How should I RSVP to this wedding?

[OrangeSmarty]

I'm expecting my first baby. DH and I have been invited to a wedding, and the reception, that is 2 weeks after the due date. We need to RSVP in 2 weeks' time.

I wanted to ask those who have more experience with newborns/birth etc, should we even consider going? Is it feasible to go to a wedding this soon after giving birth, especially given that first babies are often late?

Is it even realistic to say we'll be at the service but not the reception, with a baby that's so small? The wedding is in central London and we live in zone 3, about 30 mins away by train.

I had an easy birth. No way would I have been up for doing this. Tired, sorting out feeding, with a body that doesn't feel like yours. Honestly it's a time to reduce all pressures on you.

12 days before? No problem

You can’t commit, let them know that and have an honest conversation. I actually attended a close friends wedding when my first born was 10 days old, it wasn’t an easy birth and I had an emergency c section and was in hospital for 5 days. I left my baby with a friend who was a special care baby nurse, baby was fine (in more capable hands than mine as I was a new novice mum and didn’t really have a clue!) and wedding was only 20 minutes down the road. We stayed for the ceremony and the reception and had a lovely time. I also attended a wedding the same year 2 weeks before my due date I travelled from south east to Scotland in the car (too pregnant to fly) Again I couldn’t commit friends understood my situation. I went had a great time and danced for hours! To be fair I was still in my 20’s just, and had more energy, if I’d been in my 40’s as I am now, I probably wouldn’t have had the stamina and would have worried more.

My son was 10 days over and then I had 2 nights in hospital so I would have only been home if that was me! That first week of parent life was just a blur of midwife visits, hormonal crying, zero sleep, bleeding/leaking and sitting with a naked upper half trying to figure out bf. I had a straightforward birth with a second degree tear and there is no way I could have gone to a wedding at that stage. Was averaging 8+ hours a day feeding while my milk was coming in and also the mad hormones would have made me actually way too emotional to enjoy a wedding ceremony!

I'm currently 10 days before my due date for baby #2 and wouldn't want to attend an evening reception right now either. I'm living in leggings, nothing fits me, I feel like a massive whale, loads of aches and pains starting the last couple of days, sleep deprived plus trying to dodge covid in time for the birth means I'm home taking it easy where possible!

I would have actually been fine to go to a wedding 2 weeks after birth, but there's no guarantee you will be (more likely not) Nd there's always a chance the baby would be late so it would only be a few days old.

I would decline both invites but say you'll try to make it to the ceremony if you can. Definitely decline the reception as there's a high chance you won't be able to make it - save them the money.

12 days before? No problem
I would have said the same... except my baby was born 12 days early with a very quick labour so probably would have been born during the speeches

With first baby I wouldn’t accept any wedding invitations. My first I was overdue (by two weeks), had stitches so couldn’t walk or sit and was exhausted and in pain and they kept us in hospital as DC was jaundiced and needed to be put in a baby oven (not the technical term).

One of our close family was due to give birth 3 weeks before our wedding. She was honest with us - if I can face it I will be there, if not I won’t come. We were totally ok with whatever decision she made on the day. She had a 3 hour drive and a hotel stay so we totally appreciated the hassle this was for her (plus she had 3 year old twins). In the end she did come to the wedding with her 2 week old and her twins and stayed in the hotel….but if she hadn’t we would have been 100% fine with late cancellation. Just be honest with the bride and then do what suits you. 2 weeks post partum is a hard time

It’s so hard to predict what state you and the baby might be in.

I had to stay in hospital for three weeks after the birth. The birth wasn’t straightforward and the baby was small and poorly. I had very heavy bleeding for months after the birth. I was a healthy person and the scans were fine, so no indication that things would turn out like this.

I'd decline both. You are extremely unlikely to give birth on you due date it will most likely be within a couple of weeks of that. But it's unlikely you would feel up for a wedding just after giving birth.

Incidentally my due date was two weeks before dsis wedding (in her defence the wedding was booked before the pregnancy happened) I had no idea what to wear or wether I could even go. I went two weeks over. Guess what day I gave birth on? I made it through the ceremony, rushed to the hospital and gave birth within minutes of arriving at the hospital!

I went to a wedding two days after giving birth, but that was because it was a close family member. Everyone looked after me, brought me food, held the baby etc.

A friend's wedding, I'm not so sure. There are so many variables. For a close friend, I would make the effort but explain that I might cut and run early depending how things go/how I'm feeling.

I went to a close friends wedding about a week after having ds. My mum babysat. Dh drove though and it wasn't far away. Everything was fine. I was supposed to be a bridesmaid but had to decline that role.

My children were induced at 14 days and 8 days overdue. Being overdue is fairly common. It's just one more thing to worry about if you commit to going. I would decline.

Frankly, you won't know until the day.... and possibly not even until the minute you get on the tube/in an Uber as, even if everything is going to plan, an exploding nappy followed by cleaning that up and then the baby needs a feed or something could upset even the most carefully laid on the day plans
I'd speak to the bride, explain the situation and that you don't want her to go to unnecessary expense on your behalf/have gaps in seating plans etc and can you just see what happens and that you will turn up for the ceremony or for a drink at the reception if you can.
I was 16 days overdue with DC1 so wouldn't have been able to make the wedding. With DC2, I was 11 days overdue but wouldn't have had a problem being at a wedding a couple of days later.

I would have been fine but not everyone finds the first few days easy, feeding isn't always established until a few weeks for instance and some women are pretty sore for a few days. I'm very aware my experience wasn't typical (I went shopping when dd was a day and a half old on the bus, I felt fine.

I would go to the ceremony and decline the evening reception. 2 weeks should be fine.

@autienotnaughty

I'd decline both. You are extremely unlikely to give birth on you due date it will most likely be within a couple of weeks of that. But it's unlikely you would feel up for a wedding just after giving birth.

Incidentally my due date was two weeks before dsis wedding (in her defence the wedding was booked before the pregnancy happened) I had no idea what to wear or wether I could even go. I went two weeks over. Guess what day I gave birth on? I made it through the ceremony, rushed to the hospital and gave birth within minutes of arriving at the hospital!

That's wild!

No I’d decline.

I would decline. With my first I was still passing clots of blood for a few weeks after birth, I had mastitis 2 weeks postpartum and breast that would rival Katie Price. That's not mentioning the hormones! I don't think I even went to the shop for a few weeks. I remember DH insisting I went out for a walk. I spent the whole walking worrying in case my DD needing bf. All that plus actually looking wedding appropriate would have thrown me over the edge.

You may be like me and still pregnant 2 weeks after your due date! I had a wedding to go to the week before I was due with dd. Technically I could have gone because she was that 2 weeks late, but I was huge, and felt like shit.

It's ok to say no, and it's a perfectly understandable reason. You could say you'd like to take them out for dinner/lunch some time after when your baby is born.

Oh hell no lol after having my babies no way I’d be taking them to a wedding at 2 weeks old I’m still getting into a routine and bonding with them!! For the first 3 weeks I’d say I only go out if I have too such as school runs, medical apps and shopping. Life is tricky with a new born and I couldn’t imagine sitting in a wedding with a 2 week old baby. I’d politely decline and explain why. They will completely understand I’m certain

I declined a wedding that was two weeks after giving birth the second time. I actually would have been fine to go, but there was no way of predicting that (I certainly would not have been fine two weeks after my first baby).

I had a night out 2 weeks after one of the DCs was born but I know that would go down like a bag of hot sick with some people. You do you.

You can't know the exact birth date, or how quickly you will recover. I would say that if it isn't an inconvenience you would like to play it by ear but will be there if you can; but you understand that they may need exact numbers and in that case you will sadly have to decline.

No, not in London. Not with that hustle and bustle. Mine was in a really nice snug sling the first year and could be taken most places and was happy with boob in mouth for calming. But you just want to be with the baby and the sleep deprivation at first is awful as you constantly check baby is okay. I doubt you'll want to go. Just say you expect baby to be late so can't go.

I felt amazing 2 weeks after having both my babies. Had very straightforward births with both and felt on top of the world. Both easy babies which helped a lot. My experience was nothing like most PP on this thread. I was out and about asap and definitely knew what planet I was on. Wouldn't have had a thing to wear to a wedding though.