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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Original poster

Is 48 too old to get pregnant naturally?

102 replies

FatyCat · 27/09/2021 14:09

Hi all I am 48 years old and have been trying to get pregnant for the last 5 years. I have had 2 miscarriages. I am regular and ovulating. My hubby is 50 years and we have 2 girls 18 and 16. Is it too late for me? My hubby does not want to get checked as he thinks we are too old but deep down I know he would love another child but does not want to go down the ivf route.The GP has checked my bloods and says I have not reached menopause yet but my AML levels are high for my age (got checked privately). He said if my hubby's count is low nothing much can be done.

OP posts:
Enough4me · 01/12/2021 09:55

I'm mid 40s. When I'm 50 my youngest will be 18. I should still have energy to support my DCs and 17 more working years to build finances, not only to pay off my mortgage but to help boost them in education/training/housing. If I had another baby late 40s I would be impacting my health, impacting the support for my DCs and wouldn't be able to support the DC at 18 as much as less energy and finances.

User5252727 · 01/12/2021 09:58

It's hugely unlikely that you could get pregnant and stay pregnant with a healthy baby.

I wouldn't even be trying in your circumstances. You have two children already - what would be the impact on them of a third if that third was disabled, which there is a good chance it would be. And how would you and your husband cope with a baby at your ages? Or a teenager when you're in your sixties?

OnaTop3 · 01/12/2021 09:59

It can be extremely upsetting of course -but presumably people with elder parents would not prefer NOT to exist. It’s a bit strong to say it;s a reason not to bring a person into the world and that they cant have meaningful, happy, fulfilled life.

BurbageBrook · 01/12/2021 10:11

Selfish to even try at that age IMO.

Sakura7 · 01/12/2021 10:17

@OnaTop3

It can be extremely upsetting of course -but presumably people with elder parents would not prefer NOT to exist. It’s a bit strong to say it;s a reason not to bring a person into the world and that they cant have meaningful, happy, fulfilled life.
I can never understand this argument. If I didn't exist, I wouldn't know about. I wouldn't have anything to miss.

By that logic it's ok to bring children into all sorts of unsuitable environments because simply existing trumps all other concerns.

OnaTop3 · 01/12/2021 10:22

No - ‘simply existing’ does not trump all other concerns. But JUSt being 48 is NOT a reason not to have a child. It depends on so many other things, and i am sure the OP is well aware of the need to provide for the child etc etc.
If it is selfish to try when you are older, is it also selfish to try when you are of less than perfect health, or poor? Where do you draw the line? If children are only ‘allowed’ to be born into perfect circumstances not many of us would have them. I just think it is very simplistic to tell hte OP to ‘get over’ wanting a child because it is ‘selfish’. It really, really depends, and she should be allowed to judge if she can give this child a good life.

DirectionToPerfection · 01/12/2021 10:25

No - ‘simply existing’ does not trump all other concerns. But JUSt being 48 is NOT a reason not to have a child.

Yes, it is. It absolutely 100% is. There's a reason why it's almost impossible for it to happen naturally.

OnaTop3 · 01/12/2021 10:34

Gosh. It also cant happen naturally for lots of very young women. Thank god there are ways to help them. Also yes, unlikely for it to happen naturally in mid 40s - but not impossible. I think the OP wanted to know if it is too late for her from the point of view of being able to get pregnant and keep trying. The answer is no, not necessarily. I am not sure she was after people judging whether should be selfish or not by having one. But perhaps i misunderstood!

Sakura7 · 01/12/2021 10:39

Gosh. It also cant happen naturally for lots of very young women.

That's an entirely different situation to the OP, who already has two children.

You're not thinking about the impact on the child at all, it's all about being kind to the parents and supporting their wants, regardless of whether it's a good idea or not.

There have been other threads on this issue before, and the majority of children of older parents say the same thing as me. Because we know what it's actually like to experience it.

discombob · 01/12/2021 10:39

If it is selfish to try when you are older, is it also selfish to try when you are of less than perfect health, or poor?

Truthfully? It can be. Especially the health one regarding hereditary conditions passed to children, although we're not allowed to say it.

drpet49 · 01/12/2021 10:41

Selfish to have a child at 48

OnaTop3 · 01/12/2021 10:52

So if the OP is very fit physically and very well off financially, is it more or less selfish her having a child than someone young and poor/or of ill health? How can such a blanket assumption about what kind of a life she can give this child be made without knowing anything about her?!! As for it also being selfish having children if you are of poor health - well that kind of judgement is really a vortex. No idea how people feel they can make BLANKET judgements like this.

Enough4me · 01/12/2021 11:03

I wouldn't call age a blanket judgment, it's just human biology.
If women could safely conceive and carry in late 40s+ it would happen naturally.

Sakura7 · 01/12/2021 11:04

@OnaTop3

You seem to think everyone has a right to have children regardless off their circumstances or the kind of life they can provide.

Yes, in some cases poor health is a good reason not to have children, especially if there's a reasonable chance of dying while the child is young, or requiring significant care. You really can't see an issue there?

I'm not here to judge anyone, I'm simply speaking from my own personal experience. Which you seem desperate to minimise.

TrufflesAndToast · 01/12/2021 11:07

OP what evidence do you have that deep down your husband wants another baby, despite him telling you the opposite? Have you just invented that or is there any actual reason to believe it?

Sorry but this sounds utterly bonkers. I just can’t see any reason that having a baby in your situation is a good idea. Aren’t you worried about the overwhelmingly higher odds of disability etc even if you managed to have a baby? Just imagine the impact that would have on your lives going forwards, would your husband and existing children honestly feel anything other then resentment and anger? I’m sure it’s hard when you desperately want another baby but I can’t see how this is good for anyone least of all the baby who will probably go through life feeling like some kind of afterthought to your already complete family, likely caring for elderly parents in their twenties and totally detached from siblings that are a generation older. Honestly, look at this from the child’s point of view.

But it’s kind of a moot point because you are staggeringly unlikely to get pregnant at this point so I think you need to focus your energy on coming to terms with that. Good luck.

OnaTop3 · 01/12/2021 11:13

Absolutely not minimising anything. Merely saying that every situation is different and i am worried about everyone telling the OP categorically not to do it without knowing anything about her circumstances.
And NO i do not think everyone has a right to have children. At NO POINt did I say that. I said precisely that it is too complicated a question for a bunch of strangers to tell a person strongly not to do it.
Yes if someone knows they are dying or if there are serious health issues of course it is better not to have a child. But i am not clear who is in the position to pass judgements IN GENERAL, what constitutes good enough or not good enough health, wealth, age, etc. I am not sure where the line is drawn and the boundary is between who is selfish and who si not. It is frightening, really.

DirectionToPerfection · 01/12/2021 11:21

@OnaTop3

It's not jugdemental to say it's a terrible idea to have a baby at 48. It's common sense.

No amount of financial security, or any other benefit, warrants placing such a burden on a teen/young adult. One that's completely out of sync with his/her peers.

Totalwasteofpaper · 01/12/2021 11:40

I would really think twice. While @OnaTop3 's story is very nice, it doesnt pan out that way for a lot of people who conceive at 44 and secondly, there is a world of difference biologically between even 44 and 48.

If you do get pregnant the chances of genetically healthy NT child are statistically MUCH lower, incredibly low in fact.

Are you really and truly prepared to be a full time carer for a child into your 70s and 80s?

Clovacloud · 01/12/2021 11:45

My Nan had my Mum at 48 (Grandad was 53) and she has always said it was horrible having such old parents. Her siblings were 23 down to 13 when she was born. My Grandparents started to get ill when she was 14 (Grandad was 67) he was dead by the time she was 20 and my Nan by the time she was 23.

Because she was the only one at home and her siblings all had their own families/lives she was the one to who had deal with it all, cancer care, doctors appoints, hospital visits, palliative care. Not something someone in their teens should have to deal with. It’s left a very lasting legacy with her, she’s massively anxious. I’ve had to spend literally all my life trying to convince her that me and Dad won’t die and leave her.

I don’t know if we’ve been unlucky but my MIL was diagnosed with dementia at 64, and has just passed away at 73. My BIL - once again because he lived at home -, had to help care for his mum from the age of 24, because FIL wouldn’t accept any help. Just because people live longer doesn’t mean to say they will be well.

Think really carefully, about this. Make sure your older children are onboard and will actually help out if the worst happens. Plan your contingencies what happens if X or X happens. Please don’t leave it to chance.

OnaTop3 · 01/12/2021 11:49

This is so extraordinarily narrow minded,. I have SO many colleagues and indeed so many mothers in my children’s school who had children in their 40s who are more financially secure, advanced in their careers, have the life experience and resources to given their children amazing life chances and are also more fit and healthy than many people half their age so are likely to live into their 90s.

Saying that the are all being selfish - as are all the women on this site and elsewhere in their 40s who are trying to get pregnant, whether or not they already have children - is not common sense, it is narrow minded and yes, very judgemental.

I can make a case for parents of any age group who shouldn’t have children - too young, too ill, too poor, getting a bit older, too old, generic risks. Should also get their ‘right’ to childbirth removed?? Perhaps someone can give me a profile of a parent who IS allowed to parent? The boxes that need ticking?

Incidentally both my husband and i also have parents in their mid 80s and i know many ‘older’ mothers. So i am not speaking from some position of ignorance or a lack of knowledge of how the world works.

OnaTop3 · 01/12/2021 11:51

Sorry this is a response to a post a couple of posts up as i hadn’t seen the latest two

DirectionToPerfection · 01/12/2021 12:12

I have SO many colleagues and indeed so many mothers in my children’s school who had children in their 40s

48 though? Realistically 49 before the child would actually be born.

Early 40s, sure, but not 48/49.

BooseysMom · 01/12/2021 12:53

We tried for years to have another so that DS would have a sibling but no joy. I had DS at nearly 41 and he is my precious boy. It has been really hard to come to terms with not having another but I have finally accepted it. It's my hormones that say I must have another before the dreaded menopause hits. I was all for ttc at 48 once upon a time but no, reality says 'don't be ridiculous ' It's a different story if you don't have any children though and I feel for those in that situation who are desperate to be parents.

TicTacHoh · 01/12/2021 14:15

@DirectionToPerfection

I have SO many colleagues and indeed so many mothers in my children’s school who had children in their 40s

48 though? Realistically 49 before the child would actually be born.

Early 40s, sure, but not 48/49.

This. Early 40's is quite common. I've personally never heard of anyone getting pregnant at 48, sorry
Cameleongirl · 01/12/2021 17:11

Exactly, @TicTacHoh. I also know plenty of people who had a baby between 40 and 45 (most were 40-43), but only one who became pregnant at 46, gave birth at 47.