Due April/May after MC 🌈

[BellaBella38]

Hi everyone, I know this is might be a bit early to start a thread but after more than 2 1/2 years of trying the overwhelming excitement is real!

Me and my husband lost out first at 10 weeks back in December 2020 and to be honest had kind of given up. I only peed on a stick at 16DPO because a banana repulsed me to the point of spitting it out! Trying not to be too excited or paranoid, but we'll see how that goes. 🤣

I've ordered the Pregnancy after Loss book by Zoe Coates Clark in an attempt to keep my sanity, but the going to the loo fear of seeing blood is real. And I've booked an apt to talk to my GP on Thursday at 5+3 to talk about whether or not progesterone would be appropriate.

Thankfully my husband is level headed and reminds me not to get too ahead of myself yet, but it would be great to meet others in the same boat for a hand hold.

@IWillBeWaxingAnOwl midwife told me after 10 weeks miscarriage rate drops to 3-5%

i just assume that I will be in that percentage!

@Essexgalhere that is consistent with the Miscarriage Odds Reassurer - datayze.com/miscarriage-reassurer

(But like you, I just keep thinking I'm going to be in the 3% 😔)

@IWillBeWaxingAnOwl sorry to hear you're in the pessimist club too. :/ It's so tough, feeling rubbish and having to keep it all secret, and not even knowing whether it will be worth it in the end.

Yeah @Essexgalhere @Melusina123 - to me those numbers are not small enough!

@IWillBeWaxingAnOwl glad your scan went well!

I hate those words "I'm so sorry but there isn't a heart beat". Also, I hate the pause while they are trying to find the heart beat and it goes on too long and you know what they are about to say.

Anyway this is very dorky but there is a Dolly Parton song I've just discovered that I keep listening too, it gives me positive vibes for this pregnancy "Light of a Clear Blue Morning". I think I'm very hormonal, I nearly cried when I was listening to this at the gym the other day 🤣

@Anoushka1986 I found out end of March that one of our twins had no heartbeat and they told me the surviving twin had a very slow heartbeat, so I kind of expected the worst. I remember going to my scan the week after, after about 3 mins of no talking and just scanning me I blurred out “just tell me my other baby has died or not”

Them 3 mins felt like a lifetime and pure torture

@IWillBeWaxingAnOwl glad your scan went well. It's hard to feel reassured. During mine I felt numb and then by the time I'd absorbed that it was good news, I'd convinced myself it had already gone wrong again.

@Essexgalhere @Melusina123 I totally know what you mean about the booking appointment. I felt stupid even registering for it. The team haven't contacted me back yet and I'm convinced myself they're not bothering as they know I'll miscarry (ridiculous - as if they'd even give me that much thought).

@Anoushka1986 Scans are horrendous once you've heard those words. I feel like it's burned into my memory in a way that's different to pretty much anything else I've experienced. I will try that song!

Does anyone else struggle with jealous feelings during this journey? Me and my close friend were pregnant at the same time and her baby is due soon and so should I

I feel like our friendship hasn’t been the same since. I’ve been distant at times and her not wanting to talk about or acknowledge my loss.

I thought this pregnancy might help the jealous feelings but I still have them

Sorry if that didn’t make sense I meant my twins were due at same time but I miscarried them

@Essexgalhere I think it's natural to notice these milestones - it would be impossible for you not to feel anything knowing that her baby is due at the same time as your twins.

I've not found that this pregnancy has made me feel better about my loss. If anything I'm grieving more. I suppose it's bringing back memories from that time but also making me realise that however much I want this baby (and I want it so much) it's not going to replace the one I lost and it's not going to reduce the grief.

Sending lots of love. This stuff is so hard. It's bad enough having the loss without having to navigate friendships and everyone else's feelings too!!

@IWillBeWaxingAnOwl so pleased the scan went well! I know what you all mean, such a mix of emotions day to day, hour to hour. I am SO bored of going to the loo and checking for blood.

It feels like such a long wait til 12 weeks scan (I'm 7+1) but I'm also like, why bother getting a private one when it could all go wrong.

Wish we could fast forward this bit. I'm still crampy, pretty much every day, which always makes me worry it's MC again, as well as waxing and waning symptoms. It's a bloody minefield while having to pretend to everyone I'm completely normal!

Hope everyone is as ok as can be expected at this point of the process. @Melusina123 I hope the referral is helpful - I've been debating mentioning the anxiety at my booking apt but a bit on the fence... would love to hear whether it's a worthwhile experience if you'd be comfortable sharing x

My scan on Saturday went well, measuring 6+3 when I expected 7, so a bit small but had a good heartbeat and the ladies were super positive and reassuring and said it all looked great. And my cycles do fluctuate by a few days here and there so I'm hopeful it's just a slightly small/late bean and will soon catch up.

It was like night and day to my last private scan, where they sat there in silence for like 5 mins before going, um we can't find anything. Not even a 'we're sorry', not a 'her's what's happened', they seemed to sort of go, uh we're not sure, I guess we'll refer you on to the hospital now. Which was really confusing at the time. It's taken me until quite recently to realize I had a blighted ovum/anembryonic pregnancy which is not exactly unusual but how do you know what to ask when they haven't told you anything??

@Essexgalhere Sounds like you had a similar experience with the silence so I know how horrible the wait must have been, especially when you were half expecting bad news.

Luckily this time it took about 2 seconds before they turned the screen on and went okay here's what you're looking at! So that was an instant relief.

@IWillBeWaxingAnOwl So glad to hear yours went well too!

@MO22 very happy to share. :) Not a believer in stigmatising mental health struggles.

So far all I know is that the mw said she'd contact the public health midwife for a referral, but I'm not sure what that will mean in practice. It seems like the main thing that changes at my hosp with a perinatal mental health referral is that they try a bit harder for continuity of care; i.e. the same midwife throughout (which would be nice).

@MO22 I'd mention it if you want to, what harm can it do? They probably won't refer you just for that unless you are very distressed though... The doc they gave me suggests they might signpost you back to your GP or for self-referral to talking therapies.

In my case there was a bit more history, I had a pretty bad patch for unrelated reasons right around when I conceived, and had to be signed off work / my Dr wanted me to go back on reasonably strong anti-anxiety medication even though I might have been pregnant (I was, as it turns out). I refused the meds because I didn't want to risk it and thought I'd be ok without, which I am, albeit I feel.y reserves of mental fortitude are very low. I suspect all that got me bumped up onto a higher pathway.

So glad to hear about positive scans. Our bereavement midwife has got me an early scan at the EPU on Weds (should be 7+5). I haven't had the bad scan experience as my loss was second trimester but I really feel like I'm going to be getting bad news and just can't get excited 😕
@Janefx40 think you have summed it up perfectly. I definitely feel like it's brought the emotions back and I'm grieving all over again 😢

I'm 8+3 today and my miscarriage baby's heartbeat stopped 8+3/8+4. I've woken up with a massive headache so obviously I'm now wondering if the same thing is going to happen. Scan isn't for 2 weeks but I'm not sure I can wait that long to find out.

@HoneyPea it's so hard going for these scans but then I think on balance I prefer to know. Such a difficult choice. Good luck for tomorrow xxx

@Sera123 glad your scan went well and that it was a more positive experience for you x

I told my MW I have anxiety and mental health concerns and I’m getting extra home visits during my pregnancy
I don’t think anything will get rid of my anxiety unless there’s a crystal ball I can look into to see if I have a healthy baby next year

Hi, does anyone know what happens if I refuse midwife appointments?

I've had 6 losses and the midwives want me to have my booking appointment now but I'm only 7 weeks. I would rather wait until I've had a couple of early scans but they are refusing to change my appointment so I've just cancelled it and I just don't know if I want to go back and see them because they have all been so blunt and uncaring.

@KatySp i can understand your concerns and it’s horrible they’ve been so blunt and uncaring but there are things that they have to do at the booking appointment that are in the best interests of both you and baby so I really would go to it.

I've been trying to sort it out an appointment but no one's getting back to me.

I've gone through the booking process 3 times in the last year and I just can't bring myself to go through it all again, especially when it's likely I'll just miscarry again.

@KatySp I’m so sorry for your 6 losses and can completely understand why it must be so hard going to the booking appointment when you have had your heartbroken 6 times now
i know the MW can be uncaring sometimes, as sometimes you are just a number to them. I’m not sure if this is possible but could you look into midwifes elsewhere? There are 3 hospitals near me and I am sure you can change your maternity care to another hospital if you request this. I know it might not be as easy as this x

There is one other hospital but they refused to take me cos of my history and said I should stay where I am. I think I just have to pay for some private scans and then see what's what nearer the due date if I'm still pregnant

@Essexgalhere that's so awful (about your experience of scans with your twins). I'm so sorry you had this experience.

Im glad I found this group, it's been really helpful talking about this with people who get it.

Has anyone had headaches either in this pregnancy or previous? I've had a headache the last 2 days and am worried it means something bad. I usually get headaches before a period. This is the point when I miscarried so I think I'm also hyper alert but could do without having a new thing to worry about over these few days.