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Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Original poster

To find out gender or not

92 replies

Mamitobe2023 · 24/08/2022 21:10

18+2 with our first baby. So in 2 weeks time we have our 20 week scan. I feel I kind of want to know what we are having, my husband does/ doesn't.

We obviously will be happy either way, and I know that all that matters is that he or she is healthy.

I just want to know what we should do? Should we find out or not?

Any experiences on whether or not you did find out, and why did you make that choice? ❤️ we are torn on what to do! Xx

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mawofone · 25/08/2022 19:10

I didn't find out because I wanted a surprise. I assume that's a minority decision as all the medics we came in to contact with said it was lovely to have someone not know 'for a change'. I had a lot of extra scans and the sonographer would just tell me to look away if there was a risk of seeing the sex. My husband told me we had a son when he was delivered. It was lovely.

I had a great pregnancy and don't feel that not knowing impacted on our bond.

There are so many gorgeous neutral / rainbow colours that suit both sexes so we didn't have any issues decorating the nursery or buying clothes.

It's just personal preference OP.

Flumo · 25/08/2022 19:23

Found out my first 2 but waited for the 3rd and it was amazing, wish I'd never thought out with older 2.

KennAdams · 25/08/2022 19:59

We won't be finding out this time. We did with the other DC though.

No major reason other than this is our last and think it would be nice to mix it up a bit and keep it as a surprise.

bellinisurge · 25/08/2022 20:02

I didn't. And it's sex not gender.

Beyondshit · 25/08/2022 20:11

@jewjewishmum How does finding out the sex impact which toys and clothes to buy? Surely a baby of either sex needs clothes?

jewishmum · 25/08/2022 20:15

Beyondshit · 25/08/2022 20:11

@jewjewishmum How does finding out the sex impact which toys and clothes to buy? Surely a baby of either sex needs clothes?

Yes, but it's more fun to get cute little boys or cute little girls outfits than everything white, yellow or green isn't it?

I've got my boy a little waistcoat to grow into. So cute and absolutely nothing wrong with it.

Original poster
Mamitobe2023 · 25/08/2022 20:17

Thank you to everyone for the responses. I appreciate seeing it from all sorts of different perspectives.

Oh and by the way, I don't need any more people correcting me on it's 'sex not gender'. I have been told enough! Ta 👍🙂

OP posts:
ChobKnees · 25/08/2022 20:26

I didn't find out for the following reasons:

  1. A colour isn't defined by their sex so whether it was a boy or girl made no difference to the clothes I bought or the colour of the nursery.
  1. In a World whether everyone has started having baby showers, referring to the baby by their chosen name and finding out the sex before the baby is even born I actually liked not doing any of the above.
  1. The midwives in the hospital were thrilled when I told them I didn't know the sex and they would all come back in for their shifts to eagerly find out what I had. So it doesn't seem like many people have the patience to find out the sex at birth.
  1. Being able to announce to our family the sex was even more of a nice surprise alongside the name.
  1. I don't want to say it gives you something to look forward to because giving birth is something to look forward to regardless but it does feel like an extra treat getting to find out the sex.
  1. Instead of some random sonographer announcing the sex to you at your scan you can have a special moment by your partner announcing it at the birth, which is more personal.
Original poster
Mamitobe2023 · 25/08/2022 20:29

ChobKnees · 25/08/2022 20:26

I didn't find out for the following reasons:

  1. A colour isn't defined by their sex so whether it was a boy or girl made no difference to the clothes I bought or the colour of the nursery.
  1. In a World whether everyone has started having baby showers, referring to the baby by their chosen name and finding out the sex before the baby is even born I actually liked not doing any of the above.
  1. The midwives in the hospital were thrilled when I told them I didn't know the sex and they would all come back in for their shifts to eagerly find out what I had. So it doesn't seem like many people have the patience to find out the sex at birth.
  1. Being able to announce to our family the sex was even more of a nice surprise alongside the name.
  1. I don't want to say it gives you something to look forward to because giving birth is something to look forward to regardless but it does feel like an extra treat getting to find out the sex.
  1. Instead of some random sonographer announcing the sex to you at your scan you can have a special moment by your partner announcing it at the birth, which is more personal.

These sound like good valid points. I've been told that not knowing is a good motivation during labour 🤣 which I can understand! Thank you for the pointers 😊❤️

OP posts:
ChobKnees · 25/08/2022 20:32

Bumbers · 25/08/2022 15:31

It utterly baffles me why people don't find out. If you care- good to get your head around it if it isn't your choice. If you don't- then it doesn't matter really. For me, it really helped me connect with the baby and made pregnancy more real and tangible. Those saying few surprises- surely it is the same amount of surprise, now or later!? And - the day your baby is born, of all days in your life - is one I don't see the need for an extra surprise! You get to meet your baby, surely that is enough!?!?

It utterly baffles me how you can speak on behalf of others who have waited to find out when you've never experienced it yourself.

ChobKnees · 25/08/2022 20:35

@jewishmum oh yes because there are girl cots and boy cots and boy teddies and girl teddies. Thank god I didn't buy that boy rattle for my daughter... 🙄

ChobKnees · 25/08/2022 20:38

@Mamitobe2023 it is a great motivator! Although in the midst of giving birth I completely forgot that there was a sex reveal needed! 🤦🏼‍♀️ Until the midwife prompted my husband to look and announce!

ChobKnees · 25/08/2022 20:39

Good luck with whichever option you choose - there's no wrong or right way. It all depends on people's circumstances and personality as to whether they find out. Either way it's a lovely moment in your life

jewishmum · 25/08/2022 20:45

ChobKnees · 25/08/2022 20:35

@jewishmum oh yes because there are girl cots and boy cots and boy teddies and girl teddies. Thank god I didn't buy that boy rattle for my daughter... 🙄

I think you're being a little unfair with your sarcasm, it's up to you what you do with your baby or what you buy. No need to get so rude with others.

Butitsnotfunnyisititsserious · 25/08/2022 20:46

I found out my babies gender, only because I couldn't wait, I'm really impatient 😂

33goingon64 · 25/08/2022 20:59

Bumbers · 25/08/2022 15:31

It utterly baffles me why people don't find out. If you care- good to get your head around it if it isn't your choice. If you don't- then it doesn't matter really. For me, it really helped me connect with the baby and made pregnancy more real and tangible. Those saying few surprises- surely it is the same amount of surprise, now or later!? And - the day your baby is born, of all days in your life - is one I don't see the need for an extra surprise! You get to meet your baby, surely that is enough!?!?

It utterly baffles me why so many want to find out. It's a baby, a little piece of heaven (and I'm an atheist), a tiny child. Its sex is utterly irrelevant at that age and to find out the day it's born is part of the magic. Why do you need to know? So you can buy pink dresses if it's a girl and dinosaur PJs if it's a boy?

DappledThings · 25/08/2022 21:05

decafsoyaflatwhite · 25/08/2022 17:27

Well I wouldn’t put a boy baby in a dress. I realise it would make no difference to the baby at all, but I assume people w

Show quote history

I wouldn't put any baby in a dress. Was given some when we had DD and they went to the charity shop. Daft item to put any child in before they are walking. Just get bunched up.

I don't get any of the gender neutral colour crap either. We didn't find out. Painted the nursery pale blue. A nice colour for any baby. Pretty sure if DC1 had been a girl the blue walls wouldn't have made her grow a penis. Ditto the dinosaur and stripey babygrows.

jewishmum · 25/08/2022 21:06

33goingon64 · 25/08/2022 20:59

It utterly baffles me why so many want to find out. It's a baby, a little piece of heaven (and I'm an atheist), a tiny child. Its sex is utterly irrelevant at that age and to find out the day it's born is part of the magic. Why do you need to know? So you can buy pink dresses if it's a girl and dinosaur PJs if it's a boy?

Show quote history

Well aside from Bumbers explaining why in her post, what's wrong if a mum does enjoy buying princess dresses or dinosaur PJs? It gives some people joy, why does it need to be shamed. It's a baby, why do others care what a mum likes to do?

pumpkinpie01 · 25/08/2022 21:24

I have 4dc and not found out with any of them , I loved not knowing and the surprise . Just bought neutral clothes and did the nursery with animal theme .

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 25/08/2022 21:34

Let me tell you the motivation with labour is to get it to fucking end not the sex.
find out/ don’t find out, who cares - but I hate the assumption that if you find out your a sexiest/ pageant obsessed mum. Did I buy items when I knew I was having a girl that I wouldn’t have bought for a boy? Yes of course, I might just have bought them after the birth- who cares.

justanotherlaura · 25/08/2022 21:41

We're not finding out, all the baby grows I've bought have dinosaurs or space on them because that's my favourite things, doesn't matter if it's a boy or girl.

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 25/08/2022 22:09

justanotherlaura · 25/08/2022 21:41

We're not finding out, all the baby grows I've bought have dinosaurs or space on them because that's my favourite things, doesn't matter if it's a boy or girl.

It’s ok no one ever judges buying more boy associated items- it’s those that buy dresses/ things with flowers on or pink who care ridiculed on here

ChillysWaterBottle · 25/08/2022 22:10

Bumbers · 25/08/2022 15:31

It utterly baffles me why people don't find out. If you care- good to get your head around it if it isn't your choice. If you don't- then it doesn't matter really. For me, it really helped me connect with the baby and made pregnancy more real and tangible. Those saying few surprises- surely it is the same amount of surprise, now or later!? And - the day your baby is born, of all days in your life - is one I don't see the need for an extra surprise! You get to meet your baby, surely that is enough!?!?

I agree with this 100%

sageandbasil · 25/08/2022 22:14

Mine and my husbands best memory from the day our daughter was born was hun telling me she was a girl. It was so special. It just wouldn't have been the same finding out at the scan. Also, I wanted a girl and he wanted a boy but when you're in the room you just dont care so that was good🤣 I think for your first it's lovely to wait

decafsoyaflatwhite · 25/08/2022 22:19

Beyondshit · 25/08/2022 18:56

There was a study done that showed the more educated/intelligent someone is the less likely they are to find out the sex of their baby - something about having less rigid views of sex stereotypes (needing to know whether to buy dresses or decorate the nursery pink or blue etc)

Thought it was interesting.

Sorry, can't find it now.

I think this is definitely the perception. There is a huge amount of snobbery surrounding finding out the sex of your baby on MN. Almost every single thread where someone has paid for a private early scan to find out the sex has people commenting with “Well I don’t know why you can’t just wait until your 20 week scan to find out, or maybe just don’t find out at all. I just don’t see why you need to ruin the LOVELY
SURPRISE of finding out when your baby is born faux confused head tilt “…