Second pregnancy and shitting it- a support thread

[Sleeplessem]

If you feel nervous about having your second/ third / fourth baby this is the thread for you.

I’m currently 15/16weeks with my second and have been having moments of worry and it turns out I’m not alone, so me and a few other ladies thought If we put a thread together we could chat, reassure or maybe even giggle about all the things we are feeling!

Hopefully this will help some nervous mummy’s to be

We got the newborn car seat/pram out of the cellar today. I let DS2 sit in it stupidly and then he tried to keep climbing in. So I let him open the side impact bit on it and then he couldn't figure out how to close it so kept nearly snapping it off D: it's going well.

can I join?
I smugly thought I was fine and actually much calmer this time round than I was with the first but I think I basically forgot about the whole 'giving birth' bit and now at 22 weeks it's starting to sink in and I'm getting some regular flashbacks to the quite traumatic last hour of labour with my first.

Not to get too deep into it. Was transferred out of the MLU by mean midwife for a 0.1C temp rise when at 9.5cm.
Then felt tricked onto my back on labour ward and like I was being held down on my back and put in stirrups, baby began having heart decels, emergency cord pulled, twice failed ventouse, second degree tear etc etc

I was numb with shock for about 4 months and diagnosed with PND about 11 months later.

Currently I'm thinking about changing hospitals so there is no risk of being in the same rooms I was in with no.1 and also fretting about ending up on my back again. I would love a walking epidural but I don't know if i can get one and the idea of even being in a hospital labour room frightens me quite a lot.

@Panda368 I feel you. I was pretty much happily one and done and am an only child myself and love it and see so many advantages. But I guess I'm enjoying my daughter so much and the chaos of covid made me throw caution to the wind and now I'm pregnant. Now the excitement has worn off a bit, I'm remembering how awful my previous birth was and how I swore I'd never give birth in this country again. The actual birth would have gone fairly smoothly if it wasn't for the appalling treatment at the hospital, incompetent and rude midwives, left for hours in the antenatal ward, denied pain relief etc...
I'm desperately trying to figure out how to get someone to advocate for me this time round as I'm incredibly skeptical of the whole natural birth lobby, which I feel is pushed to save money. I was planning on going to France (have family there) where epidurals are the total norm and the focus is on the woman's comfort and recovery but with covid and logistics, I'm terrified I'm gonna have to rely on my old hospital.
I saw the midwife today and I had the usual "breast is best" and "so many women want that vaginal experience" spiel, when I said I'm considering a c section just to avoid the utter chaos.

Can I join?

I’m terrified this time around. DD had IUGR and poor placenta blood flow for no known reason last time; had steroids given at 33 weeks as they were adamant she would need to be born by 34 weeks, we got to 37 and she had to come by c section because of the poor blood flow would have been ever more restricted during contractions.

So I’ve never experienced labour, I’m scared to death that because I wasn’t big last time I’m going to be huge this time and my uterine scar will rupture, I’m scared of another c section, I’m scared to try labour too. I just don’t want to do it. I want the baby here magically by stork or tractor ride.

How did we get on beauties?!