What would happen if I stop attending MW appointments?

[Janedoe95]

I really don't enjoy my midwife appointments, initially I thought they'd be exciting but I just find them a complete waste of my time.

I don't feel listened to and everything I mention is apparently a normal part of pregnancy that I just have to deal with. e.g. nose bleeds / hip pain

I don't dislike my midwife she's fine but I just really don't want to attend anymore and every time I leave an appointment I feel deflated and wonder why I even went.

I'm 35 weeks pregnant what would happen if I stop attending MW appointments? I haven't found the NHS very involved and I'd be surprised if they even call or check why I haven't attended I want to just wait until I go in to labour now.

Thank you to the few people that were able to answer and be understanding and not patronising.

I will continue to attend appointments since social worker appointments don't appeal to me.

To those latching on to the words exciting / enjoyable having a baby is supposed to be exciting and enjoyable... to find out how your baby is doing.

-however when you're not being told anything it's frustrating I'm not a medical professional my midwife listens to my heart and says she's done other than knowing a heart beat was heard I don't know what's strong or weak also I get no feedback on my blood tests etc and then later when I moan about a symptom I'm then told that makes sense as blood pressure is xyz or blood test shows something.

I personally don't have faith that any issues would be picked up by my midwife hence the reason I feel like these appointments are pointless.

Are you doing ok generally OP, you sound a bit down?

So I stopped going )not because I'm a brat; because I was scared of covid in the hospital). And I was told they would discharge me if i didn't go to the next one. So I wouldn't do that. Get your fun elsewhere, this is for your baby, not your enjoyment

OP they definitely are paying attention to check all is healthy and no feedback on blood tests I’m sure is good as means no concern. They don’t do it for fun! I’ve felt the opposite , that despite a different midwife each time they’ve all been very thorough and made sure baby and I are ok and I find it very heartening they do. I’ve rung twice with worries too and they’ve been amazing

If you want a nice fluffy experience go get a 4d scan maybe.

@Santahasjoinedww

If I hadn't seen me at 35 weeks my ds would have died.... Sadly medical appointments aren't meant to be enjoyable...

This!

Babies do still die in this country because mothers refuse medical interventions.

We are very lucky to live in a country where we have access to specialised medical care for all pregnant women (and free at the point of access to boot).

Just go. Imagine how you would feel if something was going wrong and you knew about it too late as you stopped going to appointments.

@Janedoe95

Thank you to the few people that were able to answer and be understanding and not patronising.

I will continue to attend appointments since social worker appointments don't appeal to me.

To those latching on to the words exciting / enjoyable having a baby is supposed to be exciting and enjoyable... to find out how your baby is doing.

-however when you're not being told anything it's frustrating I'm not a medical professional my midwife listens to my heart and says she's done other than knowing a heart beat was heard I don't know what's strong or weak also I get no feedback on my blood tests etc and then later when I moan about a symptom I'm then told that makes sense as blood pressure is xyz or blood test shows something.

I personally don't have faith that any issues would be picked up by my midwife hence the reason I feel like these appointments are pointless.

If you want more info you have to ask for it.

Will it help you to know baby's heartbeat is strong? Do you just mean that it's in normal range? If so ask the midwife and likely she'll say it's fine. There's an old wives tale about heart rate indicating sex of the baby. I used to look mine up in the notes after appointments and play a guessing game with that.

If you want more clarification on how x can produce y symptom, ask for it.

But like others have said. It sounds like all is normal so far so there's nothing to comment on. By seeing your notes and what's normal for your pregnancy / in general they can spot when something isn't normal.

I know the feeling that they sometimes feel pointless but remember you're getting your blood pressure, bloods and urine done so they can pick up any problems and checking the heartbeat etc! I would go for this reason alone.

If your trust has a homebirth team, consider switching to them (you can still have a hospital birth!) as I switched at 28 weeks and had All my appointments at home. They are no less mundane but feels they have much more time and are more dedicated to you... not to mention you're at home! My previous appointments were a shambles tbh for many reasons but it's been great at home.

If you don’t understand a result of a medical test you can always ask them directly-they won’t mind and even if they did act aggrieved by questioning- who cares. They should also be updating your handheld notes which you can read afterwards. Write a list of questions for each appointment if you feel unsure. If they found something abnormal they would absolutely refer you on. Your handheld notes also should have a section in the front which explains what is checked at each appointment corresponding to the week and why.

If you’re feeling low you should raise this with your midwive.

Pregnancy is an uncomfortable means to an end and for many feels like an endurance test which is why so many people fjnd it difficult to relate to the stated desire/need for it to be enjoyable.

If the heartbeat was weak or there was a problem they would tell you. If there was a significant issue with your blood test results they would tell you and follow up with appropriate investigations/treatment. If you don't understand the blood test results, ask your midwife to explain them to you.

It is a truly excellent thing that nothing significant has been found during your checkups, that's what you want to be happening. Believe me, when there are areas for concern it is definitely not pleasant.

I mean, the reason they are boring is because nothing is wrong? Everything is normal and is progressing as it should be. If your blood/urine/BP results were abnormal or presented some sort of issue then you would be told, but if you want more info just ask for it.

It sounds like your midwife is reassuring you that your experiences are a normal part of pregnancy and nothing to worry about, which is what you want!

it sounds like the issue is that you are bringing up symptoms you are experiencing that are maybe causing you discomfort and you are not getting the reaction you expect. I have had some painful symptoms with my pregnancy and my husband did comment after the last appointment that when I tell any of the midwives how painful they are, they dont seem too fussed. My answer was that it must be fairly common and something they hear a lot throughout the day, your symptoms do sound like they fit this category, I am sure if there was any serious concern about you or baby's health they will pick up on it. It is their jobs and reputations on the line afterall. so please do keep attending

They are to check on the health of you and your baby. What were you expecting?
I can’t say I particularly enjoyed mine either but if it wasn’t for my midwife appointment at 38 weeks my severe pre-eclampsia wouldn’t have been picked up on and my pregnancy journey could have ended quite differently.

OP, have you been going to NCT or similar, as this might offer the type of support and positive encouragement you’re looking for.

I agree a 4d scan would give you that fun experience you’re looking for. Also indulging in a baby shower, going shopping for baby things.

Midwives offer a clinical service. The medicinal side of a baby isn’t really fun.

I agree you sound a bit down and perhaps have had high expectations that haven’t been met. A social group, like baby yoga or swimming or NCT might give you the support you’re looking for.

I promise once you’re with your baby, you will look back and not remember much about the midwives and medical side of things. You’ll be too busy thinking about sleep, feeding etc!

Don’t sweat the small stuff! Go and have fun and enjoy your baby free days.

Prior to birth the midwife appointments were pretty mundane. However I found post birth the midwife came into her own - my community midwife saved our feeding journey and made me feel like I wasnt a failure for struggling. Prior I felt she wasn't bothered about me but she genuinely called me every day to check in and went above and beyond.

@Janedoe95

Thank you to the few people that were able to answer and be understanding and not patronising.

I will continue to attend appointments since social worker appointments don't appeal to me.

To those latching on to the words exciting / enjoyable having a baby is supposed to be exciting and enjoyable... to find out how your baby is doing.

-however when you're not being told anything it's frustrating I'm not a medical professional my midwife listens to my heart and says she's done other than knowing a heart beat was heard I don't know what's strong or weak also I get no feedback on my blood tests etc and then later when I moan about a symptom I'm then told that makes sense as blood pressure is xyz or blood test shows something.

I personally don't have faith that any issues would be picked up by my midwife hence the reason I feel like these appointments are pointless.

So don’t go. At the end of the day it’s your choice and your risk. But if you do stop going, and something happens to cause a complication that a boring checkup would have found out, can you live with potential consequences?

Pregnancy is not exciting- it’s pretty boring most of the time, and for everyone else it’s definitely not exciting.

To those latching on to the words exciting / enjoyable having a baby is supposed to be exciting and enjoyable... to find out how your baby is doing.

Some women find pregnancy exciting, not everyone does. Medical appointments aren’t the place for that excitement. I had nausea until 20 weeks and gestational diabetes from 24 weeks, then PGP around that time. I had a couple of courses of antibiotics, went to the GP for feeling unwell a couple of times, went to maternity assessment for reduced movements. I had insomnia towards the end. Pregnancy wasn’t fun. It was a pain in the arse and something to get through, filled with medical appointments and feeling like shit. To try and make it fun and not just endless appointments, we went to John Lewis to do their baby guide, bought a nice outfit for them, went to antenatal classes. If you want more information, ask for it. It should all be visible in your notes but ask them to explain anything you don’t understand.

@Moonshine160

They are to check on the health of you and your baby. What were you expecting? I can’t say I particularly enjoyed mine either but if it wasn’t for my midwife appointment at 38 weeks my severe pre-eclampsia wouldn’t have been picked up on and my pregnancy journey could have ended quite differently.

This is why it's important.

You are approaching the most crucial midwifery appointments. You really should be going in these last weeks as it's often when things that may endanger you or your baby can be detected.

It's just not worth missing them.

as pp says this protects against the risk of lo growth slowing down because your placenta fails or (god forbid) dying in the womb
The checks are mundane but prevent bad things happening to db & to you
going into labour with an undetected breech at full term is not something I would recommend & I say this with deep feeling . It is not only risky for the child but can leave you with a lifelong side effects

I'm sure your midwife would give you more detail if you asked.

I imagine she's brushing off the symptoms you've mentioned to try and reassure you that it's a common symptom and nothing to worry about. You could always tell her if you're finding them unmanageable.

Like with any relationship, sometimes there is rapport and sometimes there isn't. Sounds like there isn't in this case. But at 35 weeks it really wouldn't be sensible to cut contact.

Don’t be irresponsible at this stage, this is not just about you.

Medical appointments are not enjoyable but necessary, I expect you can’t wait for the end process (child birth) that’s not too enjoyable also!

You want your midwife check ups to be boring, that means all is well with you and the baby.

I feel your pain OP. But they are essential.

Could be worse I was referred to a consultant because I have a balance chromosomal translocation and was scanned every two weeks for growth and checks for most of my pregnancy.

Parking at the hospital was a night are, and after the scan in a packed out warm /hot waiting room (pre covid) I had to sit and wait and hour or two for the consultant to look at the scan notes and say "yeah everything looks great" literally like 4 minutes in the room with him.

DS was and is perfectly healthy, but I knew I had to go, because as much of an inconvenience and 3 hours of my life wasted every fortnight it was for DS benefit.

They never even tested DS if he carries the translocation in the end. And when I gave birth to him and was discharged 3 hours later, they forgot they needed a consultant to do the health check. So I had a phone call 3 days later to take him and myself back to the hospital, where the Dr look confused and said to me "what am I supposed to be doing?" and I just shrugged and said "I dunno, the midwife rang me and said I needed to bring him in for you to give him a MOT" he looked at DS counted his finger toes, checked his palms, his spine and gave his legs a wiggle and looked back at me and said "he looks like a healthy baby" and shrugged 🤣 we were both as confused as each other.

My pre-eclampsia with DS1 was picked up at a routine appt with my midwife at 35/36 weeks. Had I not gone to that appt & waited for labour to begin I can't be certain either of us would be here now.

It's a shame your midwife doesn't volunteer test results or any comment on baby's heartbeat though. I'm sure mine always did.

If you gave a second baby, it may be possible to be assigned a different community midwife. I work at a large GP practice & we have two. Usually women prefer to stay with the midwife they're familiar with for subsequent pregnancies but some do request a change. Would be worth asking.