I'm really crap at being pregnant and I don't care who knows it.

[whomovedmychocolate]

I am not one of those glowing pregnant women. I vomit a lot. I have permanent wind and indigestion, and spots. My hair turns into a fuzzball, I gain weight at a rate of knots and am permanently tired.

I am tetchy with everyone and frosty with midwives who pat me knowingly . I am beligerent with consultants who refer to me as 'mum' and crotchety in the extreme with phlebomotists who take five attempts to get one vial of blood.

My pelvis goes to pot within four months, my blood pressure is up and down so often Alton Towers have asked if they can install it as a ride, my ankles are so swollen I look like they've been encased in pastry like some massive hairy sausage rolls.

Pregnancy to be completely frank, is a total pain in the arse for me (quite literally I get piles too) and if I could get a baby, ready made on ebay I would.

I'm assuming I am alone in this, yes?

[whomovedmychocolate]

Motherinferior - WTF? 'Relax and enjoy the final stages' of:

• your piles popping out under the pressure
• your pelvic floor finally giving up the ghost
• consultants assessing you as if you are some prize heiffer before announcing they'll be 'taking you in' for induction if you don't go into labour soon
• The absolute exhaustion

For me the only good thing about pregnancy is that I knew there WOULD be an end eventually - and I looked forward to labour pains knowing they would signal an end too all the shitey treatment (ha, how naive was I?)

Personally I would have deliberately spilled my urine sample on her for that!

BTW, our midwifery service now is not allowed to dispose of urine samples for you so you have to take them home once they've dipped them

Which is fine if you remember. Otherwise you have one hell of a smelly bag surprise in a week or so!

[MuffinMclay]

I wondered why the mw kept making me take away my urine. I thought she was just a bit odd. And yes, I keep forgetting to dispose of it when I get home. I only remember it is there when my bag starts to smell a bit funny.

[throckenholt]

pregnancy was not my finest moment either - and I don't plan on doing it again.

I do sometimes fantasise about having a serene pregnancy and calm home birth - but know it is never going to be more than an fantasy .

[whomovedmychocolate]

MuffinMclay - it's just nasty isn't it. Mine wraps the bottle in a tissue, which would be helpful but she never secures the top correctly so you get a wee-wetted hand as well as a stinky pocket AND she had the audacity to criticise me for putting the pot (they only give you one and you have to reuse it) in the dishwasher as it's 'not very nice for everyone else'.

And then she starts on about the importance of having a clean urine pot!

[Christmaxbear]

Thank you for this tread. Was starting to get broody due to extreme cuteness of 10 month old ds and impending return to work. I am now feeling like I have been saved from nine months of hideousness as it has reminded me well. Dh confessed the other day that the thing that puts him off having a third is the thought of me being pregnant again. Funny how you forget isn't it!

[whomovedmychocolate]

Christmaxbear - I didn't remember it all either till that second little blue line appeared. Then like magic my stomach started to churn and I swear my waistline disappeared that very night!

At this rate you'll have seen your last nappy in little over two years. We are all heading back into poopy city for a return visit

[VictorianSqualor]

LOL@having to take your urine sample home, at the hospital I didnt realise they had these special urine sample rooms and was told to go and do a sample, didnt see the window in the toilet for the nurse to give me a pot etc so I was looking in the toilet when she called me

And yes, I farking hate beign pg, I can't sleep because of heartburn, and sickness and headaches and beign kicked the f**k out of, I feel sick constantly (even though I'm 27weeks) I am HUGE so out of breath just going up the stairs and have to travel into the city every two flipping weeks from my nice quiet village to see the consultant.

[dirtygertiefromnumber30]

oh GOD, both pregnancies were hideous and Im NEVER doing it again.

My last pregnancy i had severe hyperemesis and was in and out of hospital several times, I lost 2 stone and when i finally started eating again my insides had stopped functioning so i got all blocked up and my dh had to insert pessaries up my backside so i could finally poo again.

[whomovedmychocolate]

Ah yes Dirtygertie - and I bet you thought the intimacy with your DH peaked when you conceived the baby

"Darling can you trim my extremely overgrown muff please, I can't see it but we lost the midwife last Tuesday at my checkup and I hear a dull yelling sound under my bump"

[AnguaVonUberwald]

So glad its not just me, DH says "aren't you happy to be pregant! NO!! I am happy to be having a baby, but the actual pregnancy - no fun at all!!!

Add in:

Urine infections (2 so far and counting), a touch of pre natal depression, becoming stupid at work and making the same mistakes again, and again!!!

AS well as the: tired all the time, sciatic (sp) nerve pain, not sleeping properly, worrying all the time, wind, peeing all the time, feeling sick up to 5 months, etc, etc.

Many many thanks for this thread, its really nice to know that other women are not enjoying it too!!

[PurlyQueen]

WHAT? You are supposed to wash and re-use your urine bottle?

[whomovedmychocolate]

PurlyQueen - round here they will begrudgingly give you a new one if it is cracked or if you have bacteria recurrently showing up in your urine (ie if they think the bottle has not been properly cleaned). But otherwise yes, for the entire pregnancy one bottle per patient.

Anguavonuberwald - I bet you like me have tons of people saying helpful things like 'but you do want a baby don't you?' Well yes, but unlike you I am not floating serenely through nine months of yogic bliss to get there.

[whomovedmychocolate]

Oh and my pet peeve this week (and apologies this is going to piss some people off) is the thankfully non-blood relative who said: 'oh yes I had terrible morning sickness for several weeks before I had the abortion, was quite relieved to have it done TBH'.

Disgusting and not helpful on so many levels.

[VictorianSqualor]

Is that the oxfordshire health trust wmmc? We don't have to reuse ours and I'm in Bicester.
At the hospital I don't even see it, I ahve to leave it on the side in the toilet

[whomovedmychocolate]

VictorianSqualor - lucky thing - we have to take ours to the GP surgery and then cart the pot home again afterwards, only if you are admitted to hospital do you get a new pot.

But it's part of the whole reduction of services in North Oxfordshire. I found out today they no longer do blood testing at the Horton but send it to the Radcliffe and I am summarily BANNED from being treated at the Horton because I am too 'complex' so am being sent back to the Radcliffe.

Frankly the staff are so disillusioned at the Horton I'm not keen to go there.

I turned up for my booking in appt today to find they had no sent any stickers, had no idea who I was, had the file of another lady they were assuming was me, but as soon as they looked me up said: 'ooh we can't treat you, you'll have to wait for your consultant to get in touch' FOR BOOKING FFS!

So where do you go then? Is there a place in Bicester or do you go to the Radcliffe then?

[VictorianSqualor]

I'm at the JR, could;ve been there or the horton apparently but it's quicker for us to go the back route to the JR than the Horton.
I probably would've been referred there anyway now as I've been sent 'upstairs' to the silver star team.

[whomovedmychocolate]

Ooh I was on Silver Star - they are the veritable dogs wotsits. If you have to have a section see if you can get Victoria to do it - she sews your stomach muscles really tight so you have a flat stomach really soon post partum and no shelf effect.

Have we met btw in RL? Perhaps we should. I'm going to be looked after by Mr Impey - who heads up silver star I think - again this pregnancy.

[beforesunrise]

Oh Muffin, how could i possibly forget the farting? am a farting machine. my dh blanks them out by now, my brothers want to enter me in a competition, and even my 22 months old dd has started saying " no no mamma!".

was back at work today and aghast at the realisation the free for all farting has to stop. what will i do???

also forgot to mention the indignity of wearing those huge contraptions known as maternity bras. my grandma wouldnt be seen dead in them.

and forgot to mention the apparent inability of eating anything at all without spilling it down my front.

to top it all off saw pictures of Helena Bonham Carter in teh guardian at the weekend, humongously pregnant and looking fab. gggrrr and mega grrr.

[whomovedmychocolate]

beforesunrise - you'd look fab too if you had a stylist following you round and an unlimited budget to have maternity clothes made. Us mere mortals have to settle for looking like frazzled versions of the Good Year blimp!

[bluedomino]

God thankyou for this thread. It is hell, a form of torture.
1st pregnancy horrible, she kicked so hard I had a placenta abrubtion thing. Had SPD. Anaemic. Sick morning til night. Back to back. Asking DP to pull me up of the sofa as I'd weed myself again.Bloody office wonderwoman pregnant at same time and sailed through the whole thing making me look like a completely usless cow. Then the birth, contractions every 3 mins for 12 hours plus, sick & diarrhoa, couldn't stand up, baby got stuck, broke bed, DP had one hand under my bum and other holding my ankle on his shoulder, midwife in same position otherside. Midwife hitting panic button and people rushing in and slipping on the blood. 3rd degree tear, episiotimy,no effing painrelief, ventouse, broken coccyxc, remember them trying to cathertirize me (agony), couldn't hold my pointy headed baby as she was all floppy and me too exhausted. Couldn't sign papers for my stiching up. 2 hours in theatre and a haemorrage. Then 8 months to be diagnosed with arthritis due to the birth, in every joint. DD diagnosed with severe allergies at 6 weeks. Oh yes, a wonderous experience I would recommend to anyone with sadistic tendencies. And now my contraception failed due to arthritis meds and I'm having another, but c-section after I broke down & went hysterical in front of the consultant. Its even worse this time. and why do people stare at you?

[whomovedmychocolate]

Bluedomino - well at least you are not alone. Perhaps I should start selling t shirts with the following slogan:

'babies are like cake - we love the results, but can't be faffed with the cooking'

[biscuitbarrel]

So sorry for all of you having a shite time of it... but so reassuring to know that here at least, I don't have to pretend to love every sodding moment.

Felt so guilty when we announced the pregnancy, all these lovely folks saying "congratulations", and all I could do was grimace and think "why did no-one warn me about how much this all SUCKS".

[cheechymunchy]

Frickin' fed up here. Baby No.2 is eight weeks away. Varicose veins so bad in one leg and has extended into my poor old vajayjay. Anaemic and low blood pressure so squiffy in the head. I'm quite literally wishing these last 8 weeks away and want to get back to my normal shape. On enforced (yeah right) rest from doctor.
Loved first pregnancy, hate this one.

[MuffinMclay]

The 'taking away your urine' thing is in practice in North Herts too. Luckily, if the nice receptionist is working when I visit, she'll let me have a new bottle from her secret stash.

[ConnorTraceptive]

Varicose veins in ungodly places are a whole new kind of discomfort aren't the Cheechy?

To top off everthing I managed to get thrush over new years but couldn't get a doctors appointment. On new years eve I went to the chemist and basically refused to leave until she gave me something. Fortunately she was an understanding kind of soul. Was really pissed of at paying £10 for a tube of canneston though.