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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

When is a good time for visitors after birth?

45 replies

Theyarealltaken · 02/05/2021 18:48

To all the mums that already had their babies: at what point did you allow your closest family to come and visit you and your baby after birth?
Me and my partner live 10 minutes away from his mum who obviously can’t wait to meet her granddaughter. She’s a lovely person and I’m sure she will be a great help with a newborn, already offered to take care of the baby even if we just want to have an hour nap. Though I’m sure I will want to spend some period of time as a little, new family of 3. My partner is joking that she will be waiting in a hospital car park as soon as she’ll find out I’m in labour but I’m concerned that I will just not want to see her (or anyone) for few days.
So yes, when do you think is a good time for the first visit ? So at least I can warn my partner :D (of course I’m aware I may change my mind).

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Sunny1112 · 02/05/2021 18:51

I was adamant I didn’t want people for like 3 days but I needed them so they came a couple hours after we arrived home.
This was just my mum and his mum.

I was overwhelmed with it all and after being in hosp for 3 days I needed my mum 😂🙊
Your very much in your right to say you want afew days to yourselves, don’t worry about what they will say. It totally just depends how you feel when you get home etc

shivawn · 02/05/2021 18:53

I haven't given birth yet but I don't think I'll mind close friends and family popping in once we bring our baby home. Especially not the grandparents, I'd be surprised if they didn't want to meet him right away!

ChocOrange1 · 02/05/2021 18:54

Its impossible to say. It depends on how your birth goes, how you and baby are afterwards, what time of day it is, the relationship with your MIL etc. Etc.

My parents and in laws came to visit us in the hospital about 5 hours after DD1 was born. She was born early afternoon so they visited in the evening. I was really happy with this and wanted to see them ASAP.

With DD2, she was born in the middle of the night we came home from hospital at 7.30am and my mum came round later that day so that I could have a rest before they arrived. Then nobody saw her properly for about 3 months (lockdown) - i wish we had seen the in laws on that first day.

I would say just wait and see. Maybe manage your MILs expectations that she might not be able to see you 5 minutes after the baby is born, but you'll let her know.

bakingdemon · 02/05/2021 18:56

Get your partner to tell her to wait for him to call her. And decide before she comes how long she can stay for. The best visitors are the ones who make tea, tidy up and bring food. If she's the type who'll expect to cuddle the baby while you make her tea, she's not the useful kind. You - and even she - may not know yet

Aquamarine1029 · 02/05/2021 18:57

I would not make any hard plans now. You have no idea how you'll feel after the birth, so just let people know you will be deciding at the time based on how you feel. Remember that their desire to see the baby does not override your need for time and space. They will just have to wait if you don't feel up for it.

Screwcorona · 02/05/2021 18:58

With my first I had mother in law pick us up from hospital and she had cuddles when we got home. Then we actually spent 2 weeks pretty much alone as I really don't feel comfortable with visitors when I'm not well or am too tired, had emcs so wasn't feeling up to it. Was fine and she was happy as had got to meet him. My mum wasn't interested so didnt meet him for about 5 months.

My 2nd is due in 2 weeks and plan to do the same

SlidesAndLadders · 02/05/2021 19:01

With DS1 I had an EMCS at 6 in the vending and had visitors the next day - my parents and my in laws, then the next day our siblings came too.

With DS2 I had an ELCS at 10am and by afternoon visiting hours the grandparents all came in to see him. The siblings would have come the next day but we were home by lunchtime so they came to our house instead.

For me it's a joy to share my babies and I know how exciting it is for everyone else. For others they may want quiet time or time without pressure from relatives.

Don't make any firm plans now - see how you go.

4PawsGood · 02/05/2021 19:02

As soon as you can so you’ve got a good excuse for them to piss off quickly

Parkandride · 02/05/2021 19:05

I had a baby last Monday, home Tuesday, my parents Wednesday and ILs Thursday. I really wanted to show her off when it came to it.

They bought shopping and held baby so we could get a nap in so it was perfect. You'll know if they're going to be too much, don't be afraid to physically pick up baby and go off to bed to feed if you need to. And definitely tell them to bring lunch or whatever will help.

disneymad85 · 02/05/2021 19:07

I would say wait until you are home and see how you are feeling. I was very overwhelmed by all the visitors and in hindsight should have been firmer with people. Everyone wanted to hold the baby and they were being passed round when really I just wanted to hold and get to know my own baby xx

Orangedaisy · 02/05/2021 19:10

Dd1 my parents visited at 5 days old, they were a short flight away and booked after dd was born. Visited in the afternoon, went to hotel for dinner, bed, breakfast and visited again in the morning. Dp’s stepmum came I think about a week after and did the same. With DD2 my mum was visiting when she arrived so was literally there in the room (unplanned home birth), then came back for a proper visit at 3 weeks old.

minniep · 02/05/2021 19:10

I loved having visitors. So wait and see how you feel. I was delighted to show off the baby and have a chat. Newborns sleep a lot so I loved having company.

bengalcat · 02/05/2021 19:11

My parents and sister came to see me on the day of delivery in the hospital - had a planned section so visiting was easy to organise( I get with Covid this wouldn’t happen at present ) - partner went away on business a few days after DD was born so my mother came and spent a few days with me . Had no in-laws . Friends probably saw her in the first month .

SmednotaSmoo · 02/05/2021 19:12

I felt better the first day or two after my births than a week later, but then again, I don’t have helpful visitors.

No reason, with your first, to tell anyone you’re in labour.

Twickerhun · 02/05/2021 19:16

1st baby had visitors after 3 hours second after 12 hours. First Labour was easy so visitors were great - they brought biscuits. second Labour was much harder but I was still up for visitors pretty soon

summerhillgang · 02/05/2021 19:19

I have made a rule for people if they want to visit: bring food, cook it yourself, and clean up after. Ideally though I'd want at least two weeks just us three. I don't think it's good for a baby to be passed around to different people. More time with us the better so we can get used to signals from baby that it's hungry, tired etc

hewegoagain · 02/05/2021 19:19

I went in for an induction, I was adamant that I didn't want visitors while I was there. My parents (british) respected that wish, DH entire f**king family (spanish) didn't.

EMC early hours of the following day. DH called my parents around 1am(ish) and they came down to the hospital and were there till the folloinng morning. But it wasn't until MIL arrived at 9am that I actually managed to get out of recovery and on to the ward to be with my baby. There were no doctors available to sign me off to the ward from 3am till then. MIL created such an almighty stink (I remember hearing her in the corridor demanding that a doctor came right now to sign her daughter in law out to the ward), that her presence was actually helpful.

Despite my protests MIL stayed the night in the hospital with us (no visiting times in Spanish hospitals) and honestly she was a god send. DH passed out from exhaustion and I was pist emergency c-section and pretty out of it myself. I didn't think I needed help (hence sending my own parents away), but I really, really did.

Went home the following day, and while the extended Spanish family continued to be a bother, they meant well and there were times when I was honestly so grateful for the help.

Don't make decisions about the help you will or won't need until you're actually there. You might appreciate it more than you think.

Crazycatlady83 · 02/05/2021 19:19

With DS the in laws and my parents visited the next day (I had a EMCS but this had been agreed before he was here)

With this pregnancy, the hospital policy is that only birth partners are allowed to visit on the ward. I don’t know when we will arrange visits when we get home (my in laws expect to be waited on like they are royalty!) so not helpful! They are going on holiday the week of my planned c-section so I’m hoping to swerve them and see then when they get back to be honest!

My parents (particularly my mum - when she can keep her advice to herself!) are really helpful so happy to see then when we get home. Plus they will be caring for DS, doing the school run etc., so no avoiding them!!

Be firm though with people, OP. Some people lose their minds when a new baby comes into the family!

rhowton · 02/05/2021 19:22

I think it really depends on the person who is coming over.

4Minions2CallMyOwn · 02/05/2021 19:27

I think it depends on how you feel so maybe wait and see? As it depends on the kind of birth you have, how long your labour is, if you have interventions, how tired you are when you get home.

My last baby I stayed the night at the hospital in a private room so got sleep. Got home in the afternoon and felt good so my husband and I took all 4 children to the park for the afternoon and met family there so the children could play. The baby just slept. I was shattered when we got home though but it was a nice way to introduce DD. I certainly wouldn’t have wanted to host at our house though

ivfgottwins · 02/05/2021 19:42

As far as MN is concerned your own mother is allowed round 10 mins after you get home but if it's the MIL then it's 10 years 🤣

Anyway - I had twins. My mother was there when I came home (twins had to stay in NICU) - she then came round a week after they came home.

With older child both sets of parents were there when we came home (I had a c section), PIL went home but my mother stayed in for a few days to settle us in

Thesearmsofmine · 02/05/2021 19:45

It will massively depends on how you feel once you have given birth. My first was an awful birth but I had both sets of grandparents visit when we were in recovery straight after he was born and I had just come round from a general.
I wouldn’t put a set time on it, just wait and see how you feel at the time.

Lilybeanbag · 02/05/2021 19:53

I said very firmly that I would think about arranging visitors on my second day home and no sooner. I also informed them they'd be welcome for one hour and they would then leave without me having to ask them.
As it turned out I loved having all our parents over and I felt great letting them cuddle DS, but having those rules in place took a lot of stress off and they all stuck to their hour (and a bit) before leaving very happily.

Chelyanne · 02/05/2021 20:04

With all ours my family (parents, siblings, grandmother) have come to visit while I was in hospital but this time I doubt that will be possible. My parents will be looking after older kids so will see them as soon as home to have the kids back, we have 5 so they will stay at ours. His family came to the hospital with our 1st, 2nd and 3rd I didn't want that. 4th & 5th (twins) his sister came to hospital as dh had broken his leg and she gave us lifts until his cast was off the day after birth.
Friends and extended family were at least a few weeks after birth.
Last time although my family came to visit at the hospital they kept our 3 older kids at theirs for 2 more nights to give us chance to settle the twins in, I had an elcs so it was nice to be able to chill out a bit before the storm lol.

ilovethecold · 02/05/2021 20:06

We came home from the hospital Saturday and Tuesday my mum and his mum met our son together and then we let everyone else after

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