Why do women pretend the first trimester isn't a complete shitty awful drain?

[Ottersmith]

I told my family today and when I mentioned I was Ill they were like
'oh why?' and they said
'do you have morning sickness?'
I thought are you kidding?? It's not just nausea, it's waking up every morning like you have a hangover, your digestive system grinding to a standstill and feeling so bloated and uncomfortable and tired in your own skin after dinner that you just need to be unconcious.

Why do people rank vomiting as the worst of it? My Mum said she was only ill a tiny bit with one of us and my sister said she had no nausea. Why do I need to hear that? Its nuts to act like I'm the strange one. It's like when people tell little girls that periods don't hurt. I think you women are actually batshit to be honest and either your hormones have made you forget how bad it was or you have just been pretending you felt ok because society wants women to just shut up about pain and get on with it.

And if you did feel fine then other women don't want to hear that at all.

Not everyone has a tough first trimester.

Even if you did, the end of the 3rd and labour and giving birth is so so so much worth, so when you look back on the 1st you think, fuck I was a wimp back then. That was my experience anyway 😂

I wasn't sick at all. Just had heartburn. But I know I was very very lucky to just breeze through my pregnancy.

The birth not so much I had stitches and forceps. Stitches were the absolute worst for me. It was so painful for weeks. But I know some people had it worse some easier. It's just one of those things.

My first tri was really bad - thankfully 2nd and 3rd were fine. No idea how those with HG survive! ; but currently in c section recovery suffering nerve damage from the epi (hopefully temporary), and have a lateral hernia which for the moment has popped back in.

So for me it is a distant memory and I just hope that in two weeks time when my damaged nerves reawaken that I don’t have permanent damage to both my legs and groin; and hoping to god that my internal organs stay inside long enough for my stomach muscles to close up.

So I am sorry you had such an awful pregnancy truly; but I am not trying to be flippant by saying that for those with post partum potentially ongoing or longterm issues that it feels like a distant memory.

I feel like you OP! Sick, tired, can't eat, but eatings the only thing that stops the nausea for a while, but then gives me diarrhea. It's horrendous and I feel weak and pathetic for not being able to get on with normal life, and guilty for resenting the way a pregnancy I wanted so much is making me feel

I see it from both sides, I've felt exactly like this each time. I've actually had dark thoughts about not wanting to do it again etc but I'm pregnant with my 3rd, it seems when I'm not pregnant the rose tinted glasses come out and I don't quite remember how much I hated it and have less sympathy for women going through it 🤷 stupid hormones lol x

I’m amazed by this too. I’m on week 12, and I have felt nauseous almost every day from the moment i wake up to the moment i sleep, for about six weeks now. I’ve had to be signed off work because I cannot function day to day. Today i threw up before i even tried to get out of bed. I have tried three different anti sickness tablets prescribed by GP all which make me feel wiped out all day, and it didnt stop me feeling sick.

I have barely left the house for weeks.. All i can do is stay bed or get to the living room to watch tv.

Not knowing how long this is going to last is now making me anxious as every day feels like the last one i can possibly endure.

Most people I speak to don’t seem to grasp the problem and I can’t stand the term “morning sickness” as it just isn’t appropriate or relevant!

I agree OP! I genuinely didn’t realise how tough pregnancy would be. I’m now 15 weeks and still not feeling great but hoping things improve over the next few weeks.

What really bothers me is when I tell people how rubbish I feel, they reply back saying “ah but it’ll be worth it in the end”. It makes me feel like shit for even saying how I really feel. Of course I know it’ll be worth it in the end!! I feel so blessed and fortunate but am also allowed to state that I feel dreadful! Bugs me even more when the comment comes from people who haven’t had kids yet 😂

Got exactly the same symptoms as you. 15 weeks. Easing slightly but not much.

Yes. Thank you. I hope you've recovered.

@Ottersmith
My thoughts (I haven't read most of the responses) are I agree with you!
My first pregnancy my 1st trim was tough! It wasn't as tough as some of the HG stories but I did feel hungover and exhausted for about 6 weeks, constantly nauseous. I was lucky that at week 12 it went away (although still fatigued, had a narrow miss driving when I had a microsleep at the wheel, absolutely terrifying) but there was light at the end of the tunnel for me and I felt great for the rest of the pregnancy (apart from the last 2 weeks).
I did think at the time that if I had a MC the first trim would be hard to go through again.
And also the women that I shared my 'morning sickness' story with weren't exactly validating - they had not had much, so kind of dismissed it. Plus it's hard because you kind of don't want to announce to the world why you are feeling rotten.
One thing to be aware of - pregnancy is full of times for opinions, and so is parenting - pregnancy is just the beginning. Not everyone who has been pregnant or had a baby has had the same challenges as you (eg - my first was colicky and never slept and so I never slept, and it was really difficult! Friends and family who didn't have babies like this don't get it. Everyone has their own challenges though). I found the lack of validation for something important to you that does cause you significant distress and discomfort very hard to deal with.
So take the advice/support you agree with and leave the rest!

I was thinking this OP. My sister in law and all of my female friends that have been pregnant before me have said they’ve had absolutely nothing during their pregnancies, and it seems to be true (especially of my sister in law, we spent many a weekend together and she was up with the larks and didn’t vomit once).
I’m not sure if it’s honest from the other women - there are 4 women that have been pregnant before me supposedly symptomless and I’m not sure if it’s just that weird female posturing. My sister in law actually said the words “women who get sick during pregnancy are weak and can’t deal with pregnancy properly”.
my husband now wrongly thinks that this is how pregnancy generally is, and while I’ve been slowly disintegrating with headaches, exhaustion and constant nausea, he thinks I’m putting on a show or not dealing with it as well. Very frustrating !!

It's different strokes for different folks.
I have never had a period paid
First trimester I felt fine except tired and starving
Second and third were unremarkable - not even a stretch mark
Two births without a stitch and no, except for the ring of fire, I have little recollection of pain because I had epidurals.

However for me it was all a rite of passage for the pain and horrors of breastfeeding. I ended up with thrush of the inner breast tissues and infective mastitis culminating in a breast abscess. But breastfeeding is totally natural and anyone can do it dontcha know. The first 8 weeks were hell until I found a loyal friend and companion called Aptamil

How are you feeling now OP? I commented on this thread under a different name in May agreeing with you - I'm nearly 19 weeks now so sickness is gone but I caught Covid 2 months ago and am feeling the affects of that still. I sleep 9 hours a night plus another one during the day and could still sleep more: absolutely exhausted still. I haven't left the house once for anything other than a supermarket trip or school run since June. I so wish I was one of those women who could float through pregnancy!!

I don’t think women do act like it’s easy but there are also a wide range of experiences. Some don’t even have nausea. Apart from tiredness I didn’t have any symptoms in the first trimester.