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Original poster

How should I RSVP to this wedding?

102 replies

OrangeSmarty · 14/04/2022 20:31

I'm expecting my first baby. DH and I have been invited to a wedding, and the reception, that is 2 weeks after the due date. We need to RSVP in 2 weeks' time.

I wanted to ask those who have more experience with newborns/birth etc, should we even consider going? Is it feasible to go to a wedding this soon after giving birth, especially given that first babies are often late?

Is it even realistic to say we'll be at the service but not the reception, with a baby that's so small? The wedding is in central London and we live in zone 3, about 30 mins away by train.

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ocd6 · 14/04/2022 21:09

I don't think you can commit to it. I went to an event 2 weeks after DC1 but it was an easy birth and settled baby. She was nearly 2 weeks late though so wouldn't have been able to attend the event had it only been 2 weeks after my due date.

tigerbear · 14/04/2022 21:12

I went to my DB’s wedding 2 weeks post EMCS, with the wedding over 4 hours away.
Baby DD wasn’t invited, and I wish I’d never bothered (not bitter at all 🤔😄)

mummatobeat33 · 14/04/2022 21:16

I would regretfully decline. I went to 41 weeks and then didn't get discharged till day 6 after birth. There would be no way I could have gone to a wedding two weeks after my due date

Peppermint81 · 14/04/2022 21:17

Think you have a shock coming!!!
Newborns are seriously hard work especially first few weeks, you will be on survival mode trying to grab sleep wherever you can. There is no way you will want to go to a wedding.
Definitely decline, you friend will understand.

User1367349 · 14/04/2022 21:31

Just half an hour away, if it’s a special wedding to you, I’d try to go. Maybe explain the circumstances and that you’d love to try to attend the ceremony and maybe pop into the reception to wish them well but obviously pending baby arrival time! Babies can be early as well as late 😁. If numbers are limited you could be thoughtful and ask them to leave you out of any sit-down numbers.

cavalatete · 14/04/2022 21:39

I had an amazing first birth. Really life-changing amazing. But baby came 2 weeks late (beginning of week 42) and I couldn't walk far for a good few weeks after. I don't remember pain, just being physically exhausted / like I'd had to run two back to back marathons I'd not trained for!

Accepting the ceremony part and declining the reception would be my recommendation too. As well as booking a taxi, at least to go home afterwards, if you insist on public transport there.

The only time you get to recover from birth is in the few weeks afterwards. If you do too much then, it'll come back to bite you later..and a few months on, nobody is thinking/saying you "just had a baby, take it easy". So don't try and prove anything to anyone, take taxis, even if just between home-station and station-venue and allow yourself the time to recover.

welshladywhois40 · 14/04/2022 21:41

If you are considering it - you must be half thinking you would like to come. Have a chat to the bride and find out how late she really needs to know her numbers?

Reason I say this is the following :

For my wedding there were two close friend of my parents who couldn't commit till very close due to medical treatment - my venue was happy to be flexible for 2 people.

With my first I would have been able to attend the day part but couldn't have coped with the evening plus by baby used to scream every evening but was an angel during the day

3luckystars · 14/04/2022 21:43

I would decline and I’m not even pregnant.

Original poster
OrangeSmarty · 14/04/2022 21:45

I can't believe this - we've now just been invited to the reception of another wedding, 12 days before my due date! Grin Oh dear oh dear.

OP posts:
DappledOliveGroves · 14/04/2022 21:48

I went to the evening reception of a friend's wedding with baby DD2, who was five weeks and it was fine, BUT, five weeks is very different from two weeks and she's my second baby, so I was a bit more laid back. But at two weeks, even with DD2, I think I'd have thought twice - it would have been a bit of a struggle. I think given it's your first, I'd probably decline. There's no way I'd have been in any state to go at that age when I had DD1 - I was still in a state of shock after a traumatic birth and trying to adjust to no sleep. It was a wonder I could get to the supermarket, let alone wedding!

inappropriateraspberry · 14/04/2022 21:54

Say no. They won't appreciate a crying newborn and you'll look forward to it, then want to leave as soon as you're there! I wouldn't have wanted to go 2 weeks after having a baby. Stitches don't help - I'd rather be at home in my pjs than dressed up, uncomfortable and probably in a bit of pain. Stay at home and relax. Plus, there may be complications, you could be overdue and induced, and still stuck in hospital!
Unfortunately, I think you'll have to sit this one out.

Abaababa · 14/04/2022 21:56

Gawd no, couldn’t function properly for months after newborn. Attended a wedding out of country when DC was 5 months and just scrapped by.

HippeePrincess · 14/04/2022 21:59

I’d seriously decline both

Skelligsfeathers · 14/04/2022 22:03

We went to a wedding when ds was 8 weeks old.
I spent the entire ceremony in the lobby breastfeeding . We then went to the reception and had to leave before the meal because ds was so obviously really uncomfortable and bothered by the noise and music. He screamed and screamed.
I'll never forget. We took him home, stripped him down to his nappy and washed him with cool water. Then he sat in his chair in the cool quiet garden and his little face just said " thank god for that!"
I would really give it a miss.
.

ItWasTheBestOfTimes · 14/04/2022 22:03

I was bridesmaid for my sister two weeks after having DD1. It was fine but we left just as the evening party started. DD pretty much slept all through the service, wedding breakfast and speeches and fed in between. She was mixed fed, it would be much harder if you are exclusively BFing imo. I would probably have declined if it was just a friend and not my sister.

MajorCarolDanvers · 14/04/2022 22:05

First was 10 days late and I was still in hospital after 5 days following a section.

I would decline.

TheGlitterati · 14/04/2022 22:06

Decline. It’s not something you want to think about but I went over by 10 days then had an EMCS. I lost a lot of blood and was an anaemic, sweaty, lactating beast afterwards and still in my maternity leggings forever. No way would I have been able to attend a wedding or wanted to.

MissMaple82 · 14/04/2022 22:08

F that

Wildehorses · 14/04/2022 22:09

I brought my three week old first born to a close friend's wedding, a four hour drive away, he was breastfed so I just pulled off motorway to feed him on the way (I was driving as DH does not drive) ... it all worked out fine and am so glad I went ... totally doable if you have a straightforward birth!

H1Drangea · 14/04/2022 22:11

At our wedding , one of DH old friends came with with his wife and week old baby to the ceremony and sit down meal
I don’t know how she did it , and she said to me years later she doesn’t remember a thing about it
I couldn’t have gone anywhere for a good 3 weeks after the birth of DS without lots of crying ( me , not the baby )

2 weeks before though , I could have done everything (except maybe find anything appropriate to wear to a wedding )

I think decline both regretfully is the best option

WoolyMammoth55 · 14/04/2022 22:16

OP I realise everyone has different experiences, etc etc, but for me as a mum of 2 it's a hard NO.

Both of mine were hard to latch/breast feeding was painful/ lots of health visitors popping in to weigh and, for my poor tongue-tied first born, we were being threatened with admitting him to hospital for feeding via a tube at 2 weeks after his birth...

The small baby phase, for me, is a weird combination of love-bubble and sleep-deprived hellacious nightmare.

PLUS you are still bleeding, your boobs are insane, hormones are insaner and very small things can potentially tip you over into PND.

Tell her that if all goes brilliantly you'll sneak into the church for the ceremony, and then don't think any more about this until the day before the wedding... Then if it's all gong brilliantly, you'll go for it! And if not then that will be fine too.

Congratulations :)

AreWeThereYetMummy · 14/04/2022 22:18

I really think decline. In no way could I have attended even 3 weeks after either of my children. I was exhausted and would have found it a massive stress.

Starlightstarbright1 · 14/04/2022 22:19

Both would be a no from me..

Favourodds · 14/04/2022 22:20

Happy to be in the minority - I had a great post-birth recovery. I went from the hospital to the pub to meet family. Went to cafes and restaurants every day, went on the tube, just was so happy and excited to be out and about with my baby. Was absolutely sleep-deprived, but just didn't care. On reflection, I was off my tits on hormones but it was an extremely euphoric and magical few weeks.

I 100% would have gone to a wedding. I'm sad I didn't have a wedding to go to.

Everyone's points are completely valid that the baby may not have arrived, you may not be up to it, you might want to sleep BUT you might also be the happiest you've ever been. A spectrum of experiences should also reflect people who have good experiences and not just the worst case.

I think people saying can you just go to the ceremony are probably right. Ceremony, maybe a drink and a mingle and then back home? Or you could go to the ceremony and maybe you and your partner and baby could plan to stop somewhere along the way for a nice drink and some food? Make a day of it?

Or you can lay at home in your pyjamas watching boxsets and wondering what the fuck pregnant you was thinking you could go to a wedding. That's really fine too. Everything you do is fine 👌🏻

Dobirdseversleep · 14/04/2022 22:21

I had to go to a wedding at 6 weeks postpartum (4 weeks post due date) as it was a family member, and it was really awful. I was still sore after a difficult delivery, I had a baby with a tongue tie, feeding was awful and the wedding was 2 hours from home.

Conversely, after my second baby I probably could have managed a wedding the next day. You just have no idea how it will be.

With our own wedding we had one guest who for very good reasons couldn’t confirm either way until last minute. I was totally fine with that and was happy to keep her place open. She did manage to attend and that was wonderful.

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