Breastfeeding - Controversial opinions.

[2under2in2022]

Soooo…. There is A LOT to this. But ultimately it's about breastfeed and the PIL.

OH went to his parents today to try and hash out some of the issues and breastfeeding came up. Because with DS they left the room when I was feeding him, asked me to leave the room, took their GC out of the room when I was breastfeeding and made it clear it was “disgusting”. I actually got told by the MIL to my face that breastfeeding was "selfish". MIL also used to walk about work DS when he was crying and clearly hungry and wouldn't hand him back and it made me feel physically sick and leak milk.

FIL has said he’s “65 years old and finds it highly embarrassing that someone gets their breast out infront of him & it’s not something he can get over or deal with”

MIL said “there are 2 kinds of people either those who are shy and hide away breastfeeding or those who are really pro and want it to be a public show”

OH said “actually it’s because she doesn’t want to be excluded because she’s breastfeeding and it’s not a public show and it’s totally natural and something she wants to do”

An example of Christmas 2020 when I was made to go upstairs to feed DS and spent at least 60% of my time “hiding away” feeding DS rather than enjoying Christmas

His parents have said “there needs to be a level of compromise” 🤷🏻‍♀️

For context. OH and his 2 brothers were not breastfed. And the 2 existing GC were not breastfed. My DS was breastfed and I fully intend to breastfeed DD who arrives in 14 weeks which is why it's now come up.

Thoughts??

@2under2in2022

You know what ALL - THANK YOU ❤️

I thought I had to compromise. I thought I had a issue...

I’ve said that as soon as they leave the room this time - or I’m made to go to another room - or made to feel unwelcome to feed my child in my own lounge…. That’s it, they just can’t see DD at all when she’s being breastfeeding as I was humiliated and ostracised last time 🤷🏻‍♀️

I breastfed.... My question is are you discrete, say using a cover or are you literally top up noon pops out and now mess around trying to latch baby on?

The latter I've seen a lot by the I've a right to feed Brigade, which imo is making a point and unnecessary... And tbh, why would anyone want their FIL to get an eyeful in this scenario?!

@vipersnest1

Simple solution - tell them you won't be visiting (so nor will YOUR baby) while you are breastfeeding, so if they want to see you, they can come to your house - and it will need to be them that leave the room if you need to feed DBaby.

Absolutely this. What horrific people!

Sorry they are horrendous. Yes there's a compromise eg be discreet in wearing more discreet clothing, using a scarf so it's not in their face but I never hid away once. Exh's grandad found it a bit awkward but even he relaxed once he realised he couldn't see anything. He also admitted that in his day it's what poor people who couldn't afford formula did. My sil (a lot younger than me) was curious as a child but the positive thing was she went onto breastfeed her dc for over 2 years each and she credits me feeding in front of her as one of the reasons.

They also refuse to know the gender of our #2 because it's "not what they do" - they don't agree with BLW - don't agree with "gentle parenting" or "responsive parenting"

They squeal at DS like he is a puppy. Grab DS against his will. Constantly grab DS for cuddles which he doesn't want.

They don't necessarily respect us and the decisions we make either 🤷🏻‍♀️

Breasts are for feeding children, thats all, who cares if shes got them out and baby is not latching on immediately, thats up to her and her bsby and how they do it

Did she explain how exactly breastfeeding is selfish?

Apart from the effect on you, your poor husband must be mortified at his parents. Poor bloke

@ChoiceMummy

Not a flasher. Very much used a nursing pillow and a breastfeeding top with a nursing bra and a muzzle on top 🤷🏻‍♀️

Unless I was at home, in bed, in the middle of the night then boobs fly everywhere through tiredness 🤣

Tell them to fuck off! How awful for you!
I didn't BF and I am quite shy with things like that but I absolutely think every woman should be able to feel their baby whenever and wherever needed. Why they would make such a big deal is very strange it's such a natural things

@Tsuni

Did she explain how exactly breastfeeding is selfish?

DS was a NICU baby. Discharged without a feeding plan or any weight gain concerns - but as he was a NICU baby (first in their family) - "we needed to monitor what he was having"

I don't think I could have a relationship with people like this

Do not visit these morons.

No compromise OP, they are AWFUL. You are doing the very best thing for your little one by breastfeeding. They should be celebrating this, not being childish, selfish, whiny bullies. Tell them you have no wish to ever see them again.

You just know people like this are the first ones complaining to their friends that they don't get to see their grandchildren enough for some reason. What a mystery.

Well they sound like right bellends.

How exactly is breastfeeding selfish.

So as everyone else has said, don’t go to their house with your children. It’s not a child/ baby friendly environment. No ifs ands or buts.

If they want they can visit you, but it’s on your terms, if they want to be in your (and dcs life) they take you as you are, ie you breastfeed your children and you will do so when and where you please. If they have a problem with that then really that’s their problem not yours and they can chose to not visit.

The sound toxic and entitled

Don't visit them.
If they come to yours they can leave if they are uncomfortable.
They respect your approach or they don't see you at all.
Not up for negotiation.

@ChoiceMummy don't be so ridiculous. She can feed however she wants, that's the entire sole purpose of us having breasts

They sound absolutely nuts and it isn't that long until a baby is going a few hours between breastfeeds anyway. Quite simple then - minimise visits until you get to that age! If they don't like it you can always tell them you're protecting them from the horrors of BF :o

I'm sorry, "WE" need to monitor what he is having?? No, no they did not. You as the parents needed to monitor what he was having. Which you presumably did perfectly reasonably by looking at his nappies. I assume they did not volunteer for that. WTF.

My question is are you discrete, say using a cover or are you literally top up noon pops out and now mess around trying to latch baby on?

How is trying to latch a baby on 'messing around'?

This has made my blood boil for you! 😡 they have nothing to back up their views and sound selfish and dim beyond belief.
Limit contact and concentrate on feeding your baby. I'd honestly laugh at them! And undermine their views. 'Embarrassed by breast feeding? How old fashioned! We'll keep DD at home if normal feeding practices aren't accepted! Bye!

I just wouldn't see them at all, and they wouldn't be seeing my DC either. They're being ridiculous. If that means they don't see you or your DC until you're done breastfeeding then so be it! I'd breastfeed well into toddlerhood in that case

And that would be the end of my relationship with the in laws as I knew it. There is no way I’d let anyone speak to me like that and make me feel embarrassed about something as natural as breastfeeding!

Screw them! Simply don’t go over there, and if they bring it up then you say the honest thing, you didn’t want to offend them with your breasts!

Bloody hell, I’d love to know what else your DH had to thrash out with them!

They are horrible people with no manners or hospitality. You are feeding their grandchild FFS!

If FIL really does find himself not able to deal with it, through some deep seated hang up, the decent and cute side rate this g for him to do would be to pick that moment to go and make everyone a cup of tea, or immerse himself fixedly in the footie or something.

Your MIL is horrible anyway, taking your baby off you etc,

Anyway, all very easy as PPs have said. If you are not welcome to feed their grandson in their home, you simply can’t go.

And in your (snd your baby’s home) home your rules rule. So if FIL can’t cope he can step outside. Luckily for him it will be summer.

It also sounds as if your DH has your back on this.

Just set your boundaries and politely and firmly hold them.

You can’t argue with crazy.

And congratulations on your pregnancy.

Why do they think their opinion matters in the slightest?! They're telling you all this as though you should be taking it on board. Your turn to raise your DC your way. Do you butt into their life choices?
Far too involved all round.
Just see less of them.

Anyone that wanted me to compromise when it came to feeding my child in the most biologically appropriate fashion would get politely but firmly put in their place. Fair enough, be a bit discrete in terms of not flashing your whole boob etc which it sounds like you are, but beyond that they need to get over themselves. You will be breastfeeding your child, and if they'd prefer not to see them until they've weaned then that's their choice.

I also personally wouldn't tolerate them forcing hugs etc as I think that's very disrespectful to your child and potentially damaging from a safeguarding perspective to teach them to be compliant with unwanted physical contact. I'd just say something like "we're teaching our children that it's up to them whether they want a hug so please ask him first. He might prefer a high five or to blow a kiss".