To find out gender or not

[Mamitobe2023]

18+2 with our first baby. So in 2 weeks time we have our 20 week scan. I feel I kind of want to know what we are having, my husband does/ doesn't.

We obviously will be happy either way, and I know that all that matters is that he or she is healthy.

I just want to know what we should do? Should we find out or not?

Any experiences on whether or not you did find out, and why did you make that choice? ❤️ we are torn on what to do! Xx

I didn't find out. Nursery was decorated in green, and does a baby really need to be dressed in outdated 19C ideas of "suitable" colours? Unless you are putting your kid down at birth for Eton, I don't understand the point.

Why is everyone so desperate to put sexual stereotypes on kids the moment they are born: Pink and fairys for girls, blue and dragons for boys.

and we wonder why so many kids are desperate to mutate there body, so they can express theimselves in a way that they’ll feel accepted by? 🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️

I found out with my first and second! I was a little disappointed when I found out baby no2 was another girl (although I got over it and I would swap her for the world). I'm now pregnant with baby no3, me and my husband have decided not to find out this time round as it's our last baby also I don't want to feel the disappointment if this baby is another girl! I just want to enjoy this pregnancy not knowing the sex and doing it differently. I know whatever sex the baby is when born I'll just be happy it's healthy and in my arms! I think if your both unsure if want to know then for now don't find out then you can always change your mind and pay for a gender scan 😃 that option will always be there!

Wouldn't swap*

I didn't find out with either and loved the surprise at birth. It was an amazing feeling to find out whether they were a boy or girl and then get to meet them instantly. I was never convinced that finding out in a sonographers room would have been more exciting. It was lovely not knowing and thinking of names for both sexes. I also loved people trying to guess what I was having.

How patronising. It's NOT actually that important to me that they aren't used interchangeably.

I'm sure you'll now try to explain to me why I should care. Trust me, I've thought about it carefully and I still don't mind too much which is used. Lots of people will feel the same as me.

OP - Sorry to derail the thread (even more). I think finding out is lovely 😊

I didn't want to find out the sex of my first baby.

I felt there was a clear distinction between 'being pregnant' and giving birth, when we would be parents of a baby. And I didn't want to start projecting any expectations, especially sex stereotypes. Or to be keeping anything a secret from family and friends (because I certainly wouldn't have told anyone else in advance and listened to all the cliched reactions).

I sort of felt it was the baby's business until born.

I never viewed it as a big surprise - it was going to be one of two sexes, and we were happy either way.

I was sure I 'knew' instinctively what sex baby I would have - and I was right, but then it's 50/50 odds so hardly evidence for 'knowing'.

Well I wouldn’t put a boy baby in a dress. I realise it would make no difference to the baby at all, but I assume people w

When I had my babies (back in the last century) dh and I decided not to find out the sex before they were born - we wanted it to be a surprise. But since then I have realised that it doesn’t matter when you find out - it is always going to be a surprise.

When ds1 and his dw were expecting their first, they decided to find out at the 20 week scan, and honestly, it was lovely to know in advance of the birth that we were going to have a granddaughter.

All of which is a rather long winded way of saying that whatever you decide, @Mamitobe2023, it will be lovely. And congratulations on your pregnancy.

*Assume people would think I was a bit odd. Plus I’d get fed up of explaining to people that the baby was a boy.

We found out with our daughter OP, and I’m pleased we did. I liked being able to refer to the baby as ‘her/she’ and it meant picking a name was easier. And yes, it meant that I could buy ‘girls’ clothes as and when I saw them.

I'd highly recommend not finding out! The suspense and then the suprise is pretty magical!! It's absolutely worth the wait!

Like a previous poster, we didn't find out with baby #1, but we did with baby #2.

Preferred the experience of finding out at birth, it was much more wonderful seeing my husbands face as he told me.

I love the thought of it being a surprise but I was impatient and really wanted to find out the sex so I could plan names and choose clothes ect

I found out the sex with both of mine and was very pleased I did.

Didn't know with either and was really glad we didn't. With ds2 was convinced he was going to be a girl and I think if I had found out earlier it was a boy I may have been disappointed but finding out when he was born meant I didn't care as long as he was ok.

I only found out about one and regretted it.

How is it "utterly baffling"? 🤨

I didn't find out, but I'm not equally baffled when people do!

First one I found out, second one I didn’t.

I much preferred not knowing! I had two planned csections and it felt boring having no surprises.
Also I didn’t care what we had especially the second time around - everyone else had an opinion or thought they knew what we really wanted - genuinely didn’t care.

I liked finding out at the scan, I had twins first time around and knew they would be two of the same sex and didn't want to go and plan out four names when I would only be using two of them.

It helped me feel connected with them at the start, because I had very few pregnancy symptoms so didn't feel very pregnant, but it was nice thinking of them as my daughters and then as I could name them early, thinking of them as their names rather than Baby A and Baby B.

Pregnancy is long and hard, and truly DRAGS by the last few weeks. I found knowing the sex made me feel closer to baby.

I’ve had 3 and found out with all of them, it felt like we NEEDED to know ASAP and i do feel like although we didn’t care what we had we had slight preferences for each one, the scans were exciting finding out but then the surprise gone.

I’m pregnant with number 4 though and this will be our last and we really want a surprise this time so not finding out, we’re 22 weeks now and its still exciting wondering what we’re going to have and we have zero preferences this time so think that helps not NEEDING to find out. Hoping for a more magical birth and excited to find out what we’re having then being able to announce the birth and sex to family and friends. X

There was a study done that showed the more educated/intelligent someone is the less likely they are to find out the sex of their baby - something about having less rigid views of sex stereotypes (needing to know whether to buy dresses or decorate the nursery pink or blue etc)

Thought it was interesting.

Sorry, can't find it now.

Found some stuff. This wasn't exactly it. Lots on Google. Think this one is American.

'Demographics seem to affect the likelihood of wanting to find out the sex of the fetus. The study identified a few statistically significant variables, such as age — men and women who were younger than 22 or older than 40 were more likely to want to know the fetal sex. Being unmarried, nonwhite and less educated also increased the likelihood of wanting to know the sex of the fetus, and being Catholic made it much less likely.'

fivethirtyeight.com/features/how-many-parents-to-be-want-to-know-the-babys-sex/

always one isn’t there 🙄

But could income be the real reason? Many people need to know so that they can start buying clothes, toys etc when a second hand cheap item becomes available to them rather than wealthier people being able to buy as and when needed.