To find out gender or not

[Mamitobe2023]

18+2 with our first baby. So in 2 weeks time we have our 20 week scan. I feel I kind of want to know what we are having, my husband does/ doesn't.

We obviously will be happy either way, and I know that all that matters is that he or she is healthy.

I just want to know what we should do? Should we find out or not?

Any experiences on whether or not you did find out, and why did you make that choice? ❤️ we are torn on what to do! Xx

Well it depends if you want to know or not?

First baby we didn’t want to know and had no regrets at all for waiting.

Second baby we all wanted to know so we did.

Both scenarios were what felt right at the time.

Do just remember though it’s not always possible for them to tell you.

Good luck.

Sex not gender.

If you have any preference, no matter how small, then find out. If not, then wait.

I didn't know for either of mine. Though I did guess correctly! Made up for the disappointment of needing an early induction with both of them.

To those saying it's the same level of surprise... it's absolutely not. Having the surprise immediately after birth is incredible. It's like finding your Christmas presents unwrapped half way through November rather than seeing a beautifully wrapped box and waiting until Christmas morning 😂😂😂
Have a surprise it's so wonderful afterwards to tell family the news that he or she is actually here!

I didn't find out with either of mine. I loved not knowing.

The pros for me;

I wanted more than 1 child so not knowing forced me to buy more neutral items ready for reusing later. I think it's harder to stay neutral if you know what you're having

I had a strong preference for boys both times. At 20 weeks I wasn't bonded enough to not be disappointed if it was a girl. I knew at birth I wouldn't give a shit as I'd love my baby. That's what happened when number 2 was a girl

Near the end, the surprise kept me going a bit. It was something to look forward to

It's nice for others too. I've had a few friends where I've known name, sex and date of birth all before baby has arrived. It's more fun not knowing.

Honestly the sweeping statement is ridiculous, perhaps other people’s experiences are different. Perhaps they love telling people at 20wks and it keeps the excitement going for the parents. No one apart from the parents care what a person has sex wise- the response will always be “ahhh”

Do you want to find out in a 10 /15 minute appointment in a little room somewhere as number 8 in 20 scans that day or do you want to find out in the moment your child enters the world for the first time. It’s a profound moment.

It was helpful to find out with my second and last baby, for two reasons:
1- I could then decide whether to keep to get rid of her eldest sisters girl clothes
2 - we could talk about the baby as DD1s sister- making it more real for my eldest to comprehend

I was perfectly happy finding out in a little room somewhere as scan 8 of 20, so maybe the OP will be too 🙂

I've got my scan at 21 weeks in 3 weeks time, and would be happy to find out the sex then if baby plays ball (he/she was having none of it at the 12 week scan - doing back flips and all sorts, then decided to rest in a position not helpful to the sonographer AT ALL!! DH an I were in there for two hours trying to get NT measurements! 🙃) Got to see loads of our baby though so not complaining!

If not possible, we'd just be happy to know all was healthy and well. We have absolutely no preference so wouldn't be disappointed either way. And I hate both pink and pale blue so we'll probably be limited to neutral clothing and decorations anyway! 😂

My main reason for wanting to know is that I think it will help me and DH to bond with the baby more - especially DH. He's been absolutely amazing since day 1 but it must be hard for partners who don't get to experience everything we're going through.

I also have anxiety around the birth and have heard quite a few horror stories from friends and family - what if I've built up this "magical moment" in my head but am too out of it to appreciate it?

I don't buy the argument that parents who find out early are placing more importance on the sex. Surely building it up and waiting means you arguably care more, especially if you want to make a big announcement.

Tbh, I think my reaction to every announcement whether before or after the birth has been the same - 'ahhhh lovely!' 😂

The ‘sex not gender’ thing makes me smile. Having so many nieces and nephews, and friends with kids, I have to tell you that even the parents who tried to keep it gender neutral ultimately never stood a chance. The kids all still gravitated towards their own interests, which were often stereotypically boy/girl. Of course there are outside factors influencing that but all the parents claim that their children naturally gravitated towards those things and behaviours.

Eg, despite his parents’ best efforts, my youngest nephew actively rejects anything ‘girly’ and has a strict no tolerance policy!

There will always be exceptions, and personalities and identities will evolve, but as long as those children aren’t pushed against their nature I don’t see the problem of enjoying the concept of having a baby boy or girl.

Personally I started out not wanting to know but was having difficulty bonding and feeling fully on board with the pregnancy, so finding out made a big difference for me and DH.

We are having a girl (unless we’ve been misinformed, which is always a possibility). And I will happily admit to having bought lots of pretty clothes!

Having baby next week and have never felt like we’ve spoiled the surprise as I wonder so much about what she’ll look like and what her personality will be like.

The ‘sex not gender’ thing makes me smile. Having so many nieces and nephews, and friends with kids, I have to tell you that even the parents who tried to keep it gender neutral ultimately never stood a chance.
The "sex not gender" thing isn't about being gender neutral. It's about the highly important fact that sex is immutable and cannot be changed no matter what gender and associated social expectations anyone feels they have. We cannot fight to keep same sex spaces if we can't get it clear what sex is.

We didn't find out with DC1 and it was just the loveliest surprise, especially after quite a long birth. Definitely not finding out again this time as it was so lovely last time. We don't care what sex it is, so like to keep the surprise.

We found out before both of our were born. Must admit I was secretly hoping for girls and I wanted to find out in advance to prepare myself if I was having a boy! We were struggling to think of boy names, so once we found out they were both girls we could just focus on girls names.

(Room decoration/clothing etc didn't come into it - even when we found out we were having girls - they had very unisex items when they were little)

I suppose it really doesn't matter if you find out at the 20 week scan or wait until birth. You still get a surprise, just at a different time.

I didn't find out with my 1st, however I am currently pregnant and will be finding out with this one. I did enjoy the guessing for the pregnancy, however I was so tired after the birth I couldn't have cared less that it was a boy, so this time I want the nice reveal!

We didn’t want to know the sex in both pregnancies. I liked it to be a surprise. I just bought the neutral baby clothes for 2-3 weeks and that’s it.