gender. If you have no idea why that matters I hope you have a girl! The feminist boards will help you figure it out though.

We found out at the scan so we could only have arguments discussions about names we might actually be using

You sound kind of on the fence about it and nothing like I was. I was at the private scanning place knocking the door down at 9am at 16 weeks on the dot 😂 I NEEDED to know and couldn’t wait a second longer. When it’s your first it really doesn’t matter either way so it wasn’t about having any kind of preference, I just wanted to know so I could fantasize about names, what they’d be like, buy clothes etc. Personally I’d find out again because I loved being able to say ‘he’.. I can’t imagine having said ‘it’ or ‘the baby’ the whole time. It definitely made me feel more bonded with him. You sound like you aren’t too keen to know though so the surprise would be amazing if you could hold off, I just didn’t have it in me 😂

We didn't find out with DC1 (and won't again now we're expecting DC2).

First time round was during 2020 when no partners were allowed at scans so it didn't seem fair to find out without DH or even before him when he'd already missed out on hearing heartbeat, seeing the scan etc. But if it wasn't for that, we wouldn't have found out anyway. There aren't many (any?) genuine surprises out there still! I also loved the idea of DH revealing the gender to me after just giving birth as he felt left out the majority of the journey so that was his designated special job 🥰 My other reason for not finding out at the scans was because I didn't want to be disappointed and have to ensure another 20w carrying that disappointing feeling as well as baby. I felt that if I found out at birth, then I'd be so wrapped up in love and distracted with a newborn there wouldn't be any time for gender disappointment!

I've done both and I'd recommend the surprise experience- it was magical.

I found out at 10 weeks with my dd and I found out at 16 weeks with the ds I'm 23 weeks with. Didn't want to wait either time and I felt it helped me bond with both babies.

If we get lucky with TTC I want to know. I don’t like suspense and surprises!

I'll never forget my mil telling me I'd ruin the surprise of the birth if I found out at the scan. I figured that the birth would be surprising enough and I'd like to have my 'what sex' part of the surprise at the scan. She never quite understood that finding out at the scan would be an equally nice surprise. It's not like the midwife hands you your newborn and you think - aw crap this sucks, I wish I hadn't know it was a boy. You'll be excited at the birth whether or not you know the sex in advance.

This. I found out with one and not the other and much preferred finding out when I gave birth.

It utterly baffles me why people don't find out. If you care- good to get your head around it if it isn't your choice. If you don't- then it doesn't matter really. For me, it really helped me connect with the baby and made pregnancy more real and tangible. Those saying few surprises- surely it is the same amount of surprise, now or later!? And - the day your baby is born, of all days in your life - is one I don't see the need for an extra surprise! You get to meet your baby, surely that is enough!?!?

I didn't want to know the sex of either of mine. I wanted surprises. Really went against the grain with DD because I had her in the States, and our decision not to know completely flummoxed the medics!

I've found out with all 3 of mine. I love knowing - we've always agreed on a name and started using it before the baby is born too, which I love. I dont want more DC but if I did I'd definitely find out again! Word of warning though, ds2 was a girl we were told at the 20w scan and he is definitely a boy (as a later scan told us - we didn't get a surprise in the delivery room).

We didn't find out with our first. It was really exciting when he was born and we were told he was a boy. We had fun guessing during the pregnancy what he was going to be and all the unisex baby clothes we had were lovely. I enjoyed all the ‘if it’s a boy…’ if it’s a girl… for names and clothes etc.

Second pregnancy we were having twins and we had that many scans and that much to organise and get our heads round (DS was 10 months old when I got pregnant!) that we decided to find out. Knowing was equally fun, we named them early on and bought cute little matching baby grows in pink and blue (boy/girl twins) and that was fun too!

Both ways have lots of positives but if I had to choose or do it again I’d have the surprise again.

Sex not gender.

I realise you meant sex, and I don't meant to be pedantic, but it's so important that we don't confuse them.

To answer your question, I didn't find out for one and loved the surprise, and I did find out for the second but didn't tell a soul (not even DH who knew that I knew) and that was also lovely.

I found out with all 3 of mine and am glad I did. However please be aware there is never a guarantee its correct. I know of 3 people who have been told they were having the opposite sex of baby to what they had. One had spent hundreds on a nursery for a girl and had a boy.

We waited and it was lovely to find out at the time. Very much in the minority compared to friends and family who tended to find out.
It also reduced the stereotypical blue / pink offerings.

I found out, having a baby was a big enough surprise and excitement for me- I like to be prepared.

I liked not knowing until the birth.

Yes @prosecco so important not to muddle them!

I found out sex with both of mine OP. With our first it was because we were having huge issues with boys names and I thought if we found out sex that would either save us a load of hassle for next 20 weeks if baby was a girl or if baby was a boy then we could invest all our energy in boy name searching. Plus I wanted to start buying some clothes and it is quite hard to only buy neutral ime anyway.
With baby 2 I needed to know if we were saving or shifting our girls clothes from baby one. So basically both times we decided to do it for pretty boring, practical reasons. Probably says a lot about my partner and I.... 😄
I don't think people their choice either way- ultimately you're getting a hopefully healthy baby and their sex isn't v important.

I didn't want to know beforehand. I felt a bit superstitious about it - as if it was like counting chickens before they're hatched. I loved the surprise when she was born.

Don't find out. I have 3DC and didnt find out. There are very few good surprises in the world. That feeling when we were told that our baby was girl/boy was magical. Most of my friends and family found out the sex and if I'm being honest when the babies were born it was a bit of a let down as we already knew the sex.

Sex.

Why would knowing the sex of the baby affect what you buy in terms of clothes or decoration?