Using the Tube while preggers

[AlexPea]

I'm 4.5 months pregnant, wearing baggy clothes so not visibly obvious - although I'm wearing a "Baby on Board" TFL button on my coat lapel.

I'm finding that about 75% of the time people are not getting up for me on busy tubes and it's pissing me off!

I don't alert people or ask to sit in their seat, rather just hope they spot my button but even when people see it they're either not registering it, or don't care. I'm mostly fine with it but days like today where I've got bad growing pains, bags to carry and just did a rather physical emergency first aid course, it really annoys me. I feel that people sat in priority seats have a duty to look around and check that nobody else needs the seat at EVERY stop. I know I do if I ever sit in one. I was also a bit annoyed that other people who clearly noticed my badge didn't alert the clueless men buried in their phones to the fact that there was someone in need of their seat.

What's other peoples experience of this? And how do you deal with it?

I’ve been pregnant whilst commuting on the tube twice, and also have regularly sat in the priority seats whilst not pregnant. There’s no way I’d be looking up at every stop in case there’s a pregnant woman somewhere near.

I used to stand in front of the priority seats and say politely “excuse me, please can I have a seat” (unless the people in them were clearly in need of the seats too!). Whilst wearing my baby on board badge. People always always just stood up with absolutely no fuss or resentment.

How do you know that the people sitting in the priority seats aren’t disabled?

I’d stand up for a heavily pregnant woman, but you’re 4 months and haven’t mentioned any medical issues (apart from occasional stretching pains)- why are you a priority?

it is way safer for you and your baby to be seated if the train jolts or comes to an emergency brake. So I have to disagree, and still find it disappointing that people don't always recognize and respect this guidance.

Where is the medical research that demonstrates that it’s risky for a woman with a healthy pregnancy to stand on a tube?

I’m all in favour of a world where people who find it harder to stand can ask for a seat, but you’ve lost me talking about expectant mother’s “right” to a seat - especially in the second trimester!

@Whadda

How do you know that the people sitting in the priority seats aren’t disabled?

I’d stand up for a heavily pregnant woman, but you’re 4 months and haven’t mentioned any medical issues (apart from occasional stretching pains)- why are you a priority?

I don't know that, but the likelihood that out of my 20(ish) tube rides per week, all of the people in the priority seats have a hidden disability is pretty low.

@Moancup I haven't done medical research on this but to me it feels like common sense that if the train jolts and you fall, or someone falls on you, it can be harmful to your abdomen. If you disagree that's fair enough.

Also to clarify, when I say it's "our right", I'm referring to the TFL policy.

Also to those saying that only being 4 months or so doesn't justify being given a seat etc, is exactly the kind of attitude that makes me nervous to ask people for a seat. It shouldn't matter but I have arthritis in both of my feet, and am suffering from bad sciatica - both worsened by my pregnancy of "only" 4.5 months.

I've travelled on tubes for all my pregnancies. The first thing I'd do when I got on a tube was to make my way to the corner seats and say "excuse me but do you mind moving to another seat, please". Often more than two people ended up offering theirs. You have to ask. No one will notice you otherwise- people don't notice anything on the tube unless you're doing something really antisocial. You can't expect them to be engrossed in their phone/book/newspaper AND also keep an eye on everything else around them.

Ps. I suffered from severe HG so if I didn't sit down, I'd have been (and created) a big mess. I wasn't going to risk that.

I have Multiple Sclerosis. When I'm on the train I always have to ask for a seat. Don't ask don't get.

People aren't mind readers.

You just have to ask - not everyone is hyper-alert at every station or looking at everyone who gets on the train. People are doing their own thing.

I rode the tube or train almost every day through both my pregnancies, and never was refused a seat when I asked for it, even at rush hour. I was continually surprised at how kind people could be.

Best of luck to you.

[quote AlexPea]@Moancup I haven't done medical research on this but to me it feels like common sense that if the train jolts and you fall, or someone falls on you, it can be harmful to your abdomen. If you disagree that's fair enough. [/quote]
At 4,5 months the baby is cushioned by all the water around it. A fall won't harm it.

You’re putting a lot of responsibility on other people - the people in the seats, the people near those people who “should notice”. Really, you need to ask. People aren’t on high alert. It’s better not to address one person specifically - I’d say “is anyone able to stand, I’m pregnant and not feeling that good”. And of course some days, you might feel up to standing!

I wore the badge when pregnant as much to get people to give me a wide berth in a crowd as to show I might need a seat.

I would never notice. I actively avoid looking at people never mind scan them for a badge. I would stand if you needed a seat, but I would need you to tell me that.

Yabu to use the word 'preggers'. Shudder

You don't need to sit down at 4.5months pregnant. 8months yes, not 4.

@daphneorvelma

You just have to ask - not everyone is hyper-alert at every station or looking at everyone who gets on the train. People are doing their own thing.

I rode the tube or train almost every day through both my pregnancies, and never was refused a seat when I asked for it, even at rush hour. I was continually surprised at how kind people could be.

Best of luck to you.

Yep, of course. I just see people looking at my button and not reacting but tbf they could just be staring blankly and not taking anything in, as I often do!

I've also encountered some lovely people, especially one lady who had hawk eyes and spotted my button from the other end of the carriage on a rush hour tube somehow and started waving her hands in the air to get my attention. What a sweetheart

@drawingpad

I would never notice. I actively avoid looking at people never mind scan them for a badge. I would stand if you needed a seat, but I would need you to tell me that.

I think this is totally fair enough, but not when using priority seats. I don't understand people who choose those seats when there are others available anyway. I never take a priority seat even now while pregnant if there is another option.

@Popsicle33

Yabu to use the word 'preggers'. Shudder

Thank you for your contribution.

Preggers preggers preggers.

@bedheadedzombie I shall choose to respectfully disagree.

I think this is totally fair enough, but not when using priority seats. I don't understand people who choose those seats when there are others available anyway. I never take a priority seat even now while pregnant if there is another option.

I would take a priority seat because I have a physical disability (not visible) and also I'm autistic and struggle with busy tube journeys - if I was crammed in the centre of the tube I would be at risk of going into overload/meltdown/shutdown. I would absolutely stand (near the doors so I can get off at the next stop if it's too much) if a pregnant woman needed a seat though.

I feel that people sat in priority seats have a duty to look around and check that nobody else needs the seat at EVERY stop.

In fairness though, you've said yourself that you don't look pregnant and wear baggy clothes so how are people meant to know? I've seen people wearing "baby on board" badges that are either generally tiny that you'd have to squint to know what it says or I've also seen people wearing them when they're not pregnant (I know this because I've asked exactly this - if they want my seat or I know the person) some people just don't take them off, have them on when they're baby wearing for fun etc.

I get it - I had HG and SPD in my pregnancy aswell as Sciatica that I had prior to pregnancy, but I didn't look particularly pregnant until I was about 7/8 months. I wouldn't have expected anyone to just know. If I needed to sit down I asked, people are generally happy to oblige but I don't think it's fair to say that because they're sitting in priority seats that they should just be able to notice you're pregnant (when you've said you don't look pregnant).

I also don't get your comment of why people choose to sit in these seats when there's others available - if there is others available, why didn't you sit in them? Unless I'm missing something, at 4.5 months pregnant you don't need to extra room yet surely?

@Sportsnight

You’re putting a lot of responsibility on other people - the people in the seats, the people near those people who “should notice”. Really, you need to ask. People aren’t on high alert. It’s better not to address one person specifically - I’d say “is anyone able to stand, I’m pregnant and not feeling that good”. And of course some days, you might feel up to standing!

I wore the badge when pregnant as much to get people to give me a wide berth in a crowd as to show I might need a seat.

Yeah that's fair enough, I know I was particularly overreacting this eve cause I was so tired and sore :/

Unfortunately people are often in their own world or selfish. I had to ask once on a really crowded train when a dad and his child were sitting down and she kept leaping up or asking to sit on his lap. After she’s been there for a few minutes I asked to have her seat whilst it was empty as I was really struggling. Sciatica and awful sickness.

I will say don’t assume everyone in the priority seat shouldn’t be there. In early pregnancy I was really unwell and really needed a seat. I didn’t want to wear a badge with no visible bump but I could barely stand up for nausea and sickness.

@Lou98

I feel that people sat in priority seats have a duty to look around and check that nobody else needs the seat at EVERY stop.

In fairness though, you've said yourself that you don't look pregnant and wear baggy clothes so how are people meant to know? I've seen people wearing "baby on board" badges that are either generally tiny that you'd have to squint to know what it says or I've also seen people wearing them when they're not pregnant (I know this because I've asked exactly this - if they want my seat or I know the person) some people just don't take them off, have them on when they're baby wearing for fun etc.

I get it - I had HG and SPD in my pregnancy aswell as Sciatica that I had prior to pregnancy, but I didn't look particularly pregnant until I was about 7/8 months. I wouldn't have expected anyone to just know. If I needed to sit down I asked, people are generally happy to oblige but I don't think it's fair to say that because they're sitting in priority seats that they should just be able to notice you're pregnant (when you've said you don't look pregnant).

I also don't get your comment of why people choose to sit in these seats when there's others available - if there is others available, why didn't you sit in them? Unless I'm missing something, at 4.5 months pregnant you don't need to extra room yet surely?

Haha not quite that big yet! I meant that for when the tube isn't busy, I wouldn't choose a priority seat (separate point).

And yes absolutely if people don't notice my button that can't be helped - but it's the people that do actually look at me and my button and then don't get up, which happens a lot, that disappoint me.

I think the lesson learned here is to politely ask the people in the vicinity if I feel like I need a seat, and that unless I come across some of the posters on here, people will generally oblige happily :)

I'd just ask. If you ask someone who turns out to have a disability, they will say 'sorry, I have a disability' and the person next to them will give up their seat instead. Most people with hidden disabilities have badges as well anyway.