What would happen if I stop attending MW appointments?

[Janedoe95]

I really don't enjoy my midwife appointments, initially I thought they'd be exciting but I just find them a complete waste of my time.

I don't feel listened to and everything I mention is apparently a normal part of pregnancy that I just have to deal with. e.g. nose bleeds / hip pain

I don't dislike my midwife she's fine but I just really don't want to attend anymore and every time I leave an appointment I feel deflated and wonder why I even went.

I'm 35 weeks pregnant what would happen if I stop attending MW appointments? I haven't found the NHS very involved and I'd be surprised if they even call or check why I haven't attended I want to just wait until I go in to labour now.

@Enko

Op it sounds patronising what I'm about to say. But ask her.

Blood pressure is x over y.
Ok is that good ?

Iron are fine
Ok so does that mean I don't have to worry about iron supplements?

Make them engage on a level that works for you

They're failing to provide adequate medical care. It is not the responsibility of patients to try and "make" HCPs do their job properly.

The op has received poor care, of course she feels fed up.

No patient can make informed decisions or provide legally valid consent if HCPs fail to share information in a way the patient understands. Failing to tell a patient her iron levels are falling and borderline anaemic is inexcusable. That is a failure of care.

These are basic professional and legal obligations that the midwife is failing to uphold.

It is infuriating that people's first response is to attack the patient and try to make it her job to deal with rather than expecting HCPs to behave appropriately. It is not bloody good enough and nobody should ever be told to be grateful for shit "care" .

In particular the poster making uninformed and unpleasant comments about the op "failing to attend" appointments - patients don't "fail" to attend appointments (they're not compulsory), they decide whether to attend. Patients make a free and informed choice whether or not they wish to attend because that's how a consensual medical system operates. It's not the 1950s anymore and most people want to lose the paternalistic coercive medicine that perpetrated abuses.

But if you still take a coercive approach to medical care then I guess maybe you forgot the basic legal and ethical principles at the core of this. Maybe you should revisit them before causing further harm.

Medical care is about the patient not the HCP. If the HCP withholds information they are failing.

@wanttomarryamillionaire

So if there are no issues what exactly do you expect the midwife to say? Is she supposed to explain every little thing in minute detail while the other 20 mums she needs to see in her clinic that morning or afternoon just sit and wait? If you have nothing wrong then there is nothing for her to comment on unless you ask about something specific! You could always pay and go private if you expect a midwife to act like you are the only woman who has ever been pregnant!

Don't be so damn nasty.

It is literally the midwife's job to share the test results and what they mean. If she's not doing that she should be replaced rather than the NHS paying a salary to someone who's incompetent.

Being borderline anaemic is an issue, and one that could have been diverted from becoming a problem if the midwife had done her job properly by bringing it to the op's attention as she was supposed to do.

[quote seekinglondonlife]@pistachi0nuts my 20 week scan revealed that my baby had serious anomalies and I went into labour at 23 weeks, my baby was born by crash c/s at 27 weeks (a scan revealed the placenta had partially abrupted), both me and baby had every complication afterwards that you can imagine. Forgive me for not validating the OPs feelings that her pregnancy and midwife visits are boring.[/quote]
Maybe you should try reading the op's posts properly instead of attacking her to seek validation over the awful thing that happened to you.

OP it sounds like your mw isn't very good at communicating, she should be telling you these things without you having to coax the information out of her. With those iron levels it would have been appropriate for her to discuss ways you can improve your iron levels via dietary intake. Was your BP definitely 150/90? Did she check it again before you left? That is quite high.

Ultimately as others have said, it is important to carry on attending the appointments, but you would be well within your rights to talk to the community team leader and ask to be cared for by a different midwife that you feel more comfortable with.

@Janedoe95 wow I think some of these comments are really harsh! Yes midwife apts are about checking on yours and babies well being - and part of that is LISTENING to how you are feeling and your concerns. If you aren’t feeling listened to or looked after this is something I think you should raise with your midwife team. I am sure they would be saddened to hear you felt that way. There is nothing wrong with wanting to feel a bit of ‘excitement’ around going to a midwife apt - it’s your chance to focus and talk about your baby I totally get it. You should definitely not feel bad after your apts! I do agree with others though - please don’t stop going as they are more and more important towards the end. But you need to be seeing someone you trust and have a good relationship with! Best of luck xxx

@seekinglondonlife just because you went through something horrible doesn’t mean you have to throw personal insults at a heavily pregnant stranger asking for advice. Especially as she’d already taken advice and said she’d carry on attending appointments.

@draramallama well said!!

@seekinglondonlife really?? It was an awful thing to happen to you and I’m sorry for that, I have some experience - my 20 week scan didn’t go well and sadly my little girl died. That doesn’t give either of us the right to belittle anyone else who has worries or concerns about their treatment during pregnancy- no matter how ‘normal’ their pregnancy may appear. Be kind!

Ok, OP, based on your latest update I’d agree that you’re not receiving the best care on account of the examples given. I don’t think anyone should be crowing about how ‘harsh’ comments were up thread, the OP hadn’t explained the situation fully, she now has.

OP, it’s obviously really important that if you’re borderline anaemic etc you attend your appointments - it’s important for everyone but especially for you. I would request a change of midwife and register your concerns about the care provided by contacting the head of the midwifery unit you’re being looked after. Explain that while you acknowledge your health risks aren’t life threatening, you feel excluded from important information about your health and your baby’s health, and would like a change of midwife due to the fact that you’ve lost faith in the existing team and the effect of that is making you want to disengage with the midwifery service.

It makes me really angry when people don’t look out for the health of their children, but it makes me much angrier when people deny others information about their care. I have a medical background and as soon as I use certain terminology in a healthcare context I suddenly get treated very differently. It frustrates me when people aren’t given the same treatment just because they don’t have that background.

I honestly did not intend to be unkind, I'm just astonished from the OP. To be fair none of her subsequent posts have made me feel any less perturbed. Anyone who is a HCP in the NHS knows how extremely busy they are, they don't have time to talk you through every single test result that is within the normal range. I thought that is very typical? Unless there is a drip feed that I've missed about the OP having SEN or something where she needs extra explanations, I don't see why she thinks "the NHS have nothing to offer" her. And I don't mean that unkindly. Obviously in an ideal world we'd see the same midwife every time and have nice long chats over a coffee, but this isn't the reality at all.

I do understand OP.

For my first 2 pregnancies I ended up with the same midwife (despite moving to a different surgery!!) and there was very little engagement.

With my third pregnancy my city was piloting a special midwife scheme where basically you had a special team who was supposed to do both your appointments and be with you in hospital. Having someone actively engaged in my emotional wellbeing as well as mine and baby's physical health, even just in the form of talking to me about pregnancy and birth related things, made a world of difference and I had a fantastic birth.

With my first baby I waited with anticipation for the later appointments to do a birth plan with my midwife- there was space in my notes to do this, yet we never even spoke about it she was not interested :( Given that I was only 21 when pregnant with my first I would have really appreciated a bit of support.

It wasn't a lot of effort but it changes everything. It's not like I had any complications or anything, it was just the little extra mile rather than literally silently handing someone a pee pot, letting them do a few checks and then 5 minutes later being ushered out the door.

I would say though, statistically some demographics are far more at risk of maternal or neonatal death during pregnancy and childbirth and I do believe one of the identified risk factors associated with this increase in rates was a lack of engagement with health services during pregnancy. You also are more likely to develop complications like pre eclampsia in those later stages of pregnancy. And yes of course people are likely to be more concerned about you if you just don't show up, I imagine!

Best of luck OP, you are so close to meeting you baby now ♡

@seekinglondonlife

I honestly did not intend to be unkind, I'm just astonished from the OP. To be fair none of her subsequent posts have made me feel any less perturbed. Anyone who is a HCP in the NHS knows how extremely busy they are, they don't have time to talk you through every single test result that is within the normal range. I thought that is very typical? Unless there is a drip feed that I've missed about the OP having SEN or something where she needs extra explanations, I don't see why she thinks "the NHS have nothing to offer" her. And I don't mean that unkindly. Obviously in an ideal world we'd see the same midwife every time and have nice long chats over a coffee, but this isn't the reality at all.

It’s not new. It was like this before covid. And it’s stil not OK.

Yes they are busy but it also takes only two seconds to give the tests results and let them know they are borderline anaemic. It’s not hard.

Being in the normal range when it’s so borderline is NOT ‘being normal’. There are things you can easily do to support your iron levels if you know it’s borderline. You won’t do it if you don’t know though.
And by the time you do know, you’ll have symptoms, feel crap etc…

Maybe my experience is tainting things but I’ve had too many instances where I’ve been told ‘things were normal’ when they weren’t even in range. So yes nowadays, I want to know. Every time.

I feel you. My midwife in my last pregnancy treated me like I was an inconvenience. Totally monotonous tone, she did not want to be there at all. I felt anxious about going to her because she just was so grumpy towards me.

You've not got long left, just grit your teeth and soon you'll be rid of them.

@Janedoe95 - are you from the U.K.? I only ask because if you’re used to a different level of medical communication (e.g. versus the US where in my experience was they tested and communicated every last detail, whatever the ailment) then what you’re experiencing could be particularly perplexing. The way I work around it on the NHS side of things is keep it pleasant, keep chatting, keep asking questions. It’s ok to say you don’t understand or query why interventions aren’t done at borderline levels - being informed will help you now and also if there are any complications, although hopefully none, during the birth.

As many others have said, you’re nearly there, but there’s no prize for leaving your appointments annoyed. Good luck x

I doubt anything would happen. I seem to have been forgotten about and it was 8wks between midwife appointments despite me supposed to be being seen every 2wks due to high risk pregnancy. I'm 37wks and the next available midwife appointment is 3 weeks AFTER I'm due to give birth. So that's helpful to me . No one will speak to me about the ELCS I want, no one has been measuring me either. There's definitely no point writing a birth plan as I've been told no one will discuss it with me.
I see a consultant every few weeks but I'm not getting any checks done or advice from anyone. The service is dire.