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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Original poster

Is 48 too old to get pregnant naturally?

102 replies

FatyCat · 27/09/2021 14:09

Hi all I am 48 years old and have been trying to get pregnant for the last 5 years. I have had 2 miscarriages. I am regular and ovulating. My hubby is 50 years and we have 2 girls 18 and 16. Is it too late for me? My hubby does not want to get checked as he thinks we are too old but deep down I know he would love another child but does not want to go down the ivf route.The GP has checked my bloods and says I have not reached menopause yet but my AML levels are high for my age (got checked privately). He said if my hubby's count is low nothing much can be done.

OP posts:
NdujaWannaDance · 30/11/2021 22:23

You are too old. Let it go. You already have two children. I doubt you'll get PG naturally anyway, if you haven'y yet in five years of trying, but I think to delieberate;y TTC at your age would be selfish and not in the best interests of the child.

Not to mention the very, very high risk of the baby having Downs Syndrome. So what happens to that poor DC child when it's a still fairly young adult, not able to live independently but you are either too old to care for it, or dead?

Isthisthereaklife · 30/11/2021 22:31

@NdujaWannaDance

You are too old. Let it go. You already have two children. I doubt you'll get PG naturally anyway, if you haven'y yet in five years of trying, but I think to delieberate;y TTC at your age would be selfish and not in the best interests of the child.

Not to mention the very, very high risk of the baby having Downs Syndrome. So what happens to that poor DC child when it's a still fairly young adult, not able to live independently but you are either too old to care for it, or dead?

Have you heard of pregnancy screening ? People do have a choice
Oneforthemoneytwo · 30/11/2021 22:41

Having a child at 48 is plain selfish. The reality is they aren't going to get you being their mum for very long.

Oh don’t be ridiculous. The odds are in her favour that if she did have a baby, and that’s a big of, she’ll statistically be around until her child is well into at least their mid 30’s which is hardly “not very long”.

Nanalisa60 · 30/11/2021 22:51

If it was meant to be it would have happened in the last five years, just enjoy your two lovely girls and just wait another decade or so and hopefully you will be a nana.

My mum had me at 45 and it was really to old.

Sakura7 · 30/11/2021 22:54

@Oneforthemoneytwo

Having a child at 48 is plain selfish. The reality is they aren't going to get you being their mum for very long.

Oh don’t be ridiculous. The odds are in her favour that if she did have a baby, and that’s a big of, she’ll statistically be around until her child is well into at least their mid 30’s which is hardly “not very long”.

By my mid 30s I had lost both parents. It's shit, and it's not normal, and none of my friends have experienced it or can even begin to understand it. They still have healthy parents, some only in their late 50s. My dad was 80 and my mum not far off it when she died. It made me feel very isolated.

Their illnesses started long before that too, so my 20s and early 30s were spent dealing with hospitals, nursing homes, etc.

Easy to say it'll be fine when you haven't experienced it.

TyrannosaurusRights · 30/11/2021 23:22

@Isthisthereaklife

I just read about ananda Bryam having a baby at 48. Same as Nicole Appleton - how?

And why do they keep it secret then do a shock announcement ?

Because any pregnancy is high risk at 48 and they don’t want to risk sharing pregnancy news and then having to share details of a very personal bereavement should things go wrong?

Because they’re aware a number of genetic issues have increased risk with age and don’t want to bring the prospect of judgement on themselves if they have to make serious choices during the course of the pregnancy?

Because it’s no ones business what’s happening in a woman’s uterus but hers and her medical practitioners?

Loads of reasons why you might not want to go public with a pregnancy but would be happy to share that baby had arrived.

Skysblue · 30/11/2021 23:37

Yep. It’s very very unlikely. The cases in media of mums who have children that late will be via ivf, usually with donor eggs.

I’m sorry :(

Enough4me · 30/11/2021 23:45

Fertility declines for a reason, it's not good for your body to carry a pregnancy now. Also, if you had a baby at around 50 you could be retiring when it's still in school, the child would have parents that are closer to GP in age.

PyongyangKipperbang · 30/11/2021 23:47

I am going to go back to the DH on this.

Its clear that he is not keen and by the sounds of it is hoping that nature will help the OP come to terms with it not happening. Not saying that he is right to not say a firm "NO I dont want to do this" but....

Why is his opinion not being considered by many on here? The OP is sure he will love a baby once it arrived, despite him making it pretty bloody clear he doesnt want another. If she was 25 and said this then she would be crucified for "tricking" him into being a father!

And what about her adult aged teens? It seems that she isnt thinking at all about the other 4 people in this (I am including the potential baby) and just about her hormonal pre menopause broodiness. I had it too, its horrible kissing goodbye to your fertile years but it passes and thats a good thing for all concerned!

wertheppl · 30/11/2021 23:48

I would imagine the chances aren't gd at that age. Like very slim of getting pregnant naturally.

PyongyangKipperbang · 30/11/2021 23:53

@Isthisthereaklife

I have 6 kids, 21 years between oldest (31) and youngest (10). The oldest ones adore their younger siblings, but do they have an obligation to care for them? No!

I made the choice to have them and it is up to me to care for them or to make plans for their care should I no longer be here. To blithely assume that my other kids will take on the parenting role is selfish and unreasonable. My eldest is disabled so couldnt. My second doesnt want her own kids and is focussed on her career, how selfish would I be to assume she would take on parenting her youngest sibling? My third is old enough to take her one but at Uni and following her own path....again, its not her job.

I had my kids on the understanding that I would see to their care, not simply palm them off on each other if the worst were to happen. My will is in place to ensure that.

PyongyangKipperbang · 30/11/2021 23:54

That should say....my second doesnt want kids of her own, she hasnt had kids that she doesnt want! Bad syntax!

AcrossthePond55 · 01/12/2021 00:33

My Nana (Dad's mum) had her last (of 9 living children) at age 52 but according to my auntie she had pregnancies that ended in miscarriage for some time after that. My uncle was born in the early 1920s, so it's obviously possible to get pregnant 'naturally' in one's late 40s.

My question is; since your DH has said the two of you are 'too old' and he doesn't want another child, does he know you're actively trying to conceive?

stillvicarinatutu · 01/12/2021 00:41

Op
I got pg at 44 . But the baby was not viable and disabled- I had to terminate quite late and it's the most heartbreaking thing I've ever done.

I wouldn't want to got through that and the reality is late 40s - so much could go wrong . I just wouldn't . Been there and done that . It scarred me for life .

Cameleongirl · 01/12/2021 00:59

One of my friends conceived naturally and had a healthy baby at 47. Another had a baby at 45, both were unplanned. But I think if you've been trying for five years and it hasn't happened, it's unlikely to at this point. Sorry, OP.

MrsTerryPratchett · 01/12/2021 01:16

The problem for me is that you are much much more likely to have a child with additional needs and much less likely to be able to care long term if you do.

MimiDaisy11 · 01/12/2021 05:35

*By my mid 30s I had lost both parents. It's shit, and it's not normal, and none of my friends have experienced it or can even begin to understand it. They still have healthy parents, some only in their late 50s. My dad was 80 and my mum not far off it when she died. It made me feel very isolated.

Their illnesses started long before that too, so my 20s and early 30s were spent dealing with hospitals, nursing homes, etc*
@Sakura7

Are you an only child? In this case the child would have two older siblings to share the burden of nursing homes etc so it wouldn’t just be on them. One of my parents is an only child and I noticed a difference in how much more difficult it was for them than the other.

Sorry you went through losing your parents young. Losing your parents is always tough. Dealing with your parents getting sick and dying when you have teenagers can also be challenging for example.

halloweenie13 · 01/12/2021 05:41

I mean go for it if it's what you want, but if you think it's becoming too much maybe listen to your body and signals x

BooseysMom · 01/12/2021 06:08

Are you an only child? In this case the child would have two older siblings to share the burden of nursing homes etc so it wouldn’t just be on them. One of my parents is an only child and I noticed a difference in how much more difficult it was for them than the other.

This is not always the case if you have siblings. I have a half brother I grew up with and we were close for years but now he's nowhere to be seen and the care of my 84 yo father has been left entirely to me. Having siblings doesn't guarantee help with ageing parents.

Fleur405 · 01/12/2021 07:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Oneforthemoneytwo · 01/12/2021 07:43

@Sakura7 who says I haven’t experienced it. I do have my parents but my kids have lost their dad. All of them were under 16. That’s also shit but I still don’t think that it’s likely they’ll die soon, and not a reason not to go ahead

MimiDaisy11 · 01/12/2021 07:58

@BooseysMom
Sorry you’re going through that. You’re right it doesn’t always work out that way as not all children take up the responsibility though in this case it’s not just one but two other siblings. Though obviously no guarantees.

I meant to also add though that I agree with the majority that it’s not the best decision and given the five years of trying not likely to happen without intervention like ivf and egg donation, which given your husband’s response he seems unlikely to up for that. Given that it’s been a while since you had a baby I wonder if you have a rose tinted view of it.

OnaTop3 · 01/12/2021 08:34

OP, i conceived naturally at 44 and had a beautiful healthy baby girl at 45. She is 4 months now. i also have 14 and a 12 yr old so similar to you, a very big gap. I longed for a third, but it didnt happen for years. Finally i decided to have one last ‘proper’ attempt so that if i had to let it go, I would at least know that i had tried. People (doctors too) told me to waste no time trying naturally and go straight for IVF but i decided to try for three more months because like you, i was ovulating and my hormones were good for my age. I had simple surgery to remove polyps, used OPKs and fell pregnant on the second cycle of ”trying very hard”around ovulation times.
None of the doctors expressed any surprise or concern about my age - it is a lot more common these days so i really didnt get the furore i expected from them. :). And the odds we are given are averages across many women - they are very individual. There is a lot of screening to check the baby’s health in utero so if there is anything wrong you can at least know early and make an informed decision. Of course I realize i am exceptionally lucky and it may or may not work out for you but i know i wanted to be sure that i had done all i could because i would have regretted not trying and listening to the people who told me i was too old.
DH’s sperm count is something that obviously WOULD be useful to check - just because if it is very low you would both then know and make decisions accordingly whether to do IVF, stop trying altogether or carry on trying naturally for a bit, with knowledge that chances are probably slim. I suppose your DH and you need to talk it over and figure out - if he is wiling to take a test after all - what you would do in either scenario.
I feel no different physically now than I did when i had my first at 30, the girls ADORE the baby sister and she has just brought such joy to us. I would have found peace if it hadn’t worked out knowing that i had really tried. As to the financials etc of being older parents - i am sure you are sensible enough to know if you can manage it or not.
Really really NOT trying to come with false hope and i know i am a couple of years younger but i think statistically our odds are quite similar really and yes i do also know lots of other women my age that had children. So i would say if you long for another baby, it is worth not giving up the hope and discussing with DH some more/exploring other options/trying for a bit longer. Perhaps you could put a time limit on it. Best of luck xxxx

onreeooh · 01/12/2021 09:04

[quote PyongyangKipperbang]@Isthisthereaklife

I have 6 kids, 21 years between oldest (31) and youngest (10). The oldest ones adore their younger siblings, but do they have an obligation to care for them? No!

I made the choice to have them and it is up to me to care for them or to make plans for their care should I no longer be here. To blithely assume that my other kids will take on the parenting role is selfish and unreasonable. My eldest is disabled so couldnt. My second doesnt want her own kids and is focussed on her career, how selfish would I be to assume she would take on parenting her youngest sibling? My third is old enough to take her one but at Uni and following her own path....again, its not her job.

I had my kids on the understanding that I would see to their care, not simply palm them off on each other if the worst were to happen. My will is in place to ensure that.[/quote]

Well I was one of the older kids (also six in total) with younger half siblings and was guilted into looking after them, being called lazy if I didn't. I felt bad for the kids because if I didn't play with them, their parents wouldn't.

No point giving anecdotes because it does happen that siblings are left to care for their younger siblings.

Sakura7 · 01/12/2021 09:42

Are you an only child? In this case the child would have two older siblings to share the burden of nursing homes etc so it wouldn’t just be on them. One of my parents is an only child and I noticed a difference in how much more difficult it was for them than the other.

I have a sister who is 13 years older than me. She left home at 18 so I pretty much grew up as an only child. We're closer now, and yes we shared the burden, but it's extremely upsetting watching your parents decline when you're barely an adult yourself, regardless of how much practical help you have. There's also no guarantee that the siblings will help.

Sorry you went through losing your parents young. Losing your parents is always tough. Dealing with your parents getting sick and dying when you have teenagers can also be challenging for example.

I'm sorry but I don't think too many people in your example would swap with me. You get to have them for longer, and have their support through those important years when you're establishing yourself and your own family. I had none of that, no parents at my wedding and they'll never meet any future grandchildren. No real practical or emotional support since I was about 22, because the roles reversed and I became the parent to them. It's not comparable.