SD not accepting of pregnancy

[north2south]

Hi all,

Hope you're well.

Looking for some advice. This is my first pregnancy and I'm loving it so far. My partner and I are so excited and I'm loving being pregnant! Everything has been a dream apart from one thing... my partner has a daughter from a previous relationship. She's 8 and a half and currently really isn't accepting of our baby. She didn't take the news well in the first place and having just got over that and offering reassurance she's now told her mother she doesn't want to stay with us when they baby arrives! It's really starting to upset both my partner and I. Everything is so lovely and perfect apart from this. I don't understand where this spite for the baby is coming from. I know she's acting out of jealousy and I can't help but feel she is trying to almost make her dad choose between her and the baby (which isn't good to happen). Anybody else had a similar situation? How did you deal with it and did it get easier!? She's the only cause of stress on the both of us right now and it's really wearing us down x

@2bazookas

1. Her dad hasn't left her. Her parents split up that actually never lived together full time. He sees her regular and the routine has been the same for nearly 5years

1. I have been in her life for over half her life, this hasn't happened overnight. Her dad isn't going to replace or love our baby anymore than he loves her. He will love both of them exactly the same and treat them fairly.

Well if real life crashes into my ideal I'll make sure to have you on speed dial for a pep talk!

Hi OP,

My 3 children have a sibling at their dads. How is DSD mum at helping her accept and embrace the change? I know my DC had fears etc when DSM was pregnant. I took them out to buy some presents for their new sibling, tried to encourage them to see the positives in a new baby brother.

Both me and exDH had to reassure them that he loved them and that wouldn't change. It took time but their brother is now 3 and they adore him. For info my youngest DC were 8 and 9 when their DSM was expecting.

I hope everything works out

@CherylPorter350

Sadly I think that's half the problem the mum isn't helping her with the transition at all. A lots happened since this post and it's becoming very clear that actually the mother is projecting a lot of her thoughts and feelings onto SD!

That's amazing that you did that! And I bet it made it so much easier for your kids to accept and digest. It's so hard to reassure when she is with her mother 90% of the time and anything we have done just becomes undone x

[quote north2south]@CherylPorter350

Sadly I think that's half the problem the mum isn't helping her with the transition at all. A lots happened since this post and it's becoming very clear that actually the mother is projecting a lot of her thoughts and feelings onto SD!

That's amazing that you did that! And I bet it made it so much easier for your kids to accept and digest. It's so hard to reassure when she is with her mother 90% of the time and anything we have done just becomes undone x[/quote]
I don't particularly like my exDH or his wife but my kids will never know that. It's my job as their mum to help them deal with difficult situations not to make them worse. It makes me sad when parents project onto their children.

I'm also a step mum so I know how hard it can be in a blended family.

@CherylPorter350 you sound like an amazing mum and person!! Blended families would be a whole lot easier if everyone was like that xx

@2bazookas

Her dad left her.

Her Dad gets a new Mummy and a new Baby so it's bloody obvious to an 8 yr old mind, she's next on the list. Dad is about to replace her with someone he loves more.

Of course she's jealous, and very scared.

Accusing that child of "spite against the unborn baby" says a lot about you.

When real life crashes into your idyll and cries all night
you'll be the one wondering if Daddy prefers his older child.

You just seem determined to be negative all the time. She asked for advice. Not spite, judgement or abuse. Stop projecting your poor widdle SD who got ignored/Jilted Ex baggage onto posters. You are always targeting stepmothers on here with vile behaviour. They have invented this thing called scrolling. Try it sometime instead of stalking stepmothers

@Viviennemary

Pood child. Having to accept her Dad left, accept his new partner and now accept a baby. You will just have to wait and see what happens

Here you are once again Vivienne stalking stepmothers. Have not seen one positive post from you on here when they ask for advice.