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Pregnancy

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Original poster

Abortion & the wave of light.

110 replies

Sheisfee · 15/10/2021 10:17

I'm curious to know if abortion is considered within the wave of light as it is for all baby loss? I know of a few people who grieve their abortions but I'm wondering if there is a space for them when we are remembering babies that have left us too soon? What are your thoughts?
❤️

OP posts:

Throwback24 · 15/10/2021 12:01

@Blxo94 but life can put you in a corner where you feel you have no choice. It's so easy to sit there and say to people well you you do. But I know I didnt. I felt like I didnt and everyone else around me also made sure to re enforce that.

HerRoyalWitchyness · 15/10/2021 12:01

I aborted twins. It was absolutely the right decision for me as another pregnancy could leave me paralysed. That doesnt mean I was happy about the choice I had to make.
It was keep the twins and risk being paralysed or abort and stay (relatively) able for the 3 kids I already have.
I was devastated that I was in that position (my ex has since admitted to tampering with condoms) and I grieve my babies.

goinggently · 15/10/2021 12:02

@HerRoyalWitchyness

HarryPotterFan21 · 15/10/2021 12:03

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk guidelines.

HerRoyalWitchyness · 15/10/2021 12:06

@HarryPotterFan21 have you bothered to read the thread? Abortion isn't just "I don't want this baby"
Although that's perfectly acceptable, there's a whole host of reasons that you know nothing about why women have abortions.
I understand how difficult it must be for you having suffered so much loss but that doesn't take away from the loss others feel at having to have had an abortion.

Comedycook · 15/10/2021 12:07

abortion is not appropriate for the wave of light unless it was for a medical reason and had no choice

Why are medical reasons considered acceptable and non medical reasons seen as unacceptable?

ABCeasyasdohrayme · 15/10/2021 12:07

@HarryPotterFan21

No as someone whose had ten miscarriages late and early, abortion is not appropriate for the wave of light unless it was for a medical reason and had no choice. Why bring people who didn't want their babies into the wave of light?

don't tarnish our babies memories with abortion please!

My children's memories aren't being 'tarnished' by those grieving the pregnancies they didn't continue with.

You do not speak for us all, and you don't have the hierarchy on grief.

I am sorry for your losses, but the wave of light isn't about judgement of others.

SickAndTiredAgain · 15/10/2021 12:07

@HarryPotterFan21

don't tarnish our babies memories with abortion please!

No, your memory of your babies is not tarnished by somebody else choosing to remember theirs. They are completely separate and it in no way diminishes your loss.

HarryPotterFan21 · 15/10/2021 12:08

[quote HerRoyalWitchyness]@HarryPotterFan21 have you bothered to read the thread? Abortion isn't just "I don't want this baby"
Although that's perfectly acceptable, there's a whole host of reasons that you know nothing about why women have abortions.
I understand how difficult it must be for you having suffered so much loss but that doesn't take away from the loss others feel at having to have had an abortion.[/quote]
Yes hence "medical reasons and having no choice." That includes abusive relationships etc.
Maybe read my comment properly?

SylvanasWindrunner · 15/10/2021 12:09

You are the one remembering your baby/babies, not random people who don't know you. How does someone else grieving tarnish the memory of your baby when you are the one remembering? How does it make any difference to your own memories? I am trying to be sensitive but I really don't get it.

SickAndTiredAgain · 15/10/2021 12:09

Yes hence "medical reasons and having no choice." That includes abusive relationships etc.

So, only reasons you deem good enough then? Where do you draw the line?

HerRoyalWitchyness · 15/10/2021 12:09

I did read your comment properly. I had a choice. A difficult one but still a choice. That doesnt stop my grief

Blxo94 · 15/10/2021 12:09

Can I also just put here that remember that your comments on abortion can affect us TFMR mums. And saying no to abortions being included can ultimately make us feel like we shouldn't be either which is just darn right wrong. Just be thoughtful of all grieving mums before you make comment of judgement ❤️

PurpleDaisies · 15/10/2021 12:11

Who is going to know if someone has lost a baby through miscarriage or had an abortion when they’re taking part in this?

How does someone grieving a sad situation of them tarnish your own memories?

Throwback24 · 15/10/2021 12:11

@HarryPotterFan21 your grief isnt suddenly invalidate or deminsined by mine or any others joining in today and grieving. Who are you to tell what is appropriate or not? Tonight I will light a candle. I'm sorry for your losses. But I have lost a baby as well, the context of that doesnt change that fact.

Throwback24 · 15/10/2021 12:12

that was meant to say deminished. I just wish women supported women with everything. Why must there always be a diversion

Throwback24 · 15/10/2021 12:13

*division! Ugh bloody auto correct

Alonelonelylonersbadidea · 15/10/2021 12:15

So what is the criteria for 'having no choice'? Can we get the parameters please.
Seriously, I find this interesting.
I'd like to know how one human can decide this for another.

Blxo94 · 15/10/2021 12:15

@goinggently
You have read my comment the wrong way unfortunately love. I said MEANT to be not IS. I clearly stated that women need to realise that woman are allowed to grieve over having abortions. I think this woman should be included and I never once said she shouldn't or other woman who are grieving a termination... Don't try educate me on abortions and TFMR's when I have had 1 u medical termination and 2 terminations for medical reasons. I've been on both sides and I know how it can make a woman feel after!!!

Scirocco · 15/10/2021 12:16

IMO there are so many different scenarios to consider that it should be a personal choice whether or not someone feels their own experience of termination fits within the demographic of the wave of light, and nobody should be judged one way or the other.

For some women, a termination will have been the loss of a much-loved baby. For other women, it won't be experienced that way. For other women, there may be mixed feelings. Everyone's experience is valid and should be supported.

Nobody has the right to gate-keep another person's grief.

Throwback24 · 15/10/2021 12:18

@Alonelonelylonersbadidea I wont go into it because then I feel like I'm being forced to justify myself to a stranger on the internet over avery personal matter. But just count your blessings you've never been cornered into a situation where you feel like the choice is out of your own hands.

JumperooSue · 15/10/2021 12:19

Imagine competitive grief being a thing?! Disbelief. Light as many candles as you want, it’s 2021 and women should not be being shamed for these choices, tarnished?! Honestly, wtf. Also why is everything about social media?! Light the candle in your home and remember the baby’s that have been lost regardless of the reason.

iwannabelikeyouhoohoo · 15/10/2021 12:23

I really hope this thread isn’t intended to be goady.
Any person is welcome to take part in the wave of light; whether for herself or to commemorate any baby who died. I had a TFMR for a fatal diagnosis - technically an abortion - and will be lighting a candle for my much loved daughter.

headspin10 · 15/10/2021 12:24

@Alonelonelylonersbadidea ♥️💖

iwannabelikeyouhoohoo · 15/10/2021 12:24

That should say themselves, not herself

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