Second pregnancy and shitting it- a support thread

[Sleeplessem]

If you feel nervous about having your second/ third / fourth baby this is the thread for you.

I’m currently 15/16weeks with my second and have been having moments of worry and it turns out I’m not alone, so me and a few other ladies thought If we put a thread together we could chat, reassure or maybe even giggle about all the things we are feeling!

Hopefully this will help some nervous mummy’s to be

The first time I fell pregnant I had to tell my manager at 6 weeks because I had HG and needed to be signed off and I had only been in the job for about 6 weeks and was still in probation! So I get being anxious about telling work, I was sooo worried they'd find a reason not to pass my probation tbh. This time I've also had to tell them at 6 weeks again to be signed off with the HG.

We are planning to buy a few bits but not much, hoping to use most the stuff from DD. We both reckon we will have another girl too tbh. We need to buy a bedside crib but hoping to buy secondhand, and a new mattress for that. I also have my eye on an Elvie but I'm shuddering at the cost so not sure about that but definitely want some sort of electric breast pump this time. I also need a few more nursing clothes I reckon. Not much else to be honest.

Double pram, I dunno cos my DD will be 3 and a quarter when baby 2 comes so we definitely won't need one. I reckon I probably would have if she was just over 2 tbh, we used our pram all the time still at that age - but then we didn't have a car then, so we did long walks and bus rides everywhere which I do think means you use the pram.

Also yes thingy I remember your username too!! Hi! Yes I got HG autumn 2017 and my DD was born summer 2018! Small world!

@Sleeplessem I was quite naive and honestly thought I wouldn’t need a double pram…well everyone has chimed in with their 2 cents and basically told me I won’t survive without a double pram including one friend who is a Nanny and has looked after 2 with a small age gap!
So that’s another thing on my list! I’ve heard a good one is called “out and about” or something but it’s £450 new and I just don’t have that kind of money to burn!

@mamaatthegym I was thinking of getting one of those toddler seats or toddler plates that clip on the back of the pushchair?

@MeadowHay that’s the same as me minus the HG, first pregnancy fell pregnant 6 weeks into role. Boss was an ass about it though, actively tried to make my life difficult, think he wanted me to quit before probation. New role, new boss, same company but I think I have pregnancy announcement ptsd x

31 weeks with my second and by myself...feeling stressed and kind of 'flat' atm. Not sure what to expect or how I'm feeling.

Hi all - can I join in please? 17 weeks pregnant with #2 and having a miserable time of it. HG, extreme fatigue, insomnia and pelvic pain starting too. My DD is nearly 2 and a quarter and just absolutely full of beans - I’m struggling already and feel guilty about not being a fun mummy at the moment. Really nervous about what life will be like with 2, am anxious in a way that I wasn’t with my toddler. Can’t quite wrap my head around how it will work with two! My DH works long hours and I can’t imagine how things like feeding, bedtime, bath time will go when it it just me and two small people. I keep telling myself that other people have managed it so I will too but the message isn’t sinking in! Finances and childcare when I go back to work after maternity leave are worrying me too. Basically it’s all worrying me 😱 We conceived much quicker than expected (first month of trying vs. over a year and two miscarriages with my DD) so think I thought I’d have longer to work out some of the details / my DD would be older. Not quite worked out like that

Sorry to hop on this thread with a long moan - feeling miserable and anxious so this thread strikes a chord with me!

@MimPimMim I feel exactly the same so don’t worry.. I’m in a real flap about it all. We can all be here for each other. My 18 month old is full of beans and into everything.. I fear the same as you including the potty training and the childcare costs aswell as going back to work.. we will all see each other through and all watch how we come out the other side as strong mommas xxxx

@MimPimMim oh my gosh me too! We conceived so much quicker than I’d ever anticipated. I was still breastfeeding and had only had one period and it was literally months before! I’m shitting child care costs too, dh thinks he’ll get a new Job with more money by then but I’m a plan for now type of person.
I’m also really shitting breastfeeding, I struggled so much with dd and my time on the mat ward was atrocious. Dd had a tongue tie and was faltering growth and wouldn’t ever settle and no one knew why.. I was (no joke) running on 2 hrs sleep a day for weeks… ugh it was horrific.

Hi ladies please can I join? Due 24th September and my DD will be 20 months then. Absolutely shitting myself mostly about sleep once the baby is here - knowing that after rough nights I won't be able to just sleep when the baby sleeps (not that I was great at doing that the first time anyway) but will be running round after a toddler
I don't think I had HG like some of you ladies but did have quite debilitating sickness and lost quite a lot of weight but thank god have come out the other side now!
I have sold my travel system (didn't anticipate this small an age gap) and gone for the Icandy Orange as a double buggy. I really wanted side by side but then figured DD will probs walk more and more and then I can use it as a single.
Lots of people have said to me it's hard at first, but then gets easier as they have each other to play with!

@Sleeplessem It’s a shock isn’t it! I thought it would take us ages but turns out not We were planning at least a 3 year age gap but have ended up a few months short of that! Can’t help but think it would be easier with an older one as they understand more? Still, it is what it is now. Also not sure how breastfeeding will work with a toddler around - it took us ages to get everything going smoothly with my toddler (tongue tie, thrush, discomfort from the birth) and really want it to be easier this time. We ended up cosleeping and my DD’s sleep wasn’t good until we sleep trained at 6 months - I was running on empty until then. Not sure how to make that work with a toddler running around needing attention - like @Lovethewinter, really worried about sleep and getting enough of it! Not helped by the fact that I have a medical condition that makes being sleep deprived dangerous. Hoping to get a better sleeper second time round!

Good to know that at least I’m not the only one with worries @Peachee @Sleeplessem - this thread is a great idea!

Can I ask if anyone is suffering with tiredness? I’m 18 weeks now and absolutely exhausted, can barely move by the end of the day. Medications for HG are necessary but I think making me more tired. Looking after my toddler and (trying to) work not helping either. How is everyone else managing?!

Hi girls,
Come on here as I feel it’s a safe place to talk about my feelings..
DP on lates this week and my 18 month year old has a horrific cold and has been crying and crying and crying because he’s over tired and it’s just reminded me about how hard I found it last year with a baby in the summer and feeling uncomfortable and hormonal. I’m starting to get a real sense of worry and thoughts like ‘what have I done’.
I’m also getting concerns about the loneliness of being at home when he’s at work and not having people around..
Just wanted to come on not necessarily for reassurance or sympathy just to write my feelings down somewhere. I hope everyone else is doing ok.
Xxx

@MimPimMim god we had a similar BF experience didnt we! I’m worried about sleep too! We didn’t sleep train until 18 months and it was the best thing we ever did. I am sleeping so poorly, waking up at night etc so I’m constantly f’ing tired. Thank god I get a 2 hr lunch break at work, perfect for naps. I’m finally sleeping when the baby / toddler sleeps, haha!

@Peachee I have the ‘what have I done’ thought with the tantrums and the getting in the car seat drama.

Colds are the worst, my DD is constantly ill from nursery. Does calpol help? We’ve found ibuprofen is better at bringing down a temperature if dc has a fever xx

I’m feeling a lot better today.. the colds clearing up and he seems much happier and calmer.
You ok @Sleeplessem?

@Peachee i bit the bullet today and told my boss! Weight off my shoulders! He was lovely! (Awful experience with my old boss and dd)

How’s everyone?

Glad he was nice @sleeplessem and good that you got it over and done with! @Peachee I've had the 'What have I done' panic lots if times but keep telling myself that lots of women have managed it, and some in much harder circumstances. Also I'll have to cope because I've got no other choice
Hope everyone is ok in the heat. It's hayfever I'm struggling with at the moment.

That’s true @Lovethewinter ohh no I know just how you feel my hayfevers has been bad also.. weather’s making going to change overnight by the looks of it though fingers crossed. Xx

@Sleeplessem well done for telling your boss. Sounds like you have a good one. Must be a weight off your shoulders xx

I’ve definitely been having some ‘what have I done’ moments today! My toddler had a meltdown earlier and it kept flashing through my mind that soon there will be a baby to look after too My DD also refused to nap today (very unusual for her) and I was tired and I kept thinking about how much harder it is going to be! Like @Lovethewinter, I keep telling myself that so many other women have coped and I will too. I hope…

Have been really struggling with the heat, looking forward to it getting cooler tomorrow. My HG is more under control but have been struggling a bit today, tiredness not helping. Anyone else wish they could just have the week in bed?!

Can I join? Currently 21 weeks pregnant with number 2. Dd is 20 months old and will be just over 2 when new dd is born.

I’m really nervous. I had PND with dd 1 and hope I don’t get it again with Dd2.

Also, congratulations @Sleeplessem for telling your boss - glad it went well! Hope they are being supportive with whatever you need going forwards?

@Peachee @MimPimMim yeah a weight off, I’d just built it up in my head. My old boss asked me if I was getting a termination and then made my life hell, gave me a crap end of year too (despite being one of the best performers on paper) horrid man. This time however boss seemed chuffed for me lol!

@Xyzzzzz of course glad to have you! Same as me my DD will be 26/7 months when baby arrives. Shitting it tbh, I had awful pnd first time too, so if you want to chat, we’re all here 🤗

@Sleeplessem that’s bloody awful! What a horrible person to suggest that?!?

@Xyzzzzz I had pnd too and I think that’s why I found it more of a struggle on top of the mom guilt (Eg am I stimulating my baby enough?) and worrying about whether he was hitting his milestones etc. I’m actually hoping that although we were in lockdown maybe the next time will be a bit easier..

My son also developed sepsis at 7 weeks old and I was in hospital for a week with him - was told my hv and dr that it was colic/reflux.. and then after that he caught chicken pox from the hospital.. surely things will be less stressful this time and I won’t be like a charged up stress head at every small thing.. !!

I’m finding this good for me to get things off my chest I have to say.. I’m kind of looking forward to meeting my baby.. anyone feeling any movement?

Thank you. @Peachee that sounds horrible! I hope things are better. @Sleeplessem thank
You.

I can’t feel movements due to an anterior placenta. Hoping as I get bigger I will.

Ahh that’s cool I’m anterior too! Only started feeling things the last week or so though. I’m a couple of weeks ahead so I’m sure you will be feeling kicks soon.. I feel it down low in my cervix.

@Sleeplessem That’s awful, I can’t believe someone would say that Really pleased for you that it went better this time.

@Peachee You really went through the mill with your son - here’s hoping it is less stressful this time round🤞🏻 You definitely deserve it! Some small movements here but not many yet, definitely no pattern. Thought I might feel more by now (18 weeks) as I felt my DD at 16 weeks but who knows 🤷‍♀️

How’s everyone feeling today? I’m absolutely shattered - we watched some hey duggee to power us through the end of the afternoon before dinner!