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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Why do women pretend the first trimester isn't a complete shitty awful drain?

114 replies

Ottersmith · 11/05/2022 23:58

I told my family today and when I mentioned I was Ill they were like
'oh why?' and they said
'do you have morning sickness?'
I thought are you kidding?? It's not just nausea, it's waking up every morning like you have a hangover, your digestive system grinding to a standstill and feeling so bloated and uncomfortable and tired in your own skin after dinner that you just need to be unconcious.

Why do people rank vomiting as the worst of it? My Mum said she was only ill a tiny bit with one of us and my sister said she had no nausea. Why do I need to hear that? Its nuts to act like I'm the strange one. It's like when people tell little girls that periods don't hurt. I think you women are actually batshit to be honest and either your hormones have made you forget how bad it was or you have just been pretending you felt ok because society wants women to just shut up about pain and get on with it.

And if you did feel fine then other women don't want to hear that at all.

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

lottie222 · 12/05/2022 03:27

....also all these people taking offence because they had a blissful pregnancy. Maybe just read the cues and give the OP some support and kindness!

DoodleBelle · 12/05/2022 03:36

My little girl is 11 weeks and I had a horrible pregnancy just like the hangover feeling you describe, achey, sick, exhausted, heartburn it was hellish right through to the 3rd trimester and I took time off work in each trimester then went on mat leave at 36 weeks which some people just didn’t understand. It affects everyone differently but I hear you OP and I haven’t forgotten!

I ended up with a c section and a difficult recovery so the whole thing has been quite a slog but she is so worth it. Keep your chin up and rest as much as you need to, never mind what other people think, you know your own body and how you are feeling. Congratulations on your baby!

RingRingRed · 12/05/2022 03:41

Because 6 months post pregnancy you realise that was the easy part!

Topseyt123 · 12/05/2022 03:54

I had few of the classic symptoms of pregnancy (no morning sickness etc.) but had heartburn throughout plus traumatic and complicated births. Is that good enough for you?

Clearly you would judge me to be batshit. I'm sorry things are so difficult for you, but we are all different. Some women suffer badly and others don't. There's no rhyme or reason to it.

You clearly are suffering. Discuss it with your GP and midwife. I hope it eases soon. However, there's no need to lash out at women who have a different experience. That's life I'm afraid. Not necessarily fair, but there it is.

BOOTS52 · 12/05/2022 03:58

sorry you are feeling so uncomfortable and crap but maybe you will feel better in the next stage. I actually didn't mind been pregnant as did not miss my horrific pmt had every month and now feel so bad in peri menopause that it is worse than being pregnant. Just felt really uncomfortable at the end and the heartburn I had was horrific but after 2 miscarriages was so happy that had a little heartbeat at early scan. Try to relax a bit if you can and get earlier nights and look after yourself. Everyone is different when pregnant and some people just have terrible time with it. Hope things improve and wish you luck with it all.

Backofthenet20 · 12/05/2022 04:21

I really hated pregnancy. I found out I was pregnant at 2 weeks, even though on the pill. I just knew I was pregnant, I felt different. For next 10-12 weeks I was nauseous & felt rubbish without sickness, but was beyond tired. In bed asleep by 830 every night. 2nd trimester wasn’t too bad except I piled on the weight & necked Gaviscon directly from the bottle. 3rd trimester spent weeks in hospital with the is it isn’t it preeclampsia. 5 weeks to be precise. Was so swollen my ankles bled when I walked. Had really bad urticaria & itched my skin until it was bleeding. Then horrible labour & delivery. Told in theater by Dr not to have another unless I wanted to die. Lost 45lb in 10 days after birth. Was carrying a lot of fluid. However, I love my son & he is amazing. (Now 25) . An only child.

Pickabearanybear · 12/05/2022 04:40

This reply has been withdrawn

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mocktail · 12/05/2022 04:53

For some women it's awful but for others it's OK.

But you know that really don't you.

I hope you start feeling less awful soon

A580Hojas · 12/05/2022 04:55

Sorry you're having a bad time of it right now but I don't think adding in your frankly quite irrational anger at other women is going to make you feel any better.

If you can find it in your heart to feel happy for those who had easier pregnancies then maybe will benefit from a bit of inner peace and calm, rather than layering up more stress from bitterness and resentment.

1000yellowdaisies · 12/05/2022 05:13

Women i know who felt like crap in the first trimester dont 'pretend the first trimester isn't a complete shitty awful drain'....
I was pretty vocal about how bloody awful i felt the entire time and so were other preg mums i know.
But its like going on about how bad childbirth is.. what's the point? Does it help?
And not everyone feels bad so 🤷

mnnewbie111 · 12/05/2022 05:17

I was totally fine with number one, felt rank with number 2. It's not lies. I think you need a holiday and a spa 😘

Roastonsun8 · 12/05/2022 05:25

I think your a bit snappy. You can't expect all the good parts with pregnacy you need to hear others experiences if you want others to listen to yours OP.

My morning sickness was fine but I got hideous heartburn. I felt pretty well but the final stages my groin felt like it was going to give way!

TulipsGarden · 12/05/2022 05:27

Yes it was shit. I most certainly have not forgotten, and I'm not doing it again. I had that hungover feeling from week 6-20, was sick most days, then terrible heartburn kicked in, and I developed crippling SPD in the third trimester.

A small part of me thinks anyone who gets pregnant more than once is completely insane, but I do understand that everyone experiences it differently and also thinks it's worth it to get a baby. (I would do it again if I got a nine month old and could skip 12-20 months).

autienotnaughty · 12/05/2022 06:01

Not everyone feels terrible. I had mild nausea with first two. Migraines with the third.

Mymoneydontjigglejiggle · 12/05/2022 06:05

All my pregnancies were like 9 month hangovers without the drinking! I hated being pregnant - I genuinely felt ill and vomited multiple times a day for months. Don't understand how some women enjoy it. oh, and in my third pregnancy, the nausea and vomiting did abate....to be replaced by the crippling pain of spd until I delivered. So, if you're lucky you might get that too

Rowantree76 · 12/05/2022 06:09

LemonSwan · 12/05/2022 00:03

Its because you will forget about it. Pregnancy and post partum is a series of uncomfortable events.

By the time you get to the end first tri is a distant memory!

My whole pregnancy was awful.....and I haven't forgotten it.

stuntbubbles · 12/05/2022 06:16

I haven’t forgotten my horrendous experience either. Labour, I’ve suppressed. Pregnancy, with its 24/7 vomiting, migraines, alternating constipation and diarrhoea, haemorrhoids and crushing exhaustion, I have not forgotten.

And I’m doing it again right now and it’s as horrendous as I remember. Actually parenting a small baby is much, much easier than brewing one, in my experience.

A lot of minimising going on in this thread. Congratulations to those of you with east pregnancies but how does that help the OP? Especially the advice to “be happy” for you!

AlternativePerspective · 12/05/2022 06:49

Well maybe if the OP wasn’t so rude she might have got more sympathy. But as it is calling people batshit and liars doesn’t exactly endear you to them.

There have been plenty of threads over the years from people talking about having difficult pregnancies and those posters get nothing but sympathy.

So in essence, it’s not them, it’s you.

Galaxyrippleforever · 12/05/2022 06:59

Op if you see the GP they can help you with some medication which can make you feel much better and reduce or lose that hungover feeling.

HistoricMoment · 12/05/2022 07:03

It's so wearing when people assume things are the same for everyone. Why do you feel the need to start a thread with such an aggressive title just because you happen to feel awful during the first trimester? Not all women feel that way during their pregnancies. There's no need to say they are "pretending".

SomersetONeil · 12/05/2022 07:06

Why do women pretend the first trimester isn't a complete shitty awful drain?

Did it not occur to you that they’re not pretending?

Pregnancy is shit for some women, uncomfortable for others, and a non-event for yet others.

I can’t believe I’m explaining this to a grown woman, but there you are.

Nextyears · 12/05/2022 07:07

Now 20 weeks and I have been feeling much better. It really did all change around w

carefullycourageous · 12/05/2022 07:09

There are three reasons IMO:

Not everyone does feel bad in the first trimester
We live in a society that cares little for the discomfort/pain/health of women
People generally like to minimise the discomfort of others to avoid the difficult feelings it brings

crumpet · 12/05/2022 07:09

Some people have a terrible time (duchess of Cambridge is a well known example). Others don’t. I only really put 2+2 together that I might be pregnant well after the first trimester, and that was only because my body started to change. So I “missed” the first trimester entirely.

Bubbles1st · 12/05/2022 07:10

Sorry that it seems you are struggling but please don't think everyone is hoodwinking you, not that you want to hear it but I had a very breezy first trimester and often the anxiety of feeling fine made me wonder if everything was ok as so many people talk about the bad side and sickness.

I feel like you can't really win in pregnancy until it's successfully over.

Hope it eases for you soon

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