When is a good time for visitors after birth?

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To all the mums that already had their babies: at what point did you allow your closest family to come and visit you and your baby after birth?
Me and my partner live 10 minutes away from his mum who obviously can’t wait to meet her granddaughter. She’s a lovely person and I’m sure she will be a great help with a newborn, already offered to take care of the baby even if we just want to have an hour nap. Though I’m sure I will want to spend some period of time as a little, new family of 3. My partner is joking that she will be waiting in a hospital car park as soon as she’ll find out I’m in labour but I’m concerned that I will just not want to see her (or anyone) for few days.
So yes, when do you think is a good time for the first visit ? So at least I can warn my partner :D (of course I’m aware I may change my mind).

My MIL and her partner came round the day after coming home, same with my dad and his partner.

Everyone else it was a few weeks, the neighbours knocked to have a swoon but that was it.

We wanted it figure it out as a new family.

Do what ever you want but don’t feel guilty saying no, you’ll have a lot to figure out.

Day 1 and 2 I was on a euphoric high and wnaged to show my babies to the world. Day 3 my milk came in and I cried solidly for 2 days. So this tome round it will probably be the day after he is born or day 5/6

My first was born at my mum’s house so she was upstairs with a tray of tea and homemade cake once we’d cleaned up and I put some clothes on! Siblings (all single) within the day. In-laws came the following day.
DD1 was born at (our) home. My mum and PIL travelled up that day.
DD2 also born at home. My mum came with fresh croissants in the morning and PIL later that day.

That said, my labours were very straightforward and we were very happy (and ready) to welcome them. None of them overstayed their welcome, all pitched in and helped with the older ones, making tea, etc. It was lovely!

Hey Op, I agree with others that you may feel that you want that time to yourself. One thing we did that I thought was lovely was we told only my mother in law that we had gone into labour and we when we were heading to hospital ( my parents have passed) and no one else. It felt so private, once we arrived at hospital we didn't check our phones again until our little man arrived and enjoyed those first few moments in our blissful bubble. Honestly make the most of that time being a family of 3. We face timed our close friends and family afterwards but that was it as we were in the first UK lockdown no one was allowed to visit us any way which we made the most of

My mum was at hospital I had two birth partners so my dad came pretty much an hour or so after birth, which was fine he had to pick my mum up.
Pil, came at the same time as my dad and I just felt it was awful. Too many people in one room when you've just birthed a human and had no time to get yourself back together. Definitely set some ground rules for baby number 2 no one is visiting me in hospital (I'm praying covid rules haven't changed by later September) and they can visit on my terms when they're invited after we're home. We have a 3 year old who will need to get used to not being centre of attention so I'd rather figure that out first.
I sound like a demon but I felt smothered last time

My mum and dad's mum came into the hospital when dd was about an hour old. Then we had visitors each day when we were at home.

I wouldn't have wanted it any other way. Everyone is different, but sometimes it is easier to just do the quick visit so they've met baby then leave you alone for a few days otherwise they are going to pester as people are excited.

Hated early visitors other than my mum.
I felt very vulnerable and hormonal and having a long visit with DH's family too soon, baby passed around made me feel horrendous. I ended up in a&e having had a very bad panic attack later after they'd left.

This was with second baby so I should have known better. I wept and wept for days after my first so I knew it would be a difficult time for me.

I should have stuck to my guns and had noone visit except for my mum (there to support me) until I was ready. And I should have been able to decide that.

Don't set a time play it by ear if you possibly can.

I'd definitely wait until you are home before you decide or make arrangements. I had my daughter at midday and was discharged at just gone midnight, got home and just wanted to rest and cuddle up with my new little baby but my mother in law turned up unannounced at 8am and stayed holding my new little baby until the afternoon.

I would wait and see how you feel. I had a lockdown baby so no visitors in hospital (apart from DP) and no-one queuing outside our house either. I feel that worked out for the best- I had a horrible long labour, in hospital three days, physically and emotionally wrecked when I got home, initially baby did not sleep, baby blues for a week.... All good now but in hindsight very glad we didn't have the usual onslaught of visitors! My mum came to stay after two weeks when DP went back to work. PIL invited themselves over a few times but did nothing to help, just sat on sofa drinking tea whilst I struggled to stop baby crying .

Same day with both of mine, although they were close friends rather family as we live overseas.
With DS2 it was welcome as DH had gone home to sleep and look after DS1, so friends started arriving around 11am (baby born at 6am) bringing tea, chocolate, lunch and this continued until later into the evening. Last friends left around 9pm.

I was far more animalistic about DS2 though, with DS1 I was happy to pass him around, with DS2 I was happy for others to hold him but I couldn’t physically leave a room without him.

I knew the “blues” would kick in on day 3 so I was glad to see all our friends before the tears and anxiety kicked in and I could hole myself up at home and cry.

Fun times!

About 3-4 years ideally. 🤣

Personally, for family who I cared about and who I knew were desperately excited I would allow a shortish visit, as soon as I was fit to be seen, to show off my amazing baby.
I would then perhaps ask them to give you a few days to get adjusted before coming again.
Good family can be a godsend help and with keeping on side.
When I had my first I needed the help from my mum. I’ve never really understood the need to keep loving family at a distance, especially if you know they’re going to be sensible and helpful.

Delivered DD at 02.15, came home from hospital 11am, MIL arrived on the train at 4pm and stayed for a week. She was brill - did all the cooking, shopping and chores, and demonstrated nappies and bathing.
She’d had 5 kids herself, and DD was her fourth grandchild, so she was up to date and well practised! As a first time mother, I found her invaluable. We didn’t need or want other visitors for a couple of weeks.

The later the better.
My dm was staying with me when my 2nd dc was due to ‘help’ me. I was cooking tea/dinner the day after giving birth as she ‘couldn’t’ do it.
I’d go for 4 weeks after the birth unless you really do have good friends/ relatives.

There is really no “right” answer; it depends on who and what your relationship is like. My mother? Total PITA; would’ve been better to leave it 3 months. My MIL? Zero interest; would really not have mattered if we had. But my close friend (chosen to be godparent) saw DD1 a couple of days after she was born and clearly found that a really special experience, so I’m so glad that happened. All depends on you and your own relationships.

My family came to hospital just over an hour after the birth, would have been sooner if we’d been allowed. I had visitors every day after that which I loved except for the second day when the guests (wider family) turned it into an all day and night knees up, which I was and still am really angry about.

It so depends on your relationship with people. My parents visited the hospital when my first was 3 hours old. My in laws met her the following day. We were then re-hospitalised with jaundice for 3 days, so no one else met her until the following week... but I wanted my nearest and dearest to meet her as soon as possible. It’s lovely news for the family, they should all get to share it.
Most friends waited 2 weeks til hubby went back to work to visit or do stuff

DH and I agreed that we wouldn't make any plans for visitors until we were home and settled, as it would be easier to say "pop round in an hour" than cancelling plans to come round.

DD was born on the Thursday (early hours) and we were home around 2pm on the Friday. I had a nap and a shower, then said we could call DH's parents and his brother (& wife and 3 kids) to see if they wanted to visit at tea time. His DM came round first and then BIL, SIL & kids and it was lovely. We actually used the photos of DD being held for the first time by her cousins as her birth announcement.

I would definitely do it the same way again, then there is zero pressure on you. if all you want to do drift between sleeping, feeding (yourself and baby) and watching your tiny new human, you can, without people making you feel guilty for cancelling visits

I would also like to add that we sometimes feel 'obligated' towards visitors. Don't. If you need to tell parents, in laws, friends, neighbours, to back up a bit and leave you alone, then DO SO. You and your new baby are not there to entertain the masses.

I've had 3 DC and 3 totally different labours (with different health/energy levels afterwards). I suggest you play it by ear depending on how you feel with the caveat that you don't want anyone who you feel you have to "host" until you're confidently managing everything you'd normally do - even with an easy birth this will probably take a few weeks.

I had my in laws same day and my mum (much trickier relationship) after a week.