What would happen if I stop attending MW appointments?

[Janedoe95]

I really don't enjoy my midwife appointments, initially I thought they'd be exciting but I just find them a complete waste of my time.

I don't feel listened to and everything I mention is apparently a normal part of pregnancy that I just have to deal with. e.g. nose bleeds / hip pain

I don't dislike my midwife she's fine but I just really don't want to attend anymore and every time I leave an appointment I feel deflated and wonder why I even went.

I'm 35 weeks pregnant what would happen if I stop attending MW appointments? I haven't found the NHS very involved and I'd be surprised if they even call or check why I haven't attended I want to just wait until I go in to labour now.

‘ To those latching on to the words exciting / enjoyable having a baby is supposed to be exciting and enjoyable... to find out how your baby is doing’

Op, do you not realise how dangerous pregnancy and birth are? The glamourising of such process is only going to lead to a huge emotional downfall.

You go to your midwife appointments to get your blood pressure and urine checked, have a quick chat and towards the end see how baby is laying/ check their heart rate is all good.

To those latching on to the words exciting / enjoyable having a baby is supposed to be exciting and enjoyable... to find out how your baby is doing.

I really blame social media for this. It sometimes reads as if all these medical appointments are just "gender scans" and "seeing the baby again" while plenty of women (like me) have been given absolutely devastating news at scans. Pregnancy (or birth) don't have to be exciting and enjoyable. Succesful would be nice enough.

It’s not about excitement at all, it’s about health, wellbeing and ultimately survival.
I really hope you don’t hold the same hopes for giving birth and looking after a newborn as well because you’re really in for a surprise if you are.

I was diagnosed with pre-eclampsia at a routine 36 week midwife appt. I had no symptoms at all, and it could have been very serious indeed if my midwife hadn't picked it up when she did.

I went into labour at my final midwife appointment, that was quite exciting! Other than that though, I wish you plenty more boring appointments as that means everything is normal. It's a shame to leave feeling deflated or like things aren't clearly explained but the last few weeks of checks are so important even if they feel routine and mundane - that's a good thing!

@Janedoe95

Thank you to the few people that were able to answer and be understanding and not patronising.

I will continue to attend appointments since social worker appointments don't appeal to me.

To those latching on to the words exciting / enjoyable having a baby is supposed to be exciting and enjoyable... to find out how your baby is doing.

-however when you're not being told anything it's frustrating I'm not a medical professional my midwife listens to my heart and says she's done other than knowing a heart beat was heard I don't know what's strong or weak also I get no feedback on my blood tests etc and then later when I moan about a symptom I'm then told that makes sense as blood pressure is xyz or blood test shows something.

I personally don't have faith that any issues would be picked up by my midwife hence the reason I feel like these appointments are pointless.

If your midwife has made suggestions about that your
blood pressure is high/low or something going on with your blood tests this is more of a reason to continue going. If your not sure phone up and ask them to go through the latest bloods you had done.

@seekinglondonlife

I can't believe this is serious. You aren't feeling that the NHS are "involved enough?" Were you hoping for daily check ins and to be told that your very normal symptoms are speshul? I was a bit of a snowflake with my PFB but even then I didn't feel this self absorbed.

This lady has come here seeking some help and validation for her feelings during one of the most vulnerable times in her life. Comments like yours are so unhelpful and can be really damaging to someone who could be feeling low.

When it comes to antenatal appointments, and a lot of routine health appointments, boring is good. Boring means nothing concerning has been picked up. Boring means you and your baby are probably doing well and you can be reassured by this.

If you're looking for something specific, like blood test results or to hear the heartbeat yourself, you can ask your midwife.

If you're looking for something that feels a bit more 'special' (which is fine to want, it's your pregnancy!) then you could arrange a private ultrasound scan - they often can spend some time going over the scan as they do it, and give you some nice pictures to take home too.

Your NHS antenatal appointments and postnatal appointments may not feel enjoyable or exciting, but they are really important for monitoring byour baby's health and your health, so I'd really recommend attending.

@Janedoe95

Thank you to the few people that were able to answer and be understanding and not patronising.

I will continue to attend appointments since social worker appointments don't appeal to me.

To those latching on to the words exciting / enjoyable having a baby is supposed to be exciting and enjoyable... to find out how your baby is doing.

-however when you're not being told anything it's frustrating I'm not a medical professional my midwife listens to my heart and says she's done other than knowing a heart beat was heard I don't know what's strong or weak also I get no feedback on my blood tests etc and then later when I moan about a symptom I'm then told that makes sense as blood pressure is xyz or blood test shows something.

I personally don't have faith that any issues would be picked up by my midwife hence the reason I feel like these appointments are pointless.

I get it. I am 34 weeks with my first and my midwife literally just said to me will we skip the next appointment. I was like YES please!

I already have GD I am managing to within an inch of its life.
I painstaking monitor my baby’s “pattern” because they can’t tell me what it is beyond repeating “baby has a pattern” (it’s not fierceness of kicks or no of kicks, or times of day)
I know every warning symptom of preeclampsia and bought pee sticks to test for protein which I use daily.

Just ask to skip it.
Mine basically said “see you at your house after your had the baby!” I was like yeah sure…

OP do you any books/apps about all the amazing things babies get up to in the womb? They can hear their mother’s heartbeat from around about the same time you start feeling them kick. And later on they can hear your voice, and even later they can hear voices and sounds outside of their mother’s body (eg dad’s voice!). At birth they recognize their mother’s voice and prefer it to other sounds. In the womb they suck their thumbs and play with their umbilical cords. They can taste the things you eat (the strong flavors anyway) via the amniotic fluid. They can see lights through the womb in the third trimester and they prefer it when lights are displayed to look like a smiley face : www.scientificamerican.com/article/fetuses-may-respond-to-faces-while-in-the-womb/
Having a baby is exciting. The midwives don’t have time to talk about this stuff during your appointments, but that doesn’t mean you can’t find ways to enjoy hearing about what’s happening with your body and your baby over the next few weeks.
‘Babies’ on Netflix is really good. It’s more about once they’re born though.

If they hadn't seen me at 36 weeks my daughter and myself would have died. Picked up protein and high blood pressure. Had pre eclampsia and emergency c section. Not to scare you as she 27 now but these last weeks really need to be kept an eye on things

I was reported to ss for missed appointments, Though I only missed as I had been admitted to hospital with pre term labour. Please don't miss your last few appointments.

I've missed a lot of appointments from 20 weeks- 30, not really because of a reason, just other kids/childcare, no kids allowed in antenatal, I think 1 i just couldn't be arsed 😬 and what happened was multiple calls, emails and a midwife actually turned up at my house, I have been attending scans but not the actual clinic appointment always for 1 reason or another, so you may get a visit or a virtual slap on the wrists...

Meh

My midwife on my first pregnancy was shockingly bad

But my second saved my life. I’d been to the hospital with high blood pressure. They told me to go home and ‘chill’.

On the way home I rang my midwife in an absolute hysteria and asked if they’d take my blood pressure. I was already under a high risk dr.

When I got to the midwives they found my no was 240/160 which meant I suffered a bleed on the brain. So yes. Thank goodness I didn’t follow the hospitals advice and ‘chill’

Without my midwife I’d never of found out about that. Ok so she might not gel with you as such. But they do need to do checks. It’s vital.

Please keep going.

Actually I get what the OP is taking about, I git the same wth j’y GO.
Blood test done regularly for a specific issue. Everything is fine, no comment, no feedback from the surgery (the usual)

Back to GP because of symptom,
‘Oh yes that’s normal. That’s because your blood test shows X is low s actually has been going down for a while’.

So…. Not everything was right and OK as I believed then? But nothing was done until I actually had some symptoms (you prevention rather than cure). It’s hard to trust HCP in those circumstances or feel that the tests/visits are helpful in any way….

So obviously you need to keep seeing your midwife. But I think I get what you mean. When I was pregnant for the first time, I think I imagined midwives to be like highly skilled big sisters - they'd be excited for you, and really interested in all your symptoms, very caring and, well, maternal. But the reality is they are health professionals with a job to do, a lot of which is routine and (fortunately) dull.

I think it's common for health professionals to forget seeing them could be the most significant thing happening to you that day, but to them you're just one of several women. To be fair it would be quite draining to keep up such a level of enthusiasm and make everyone feel really special, but I do get why you'd want that for maternity care in particular.

An ideal midwife appointment should be mundane as ideally there will be little of concern to discuss. Just a discussion about recent changes and tests if needed, if nothing flags up as a concern there's nothing to discuss in depth and they'll send you on your way. That's what most pregnant women hope for. The priority should be the health of you and your baby not whether the appointment is delivered in an exciting and engaging manner. It's a medical appointment at the end of the day.

My baby and I almost died. If it wasn't for the MW immediately fetching an Obs/gyn doctor I wouldn't be here. I was feeling fine, except for the swollen ankles, but the MW knew something was off. I had a scan, and my pee was tested, and that night had an EMCS at 32 weeks. Keep attending your appointments. MW saved my life, and I have a very healthy 15 year old girl..

If you're 35 weeks now you only have your 36 week, 38 week, 40 week and 41 week appointment left. And that's if you go overdue, you could have as little as 1 appointment left. You can do this.

@MananaTomorrow

Actually I get what the OP is taking about, I git the same wth j’y GO. Blood test done regularly for a specific issue. Everything is fine, no comment, no feedback from the surgery (the usual)

Back to GP because of symptom,
‘Oh yes that’s normal. That’s because your blood test shows X is low s actually has been going down for a while’.

So…. Not everything was right and OK as I believed then? But nothing was done until I actually had some symptoms (you prevention rather than cure). It’s hard to trust HCP in those circumstances or feel that the tests/visits are helpful in any way….

Thank you I realise now that I’ve explained things very badly and should’ve provided examples

For example at my 34 week appointment I mentioned feeling faint and sick while just sitting down it’s only then that I was told that last time I had my blood test my Iron levels were 111 apparently the cut off for doing something is 110 I didn’t even know my Iron levels were low.

During that same appointment she mentioned something about my blood pressure being 150/90 obviously I have no idea what that means but she doesn’t say anything further so I assume it’s normal only to search online at home that it means I actually have high blood pressure.

From the replies I will continue to attend but personally it does feel pointless when I’m not kept in the loop.

Op it sounds patronising what I'm about to say. But ask her.

Blood pressure is x over y.
Ok is that good ?

Iron are fine
Ok so does that mean I don't have to worry about iron supplements?

Make them engage on a level that works for you

So if there are no issues what exactly do you expect the midwife to say? Is she supposed to explain every little thing in minute detail while the other 20 mums she needs to see in her clinic that morning or afternoon just sit and wait? If you have nothing wrong then there is nothing for her to comment on unless you ask about something specific! You could always pay and go private if you expect a midwife to act like you are the only woman who has ever been pregnant!

One thing that I would be wanting to check at this stage is whether or not the baby is breech. One of mine was breech until late and midwives will check this for you around this time.

You don't want to be going in to labour with an unexpectedly breech baby.

I agree that sometimes midwives can seem a bit dismissive, I guess they are trained to spot concerning things, so may seem disinterested if they don't feel it's a problem. Hope all goes well for you.

@pistachi0nuts my 20 week scan revealed that my baby had serious anomalies and I went into labour at 23 weeks, my baby was born by crash c/s at 27 weeks (a scan revealed the placenta had partially abrupted), both me and baby had every complication afterwards that you can imagine. Forgive me for not validating the OPs feelings that her pregnancy and midwife visits are boring.