Why do women pretend the first trimester isn't a complete shitty awful drain?

[Ottersmith]

I told my family today and when I mentioned I was Ill they were like
'oh why?' and they said
'do you have morning sickness?'
I thought are you kidding?? It's not just nausea, it's waking up every morning like you have a hangover, your digestive system grinding to a standstill and feeling so bloated and uncomfortable and tired in your own skin after dinner that you just need to be unconcious.

Why do people rank vomiting as the worst of it? My Mum said she was only ill a tiny bit with one of us and my sister said she had no nausea. Why do I need to hear that? Its nuts to act like I'm the strange one. It's like when people tell little girls that periods don't hurt. I think you women are actually batshit to be honest and either your hormones have made you forget how bad it was or you have just been pretending you felt ok because society wants women to just shut up about pain and get on with it.

And if you did feel fine then other women don't want to hear that at all.

Some people do feel fine. Other people feel awful. People aren’t necessarily lying, everyone has a different experience.

It is really shit. It'll pass though!

Hope things ease for you OP.

We all travel our own road, for me T3 was the pits both times. T1 I felt excited, but life just went on. My friend, pregnant at the same time, was constantly exhausted through hers, but neither of us doubted nor tried to diminish the experience of the other.

It is not all women, hence your comments, but I personally found there is a 'pull up your socks and get on with it' attitude among some women as soon as you get pregnant, and thereafter, which minimises things we may be finding difficult. I agree this is unhelpful and unsympathetic.

PS I also feel awful in the first trimester.

I feel EXACTLY the same. The constant hangover has been joined this week by lower back pain. Hoping it will get better, but just trying to concentrate on maintaining an even keel. My mother keeps telling me to 'rise above it', which is hilarious.

@FineandDandie Haha, my MIL says “best not to think about it” but has no advice for how, exactly, you don’t think about your head being down a toilet bowl for 80% of your waking hours.

Some women have easy pregnancies, some don't.
some women have easy births, some don't.
some women bounce back after giving birth, some don't.
some women "ping back into shape" after giving birth, some don't.
some women find breastfeeding easy, some don't.
some women find being a parent easy, some don't.

get used to it! It doesn't mean one group is lying or "batshit" or "hormonal", they are just different.

I hear you, OP. I was so unbelievably sick all the time and I had antenatal depression and became suicidal. I had people insinuate I was just being ‘dramatic’ and making a song and dance about it, because they/there partners had been fine. I was told I was ungrateful too, because my hormones (and how shit I felt) had sent me into a total spin into depression. Cunts.

Their* not there.

Why do you assume everyone has the same experience you did?

It's just that everyone's experiences are different.

'Why do people rank vomiting as the worst of it?'... probably because for them, it was... I don't think they are lying to you or trying to trick you.

You do sound very stressed :( Do you have someone you can talk to about this stuff IRL?

Christ, it's not a race to the bottom OP.

I had a great first trimester, experienced none of the symptoms you describe and most of the time I could easily have forgotten I was pregnant. What that doesn't tell you about me is that the rest of my pregnancy was pretty horrendous, and I suffered so badly from agonising rib pain and breathlessness from walking even a few steps that I had to start mat leave early at 29 weeks and was basically bedridden until DS was born - by EMCS no less - when I was almost 2 weeks overdue. It was miserable.

Some people will have had better pregnancy journeys than me and some will have had worse. I don't particularly care either way 🤷🏼‍♀️ Comparison is the thief of joy, as the saying goes...

And the award for the best thread title goes to...

I was so miserable, anxious and depressed in my first trimester. You're worrying about baby, while dealing with symptoms, and understanding that you're actually a pregnant person. I had a lot of mums tell me how delighted they were for me and sending me advice, and while they did it with good intentions, it just made me feel worse that I wasn't super happy.

I ended up joining an antenatal course for mothers with mental health problems and that was SO helpful. Hearing other women feeling the same way as me was so liberating. Plus, for many, 2nd trimester is better (although that's when I got my PGP).

I felt like that with my ds2. With DS1 I was so sick, food aversions etc. With DS2 I only vomited about 5 times a day but I was absolutely exhausted, felt so run down and I either had 1 cold that lasted 4 months or several different ones with no break in between. I think some people really don't suffer that much and some people forget how bad it feels.

I don't think anyone is pretending anything. Different people have different experiences. I felt healthy and cheerful throughout pregnancy x3 until I got to the very end when I felt a bit tired and uncomfortable. Others I know felt awful, had terrible sickness, fatigue etc.

The only time you'd have a point is it would be tactless for a friend to talk about how fine they were while you are telling them how awful you feel. Obviously the only acceptable response in this situation is sympathy but they can't pretend to understand if they never felt the same way! Should they lie and tell you they felt awful too?

I sailed through both my pregnancies with minimal symptoms. I did however have very difficult births, with significant intervention both times. 🤷🏼‍♀️
Everyone is different, and there is no template to this.

For me T1 was fine, but queasy & tired but fine T2 was wonderful & I felt great T3 was utterly horrific, I spent most of it on crutches & in agony

so yeah, everyone’s different

I didn’t get any of that and have had 4 pregnancies, mind you I never even got morning sickness, I wouldn’t have known I was pregnant with any of mine if it wasn’t for the huge bump!

I had zero nausea. It was a super easy pregnancy and a horrendous birth. Everyone is different!

People would like it to join the ranks of 'experiences that can be made light of', in the old school stand-up comic's jokebook kind of category. These experiences aren't so funny when they catch up with you, and there is not much you can do to give yourself the upper hand, but they are hard to understand if you haven't been badly affected/ lucky.

From my recollection you're very relieved by the point they pass, as they do for most (not all), and yes, you probably can forget a lot of how it was, because you finally look and feel much better and are more sure of how you will get through the day.

OP I feel your pain. I'm 16 weeks and it's been a constant hangover and the insomnia and daily injections, pessaries. I don't know when I'll feel normal again. This baby is really wanted. I feel bad for complaining because som women struggle to conceive and some women projectile vomit the entire 9 months. I think women need to be kinder to eachother though. I've read about resentment from women who struggle to conceive towards women who complain of their symptoms and womwn who resent other women who glow throughout. It's ALL HARD. The worry, the struggle to conceive, the shock of an unplanned pregnancy, the fear of miscarriage, the anxiety, sickness, pains, hormones, sleepless nights, strain on relationships or doing it alone altogether!

Then there's the birth!

We need to stick together because the whole lot of it's tough. If you had an easy pregnancy don't give OP a hard time. She sounds at the end of her tether and needs support.

Everyone is different.

It's simply not true to say that everyone feels like shit in the first trimester and they just forget about it later on.

I am in the first trimester now and I feel completely fine. I'm sorry that's not what you want to hear.

I agree that people shouldn't be dismissing how you feel on the basis that they didn't have the same experience though.

I'm sorry you feel like shit and I hope it gets better soon.

Women aren't batshit for not having the same experience as you.

It's not a conspiracy to make you feel like the odd one out, lots of women don't have that experience in the first trimester (like lots of women don't have painful periods) and have no responsibility to pretend they did just because others do.

I'm sure some of them do forget what it was like after, but there's plenty who will have sailed though, annoying as that is if you're not one of them.

I know you're probably miserable and sick of it right now, but making out like other women are pretending is really weird.

I think women need to be kinder to eachother though. I've read about resentment from women who struggle to conceive towards women who complain of their symptoms and womwn who resent other women who glow throughout. It's ALL HARD.

Yup.