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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

How should I RSVP to this wedding?

102 replies

OrangeSmarty · 14/04/2022 20:31

I'm expecting my first baby. DH and I have been invited to a wedding, and the reception, that is 2 weeks after the due date. We need to RSVP in 2 weeks' time.

I wanted to ask those who have more experience with newborns/birth etc, should we even consider going? Is it feasible to go to a wedding this soon after giving birth, especially given that first babies are often late?

Is it even realistic to say we'll be at the service but not the reception, with a baby that's so small? The wedding is in central London and we live in zone 3, about 30 mins away by train.

OP posts:

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annlee3817 · 14/04/2022 22:21

I went to an evening reception three days past my due date, was thirty mins away and I took my notes with me just in case. Hospital wasn't too far from the venue.

I went to a wedding when DD was six weeks old and was maid of honour, we were staying in the hotel, so I was able to go off and feed and DH distracted her during the short ceremony.

I would have struggled at two weeks though, I was emotional and trying to establish feeding at that point.

My aunty however to my cousin's wedding when her DD was a week old, she was able to use one of the rooms in the hotel where the wedding was to go off and feed and to take some time out, would that be an option? What kind of venue is it?

mocktail · 14/04/2022 22:21

I wasn't out of hospital yet 2 weeks after my due date so it wouldn't have been possible. There's just no way of knowing unfortunately! Also if you're planning to breastfeed it may be a week or two (or longer) before you're comfortable feeding in public so that's something else to bear in mind.

tuesday2am · 14/04/2022 22:24

I attended the wedding of close friends when my DC was 2 weeks old. The wedding was 2 hours away, however we’d booked a hotel for 2 nights so that made things easier. Other than still being a bit uncomfortable due to being postpartum, I had a lovely time. DH was best man and these are some of our closest friends, so for me it was important to make it - however there was no pressure if we couldn’t. We consider these friends like family. If we weren’t as close I wouldn’t have made the effort, but was glad I did. I was lucky in that DC was born just a few hours before his due date although obviously these things can’t be predicted! I’d say it’s entirely up to you on if you feel comfortable going, but you’d have to be realistic in that anything can happen to disrupt your plans!

Favourodds · 14/04/2022 22:26

Would also add I didn't have a straightforward birth (successful litigation against the hospital level of badness) and a good amount of stitches so. I don't know. I just don't relate to that 'didn't leave the house for 3 months' thing (which is no judgement on anyone who did experience that, just wasn't my experience)

trainnane · 14/04/2022 22:37

I went to a big family birthday party 2 hours away 2 days before DC1 arrived. I was totally fine.
With both I'd have been fine to go to a wedding 30 min away.. but feeding would have possibly been a bit tricky still

LuNu · 14/04/2022 22:41

Trust us on this one, you won’t want to go.

2023wish · 14/04/2022 22:52

honestly i feel like people are scaring you. i was all over the place within days and i had a c-section. i’d go - i wouldn’t stay all evening and i wouldn’t wear anything tight and uncomfy etc, but i’d go and make the most of it

Hangthetowels · 14/04/2022 22:52

No no.noooooooo no way trust me!!!

Pbbananabagel · 14/04/2022 22:53

My sister went to a family wedding ON her due date and I got married at almost 8 months pregnant - the one before will be ok if you enjoy weddings normally and book a room if you can at the reception venue so you can duck out and chill. The one two weeks after no way!

mocktail · 14/04/2022 22:56

Obviously you might have the baby a week or two early in which case a wedding half an hour drive away, with a 2-3 week old baby might be fun! There's just no way of being sure so hopefully the bride and groom will understand you'll have to keep your plans flexible for now.

mocktail · 14/04/2022 22:57

*Sorry 3-4 week old baby I meant to say.

AnnaSW1 · 14/04/2022 22:58

I would have had zero interest in going at that point.

Somuchgoo · 14/04/2022 23:02

I'd have been fine to go after both of my planned sections.

I was far less tired than during pregnancy, and felt great. I was back to normal from birth within a week. I was barely bleeding (and so what, is no different to a period), and felt great.

I felt good enough that at 3w pp for my first, I hosted a party for 30 people at our house, that turned into a 10 hours long event. I even baked several cakes for it, with baby attached to me at the same time 🙂

The difficulty that you've got is if you go overdue. I think there's going to inevitably be some uncertainty about whether you can go, so it depends if they are ok with that.

MarilynValentine · 14/04/2022 23:03

Omg. It’s a cast iron no.

Decline.

Dietcokeaddiction · 14/04/2022 23:09

I went to a wedding with a 9 day old baby after a c section. It was fine. But we were very relaxed parents, happy to hand our baby around, and she was very chilled too.

SarahDippity · 14/04/2022 23:09

It’d be a no from me. In the early days, all I wanted to do was be at home with the baby and be in our cocoon. I went to a wedding about three weeks PP after DD1 and she was two weeks over. I just found it boring and noisy, and wanted to be at home with her in my PJs.

BuanoKubiamVej · 14/04/2022 23:09

If it's someone you are close to, and they love you enough to understand your situation, then do consider going but you won't be able to decide until the day itself.

You might give birth easily and without complications and have an easy baby who is happy to snooze in a sling. You might have no trouble coming to the ceremony at least. Babies that young are more portable and discreet than babies that are a few months old.

You might be giving birth that day, or unable to stand/walk much due to complications you are still recovering from. So you can't possibly accept without warning them tgat you may be a no-show. But when the day comes you may simply want to go for it.

PatriciaHolm · 14/04/2022 23:16

It's definitely one of those "you don't know until the time" things. I was out to dinner (with baby 1) 5 days post birth (c section), and 4 days with no2, but I think I was lucky/unusual. You can't tell.

PatriciaHolm · 14/04/2022 23:18

.... oh and took Baby no 1 to Paris for a weekend at 4 weeks.

She was a dream baby though so it was clearly a lucky combination of very quick recovery and very easy baby.

MaChienEstUnDick · 14/04/2022 23:21

I was up and about and going places within a fortnight of a c section - but DS was also two weeks' late so going on your timings, I'd still have been in hospital! I think given the amount people spend on wedding receptions it would be fairer to say no.

Echobelly · 14/04/2022 23:21

I'd turn down reception, though it's maybe feasible you could make the ceremony - but most people don't really manage to leave the house for 2+ weeks after a baby in all honesty.

Littlepaws18 · 14/04/2022 23:28

I went to a wedding the week after my last baby was born, my husband was best man. We left earlish. I did feel pain and I was getting tired by early evening. The baby was perfectly fine and probably could have stayed longer. I had no clue whether I could attend, but we said to the couple that we would pay for my place so if I didn't go they would not be out of pocket.

2 weeks after my last baby was born- I got married! I was in less pain than the wedding I went to a week earlier, expressed a lot of milk and luckily he took to both me and a bottle. I stayed to the very end and also had a room in the venue which greatly helped.

It can be done!

Jk987 · 14/04/2022 23:42

If you're early in your pregnancy and not telling anyone yet, I'd accept the invite now but then retract in a couple of months. You can say you weren't ready to share the news or didn't know at the time of the rsvp deadline. No one on this planet would begrudge you not going when you're at that stage of pregnancy or have just given birth.

Poppins2016 · 15/04/2022 02:44

Someone else said that some people are trying to scare you and I agree... Newborns are hard work (I've had two), however you don't have to be chained to the house and there's no reason you can't go to a wedding/on a country walk/to IKEA (met a four day old)/to softplay (met a one day old!)/etc. if you feel like it. The problem is that the date you give birth and how you feel afterwards is not predictable, so there is always a chance you'll decide you're not up for it.

If the couple are happy to hold your place (I guess this may come down to whether they're happy to lose money if you don't attend) then I'd be open minded about attending.

I think if you go into it wanting to make the effort and participate in the day, chances are it'll be fine and you'll enjoy it (through a tired haze)! I think you do need to really want to pull it off and feel as though the effort is worth it.

I attended my best friends wedding with my then three week old and stayed until late. I have no regrets and I'd do it again. I breastfed most of the time and had the pram with me for baby to nap in.

I would have felt happy to attend if my baby had been even younger, even days old. The only thing I should add that is that I had a second degree tear and stitches that made walking uncomfortable until a couple of weeks post partum... I'm not sure I would have been up for walking very far either side of public transport, for example. Just adding this info as you mentioned using the train!

Make sure that your outfit isn't too pale and you have plenty of maternity pads, breast pads, muslins and nappies packed!

Padderbadger · 15/04/2022 02:48

Personally no, I wouldn't

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