Are all children this badly behaved?

[nairn]

I am preggers and had some friends with children round on saturday. One is 3 the other is 18 months.
They were a complete nightmare. Screaming, destroying my house, throwing tantrums. My poor mate couldn't even have a converstation for running around trying to stop them tearing down my Christmas tree - she can't have one because they would do the same in their own house.
I have been left feeling very worried that this is what the future holds for me.
I know kids will be kids but this was a living hell.
How do you stop that happening to you and continue to have a normal life of some sort?
I must admit I'm feeling really down about the whole thing now.
She said things like 'all this lovely stuff will have to go' and I couldn't' help thinking 'but I don't want my house turned into toys r us!' I like my nice home and I don't want a child - my own or someone elses - to destroy it!
Help! Tell me it's not always like this!

This kid is going to come roaring into your life like a whirlwind. You cannot avoid it. Even if it's a 'good' one. (And believe me you cannot do anything to ensure that.)

Oh, but it IS fulfilling. Really (see the soppy thread about overwhelming primitive love from a few days ago- but 'primitive' is a good word to hold onto because that's what the experience is, in every way)

Perhaps just find a happy place for the next few months until the typhoon lands.

Sorry domesticgodless, do you have a link to that thread? It sounds very interesting and I can't find it.

I did the link further down....

here you go again

I saved it to read when I am mightily pissed off with dcs and feeling like parenting is a load of bollocks, tis lovely thread, really heart-felt.

Hijak! are we the only couple to think... "oh, no! first baby!... we really better clean up some of this crap...." our LO can only welcome a tidier, cleaner more organised house....

oh cant even respond to this without pmsl at the nievity of it all oh i remember being that silly

Oh Nairn {{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{hugs}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

Please get over "they fit into you life" or you are bound for disaster!

My DS was a model baby and still in top tier for behaviour at 3.8 (Now that's going to jinx me isn't it?) BUT you will be decluttering forever and ever, you will be babyproofing and then toddler proofing and on you feet all day. You house will just be an evolving project for years to come.

It's a whole new person in your household and you all need to work around each other's lives/timetables.

Good luck!

PS: You sound like a good candidate for Gina Ford though. Doesn't suit everybody but might reassure you. It's all about routine. Get a copy.

PPS: lots of us living in the far east you know

No they are not always like that. DD (2.2 yrs) normally plays quite well. The only time my house sounds like you have described is when we have other kids round. I have a cupboard I shove all the toys in every night so my house doesnt look like Toys R Us as not only is my place quite small but it drives me mad seeing piles of toys everywhere. Good luck

Flack

"why have children if you don't want them to change your life? I mean, what's the point, otherwise?"

You know I so wanted to ask my sister that. But she's the type that wouls sooooo take offence. I also suspect that they had their little girl cos bil wanted a child, but it wasn't really my sister's lifestyle choice.. Sad

re the life changing bit - so agree. What is fricking point of life if it doesn't change? Otherwise you'd still be playing princesses with your best friend at 40. Change is what life is about.

I really agree with both sides on this one. Yes, everything will change, and so it should - you will have loads more clutter and mess, you will spend your time differently, and your whole life will be transformed, as it should.

BUT this "fitting in" thing - I actualy do think the child should do some fitting in with you and your agenda as well. It's a balance. If your child doesn't have to fit in with your plans and priorities quite a lot of the time as well, you'll be a slave to their needs, lose sight of yourself and run the risk of raising a person who really thinks they are the centre of everything and the universe revolves around them.

I would never have expected life to carry on the same as before when I had DS - but equally, I'm not going to stop going to parties and gigs, having nice objects and furbiture, having a christmas tree etc. He can and does learn what things he mustn't touch - we all know we have to teach our kids not to touch electric sockets and hot ovens, so we can also teach them respect for our property (obviously excepting some SN situations). He comes supermarket shoping with me and I teach him to help, he comes to a gallery or a gig with us if that's what we're doing, and learns to behave through doing that.

Of course he's a 2yo boy and it's not always a success, things sometimes get trashed, there are sometimes tantrums which I know is to be expected. But I do think it's sad when people have kids and then only ever do things that are designed for kids and won't let them learn about the normal adult world and how to behave in it. I have a friend like that - her DD never goes to the supermarket, on errands with her or to any grown-up occasion. All they do is go to toddler classes, playgrounds and soft play centres and my friend is knackered from squeezing in the shopping and everything else after bedtime. So how will that child learn to behave in a grown-up way when necessary?

I also think it's a shame to come down on a new-mum-to-be with all this cynical eye-rolling and "oh, you'll find out, ha ha ha" (obviously I'm paraphrasing!) just because she'd like to teach her kids to be a bit better-behaved than the horrors she recently had trashing her own house!

Hmm yes I agree with both sides.

I agree with Prufrock: "Seriously - speaking as a anal retentive control freak perfectionist, you will cope."

My children are GIRLS which makes this sort of thing 1000X easier, from my limited observance of my friend's children.

I don't have much in the way of 'nice' stuff but by 6pm the house is tidy, hoovered, and all toys packed out of sight so the house does not resemble a giant primary-coloured toybox.

If you are anally-retentive enough, I think it is possible to have some semblance of your adult life back after children.

Having said that, I wrote off the first year both times - that was just jiggling around with leaking breasts and crying babies trying to survive.

The Libby Purves book How Not To Be A Perfect Mother is good on the fitting in thing that Snowleopard describes - ie how to carry on doing the grown-up things you like doing while still fulfilling the needs of the children.

I wonder whatever happened to nairn?

Bump. I'd love to find out what happened to nairn.

Hmm, my children are the least well behaved children I know . I have a lovely X-mas tree and have done each year.

I agree with everyone else about the tidy house though, that isn't going to happen. Your house will most definately look like toys r us. However you will be so bessotted with your baby that you won't notice or even care.

Other peoples children always seem like little s**ts, and tbh I have a 3 (nearly4)yo a 1 yo and another on the way and what you were saying about your friends children is pretty much what you can expect untill they are about 4-5, sorry if thats not what you wanted to hear.
My house is like toys r us and it took us 3 goes at putting up the xmas tree last year because ds knocked it over twice (not on purpose).
He also told me he was going to play in his bedroom eriler and I have just been up there to find everylast toy that he owns scattered around the room.
But because they are yours you will feel 1,000,000 times different than you did about your friends.

Until I realised (quickly) this thread was two years old my first thought was 'Why is your christmas tree up already?!'

Damn. Just realised all my christmas tree decorations are glass. Well, dc's are 14 and 11 now (not that they ever accosted the christmas tree, from memory). But better safe than sorry, I guess, and it'll be back to plastic and/or wood next year!