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Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Original poster

Crippled with anxiety that it might be twins again *TRIGGER WARNING*

276 replies

Squiff70 · 17/12/2021 08:06

Please forgive me for this post but let me explain.

In January 2019 we lost twins at 19 weeks due to placental abruption. It was truely horrendous but we were determined we would love to be parents, so we tried again, conceiving in June the same year. Yep, twins a second time. Just before 23 weeks I went into spontaneous labour and delivered our babies. After four days our son passed away but after an awful lot of help and treatment, our little girl survived and is now a healthy and happy two year old. She spent 5.5 months in NICU and 7.5 months in hospital in total. IT WAS HELL and we nearly lost her several times.

Fast forward to today. I'm 4 weeks pregnant (found out on Sunday) and since then I haven't slept through fear that I might be carrying twins a third time.

I am not functioning. I am SO tired, sick, have very sore breasts and utterly, utterly drained. I go to bed about 11pm but am wide awake by 2.30am and don't get back to sleep. My partner is working all weekend and I need to look after our little girl but I can barely even lift her I'm so weak.

Is it worth asking my GP for an HCG blood test? I can't face waiting for a scan and even if I could be scanned today, which I can't, then I wouldn't want to look at the monitor just in case.

You must be asking why not twins again. I wouldn't cope mentally or physically with two babies (potentially) as well as our daughter. DP says "people do cope and you'd be fine" but he gets to escape to work. It's not like that for me. Apart from 2.5 hours of nursery once a week I care for our daughter 24 hours a day, 7 days a week and have done since she came out of hospital with no breaks. I just wouldn't cope with another two children. I have physical health problems as well as PTSD and depression and this is killing me.

I can't do this.

OP posts:
waterlego · 07/01/2022 19:41

That really isn’t a horrible thing to say. It is totally logical and understandable. At any rate, as you say, you can’t help how you feel. (And I’m not at all surprised or shocked that’s how you feel. I expect a lot of us would feel the same).

CatherinedeBourgh · 07/01/2022 19:41

I was reading the whole thread with my fingers crossed. I’m so sorry OP.

You need to let go of any feelings of guilt or blame for yourself. Whatever decision you take will be good, because you are coming from a place of love and of wanting to do the best for your family.

However wanting the decision to be taken from you is natural and human, and only someone completely lacking in empathy could fail to understand you.

waterlego · 07/01/2022 19:41

I’m also pleased you have a lovely and wise friend who understands you and is giving good support.

mcmooberry · 07/01/2022 19:46

I'm so sorry you haven't got the singleton pregnancy you hoped for and also for this uncertainty.
I had one smaller than the other at the first private scan ( I felt so overwhelmingly ill I suspected maybe twins) and said to my DH on the way out "Maybe that little one won't make it" as the prospect of twins was so daunting. She did and now I am glad of that but I hadn't had your previous experiences.
I would advise seeing what is what at the next scan and ideally get an urgent referral to an obstetrician. With your previous history of late losses and preterm labour would selective foetal reduction be a possibility here? Not without risk of losing both of course so I think would need very careful consideration.
Not sure what your financial situation is but if you do have twins then spending money can ease the burden, we had to use savings to get help in the early days as I found it all too much and one of them was not an easy baby. I also met a twin mum who got a trainee Norland nanny in free to help which made a huge difference.
No one here is judging you at all, I am so sorry for what you have already been through and just want a happy outcome to this pregnancy for you. xxx

NotVictorianHonestly · 07/01/2022 20:03

I'm sorry Squiff. I honestly think that at least 95% of women would be thinking exactly the same as you in the circumstances. An outcome where nature takes its course and you are saved from having to make an extremely painful decision or really does some the least worst outcome given everything you've been through.

Holding you in my thoughts and sending you strength.

Thinking2041 · 07/01/2022 20:32

Hi Op.
I really really feel for you. I just wish this could have gone easily and smoothly for you.
You really do not have to worry about saying the wrong thing or upsetting anyone. You are living something most of us have never lived. No one has a right to judge.

I hope you manage to sleep a little bit tonight

DobbyTheHouseElk · 07/01/2022 20:38

Oh goodness. Get some more advice. You don’t need to make decisions now.

Greygreenblue · 07/01/2022 20:51

Oh OP, not what you were hoping for. I think if I was in your position with your history, I would look at selective reduction.

If you do decide to keep them both and you end up with 3 very close together babies you will cope because you have to (I had 3 under 2, i spent my whole twin pregnancy freaking out, it was in fact very hard, but I’d do it all again). But I still think for the best mental and physical outcome for you, to ensure your eldest has her mum and to give one of those babies the best shot, a selective reduction is worth considering.

WonderfulYou · 07/01/2022 21:32

that the best thing for my physical and mental health is that twin B isn't viable in 2 weeks.

It would I agree, especially considering the massive difference in size.

However the worst case scenario would be if B is viable, so I would be preparing myself for that and weighing up your options just in case.

SpookyScarySkeletons · 07/01/2022 21:46

Oh love, I'm sorry that it's not the news you were hoping for.

Please feel free to keep using us as a sounding board. Absolutely no judgement here. We aren't the best of vipers many believe us to be!

bonetiredwithtwins · 07/01/2022 21:49

Do you still have your NHS scan booked @Squiff70 ? Would having a scan in a weeks time rather than 2 weeks help? I would guess that if Twin B isn't viable you would know by 8 weeks given how much further behind it is? I've rarely seen a pregnancy this far behind as Twin B turn out to be viable

Bideyinn · 07/01/2022 21:59

Thinking of you Squiff x

ChristmasPlanning · 07/01/2022 22:59

Glad you have support of a friend. You have us too Thanks

Somebodylikeyew · 07/01/2022 23:38

Just came looking for this thread to check in on you. I am so sorry it wasn’t the news you wanted. I can’t imagine what you’ve gone through. Do you feel you could go and see a counsellor to talk some of it through?

Original poster
Squiff70 · 07/01/2022 23:56

Sorry I disappeared. As soon as our little girl was asleep tonight, so was I. More mental exhaustion than physical I think.

DP and I had a chat earlier. We talked things through a little bit. At first he said "we just have to hope they're both fine and once they're born I'll get my mum to come and help for a couple of months". Given that I'd be at very high risk of preterm birth and I speak a different language to his mum and find that barrier a huge struggle, he had a very simplistic view of things. I explained honestly and gently what I wanted and told him there were certainly no guarantees either of them would be okay, especially twin B, he's stepped up and been very supportive, taking care of feeding us and getting our daughter to bed too.

We obviously have more talking to do but now there's no immediate rush.

I don't have an appointment for an NHS scan or even my booking appointment with the midwife yet but I'll chase those up early next week.

I'm still in shock. Although part of me wasn't expecting this, I should have done more to mentally prepare for it. The sonographer did say that in her 20 year career she's never known somebody to conceive twins three times, especially not naturally. I've been telling doctors and gynaecologists for years that something was wrong with my right ovary - which is where all three sets came from (two large and painful corpus luteums on the ovary each time) but nobody listened. It's a bit late now.

DP is working tomorrow so my only focus is looking after our little girl. After that he has a week off so I'll have support at home.

I still can't believe it.

OP posts:
Sideswiped · 08/01/2022 00:11

I hope you don't mind me saying it, but God bless both of you.
If that's too religious for you, please allow me to send my very best wishes, from the bottom of my heart.
You've been through enough. I sincerely hope this pregnancy (with one or two, I know there's no way of knowing just yet), works out for you. Thanks

Sideswiped · 08/01/2022 00:14

And, OP, be kind to yourself tonight. You need to rest, it's been a long day for you. It's good that DP can be there for you. Thanks

madeleine85 · 08/01/2022 04:49

@Squiff70 wow lady. Sending you the biggest of virtual hugs, and hopes that you are mentally coping with this news. Do you have any therapist type setup who you could talk to (hoping given your history that you do). I couldn’t carry one child to term, so the thought of twins would be very overwhelming, and I just feel for you here. Three times just feels very unfair on you. However you decide to do this, it’s your body, and you clearly have the support of the full mn community x

mellongoose · 08/01/2022 05:47

Oh bloody hell @Squiff70.

Deeep breath. I hope you get to see a consultant nice and early. With your history they should be able to help this time.

Sending you huge hugs.

mellongoose · 08/01/2022 05:48

You must do what is right for you btw. Any one who wrongly judges you has no understanding of what you have been through. Best of luck x

Branleuse · 08/01/2022 08:52

[quote bonetiredwithtwins]@Squiff70
I'm sorry it wasn't the news you were expecting or hoping for - so incredibly rare to naturally conceive twins 3 times in a row

Have they talked to you about the smaller twin? It is measuring a fair way behind the other?[/quote]
Not necessarily for fraternal twins if the woman has a tendency to release two eggs every time?

Tomselleckhaskindeyes · 08/01/2022 09:55

Are they sharing a placenta?

Original poster
Squiff70 · 08/01/2022 10:28

No they're not sharing a placenta. They are DCDA twins so in separate sacs.

OP posts:
minmooch · 08/01/2022 10:40

I'm so sorry op that it wasn't a simple outcome. Take the time you need to make the best decisions for you. What is best for you will ultimately be best for your family.

I lost both twins in my twin pregnancy but would not judge any decision you make.

You've been dealt incredibly hard and difficult cards. I hope whichever decisions/choices are made that you feel love and supported by those closest to you and that you find your way through Thanks

DobbyTheHouseElk · 08/01/2022 15:24

My friend had twins one bigger and one possibly non viable twin. It was a difficult pregnancy to say the least and it was “twin to twin transfusion” I think the term is. Anyway the outcome was very sad. The bigger viable twin died at birth and the tiny twin was the survivor, but a year of NICU before they could go home.

I also have another friend who had two consecutive twin pregnancies naturally. A very traumatic experience there as well.

It’s so heartbreaking.

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