Using the Tube while preggers

[AlexPea]

I'm 4.5 months pregnant, wearing baggy clothes so not visibly obvious - although I'm wearing a "Baby on Board" TFL button on my coat lapel.

I'm finding that about 75% of the time people are not getting up for me on busy tubes and it's pissing me off!

I don't alert people or ask to sit in their seat, rather just hope they spot my button but even when people see it they're either not registering it, or don't care. I'm mostly fine with it but days like today where I've got bad growing pains, bags to carry and just did a rather physical emergency first aid course, it really annoys me. I feel that people sat in priority seats have a duty to look around and check that nobody else needs the seat at EVERY stop. I know I do if I ever sit in one. I was also a bit annoyed that other people who clearly noticed my badge didn't alert the clueless men buried in their phones to the fact that there was someone in need of their seat.

What's other peoples experience of this? And how do you deal with it?

@drawingpad

I think this is totally fair enough, but not when using priority seats. I don't understand people who choose those seats when there are others available anyway. I never take a priority seat even now while pregnant if there is another option.

I would take a priority seat because I have a physical disability (not visible) and also I'm autistic and struggle with busy tube journeys - if I was crammed in the centre of the tube I would be at risk of going into overload/meltdown/shutdown. I would absolutely stand (near the doors so I can get off at the next stop if it's too much) if a pregnant woman needed a seat though.

Of course, as you should. And that's extremely kind of you to also give up a seat for a pregnant person :)

@AlexPea sorry I did see that you then put under it you wouldn't sit in priority seating if there was others available.

As with the badge though, like I said I've seen people wearing them, offered my seat and they've not been pregnant for various reasons.
I also think some people look as though they're looking/reading but they're really not paying attention to what the badge actually says.

If you were visibly pregnant then I could definitely see your point more but until then unfortunately it is a case of you'll need to ask if you need a seat and as I say more often than not someone is happy to give up their seat for you.

Best of luck in the rest of your pregnancy though, I'm pregnant with Baby 2 and my Son is only 10months, it's not easy!

@GinUnicorn

Unfortunately people are often in their own world or selfish. I had to ask once on a really crowded train when a dad and his child were sitting down and she kept leaping up or asking to sit on his lap. After she’s been there for a few minutes I asked to have her seat whilst it was empty as I was really struggling. Sciatica and awful sickness.

I will say don’t assume everyone in the priority seat shouldn’t be there. In early pregnancy I was really unwell and really needed a seat. I didn’t want to wear a badge with no visible bump but I could barely stand up for nausea and sickness.

No of course not, it's just that I ride approx 20 tubes per week and the likelihood (although can't be certain) is that the majority of those people do not have a hidden disability.

This is also why I'm uncomfortable asking though, as I am well aware that people have hidden disabilities and would never want to put someone in the position where they feel they need to justify their requirement for the seat. I think I perhaps just need to keep standing, grab onto a rail and get over it!

[quote Lou98]@AlexPea sorry I did see that you then put under it you wouldn't sit in priority seating if there was others available.

As with the badge though, like I said I've seen people wearing them, offered my seat and they've not been pregnant for various reasons.
I also think some people look as though they're looking/reading but they're really not paying attention to what the badge actually says.

If you were visibly pregnant then I could definitely see your point more but until then unfortunately it is a case of you'll need to ask if you need a seat and as I say more often than not someone is happy to give up their seat for you.

Best of luck in the rest of your pregnancy though, I'm pregnant with Baby 2 and my Son is only 10months, it's not easy! [/quote]
Yes I often stare aimlessly and have no idea what I'm looking at!

Aww thank you and congratulations yourself :) good luck with baby #2!

At 4.5 months pregnant I didn't look at all pregnant (and don't know that many who are really obviously pregnant at 4.5 months with their first baby) so no reason anyone would have thought to offer me a seat. To be fair, I was also not at a stage where I was uncomfortable enough to feel I needed to be offered a seat, but I appreciate we all experience pregnancy very differently and I had a rough time later on. At 7.5 months pregnant, when I was massive and uncomfortable, no bugger offered me a seat, either, though, so perhaps a noticeably pregnant appearance is by the by.

I'll be honest, I never really look at people on the tube so I wouldn't notice a small badge. I think you're going to need to ask people if you want a seat. I'd never mind someone asking me but I definitely wouldn't notice a badge on someone who didn't have an 'obvious at a quick glance' requirement for a seat.

Honestly, just ask. I've got on before and loudly (but politely) asked a busy carriage if I could have a seat (not pregnant or outwardly I'll looking). Both times many people got up and offered . Most folk may not be particularly observant, but they are not ignorant seat hoggers (mostly)

I had to ask for a seat with a small baby attached to my front in a carrier. DH was very embarrassed... I was very pissed off that not one person in a seat offered me theirs, even in the non priority seats.

I was going to say the same as @LadyMacduff, I went at 7 months pregnant, and was offered a seat on every tube train we took. I had my other DC with me though and they wanted to stand, and I needed to be near them and to join in their fun, so I wanted to stand too. Clearly a few people thought I was a bit strange for preferring to stand, but I never had a shortage of offers of seats.

I had someone tut at me when I asked him to move his rucksack from having a seat of its own he was muttering under his breath the rest of the journey.

I wouldn't automatically offer a pregnant lady who wasn't showing a seat. I'd probably miss the badge, but even if I saw it, you may not need a seat. I didn't need a seat at 4.5 months pregnant with my first. This time though, I've really struggled physically with sciatica, round ligament pain etc and would have needed a seat from about 3 months! Like PPs said, just ask.

I used the tube with 2 pregnancies and severe HG both times. As others have said I wore a badge and generally still had to ask but cannot ever remember being refused. In the early days I occasionally explained I felt sick or queasy and not only did I get seats, on numerous times I was also offered or supplied with tissues, brand new sealed bottles of water and even mints (I did suffer quite badly whilst travelling). My preferred way of asking was to broadly ask the whole carriage if there was someone who was able to give up their seat for me. This avoids targeting people in the priority seats or risk picking on someone who needed a seat much more than I did. People were overwhelmingly lovely.

I don't understand why this is an issue.
Just ask? If you really need it you wont be embarrassed trust me. Wait until you are actually really uncomfortable and swollen in a couple of months. I promise you won't think twice about asking!
But that being said, just wanting the seat because you are pregnant and pregnant people can sit is also not a good attitude.
Many people aren't pregnant, or disabled but unwell and need seats on their journey. They don't wear a badge.
Don't be so quick to judge why other people are sitting/not moving.
Most people though would give it away if they did not need it. Most people are considerate.

You just have to ask. On packed tubes no one is looking for a badge on a coat especially when you are in the vestibule area.. I've also never (in my 20 years of tube commuting, seen woman with. A visible pregnancy or badge not get offered a seat... ever.
I was commuting for several months with a fractured foot and DVT. It wasn't obvious but I couldn't stand for long and I just asked. People couldn't move fast enough to offer. Got over the embarrassment pretty quickly.

I work for the tube, on the stations. I've been pregnant, and was on crutches last year for a few months. It's been 50/50 in my case. There have been some lovely people giving up their seat and then you get other days when no-one GAF.

Older people don't like to make a fuss. One day, a very senior gentleman got on the Northern line at Kennington, and no-one got up. I said, "excuse me, could someone give up their seat please?" Grumble grumble, but someone eventually stood up. It helps I was wearing my uniform at the time.

My dad has hidden disabilities. Can't stand for long periods, struggles with stairs, gets tired quickly, that kind of thing. I gave him a badge to wear but because, generally, he looks well, he doesn't get much success. I have to ask for him to get a seat and it has got me into some bother but I say to them, "look, my old man is too polite to ask, but I am not...my dad can only stand for a short time, could you give up your seat for him please?" And they usually move.

Londoners hate interacting with others, they only want to get involved if there is an emergency, or if a vulnerable person is getting attacked. They aren't chatty. They're probably travelled from heaven knows where that day to get to where they want to go and all they want to do is read or listen to music. You need to be vocal to get what you want.

You’ll have to get more assertive and just say excuse me can I sit there and tap the badge is that I did - you will need to be when the baby is here and you have a buggy on the bus or tube - it only gets worse I’m afraid 😂😂

I take the bus every morning with my baby and I have to say out loud daily “can everyone standing in the door way move I have to get buggy off!!”

Most days have to tell people to move out the buggy area (they are standing in there on their phones not paying attention

I’ve had people lean right up against the buggy nearly knocking it over - have to tell them to move too 🙈

I’ve had the baby screaming needing to be fed and had to ask people to move out of the seats so I can take her out and feed her etc

I wouldn't expect anyone to offer up their seat for when 4 or 5 months pregnant,, and not at 8 or 9 months pregnant either.. I was always at my fittest when pregnant, doing all sorts of things,

[quote AlexPea]@bedheadedzombie I shall choose to respectfully disagree. [/quote]
You can't disagree with facts. Your baby is very well protected. I'm not telling you that you shouldn't get a seat, if you're feeling unwell you should, but you don't need to worry about killing the baby in a fall at 4.5 months pregnant.

I couldn’t ask, I’d just stand. I’d be too embarrassed, a lot of people wear headsets, not even aware of their surroundings.

@1forAll74

I wouldn't expect anyone to offer up their seat for when 4 or 5 months pregnant,, and not at 8 or 9 months pregnant either.. I was always at my fittest when pregnant, doing all sorts of things,

Wow what a helpful comment for OPs thread, you are such an inspiration to us.

Your 4.5 months! You don't actually need to sit all the time. I'd only get up for a heavily pregnant woman. I've been pregnant twice and would never expect this at 4 months. It's not a requirement that strangers must pander to you just because your pregnant.

You sound like a dick, with all your responses, you need to get over yourself

Some PP are being unfair. Yes if OP falls over on the tube her baby will probably be fine but it would undoubtedly cause much more stress and worry than for someone who isn’t pregnant.

Speak up and ask them to move! They aren't going to move because they're selfish but when you ask them for the seat they usually jump up and are understanding.

You're going to encounter this behaviour a lot more often once baby is here so might as well start getting used to asking people.

I went to the playground yesterday and when I arrived, two dads had used the only bench for their piles of coats and bags (they each had a couple of primary school children with them). I needed to feed baby, so obviously, I just asked them to move their stuff so I can sit and feed. I'm not going to martyr myself and kill my back feeding on the floor or standing up. It was fine.

Same on the bus, I needed the spot that has more space for wheelchair or buggy so asked if the person sat there could move, he didn't mind moving of course but I had to ask. People just don't think (but then someone in an electric wheelchair got on the bus so understandably I had to move! So we've all got to share the space but definitely just ask next time!).

This thread, wow. Some of these replies are so unnecessary.

I’ve been using the tube more recently and I’m 20 weeks but don’t look huge, but I have my baby on board badge.

For me personally, the central line is now packed in the mornings, so I don’t want to risk getting elbowed in the stomach or falling over if the train suddenly stops. I think I’m being a bit paranoid as I’m rhesus negative and don’t want to risk something that could cause bleeding as I’ll just freak out.

I have noticed that it’s a mixture of people offering immediately, as they are in the priority seats and alert to who gets on, or I have people shouting halfway down offering their seat as the people in priority will look everywhere but at you and ignore you. Other times, I’ve just asked if it’s okay to sit down and someone does offer.

Honestly no I wouldn’t offer someone a seat just because they are pregnant, I’ve been pregnant 4 times and was rarely offered a seat (in my last pregnancy i wasn’t offered a seat at all) but I get the bus not the tube so maybe that’s why, I didn’t need a seat anyway and was fine standing so didn’t expect anyone to give me one so I wouldn’t automatically offer. if I was asked I would move though, I only give up my seat for elderly people but then I always try to avoid the priority seats anyway and sit more towards the back.