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Original poster

Are all children this badly behaved?

144 replies

nairn · 10/12/2007 13:56

I am preggers and had some friends with children round on saturday. One is 3 the other is 18 months.
They were a complete nightmare. Screaming, destroying my house, throwing tantrums. My poor mate couldn't even have a converstation for running around trying to stop them tearing down my Christmas tree - she can't have one because they would do the same in their own house.
I have been left feeling very worried that this is what the future holds for me.
I know kids will be kids but this was a living hell.
How do you stop that happening to you and continue to have a normal life of some sort?
I must admit I'm feeling really down about the whole thing now.
She said things like 'all this lovely stuff will have to go' and I couldn't' help thinking 'but I don't want my house turned into toys r us!' I like my nice home and I don't want a child - my own or someone elses - to destroy it!
Help! Tell me it's not always like this!

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crokky · 10/12/2007 14:10

My house looks like toys r us, I really like that!! It is fun!!!

ImBarryScott · 10/12/2007 14:11

One good thing is that little babies don't need much stuff or make much mess, so your standards about your home being clean and tidy gentle lower over time. it's a kind of graded exposure!

lennygirl · 10/12/2007 14:11

Message withdrawn

Kathyate6mincepies · 10/12/2007 14:11

And don't forget, the whole thing will cost you a fortune.

rookiemater · 10/12/2007 14:11

Your DC will probably be challenging in different ways from your friends.

I know before DS was born I used to think my BF was doing it all wrong when her DD had tantrums, stood on her chair at restaurants and generally played up whilst my BF issued idle threats.

Now I realise that my BF is doing absolutely the best job she can with her children and so am I with my DS as I watch people judging me for some of the things he does. DS is an escape artist but not generally tantrummy.

I'd like to take credit for his personality but it seems to be primarily predisposed.

Plus you have seen them at quite a challenging age, it takes a while before they get noisy, then fingers crossed they get a bit quieter when older.

Meeely2 · 10/12/2007 14:12

we have a toyrs r u room and an adult room, in the day the two become one, in the evening it gets tidied away and you'd never know - but it's taken years to get that far!

minspugs · 10/12/2007 14:13

its when there at the toddler stage that there a handful, dd2 is 20 mths and going through the drawing on walls, emptying cupboards and flinging food stage they do grow out of it though and it happens gradually so not a total shock to the system

OrmIrian · 10/12/2007 14:13

I do think that most of the time you will cope with the noise and the chaos - I'll bet most of the stress was caused by the poor mother beside herself trying to control her kids who had unaccountably chosen this particular time to play Attila the Hun. I find that kids are messy though but if you and your OH are tidy people it isn't impossible to teach your DCs to be reasonable so too.... sadly although I am a tidy person DH isn't...so the DCs aren't either

Life will change but it won't be as hellish as you imagine and you will love your LO so it just won't matter as much.

POOKAingwenceslaslookedout · 10/12/2007 14:13

I too was a firm believer that children fit into your adult life rather than the other way round.
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I was wrong, but that's not to say that your child won't.

DoesntChristmasDragOn · 10/12/2007 14:14

"And I'm sure kids do bring lots of joy to their mothers - by if my mate was happy she sure was hiding it well!"

Ah, that's because you didn't see her when her children were snuggling up on her lap or when they ran up to her with a large hug and a wet (snotty) kiss to say they love her. You didn't see her kiss them goodnight and stroke their hair as they slept...

SquonkaClaus · 10/12/2007 14:15

don't sweat it - it's all worth it

FairyTaleOfNewYork · 10/12/2007 14:16

no not all children are badly behaved.

i have always had a xmas tree and nice things. but the high things just start to go up a little bit higher every few months untill the kids are out of the 'muist touch every thing in sight age' (about errrrrrr age 8? lol).

dd1 drew on the wall once. that was it.

dd2 never did.

dd3 is a right little scribbler. and when she gets told no, she yells 'SORRY' and pouts.

my house is a mini-branch of toys r us, but i dont have toy boxes in the living room (this is easier because we lvie i na bungalow), so in the evening, kids take toys back to their toy boxes with a litttle encourgment/threat of bin, and the living room is ours again.

TEUCHywithallthetrimmings · 10/12/2007 14:16

Don't you know that only OTHER people's DC's are badly behaved and annoying...

I'm glad you didn't have them round a few months ago as it can be a very effective contraception and then you would never know...

DoesntChristmasDragOn · 10/12/2007 14:16

It's a rare child indeed who brings their parent joy & happiness when visiting the house of a child-free friend!

Kathyate6mincepies · 10/12/2007 14:16

Mother was also probably stressed because she could see you looking daggers at her.

chocolatespiders · 10/12/2007 14:17

you will deal with it whatever way it turns out, we all had lovely images of being a parent.....

i have raised both my girls the same never had any problems with dd1, but dd2 wow what a gorgeous little wirlwind she is

MerryAnnSinglemas · 10/12/2007 14:18

ds was never like that, honestly.

Martha200 · 10/12/2007 14:19

Don't panic yet

Was this the first time you had seen your friend with these children for some time?

The comment about your friend not having a tree in their house because of the damage that would be done kind of suggests to me there might be an issue around discipline or just coping in general? I've never known one with more than one child or who have young children who don't have a tree. If anything trees might have been secured somehow from cats in the house!

Maybe the children were bored in what appeared to them a very non child friendly home and so were open to an off moment! Did your friend come armed with some toys for them?

When you have children there is some compromise/common sense needed about what can or can't be on display because of destruction/safety reasons but a lot of this changes as the child ages and also the temperament of the child plays a part. For example I have a friend who always needed reins for her son when he was younger as he constantly wanted to run away when they were out, whereas my son the thought never passed his mind and he always would hold my hand or the chair.

So, the answer is no, this is not what the future holds, some days are good and some days are dire, and it's hard work at times but it is prefectly possible to have some normality to life if you want it. It takes some comprising, working out at times, but possible

DoesntChristmasDragOn · 10/12/2007 14:25

MArtha, having had trees every year since DS1 (8.5) was born, I have serious doubts this year because of BabyDragon...

WeAllWantSomeFluffyPudding · 10/12/2007 14:27

Don't panic...other peoples children are always different to your own - not just cos you feel differently about your own dcs but also because you get to set the rules with yours, and that does make a difference. Of course your kids will misbehave from time to time (and I suspect you'd be very worried if they didn't) but I believe that (to an extent) how kids behave when they're at home or out has a lot to do with how their parents set boundaries etc. DS is now 2.3 and has only rarely gone into total meltdown/uncontrollable mode when out and about, and all our normal stuff is still out at home...we just moved a handful of really breakable things out of reach . I should just caveat that I took a conscious decision to leave breakables within reach of toddlers/small people on the grounds that I want my kids to learn that just cos things are in reach doesn't make them fair game (and I grew up knowing that there were things I wasn't allowed to touch/play with)...but I did choose which things to leave in reach fairly carefully !

Original poster
nairn · 10/12/2007 14:27

Ladies thanks for that. For the most part your posts were really helpful. Those that weren't I ignored.
I can't remember who mentiont the big chest for the toys but I've already got one so that is my plan.
I know life has to change and I'm very much looking forward to it all - even though I know there will be nightmare moments. Just need to keep it all in perspective.
I suppose it's just how much each individual is willing to compromise.
As another friend with kids keeps telling 'remember you're the one in charge - not the one year old.'

And there is always a play pen - now who wants to tell me I'm terrible for even suggesting that?!

OP posts:
CharlieAndLolasMummy · 10/12/2007 14:28

oh god yes

BTW, "Screaming, destroying [a] house, throwing tantrums." isn't really bad behviour as such. I mean, its not good behaviour, its certainly undesirable and needs to be dealt with (which your friend clearly WAS since she wasn't just chatting away to you). But its also horribly normal behaviour for this age group, especially in what I am guessing is not an especially child-friendly house? (toysrus looks like it does because it has kids toys in it. Kids like toys, and it stops them from wrecking houses.)

visiting frends with lots of "nice things" and so forth is always an utterly stressful, shitey experience.

CharlieAndLolasMummy · 10/12/2007 14:29

'remember you're the one in charge - not the one year old.'

Um

Well, best of luck there! Do keep us posted!

CarmenerryChristmas · 10/12/2007 14:30

Nairn I think what most people are trying to say is that your priorities change when you become a parent but that doesn't have to mean that your standards slip really.

Kathyate6mincepies · 10/12/2007 14:30

Some children will happily go in playpens. Some will not.
I suggest you get one anyway though, because if the worst comes to the worst, you can always sit in it to have a cup of tea without it getting knocked over and read the paper.