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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Original poster

Boyfriend broke up with me because I’m pregnant

81 replies

Beeabbie97 · 24/01/2022 09:34

Hello,

I just need some advice, I’m feeling so down! I found out last week I was pregnant (unplanned). I decided I want to keep this baby, however my partner was so against it and wanted me to have an abortion, as well as telling me I was selfish for choosing to keep this baby as it went against what he wanted. He also told me he will hate me forever for my choice. He packed up all his stuff and moved out the same night.

He has decided he want’s to be involved in the child’s life but he feels forced and like he had no choice. It’s just so upsetting as this is my first pregnancy, I’m in my early 20’s and I now just feel so alone.

OP posts:
TooMuchPaper · 24/01/2022 09:37

Have you family or friends you can confide in?
And are you ok financially?
And he's a shit for what he has said and done to you.

HW1989 · 24/01/2022 09:38

He sounds like a manipulative jerk and you and your baby will be much better off without him.
An awful situation to be in right now but sounds like a lucky escape. Best of luck with everything 💛

Starlightstarbright1 · 24/01/2022 09:39

Give yourself some space from him. Consider if you are ok to raise this child alone.

You need to make plans to be a single parent.

girlmom21 · 24/01/2022 09:39

Don't take him back. You'll never trust him again.

Can you do it alone? Do you have support?

Harlequin1088 · 24/01/2022 09:41

Seriously. Fuck that guy. He has no right to order you to get an abortion just because it suits him better. He’s the selfish one for thinking he can tell you what to do with your own body. If want to keep your baby, you go for it. You don’t need him and your child doesn’t need a resentful father.

HacerSonarSusPasos · 24/01/2022 09:42

What he wants is irrelevant. Don't have an abortion for his sake.

That being said, choosing to become a single mother in your early 20s is choosing to play life on hard mode. I wouldn't do that to myself if I were you. There's plenty of time for you to have a baby later in life, hopefully in a solid and supportive relationship.

SomewhereOnlyIKnow · 24/01/2022 09:42

Good. Good riddance .
Please, please, please do not give baby his surname.

Hoppinggreen · 24/01/2022 09:44

Well he’s a shit isn’t he?
Presumably you didn’t steal his sperm while he slept so he’s as responsible for the pregnancy as you are. He may not want to be a father and it’s up to him what input he has in terms of time but he will have to support the baby financially to the best of his ability.
I would also say though that while it’s your choice whether to terminate (assuming it’s early days) you must consider whether you want to be a single parent with all that entails. If you can afford to and have a support network then it will be easier but if you feel it’s doable on your own then fine but don’t assume you will get practical or financial help from your ex. Plus you will be tied to him for 18 years or so

Babdoc · 24/01/2022 09:44

OP, are you sure you want this thoroughly nasty shit’s baby? You would be stuck co-parenting with him for the next 18 years, even if not in the same house.
Early twenties is v young to get tied down like this. I would recommend discussing your options with a counsellor rather than just committing to life as a single parent without at least considering a termination.

Babdoc · 24/01/2022 09:45

Hoppinggreen* cross posted - we evidently think alike!

thingymaboob · 24/01/2022 09:46

What an absolute shit. Moves out but then wants to be part of baby's life. At least he's shown his true colours and you don't have to waste anymore of your valuable life on this shit bag. Even if you decide to have an abortion, you can't ever get back with him.
What other support do you have?

purpleboy · 24/01/2022 09:46

@HacerSonarSusPasos

What he wants is irrelevant. Don't have an abortion for his sake.

That being said, choosing to become a single mother in your early 20s is choosing to play life on hard mode. I wouldn't do that to myself if I were you. There's plenty of time for you to have a baby later in life, hopefully in a solid and supportive relationship.

This exactly, I would seriously consider your options here. You will be stuck with this man for the next 18 yrs at least. This is not an ideal situation to bring a baby into.
Topseyt · 24/01/2022 09:47

Don't let him back in and don't let him be involved in the child's life in any way. If you do then he will continue to use this as a stick to beat you with and his presence will be detrimental to the child's mental well-being.

Make plans to be a single parent, maybe with your own family as a support network if you and they want it.

Do not put his name on the birth certificate. Give the child your surname too, not his. Go alone to register the birth when the time comes, so that he can't put pressure on you then, at a vulnerable moment.

HeddaGarbled · 24/01/2022 09:47

he feels forced and like he had no choice

That is the truth, actually.

He’s not reacted brilliantly, but he does have a point.

Give him time to get over the shock, but plan to be a single mum.

TheNightWeMet · 24/01/2022 09:50

I’m so sorry this is happening to you. He has no right to be angry with you, having sex is never 100% safe and he should know that. I’m so sorry he isn’t supportive and I hope you have supportive friends and/or family members in your life Flowers best wishes to you and the baby.

HacerSonarSusPasos · 24/01/2022 09:50

@HeddaGarbled

he feels forced and like he had no choice

That is the truth, actually.

He’s not reacted brilliantly, but he does have a point.

Give him time to get over the shock, but plan to be a single mum.

Unless the circumstances around the pregnancy were a condom breaking, then he did have a choice to wrap it up.

So not much sympathy from me

Cakecakecheese · 24/01/2022 09:50

Right so you're forcing him into something he doesn't want but him trying to force you into an abortion you don't want is fine.

As others have said do get some support and talk through your options with someone.

HollowTalk · 24/01/2022 09:50

@Babdoc

OP, are you sure you want this thoroughly nasty shit’s baby? You would be stuck co-parenting with him for the next 18 years, even if not in the same house. Early twenties is v young to get tied down like this. I would recommend discussing your options with a counsellor rather than just committing to life as a single parent without at least considering a termination.
I agree with this.
TheNightWeMet · 24/01/2022 09:51

@HeddaGarbled she didn’t force him to have sex with her. I’m fed up with misogynist responses like yours on mumsnet.

Itsalmostanaccessory · 24/01/2022 09:52

Think really hard about this. If you have this child then he is in your life forever and he may be very deeply involved in it for the next 18 years while you deal with contact and shred xmas and birthdays etc.

Just, think really hard about it. You're young. This isnt your only chance to have a child. And if you have this one, you are making your life very very hard and you are tied to this man for at least 16/18 years.

I was pregnant with our second when my ex left. We didnt see him for 5 years. I raised my 2 kids alone for that time and it was very very hard. Then he turned up and wanted access. We took it slowly and he sees them once a week now but it is very very hard having to deal with him.

Whether he stays or disappears, you are in for a difficult time. Dont kid yourself otherwise.

I dont need to list any positives because those are what you're already thinking about. But just think very very hard about all the other parts and having this man in your life for years and years to come.

Whattochoosenow · 24/01/2022 09:52

At least he’s shown his true colours this early on. You can plan your life your way going forward.

Tullig · 24/01/2022 09:52

I’d think very carefully about whether you want to continue the pregnancy and raise this child alone. Omit him from your thought processes, whether or not you choose to continue the pregnancy.

legendyna · 24/01/2022 09:53

Do what you feel, but having had lived experience, I really wouldn't

You could meet and settle down with another partner in 5 years and start a family if you really want

You can still have kids fairly soon, but I wouldn't recommend it with this guy

Good luck to you, very important that you have family to look after you (especially if you can live with them). Then you can save up for your future and get a break with childcare

whysitspicey · 24/01/2022 09:54

@HeddaGarbled

he feels forced and like he had no choice

That is the truth, actually.

He’s not reacted brilliantly, but he does have a point.

Give him time to get over the shock, but plan to be a single mum.

I'm sure he wasn't forced to have unprotected sex though was he.
TheChemicalMother · 24/01/2022 09:54

So sorry you have been treated like this.

Interesting that he wants to be ‘involved’.

I would ask him at which stage of his child’s life he intends to let them know that he moved out because he wanted the pregnant aborted? And what impact that might have in the child he purports to want to be involved with.

Irrespective of his behaviour over your pregnancy, did you feel he actually loved and respected you?

He might realise what an absolute bastard and immature knob he is being and come through with an abject apology.

Otherwise, babies need loving caring Mums. You can do that.