Using the Tube while preggers

[AlexPea]

I'm 4.5 months pregnant, wearing baggy clothes so not visibly obvious - although I'm wearing a "Baby on Board" TFL button on my coat lapel.

I'm finding that about 75% of the time people are not getting up for me on busy tubes and it's pissing me off!

I don't alert people or ask to sit in their seat, rather just hope they spot my button but even when people see it they're either not registering it, or don't care. I'm mostly fine with it but days like today where I've got bad growing pains, bags to carry and just did a rather physical emergency first aid course, it really annoys me. I feel that people sat in priority seats have a duty to look around and check that nobody else needs the seat at EVERY stop. I know I do if I ever sit in one. I was also a bit annoyed that other people who clearly noticed my badge didn't alert the clueless men buried in their phones to the fact that there was someone in need of their seat.

What's other peoples experience of this? And how do you deal with it?

I’m on pregnancy 2 and I’m just immune to embarrassment now - sorry but you need to ask!

Yes, you shouldn’t have to and people in priority seats should offer. But we’re all in our own world commuting, I’m currently on my way home staring at mumsnet after all

Just practice a nice smile and an ‘excuse me, would someone mind giving up their seat?’. Someone always will (probably not the bloke in the suit who - yes, could have a hidden disability - but probably doesn’t).

Being nice but assertive is such an essential skill especially when you have a baby, it’s good to get some practice in.

Yes I suppose you're right. I do feel a little rude/embarrassed asking someone to give up their seat but I am currently growing a human so need to get over it! Thank you that makes me feel better. And congrats on baby #2!

I agree. If it’s bad enough that you need a seat then that should give you the motivation to ask. If you don’t need a seat then stay standing. It’s entirely unrealistic to expect people to be on constant high alert for a pregnant woman.

Don’t worry I was the same first time around, especially before I was showing properly! I tend not to focus on anyone in particular as I feel rude for ‘picking’ on them, especially in case they do have a reason for being in the priority seat. Just sort of stare blankly at the middle of the carriage as if you’re giving a presentation to them or something!

I now recognise the bright ‘I’m being nice but please do as I say’ voice I use for it as the same one that I employ when I need the toddler to tidy up

The truth is, no one cares.

I'm 8 months pregnant and have a 10 month old so in the earlier days I'd get onto the bus with DD in her buggy and be struggling with bad PGP. I also had a baby on board badge and people will look you in the face and look at way. I just started saying, 'excuse me can I sit down please' as that's what the priority seats are for. Those that are less able to stand🙃 yet no one gives a hoot.

Even now, if I'm out without DD I'll still ask if I can sit down because if you don't people will honestly let you stand. I haven't had to use the tube in any point in either pregnancies, only the bus but as the pp said. You'll definitely have to ask nicely and be a bit assertive. People should get up but they don't!

What I see a lot as well is other women further down the carriage (including me!) Getting up immediately and offering their seat. I have done this before and then told off someone in the priority seat but I was having a bad day.....

I was pregnant last year so the tube was not as busy, but i genuinely never came across anyone, who didn't give up their seat when i asked. Before i was pregnant, i didnt look around at every stop because frankly i was knackered and usually on a long commute home, but i always gave up my seat if i did see someone and especially if i heard someone asking. Agree with others that you should just ask.

Sidenote: if you feel rude or embarrassed now, wait until you are trying to lug a buggy around the tube network and having to ask random people for help up and down stairs / escalators 🤯. I try to go for the overground every time now, which has made for some interesting diversions!

Agree. You do need to ask. I try and not do it too apologetically. Fave phrase I've settled on is "Is anyone able to give up a priority seat please?" Then people who need it don't feel victimised. Summertime always jumps up. Harder if everyone in those seats looks like they need it though, which is more common on buses.

Thank you all, that's super helpful.

I understand that people aren't on "constant alert for pregnant women", but I do feel that people that choose to sit in a priority seat, in particular, should be on constant alert for anyone that need a seat more than them.

I shall try to be more assertive.. It's preferable to wanting to burst into tears on the tube today after a rough one...!

Remember that everyone is in their own world, little eye contact, zoned out. Yes there are selfish people but in the main everyone's just trying to avoid interaction in the traditional London manner (or are tourists who are not aware of the protocol), rather than actively refusing you a seat. Just ask, and someone will always leap up.

Just ask. And preferably before you puke/faint...I learnt that lesson early on, and trust me, that kind of drama is WAAAAY more embarrassing than asking for a seat

And I must say when I've asked people have been overwhelmingly kind, including one man who insisted on escorting me to work and offered me a sandwich from his packed lunch as he could see I was really unwell

When I needed a seat people were always accomodating if I asked conversely pregnancy is not an illness / ailment and shouldn't be treated as necessarily a debilitating condition. I think as adults if you need to rest you should ask. (And I had terrible PGP and morning sickness so I do understand discomfort and this is not to minimise anyone's pain)

You need to ask. Don't necessarily expect the priority seat though, there may well be people more in need than you. But do ask if you need to sit down, you'll generally find someone willing to accommodate you!

Just ask. I’m also pregnant and commute into central London a few times a week. I would definitely ask if I needed a seat. I used to travel (pre pregnancy) on a packed tube and it was almost impossible to see everyone getting on because it was so busy.

Those days are over for me now thankfully but I found I did have to be assertive and ask. People were so obliging and hopped up straight away. People are in their bubble on the tube and don't always notice.
I found I really needed the seat.
Congratulations on your pregnancy :)

I took the underground to the hospital to have the baby, since it was only one stop, and nobody gave me a seat, so expect to have to ask all the way through.

To be blunt, it’s not really other people’s problem that you’re knocked up, and people do not really care about others and can only empathize when they’re in that very situation I think.

I’d like to think some people would offer you a seat but you don’t know if they have a hidden disability or pain etc. I know someone who had had an operation and was in pain on the tube, and had to ask for a seat as she looked so “healthy”.

I would offer a pregnant woman a seat I think (unless I was feeling unwell with my hidden conditions), but wouldn’t feel they necessarily ‘deserve’ it most out of all the seatless passengers. I tend to look out for elderly passengers without a seat first and foremost as I was brought up like that.

I visited London when i was about 7 months pregnant and always found people very willing to give up their seats on the Tube, even though I didn't want them to, as I preferred standing.

I wouldn't have taken someone's seat unless I was feeling sore or unwell.

I tend to say it loudly to no one in particular. Less embarrassing than asking someone directly!

I was 8 month's heavily pregnant and nobody offered me a seat for a lot of my journeys on the tube.

As a tip buses and trains have much nicer travellers than tubes, I had to change my journey to them instead so I could get a seat.

I think you need to ask. I must admit I'm usually zoned out to a podcast or my kindle.

I'd be happy to immediately get up if someone asked though.

My friend had this issue last year and always went straight to any men in the priority seats and asked them very loudly.

@Flawedperfection

To be blunt, it’s not really other people’s problem that you’re knocked up, and people do not really care about others and can only empathize when they’re in that very situation I think.

I’d like to think some people would offer you a seat but you don’t know if they have a hidden disability or pain etc. I know someone who had had an operation and was in pain on the tube, and had to ask for a seat as she looked so “healthy”.

I would offer a pregnant woman a seat I think (unless I was feeling unwell with my hidden conditions), but wouldn’t feel they necessarily ‘deserve’ it most out of all the seatless passengers. I tend to look out for elderly passengers without a seat first and foremost as I was brought up like that.

Absolutely, I would indeed prioritise an elderly or disabled person.

To the other points made though (and other posters), I get that it's not their fault I'm "knocked up"/joyfully carrying my first baby, but the instructions on the London Underground specifically state that a pregnant person has the right to sit in the priority seat over an able bodied/healthy person. It is your right as an expectant mother, and even if you're not about to faint or in severe pain, it is way safer for you and your baby to be seated if the train jolts or comes to an emergency brake. So I have to disagree, and still find it disappointing that people don't always recognize and respect this guidance.

All the advice is really helpful though, thank you everyone. I need to just be more assertive and ask and your tales of forthcoming passengers is encouraging..!

@AlexPea

Thank you all, that's super helpful.

I understand that people aren't on "constant alert for pregnant women", but I do feel that people that choose to sit in a priority seat, in particular, should be on constant alert for anyone that need a seat more than them.

I shall try to be more assertive.. It's preferable to wanting to burst into tears on the tube today after a rough one...!

How do you know the people in the priority seats don't need it more than you?

Anyway, most of the time no one is looking at you or your badge, if you need a seat, ask for it.