Using the Tube while preggers

[AlexPea]

I'm 4.5 months pregnant, wearing baggy clothes so not visibly obvious - although I'm wearing a "Baby on Board" TFL button on my coat lapel.

I'm finding that about 75% of the time people are not getting up for me on busy tubes and it's pissing me off!

I don't alert people or ask to sit in their seat, rather just hope they spot my button but even when people see it they're either not registering it, or don't care. I'm mostly fine with it but days like today where I've got bad growing pains, bags to carry and just did a rather physical emergency first aid course, it really annoys me. I feel that people sat in priority seats have a duty to look around and check that nobody else needs the seat at EVERY stop. I know I do if I ever sit in one. I was also a bit annoyed that other people who clearly noticed my badge didn't alert the clueless men buried in their phones to the fact that there was someone in need of their seat.

What's other peoples experience of this? And how do you deal with it?

Congratulations on your pregnancy OP. Its disgraceful you even have to ask but unfortunately there are so many selfish people around.

On my last pregnancy I became aware of fathers attending all appointments in the hospital. Waiting room would be overflowing and men would be sitting on the chairs whilst pregnant women stood. It was shocking. More than once I told men to please give the seat to one of the pregnant women as it was a maternity hospital after all. Really put me of going to my appointments as I knew I would get pissed of.

You need to ask.
I've used the underground with crutches and a cast and had to ask.
Once people moved too slowly and I ended up in som guy's lap 🤣

Wow, am amazed at some of the responses on here. I'm very happy for all of those who were absolutely fine and fitter than they had ever been at 4.5 months pregnant, but I am not. I have arthritis in both of my feet, along with painful sciatica - both worsened by my pregnancy. So unfortunately I'm not having the same experience as you. Your kinds of attitude is what makes me not want to ask people for a seat. You're also responding as if I'm going around demanding a seat- I made it clear that I'm not and just getting quietly annoyed/disappointed by the lack of support from strangers on the tube.

For those with the helpful comments and examples of your experience, thank you so much. I do need to understand that people don't notice/don't care, but will more than likely be helpful if asked. I haven't lived in london for long and I get regularly disappointed at some peoples lack of care towards others - people not getting up for elderly/disabled people etc. so I don't know why I'm surprised. I shall endeavor to not get so huffy about it and just ask if I'm in particular need of a sit down!

How would I know you have arthiritis in your feet or sciatica? How do you know the people in the priority seats don't have arthiritis or sciatica? I find this thread faintly ridiculous.

@TarcasticSwat

As a tip buses and trains have much nicer travellers than tubes, I had to change my journey to them instead so I could get a seat.

Nicer travellers??? lol that's funny

Thinking about it, I now have problems with my ankle (full of pins) I'd probably give up my seat for the elderly, but not someone that is pregnant

People are just wankers or oblivious. Ask - mostly people won't be dicks.

However, I did once experience asking for a seat because I was crying with pain from hip problems and a full bus repeatedly ignoring me. They looked a bit shifty when I was phoning a friend to ask her to meet me from the bus, because I was struggling to walk and wouldn't make it home alone. Still didn't get up though... I wasn't pregnant however and am young, just have hip problems. I find people are much nicer if you 'look' like you need a seat. That is the only time, ever, that noone has stood when I genuinely needed a seat (imo, about a 95% success rate when I just really wanted one but could sort of stand a bit).

@Herja

People are just wankers or oblivious. Ask - mostly people won't be dicks.

However, I did once experience asking for a seat because I was crying with pain from hip problems and a full bus repeatedly ignoring me. They looked a bit shifty when I was phoning a friend to ask her to meet me from the bus, because I was struggling to walk and wouldn't make it home alone. Still didn't get up though... I wasn't pregnant however and am young, just have hip problems. I find people are much nicer if you 'look' like you need a seat. That is the only time, ever, that noone has stood when I genuinely needed a seat (imo, about a 95% success rate when I just really wanted one but could sort of stand a bit).

Ugh I'm sorry that happened to you, you poor thing. People are dicks. Hope your hip is doing better now..

@Abridget7 You seem the "sort" that's just a lovely person through and through. I bet you are.

If you'd have ready my comments carefully before commenting, you'd understand that I don't expect people to know about my other issues, but the TFL guides/rules state that priority seats should be given to elderly, disabled and pregnant passengers so the additional ailments shouldn't matter. Just as people with hidden disabilities should also be given those seats when required.

Have a nice day.

[quote AlexPea]@Abridget7 You seem the "sort" that's just a lovely person through and through. I bet you are.

If you'd have ready my comments carefully before commenting, you'd understand that I don't expect people to know about my other issues, but the TFL guides/rules state that priority seats should be given to elderly, disabled and pregnant passengers so the additional ailments shouldn't matter. Just as people with hidden disabilities should also be given those seats when required.

Have a nice day. [/quote]
Apologies, I was also referring to @A580Hojas 's post.

I'm out. Mumsnet deffo isn't the place for me, don't need that negativity/judgement in my life. Good luck to all of you who enjoy dishing it out.

Thanks to those of you that gave helpful/constructive comments - I really appreciate it.

Some people are lovely. Some people are rude. Some are inconsiderate. Some are preoccupied. Some have hidden disabilities. Any of them could be sitting in that seat.

Asking "do you mind if I sit down, please?" gives them the opportunity to let you sit down.

If they don't, for good reason or bad, my experience is someone else will overhear and kindly offer you their seat instead. Not everyone on the tube is kind, but there are usually enough that are!

It's a bit like mumsnet in that way!

@Abridget7 , you sound vile and reading between the lines I would say you are jealous.

You are going to have a long tedious pregnancy OP with this attitude!

I don’t live in London so if I was sat and you got on with your badge, I would have no idea what it meant
If you asked me if I would move, I would because I’d figure people only ask if they have to
You do sound a bit entitled though

It shouldn't matter but I have arthritis in both of my feet, and am suffering from bad sciatica

Both invisible disabilities so people won't know.

You need to ask. On the tube you are with loads of strangers in close proximity. Most deal with this by reading, being on their phones or escaping into a world of their own. Anytime I've seen someone ask there have been people jumping up to give them a seat.

I am not surprised by people's responses but I totally agree with you, OP.

If I were ever to sit in an accessible seat, I spend the whole journey looking out to see if someone needs it. It's why I avoid them if I can!

People saying that it's fine at 4.5 months are not really thinking about the danger to pregnant women. I'm pretty sure part of the impetus for the baby on board badges was because a woman miscarried after being elbowed in the stomach accidentally in a packed carriage.

Yes asking is an option, but with attitudes like the ones displayed here, I can see why some pregnant women are reluctant to do so. It's ignorant and rude to sit in accessible seat if you don't need it, and not look around to see if anyone needs it more. Pregnant women shouldn't have to ask, but people are jerks and so they do.

I wish there would be a little more education on tubes as to why it's important at every stage of pregnancy, because even on mumsnet people don't seem to see it's because it's usually safer for pregnant women to sit if a tube is busy.

Most of these posters saying you can stand probably don’t travel at rush hour on the tube - it’s so awful standing being pregnant literally people crushed in against you I was terrified I’d fall and then someone would fall on top of me. It’s quite scary tbh

Sorry people are being so unpleasant! I don't see anyone with invisible disabilities on my line in those priority seats. I see able bodied young men staring at their phones. They can't all have hidden disabilities. In the majority of situations where I see a pregnant woman get on another woman, often older gets up for her. People's awful behaviour on the tube never ceases to amaze me.

Most of these posters saying you can stand probably don’t travel at rush hour on the tube - it’s so awful standing being pregnant literally people crushed in against you I was terrified I’d fall and then someone would fall on top of me. It’s quite scary tbh

I just don’t get this. I get the tube a lot. I’ve never fallen over. I’ve never had someone fall onto me. I’ve never seen anyone fall over.

@Moancup I have. I get the Victoria line and it really stops sharply when stuff is trapped in the doors. People regularly over balance. When I was pregnant I fell a few times (not on tube) and am generally sturdy. My centre of gravity had completely changed! I fell on the bus when the driver accelerated quickly and I hadn't sat down. A nice woman checked on me but I was very shaken. Basically it says clearly if you sit in the priority seats you should move for people who are pregnant or disabled. I think if you sit in that seat you should look up at every stop and check there is noone who needs the seat - I do!

Just ask. I find those badges utterly cringey.

I commuted into London with my first pregnancy until 38 weeks. I'd never have asked for a seat because I was perfectly fine. Being pregnant doesn't mean you automatically deserve a seat. If you need one for whatever reason, ask.

Sorry OP that you're getting such shitty answers. I don't know what is wrong with people here sometimes...

I will say I use the badge too and haven't had to ask for a seat so far, people have always noticed and offered me a seat, for which I am grateful.