Breastfeeding - Controversial opinions.

[2under2in2022]

Soooo…. There is A LOT to this. But ultimately it's about breastfeed and the PIL.

OH went to his parents today to try and hash out some of the issues and breastfeeding came up. Because with DS they left the room when I was feeding him, asked me to leave the room, took their GC out of the room when I was breastfeeding and made it clear it was “disgusting”. I actually got told by the MIL to my face that breastfeeding was "selfish". MIL also used to walk about work DS when he was crying and clearly hungry and wouldn't hand him back and it made me feel physically sick and leak milk.

FIL has said he’s “65 years old and finds it highly embarrassing that someone gets their breast out infront of him & it’s not something he can get over or deal with”

MIL said “there are 2 kinds of people either those who are shy and hide away breastfeeding or those who are really pro and want it to be a public show”

OH said “actually it’s because she doesn’t want to be excluded because she’s breastfeeding and it’s not a public show and it’s totally natural and something she wants to do”

An example of Christmas 2020 when I was made to go upstairs to feed DS and spent at least 60% of my time “hiding away” feeding DS rather than enjoying Christmas

His parents have said “there needs to be a level of compromise” 🤷🏻‍♀️

For context. OH and his 2 brothers were not breastfed. And the 2 existing GC were not breastfed. My DS was breastfed and I fully intend to breastfeed DD who arrives in 14 weeks which is why it's now come up.

Thoughts??

This is awful. But they are not going to change. I’d just distance a bit I think. And not hide away every time - although I appreciate probably hard not to when someone is calling you disgusting. What has your DH said to them? I think he should be stronger in telling them this is unacceptable.

They sound horrendous. I would limit social gatherings with them. My mother in law didn't bf, neither did my sister in law, but at no point was I banished our if the room.

I had this with my first but they weren't as rude. Unfortunately it does make some people uncomfortable but if you are feeding in your home and they are not comfortable with it, it's up to them to leave. If they specifically want to avoid it they should wait until its older and you can give them a time that fits around feeding they can visit.

Presumably the solution is that you don't go to their home? If they want to see the baby they'll have to come to you and then if they choose to leave the room when you are feeding that's their (ridiculous) decision?

Simple solution - tell them you won't be visiting (so nor will YOUR baby) while you are breastfeeding, so if they want to see you, they can come to your house - and it will need to be them that leave the room if you need to feed DBaby.

I just wouldn't be going there frankly. It's clear you aren't welcome there.

I wouldn’t go to their house. If they want to see the baby they can come to your house and be polite!
Your dh can send them home at the first sign of rudeness.

Gosh OP I feel traumatised just reading this. What a hideous experience. You deserve many congratulations for persevering with feeding DS.

The problem is exactly as PP puts it: the issue is them, not you, and not breastfeeding. I don’t think any amount of emotional persuasion or even actual evidence as to the biological necessity (and thus superiority) of breastfeeding is going to change their opinions. Clearly breasts are the sexual property of men in their minds and not for feeding children!

Is there any way you can minimise contact with them? Do you get on with them in other respects? They just sound awful!

I do wish you all the best. And I will also have 2 under 2 in 2022 - what are we thinking?! Still bf DS here whilst awaiting DD arrival and so, so grateful I’ve never experienced the kind of horror you’ve described. Those things should never have been said to you.

Crikey, why are you wasting your time with them?

Honestly, your MIL is an absolute nutcase. I’m fuming on your behalf.

Those attitudes wouldn't be welcome in my home nor would I want people with them influencing my children.

Surely they'd want the best for their grandchildren? Why wouldn't they want them breastfed?

I’d never go to their house then with the baby. You need to be somewhere you are comfortable and not made hide away.

Simple as that
If visit your house they can leave if they feel uncomfortable

Stop seeing them? They sound horrific

You know what ALL - THANK YOU ❤️

I thought I had to compromise. I thought I had a issue...

I’ve said that as soon as they leave the room this time - or I’m made to go to another room - or made to feel unwelcome to feed my child in my own lounge…. That’s it, they just can’t see DD at all when she’s being breastfeeding as I was humiliated and ostracised last time 🤷🏻‍♀️

I agree with pp, don't do to their house. It isn't a welcoming or new-born-friendly environment.

Whether they are welcome in your house is up to you, but it's your home and they know the rules.

They are absolutely entitled to be offended by your boobs. You are then completely entitled to not be in their company at all. Seems like the best option all round !

...go to their house.

Don't visit them. If they come to you, throw them out when you need to feed your baby.

You simply tell them you will see them - and they will see dc- when you have fully weaned dc...
No need to compromise on how you feed your dc for batshit people.

I'd just do as you did before if you go to their house and need to nurse you do it, they can leave the room if they want. Same if they visit your house. Her idea that there are two types of breastfeeders is weird too! I think the majority of people don't hide not just because they're not self conscious because it's completely natural but because it's an effort to and not comfortable for the mother or baby to be covered or inconvenienced by moving somewhere private.

They can respect your wishes or wait to see their grandchildren when fully weaned. Then do extended breastfeeding.

Their opinions are disgusting and your children should be protected from bigots.

This is verging on bullying by them. Calling breastfeeding selfish is completely moronic and insulting. I'd find it very hard to have a positive relationship with relatives like that and would steer clear.

Not quite sure how boobs are aflashing tbh.. I bf many dc and nobody saw mine!!
Are your ils deliberately gauping?

*gawping!

Honestly will never understand why anyone has a problem with the way any parent decides to feed there child.

Breastfeed - great child is fed

Formula - great child is fed

Both are normal and natural.

I didn't breast feed my first and I won't be breast feeding my second, but if someone came into my home and asked could they feed there child I wouldn't dare say no or ask them to leave the room, nor would I ask them to cover there breast or there baby while feeding, infact if they didn't feel comfortable with me in the room while they feed I'd actually leave my own room.
Some people are built different and I'll never understand.

I wouldn't want a relationship with fully grown adults who can't accept the way you feed your children.