Breastfeeding - Controversial opinions.

[2under2in2022]

Soooo…. There is A LOT to this. But ultimately it's about breastfeed and the PIL.

OH went to his parents today to try and hash out some of the issues and breastfeeding came up. Because with DS they left the room when I was feeding him, asked me to leave the room, took their GC out of the room when I was breastfeeding and made it clear it was “disgusting”. I actually got told by the MIL to my face that breastfeeding was "selfish". MIL also used to walk about work DS when he was crying and clearly hungry and wouldn't hand him back and it made me feel physically sick and leak milk.

FIL has said he’s “65 years old and finds it highly embarrassing that someone gets their breast out infront of him & it’s not something he can get over or deal with”

MIL said “there are 2 kinds of people either those who are shy and hide away breastfeeding or those who are really pro and want it to be a public show”

OH said “actually it’s because she doesn’t want to be excluded because she’s breastfeeding and it’s not a public show and it’s totally natural and something she wants to do”

An example of Christmas 2020 when I was made to go upstairs to feed DS and spent at least 60% of my time “hiding away” feeding DS rather than enjoying Christmas

His parents have said “there needs to be a level of compromise” 🤷🏻‍♀️

For context. OH and his 2 brothers were not breastfed. And the 2 existing GC were not breastfed. My DS was breastfed and I fully intend to breastfeed DD who arrives in 14 weeks which is why it's now come up.

Thoughts??

Compromose by not seeing them.

@bellac11, not for the upper class - they employed wet nurses so they didn't have to 'lower themselves' to breastfeeding their own children. That was my point.

They are awful full stop.
And to the pp who is talking about people making a show of breastfeeding etc I think that’s just as bad to judge that.. sometimes my baby will jump on and off my boob look around the room and it’s not easy to be discreet. It would stress me out constantly worrying that everytime baby jumped off I was going “aaah people can see my nipple!” So I had to adopt the attitude of if they’ve got a problem it’s their problem but I’m fortunate to have been supported by friends and family (including brothers!! Who hilariously discreetly look at the ceiling while I’m feeding the little one haha)

It is usually the standed thing to say, by older people,, that breastfeeding should be done very discretely, maybe out of sight, I dont think older people would change regarding this. Personally, I think it's a nice private time thing to do, and not with folks around.

@Kanfuzed123

Oh bloody hell, im slow aren’t I… here I was thinking it was a way to get the baby latched built into the top. What.an.idiot

I could be wrong. My youngest is 19 so there is a lot more equipment available these days than when I was breastfeeding.

For what it's worth, my position was always if the child is hungry, I will feed. If you don't like it, you can leave.

My sil had a baby over 25 years ago. She arrived up to my parents' house and started to feed. My mother suggested she might be more comfortable in a different room. Dm never repeated that as we all gave out to her and told sil not to be silly and stay where she was.

@1forAll74

It is usually the standed thing to say, by older people,, that breastfeeding should be done very discretely, maybe out of sight, I dont think older people would change regarding this. Personally, I think it's a nice private time thing to do, and not with folks around.

And that's great - in the real world through, many babies feed on demand, so when I'm sitting in M&S café ready to scoff down my clotted cream scone and my baby decides he wants fed, what would you suggest I do?

@1forAll74

It is usually the standed thing to say, by older people,, that breastfeeding should be done very discretely, maybe out of sight, I dont think older people would change regarding this. Personally, I think it's a nice private time thing to do, and not with folks around.

Na it's the 'normal' thing said by people who can't understand that breasts are for feeding babies not for men to look at. I've feed my babies all over the place because you know babies want milk when they want milk. The only times I've ever had an old person say anything to me is to say how lovely it is to see me feeding my baby and interacting with them.

My gran is 90 and her only comment when I was BFing DD in front of her was that she had also breastfed her three and had found it really convenient. My dad was also there and not uncomfortable in the slightest, which is funny as he's generally the most uncomfortable person about most social interactions

@2under2in2022 everything you describe I had with my PILs and my own parents back in 1993. I'm sad to read attitudes haven't changed.

My FIL used to leave the room when I breastfed, my MIL couldn't understand why I was doing it at all, when there was an option to bottlefeed. I spent most of DS's first Christmas stuck in the bedroom in a sort of 'their house, their rules' way. It was hard to compromise there, even though DH was supportive.

DM thought it was disgusting and said that she'd prefer if I didn't feed in front of her. I just told her I'd be doing exactly I pleased in my own home and if she wanted to leave the room that was fine by me.

I carried on regardless of the nasty comments. My DH had my back and it sounds like your DH has yours.

Thoughts??

Stop going round to theirs!! They sound infuriating. Why do this to yourself?

I had a similar version of this happen with DS1 with my DM who was shocked to find out I wasn't taking a bottle if expressed milk out with me to a restaurant.

Stand your ground and distance yourself. Feed your baby how you want.

Awful people. Ditch them and feed your baby wherever you like ❤️

Sorry not the point but it's discreet

Discrete is a different word with a discrete meaning. It's a good word, please don't make it vanish!

Horrendous - just horrendous. As for 'being 65' etc: my parents are 80 and 76 this year. My mum exclusively breastfed all 4 of us (and was featured breastfeeding my brother on the cover of Nursing and Midwifery Scotland Magazine in 1979). I'm the youngest so she fed me till I self/weaned around age 3, and I do remember it. Breastfeeding isn't anything new (although it was rarer in the past), my mum bf us whenever and wherever we needed feeding. I have been happy to bf our son wherever on the same basis and had no qualms just pulling my top down or up in public etc. my sisters in law have also bf freely at my parents house of course, because it's totally natural and normal. Your in-laws are prudish, hidebound and out of order. That said, it sounds difficult to change their minds so as a sap to them you might feel more comfortable (which is important) if you have nursing tops etc that allow you to feed discreetly around them. You shouldn't have to, and I hate saying that, but it sounds like a very awkward situation. I'm so glad your OH is supporting you though, that's important x