Second pregnancy and shitting it- a support thread

[Sleeplessem]

If you feel nervous about having your second/ third / fourth baby this is the thread for you.

I’m currently 15/16weeks with my second and have been having moments of worry and it turns out I’m not alone, so me and a few other ladies thought If we put a thread together we could chat, reassure or maybe even giggle about all the things we are feeling!

Hopefully this will help some nervous mummy’s to be

🤣🤣 honestly I like to call screen time as quiet/down time.. Honestly find it a god send when you just need a bit of peace. I had an ok afternoon worked til 6.30 and have just got home to do the bath and bed routine. I need to get myself together and have a shower and have an early night but my brain Is wired lol. It’s cooled down a lot where I am today which makes doing anything that requires the smallest bit of effort slightly easier haha!
How have you been.. x

Anyone else feel like crap? Tired AF despite a full nights sleep. Nauseous too 😭😭😭

Me Have had a bad couple of days with the HG, horrible headache and absolutely exhausted. Been in bed a lot today. This pregnancy is hard work! Definitely no more after this one for us…

… and the smell of pasta cooking just made me vom it just gets better 😭😭😭

Anyone getting breathlessness.. panicking a bit tonight which probably doesn’t help x

Yes @Peachee I’m not even 20 weeks, wasn’t sure if it’s pregnancy or how desperately unfit I am lol xx

Aww me too. I’m better today. Was sat watching tv last night and couldn’t take a full breath in.. was horrible.. read loads of horror story’s but fine this morning. Bump is starting to grow big above my belly button now so maybe baby is pushing on my diaphragm or something. U ok in general? Have you had your 29 wk scan yet?? Xx

Nope not had it yet! It’s first week of July, I had such a horrible time of it with dd, I’m starting to get scanxiety. I think I’m starting to feel movements though, which is reassuring. I’m still bloody exhausted and some foods still make me sick

Have you had yours? Xx

Aww god the sicky feeling is horrible I feel your pain.. Yehh 25 weeks tomorrow. Can’t believe how fast it’s going. Have midwife Tuesday aswell. Oh god I get scanxiety too.. love that word! I don’t find the build up very nice at all. Have got 3 extra scans this time due to being consultant lead.. I’m not sure how to feel about it..
I feel massive already - bump is starting to feel stretched a bit now too!!

I'm definitely finding this pregnancy is going loads faster than the first - I need more time to mentally prepare! Anyone else getting pelvic pain? I had nhs physio over the phone but it was a bit rubbish and I already can't remember most of it 😕 sorry for everyone still dealing with sickness it must be awful especially in the heat

I'm 23 weeks with #2 and have a 3 yo. Struggling with perinatal depression this time so it's been hard. Be good to chat to you all! Worried about mixing a rambunctious toddler with a newborn!

@Lovethewinter I have the pelvic pain and had an NHS physio apt via telephone too. I suffer more at night at the moment but I’m struggling on by with paracetamol and a stretchy piece of fabric they gave me to support my hips on bad days.
@Run247 oh gosh I know it’s going to be fun! I will have a 22 months old.. I feel like potty training might be a bit of a game.. I also struggled with depression and anxiety a bit. I came off my anti d’s when I found out I was pregnant and it knocked me about a bit. Hope you’re ok. You can rent and talk about things that are upsetting you on here any time. We’re a nice bunch xxxxx

I have 3 extra scans too @Peachee, 32,35 and then 37/8 weeks. Think they’ll be growth scans so I’m not sure if it will be with a consultant. More to look forward to

@Run247 I’ve been there is horrible isn’t it! Please feel free to chat about anything that’s bothering you or causing you to feel down or worried, we’ll be here for you!

Past few days I’ve just felt so tired, and they say the second trimester is when you’re meant to feel better. I’ve just been having thoughts like ‘oh god I don’t think this is what I want’ ‘what if I don’t want two kids, I never planned for this’ and then I feel so guilty and then worried something will go wrong at the 20 week scan. I had horrible pnd the first time and honestly the thought of going back to that place mentally, the tiredness and the exhaustion just makes me feel ill.

@Run247 sorry you are feeling like that - like lots of others on this thread I had PND which looking back, probably started in pregnancy but I didn't see it happening at the time. Is your midwife aware? I've had to do a questionnaire a couple of times now to see if I should be getting extra support

Hello everyone. I’ve found this thread and actually tbh, it might be the cathartic place to air my fears to a sympathetic audience, if you don’t mind..

I’m 10weeks pregnant. Planned pregnancy. As far as DH and midwife are concerned I am happy. Happy happy happy. Except, I think I am not, but I don’t know how many of my thoughts are natural fears of the unknown, or how many are signs of possible issues. Trouble is I don’t really let myself dwell on the matter over long, I sort of land on a thought and skitter away iykwim.

I’ve got a DC 3 years old. Light of my life and just the most fun to be with. I’d been adamant I was one and done. First 12 months had been horrendous for me - she just didn’t sleep. I struggled to adapt my lifestyle. I had no peers with children, and so felt very alone in my experience.

2020 was an exceptionally hard year for my family. Life changing with a negative outcome that then somehow, inexplicably, became positive. I won’t go into details but suffice to say, it was stressful, mentally challenging and drained all my resilience. But because of that sudden positive outcome, I thought carpe diem - my DC is fab, two can surely be only twice as good.

Except now I am pregnant all I can worry about is the cost. Three more years of nursery fees. The physical cost to my body - weight gain is really troublesome to me and my job is physically demanding/requires fitness testing plus all the concerns about physical changes caused by pregnancy and childbirth. I am mid 30s now so not as supple as I once was. Then the mental cost of coming to terms with it all: whether this new baby will fit into our lives, what if it has additional needs, I worry about all the opportunities that DC1 now doesnt have because a) my pregnancy has drained me of all energy so I barely have the capacity to go out to do the food shop for two hours let alone do anything fun with her, and b) this new child will restrict what we can do with her too …

Then my deepest darkest moments I think about whether or not I would be relieved to hear I had had a mmc at the dating scan. Or if I had a miscarriage tomorrow. I don’t really feel anything positive for this pregnancy yet. And yet weirdly, I’ve told almost everyone I am pregnant? Feel no reason to hide it but I’m not yet seeing it as real. Then I have nightmares I’m having twins and DH and I end up splitting up because I choose to terminate.

I don’t know. This is a long post. I guess I’m writing things I can’t talk about with real people. Does any of this resonate?

33 weeks here with DC3 although I had such a huge gap between DC1 and 2 it feels like the second child in a way.

I am getting a bit nervous about the birth, it seems to be getting so close now and I'm still completely undecided about whether to go for an epidural ASAP or wait and see how I'm coping! I had a back to back labour with DS2 and found it really difficult to cope with and the epidural didn't work. DH reckons getting it early so I can be calmer is a good idea. But then part of me is like but what if this baby isn't back to back and this labour is just magically easier and lovely compared to the other two

I am getting pelvic pain as well, spoke to my doctor today and she has prescribed me a support belt but I have to go and pick it up. Will do that another day as knackered today.

Hello! I haven’t had chance to read all the posts yet, but I’d love to join in. I’m only about 8 weeks in with my second pregnancy, but already very worried about the cost of childcare, the sleepless nights, the stress. I’ve tried not to think about the delivery yet. I find it hard that you’re supposed to be really excited and happy when in reality I’m very worried about it all!

May I join? I'm 31, will be 9 weeks on Friday. Dd is 9 and a half so a big gap. I don't remember being anxious at all when pregnant the first time but this time I really am!

I have a ten year gap between my first two, so I can relate to that. So funny how you don't have the same worries when you're younger.

@Constellationstation You’ve managed to articulate in one paragraph what I wrote in a huge stream of consciousness That’s how I feel! It’s awful not feeling excitement, but a sense of dread! Eurgh

A couple of my friends have had their first pregnancies this year and it's like they've got this lovely glow with this life changing event they're looking forward to - buying all the baby things etc. I think 2nd time round it's not as life changing and we are really aware of the reality about to hit!!!

Girls! We are your tribe!
I think I’ve felt every single one of these worries/thoughts/feelings.. even the darkest..
I don’t know whether the fact it not being the first baby and the fuss you receive from everyone kind of leaves a bit of a gap with a second or third child.. I just seem to have an ibis of time and space to think loads of thoughts.. and also ruminate and think back over everything.
I’ve just been reading a thread on the active/trending boards about someone in the baby stage.. I think the thread is something like ‘if you’re thinking of having a baby-don’t!’ And so much of what she has put on there has brought it all flooding back.
It’s true what they say it takes a village to raise a child but unfortunately we are all so isolated and living such busy separate lives that it creates such loneliness when we have a little one thrust upon us and are expected to help it thrive whilst being stuck at home..
I think whatever we are feeling is totally normal. No matter what the thought is or where it came from..
if the thread lasts maybe it would be nice to create a WhatsApp group to keep in touch (our own little baby group if you will) and maybe some of us who live nearby to one another can link up as we already seem like we’re all on the same page with things.. that way we don’t have to pretend everything is going perfectly/swimmingly and that our child is developing at a rapid straight of knots whilst we are utterly fantastic.. xx

@Peachee I read that thread… really felt for the OP, but yes did it bring back some of the lowest points of my life.

[quote Awarsewolf]@Peachee I read that thread… really felt for the OP, but yes did it bring back some of the lowest points of my life.[/quote]
I 100% relate. I often think back to those times and I think that’s why I have moments of ‘ this isn’t what I want’ because I was so depressed I was genuinely considering putting my daughter up for adoption as I physically couldn’t cope with the lack of sleep anymore, I’m talking 2 hours a day for weeks and weeks. I reached out for help over and over again too, only to be told that it was all normal, which as far as I’m concerned now is basically gaslighting.

I relate to a lot of what you posted above too. It’s a complex web of feelings. I’ve got my 20 week scan next week and I’m dreading it, wondering if now will be the time it’s all going to come crashing down because of my very blasé attitude thus far. I found out the sex at 12 weeks too with NIPT testing and in my head I thought ‘I only want girls’(silly I know) but those sort of thoughts have made me even more nervous for next week! Xx

Solidarity hug