Active discussions

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Original poster

How should I RSVP to this wedding?

102 replies

OrangeSmarty · 14/04/2022 20:31

I'm expecting my first baby. DH and I have been invited to a wedding, and the reception, that is 2 weeks after the due date. We need to RSVP in 2 weeks' time.

I wanted to ask those who have more experience with newborns/birth etc, should we even consider going? Is it feasible to go to a wedding this soon after giving birth, especially given that first babies are often late?

Is it even realistic to say we'll be at the service but not the reception, with a baby that's so small? The wedding is in central London and we live in zone 3, about 30 mins away by train.

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
Set a reminder
ItsSnowJokes · 14/04/2022 20:34

Not a chance I would have been up for it. You may of also just had the baby if you go over your due date. You will be bleeding still, feeling shattered and like death warmed up. Do the sensible thing and decline.

runnerbeany · 14/04/2022 20:35

No way

pottoast · 14/04/2022 20:35

I'd decline.

Aquamarine1029 · 14/04/2022 20:37

Decline. It's not even worth thinking about.

tintodeverano2 · 14/04/2022 20:38

I'd say no. You might still be pregnant then anyway!

Original poster
OrangeSmarty · 14/04/2022 20:38

Including the ceremony?

OP posts:
Krabby · 14/04/2022 20:40

You can't commit to being there as you don't know when baby will be born, how you or baby will be feeling, whether you have managed to establish feeding (if bfing) etc. You may still be bleeding quite heavily and have sore and leaky breasts.

There's no way I would have been able or willing to attend a wedding so soon after either of mine were born and they were pretty straightforward births around the due date.

CrowAndArrow · 14/04/2022 20:40

Depends OP, is it a very close family member or best friends?
I would have been okay to go to the service for a while.

However, I'd decline the reception and ask if it would be okay to come to the ceremony if.you are feeling up to it. You could potentially have a 5 week old or the baby could be 2.weeks late

LizzieBet14 · 14/04/2022 20:40

Please take the pressure off yourself and say that you won't be able to make it. Honestly it's not worth the stress. If the bride doesn't understand now she'll understand when/if she has her own.

ZaraSizeMedium · 14/04/2022 20:40

It's one of those situations where you just don't know where you'll be at physically and emotionally until very much nearer the time, like days before or even on the day.

You may have only just had the baby a few days before. You may be recovering from a c-section. Alternatively you might feel on top of the world (I felt absolutely amazing for about 5 days after giving birth and then hormones, shock, the total comedown and lack of sleep hit me).

If it's close family or best friend I'd be tempted to explain that you really want to be there and ask just how close to the time do they need to confirm numbers for definite and could you possible be given an rsvp extension.

But realistically, I'd probably decline and send them a lovely card and gift.

Idroppedthescrewinthetuna · 14/04/2022 20:42

I didn't even want to go out for a stroll at that point let alone a wedding.
I was 9 days late with my first so baby would only be 6 days old. I would possibly decline the ceremony and reception just saying 'Thank you so much for the invite but as it is so close to my due date I will have a newborn or possible still pregnant, so we feel it is best to decline invitation. But we wish you the best day, I hope to see lots of pictures.'

Rainbowqueeen · 14/04/2022 20:43

Where is the ceremony being held? If it’s in a church I think anyone is allowed to turn up anyway. So I’d decline and say how disappointed you are and that you will try to attend the ceremony depending on baby. Then they have their numbers for catering

Original poster
OrangeSmarty · 14/04/2022 20:44

Although the RSVP deadline is in 2 weeks, I think they need to confirm numbers for the reception just 3 weeks before... although I think that still isn't close enough for me to have a clear idea of where I'll be by the wedding date, pregnancy and birth-wise

OP posts:
ShadowPuppets · 14/04/2022 20:46

Two weeks post due date I was able to do a short walk with a car journey either side, so it’s not impossible but you just have no idea. And I say that as someone who went to a wedding with a 5 week old so I’m not of the ‘you won’t be able to do anything for months’ brigade.

I would definitely ask them if they could keep you space for the ceremony but decline the reception. Seems like a good compromise. That’s if the 30m could be done in a car or taxi though - I personally wouldn’t have wanted to do much walking at either end.

Bubbles1st · 14/04/2022 20:48

No I wouldn't have wanted to go at all. Especially if you're breast feeding it's all still new and baby will be cluster feeding no doubt.

I'd definitely pass if I was you.

Lockdownmummy · 14/04/2022 20:56

My two were 5 days and 4 days overdue respectively. I had straight forward pregnancies and births. Quick birth, no tears/stitches, home the next day but still no way I'd be going to a wedding at one week old.

The mix of hormones, lack of sleep, having to be somewhere on time and presentable enough for a wedding makes me shudder even now!

NoSquirrels · 14/04/2022 20:58

How important is this wedding to your life?
My DB got married about 6 weeks after my second baby and that was about as soon as I’d have been willing, and I knew what to expect. I’d regretfully decline, buy them a brilliant gift and be as involved in pre-wedding plans as possible.

BundtCake · 14/04/2022 20:59

Just decline and don't give it another thought.

Whatelsecouldibecalled · 14/04/2022 20:59

I wouldn't have been able to. I had severe blood loss. Blood transfusion awful tear too many stitches and still loosing loads of lochia at two weeks pp. i didn't know my own name

I know others though that would have been able to.

Unless it's someone very very special
I would take the pressure off and decline.

Baby may also either be a) an angel and be fine. Or b) the devil and screaming the place down. You just don't know. I ordered a and got b Confused. (He's a joy now!)

EileenGC · 14/04/2022 21:01

You won’t know how you feel until you give birth. Which might be well after the wedding has taken place.

Do they need numbers in advance or are they a close enough relative that you could say ‘we might be able to pop over for the ceremony, will decide on the day’?

That’s how we do things in my family but I appreciate that not all weddings are like that and you need to confirm in advance. Which, personally, I wouldn’t.

TheLadyDIdGood · 14/04/2022 21:02

Just decline, the first 6 weeks was a nightmare with soreness, little sleep and a colicky baby.

Lacedwithgrace · 14/04/2022 21:02

Contact them, tell them the situation and ask if you could let them know nearer, if not don't go

TheLovleyChebbyMcGee · 14/04/2022 21:06

My first was 11 days late, my second was 10 days early, in both scenarios its still a hard no!

Original poster
OrangeSmarty · 14/04/2022 21:06

She's not a relative, but a fairly good friend. She'd definitely understand if we couldn't come.
Good thing is, we can play the ceremony by ear and don't need to commit to that before. So if all has gone really well, I could just decide last minute sit in for the church service and then go straight home.

OP posts:
miltonj · 14/04/2022 21:07

I was two weeks late so wouldn't have worked! But also 2 weeks after the birth I wasn't even on this planet mentally, physically I was in pain, bleeding, leaking (gallons of) milk, swollen out of clothes, and so tired I weed myself!

Some people seem absolutely fine though. So there's no way of knowing!