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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

What would happen if I stop attending MW appointments?

115 replies

Janedoe95 · 25/01/2022 13:18

I really don't enjoy my midwife appointments, initially I thought they'd be exciting but I just find them a complete waste of my time.

I don't feel listened to and everything I mention is apparently a normal part of pregnancy that I just have to deal with. e.g. nose bleeds / hip pain

I don't dislike my midwife she's fine but I just really don't want to attend anymore and every time I leave an appointment I feel deflated and wonder why I even went.

I'm 35 weeks pregnant what would happen if I stop attending MW appointments? I haven't found the NHS very involved and I'd be surprised if they even call or check why I haven't attended I want to just wait until I go in to labour now.

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

OtiMama · 25/01/2022 14:53

I don't recall my midwife giving out a huge amount of information at the appointments, she certainly never went into detail on bloods etc which is good. If you ask questions they should be able to answer them though. Nothing you have said would suggest the midwife isn't doing her job right, maybe she could be a bit more sympathetic to you feeling uncomfortable but I guess because they see it all the time they aren't as overly concerned as you would be yourself.

CoffeeRunner · 25/01/2022 14:53

Have not gave.

thingymaboob · 25/01/2022 14:55

@Angiemum24 I've reported your post. Naming someone on here with location is absolutely disgusting

Ihopeyourcakeisshit · 25/01/2022 14:58

I think people have overly focused on the 'exciting ' in your OP.
I get where you are coming from though, especially when you say you don't feel you are being listened to.
Make sure you are! I felt very down during my pregnancy and was completely dismissed by my mw.
It turned into bad post natal depression.
So make sure your voice is heard but get used to the boredom as it means all is well.
Keep your chin up!

SGChome20 · 25/01/2022 15:01

In my honest opinion a boring midwife appointment is a good one because it means all is well with you and the baby. You may feel like you're not getting feedback but in my experience if they don't say much it's a good thing. I had no problems until later pregnancy when growth was shown to have dropped off so I had to be induced early. I honestly dread to think what might have happened had I not attended my appointments.

You've not long to go now op, hang in there. The midwife stuff is a bit boring. All the exciting stuff is yet to come!

JohnStonesMissus · 25/01/2022 15:04

Keep going OP, I had normal blood pressure all the way through but a week before my due date it sky rocketted with protein in urine too, no warning as I was fine all the way through, you just never know do you? Better to be safe.

Ylvamoon · 25/01/2022 15:10

@Janedoe95 is it possible for you to see a different MW?
I wasn't keen on the care I received during my 2nd pregnancy. Everything I mentioned was brushed off as normal and stuff we have to endure when pregnant.

Anyway, my regular MW was unavailable for one appointment so I saw a different MW... she took my niggles and concerns very seriously! As they were serious enough to limit my day to day activities. She booked me into physio and got me to see a specialist who gave me a sick note for work and more specialist physio...
It made a big difference to me and how I felt.

Namechangetimes100 · 25/01/2022 15:12

Hmm, you aren’t a member of various social media home birth groups are you by chance? When I was on them, this was a very common position for some ladies to have.

How many medical appointments do you find ‘enjoyable’? I’ve yet to have a single one, of course though I don’t go in expecting to enjoy them. They serve a purpose. Is a smear test enjoyable? Heck no! But does it serve a very important purpose? YES!

In my opinion you’d be an utter fool to miss your late pregnancy appointments. They are far more important from this point out. They are checking blood pressure (for pre e which is deadly), protein in your urine (For UC - I think and pre e), GD, fundal height in case of fgr, fetal heart beat, plus countless other things all designed to keep you and your baby safe.

So what can happen if you don’t attend, technically nothing as all healthcare is opt in but they might chase you or even refer you to social services (deservedly so in my opinion).

pistachi0nuts · 25/01/2022 15:19

Sorry you are feeling this way about your midwife appointments and not feeling very heard with your symptoms etc.

Just want to offer you some solidarity, I felt the same. And, I don't wish to scare you but rather to prepare you, but the post natal care is even worse. I am not blaming the NHS as they have been underfunded by our despicable government for far too long and they don't have the resources to give adequate care. I've found instagram a source of great comfort as there are some brilliant post natal accounts that have guided me through the past year since giving birth. There are lots of people out there feeling the same,
Wishing you all the best for your pregnancy and birth x

veevee04 · 25/01/2022 15:21

This is just the beginning you will have post natal checks , babies immunisations , growth checks for baby it's not fun but designed to make sure all is well. I think the appointments decrease in babies second year so you better get used to it.

Whatsyourfavouritescarymovie · 25/01/2022 15:21

No one can force you to go, but it's in the best interests of yourself and your baby to attend. I think I had 1 appointment with the midwife between 35 weeks and having my daughter, around the 38 week mark and she was born at exactly 39 weeks so maybe you've only got 1 more appointment to attend.

Decoratedchicken · 25/01/2022 15:23

I don't know. I had a very weird pregnancy 2020/2021 - didn't see anyone. all appointments over the phone. Gestational diabetes since 12 weeks, insulin at every meal with metformin and left to sort out my medication by myself. Even decided when I wanted to have the baby as no one could care enough. Post natal was worst.

pistachi0nuts · 25/01/2022 15:28

Also if you are feeling generally a bit down and anxious about your pregnancy rather than the 'excitement' that everyone tells you you are supposed to feel, then just know that that is ok- it's a huge and terrifying prospect and a completely rational reaction!!

Metallicalover · 25/01/2022 15:28

The midwife is providing a service, she's listened to the babies heart beat, if it wasn't strong you would be carted up to hospital. No feedback on blood tests show that it's normal.
The fact that your appointments are going 'boring'/normal is a good thing.
I ended up with a high risk pregnancy, weekly scans from 30 weeks, consultant appointments etc and in the end I loved my midwife appointments as it was a familiar face and when we listened to heart beats and my BP and urine were normal it felt like a 'normal' pregnancy appointment instead of all the doom and gloom and waiting around to see a consultant for 2 mins.
Congratulations on your pregnancy x

Itsmemaggie · 25/01/2022 15:28

I see where you’re coming from to an extent, I always felt a little like these appointments were a bit meh, but honestly that’s not a bad thing as it means all is well.

Please don’t stop going now though, they are carrying out vital checks for the safety you and your baby. You don’t want to look back with regret for not sticking it out.

justlonelystars · 25/01/2022 15:39

I’d strongly advise going. Everything was going well with my pregnancy until 38 weeks when I was diagnosed with pre eclampsia and my baby had to be delivered early for both his sake and mine. I remember my midwife telling me to go the DAU to recheck my blood pressure after it came back high during my routine appointment and I thought “eh I’m tired, I might just go home and ignore her advice” but I’m SO GLAD I didn’t

gamerchick · 25/01/2022 15:45

Boring, unexciting appointments are what you want OP. I'm sure labour will make up for it.

Flowers500 · 25/01/2022 15:52

I'm trying to find the nicest way to put this: your baby getting essential monitoring and health treatment is not about entertaining you. Most people don't want their child's health to be 'exciting' they want them to be healthy. A bit of growing up and reassessing priorities might be helpful. Is there going to be anyone on hand when you have the child? What is the home situation? Your thought process is concerning

Shiteshow100 · 25/01/2022 15:56

No you should absolutely not stop seeing your midwife. A midwife is there to check all is ok with you and your baby. The last week's are critical as you can easily develop pre eclampsia and often there are no signs. Do not risk you or your baby.

Serenschintte · 25/01/2022 16:00

For the hip pain try and osteopath. It sounds like your midwife isn’t being particularly helpful with that. They won’t suggest an osteopath because it’s ‘alternative medicine’ I had SPD with one of my pregnancies and the osteopath really helped with it.

Blahblahblah40 · 25/01/2022 16:02

Please don’t stop going. I was found to have Pre-eclampsia at my 36 week check and was transferred to hospital. 2 weeks in hospital with baby in SCBU. Yes it’s a chore and yes it’s all a bit ‘meh’, but you think all is well when actually…

DaisyMum40 · 25/01/2022 16:03

@Janedoe95

Thank you to the few people that were able to answer and be understanding and not patronising.

I will continue to attend appointments since social worker appointments don't appeal to me.

To those latching on to the words exciting / enjoyable having a baby is supposed to be exciting and enjoyable... to find out how your baby is doing.

-however when you're not being told anything it's frustrating I'm not a medical professional my midwife listens to my heart and says she's done other than knowing a heart beat was heard I don't know what's strong or weak also I get no feedback on my blood tests etc and then later when I moan about a symptom I'm then told that makes sense as blood pressure is xyz or blood test shows something.

I personally don't have faith that any issues would be picked up by my midwife hence the reason I feel like these appointments are pointless.

If you're not getting info on your blood tests or heart checks etc, it's because there's nothing to tell! That's normal, anytime I get blood tests done the surgery tell me they will be in touch if they have anything to let me know, otherwise all is normal. And you've said yourself that she's explained various symptoms to you, due to blood pressure etc. If you're not happy with the midwife then ask to be seen by someone else, but I'm honestly not sure what else you're expecting to be told. The appointments might seem a bit too functional to you, but that's what they are. The midwife will have goodness knows how many other pregnant women on her list at any given time, you're just one of many.

seekinglondonlife · 25/01/2022 16:04

I can't believe this is serious. You aren't feeling that the NHS are "involved enough?" Were you hoping for daily check ins and to be told that your very normal symptoms are speshul? I was a bit of a snowflake with my PFB but even then I didn't feel this self absorbed.

2bazookas · 25/01/2022 16:05

In late pregnancy, the mother can suddenly become dangerously ill without noticing any symptoms, putting herself and the unborn baby at risk.

Attend your clinic check ups for the baby's sake.

Whoknowsweknows · 25/01/2022 16:07

Yeah, stop going.
Don’t worry about checks for pre eclampsia, your wellness, babies growth, babies heart beat etc
And I’d suggest when you’re baby is here, don’t take them to the doctor if they’re ill as they’re unenjoyable too.

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